Being Real

That's really what recovery is all about. Getting Real, Getting honest with self. Seeing the truth about self, and doing what’s right. This is really difficult for us and not only us but the whole population. A society as a whole does not readily accept the truth most truths are attacked, and well as for doing what is right just look at the society we are surrounded with. Where dishonesty is praised and rewarded.

Back to the truth most people would rather not face the truth. First of we have all built up defense mechanisms against the truth, per Se denial, rationalization, justification to name a few.

Denial-Don't Even Notice I Am Lying- we are so locked up in whatever we are doing that we can't even see what we are really doing most of the time, haven't really taken a good look at it from a different perspective or are incapable of seeing it because our minds are so befuddled.
Or so lost in what are lives are and have been for so long do not even know any difference. We rationalize and/or justify our actions and behaviours by putting the blame on someone and/or something else, not taking responsibility for our own actions saying well if this hadn't happened or they hadn't done this I wouldn't have done that.

Doing the right thing well, most of us have lived so long doing what we needed to survive that we again justified and/or rationalized everything we knew to be wrong. Even though most of us stopped seeing a lot of our actions as right or wrong they just were and some of it was just everybody else does it. However all this does is belittle ourselves we are putting ourselves down we are making all those lies be truth. The lies that we started to believe like we are no good, you'll never amount to anything' you’re just a___ anyway. We kill our own self-respect and self-image, and this keeps us in our disease. Because those are nothing but lies. And we need to start treating ourselves better if we hope to recover. When we do these things we prostitute our own values we sell ourselves out. We do this because consciously or even sub consciously everyone in there being knows the difference between right and wrong and all human beings deep in their souls or inner self has an idea and concept of God and a similar value system . Sometimes some values are valued higher than others in each individual the rankings are different BUT they are there none the less. Aware of it or not every time you go against your inner self you damage YOU, your self-esteem and your self-image the more you damage it the worse you feel. None of us need a Bill of rights, the 10 commandments or a set of laws because we all know the difference between right wrong. When you get quiet with self-right in your chest you know. Every time you rationalize and/or justify you've crossed your own line. It doesn't matter what other people do or how they live, we do recovery for ourselves and are accountable for ourselves, PERIOD. Every time you sell yourself out. You make your recovery that much harder. We must always do our best to do what's right and what's right in front of us.

That's no to say we don't make mistakes. We are human and part of being human is mistakes. However a mistake is doing something and then realizing I've messed up. In recovery we do whatever it takes to remedy the situation. It does not give us a license to do wrong because it's convenient and I'll remedy it later.
Remember God does not make garbage

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The Third Basic Ingredient

The Third Ingredient- Unconditional Abstinence

This is self-explanatory. However being an Alcoholic and/or Drug Addict, or any other compulsion, we have a tendency not to get this or rationalize an excuse to this rule. It is really that simple We Don't Use NO MATTER WHAT. I have a very, very dear friend who puts it this way" I don't use even if my ass is falling off I'm just grateful for the weight loss." That pretty much says it all.

However as addictive personalities, especially if your new, drinking /using is what we know they are our defense mechanism our ways of coping, it is what we do. NO MORE! Now on we find other ways. Yes it's hard, yes it's uncomfortable (because it new not to go to our old standby) that is why you need a support system, meetings, sponsor, because alone you will likely use. These strange things like "FEELINGS' and "EMOTIONS " or going to be cropping up and hard to deal with because they have been numbed and restricted by our using that they will seem overwhelming and/or uncontrollable. However they are natural, normal and healthy. However they will be confusing and very overwhelming. However "FEELING never killed anybody, our reaction to them can cause many problems. Again when experiencing an overwhelming and/or confusing feeling we immediately seek out our support system, sponsor and/or go to a meeting. Doing one or all of these things will equip you with a whole new set of tools to deal with this issue and will be OK. Just remember We don't Drink or use NO MATTER WHAT.

One more little note on the second ingredient. The first three steps are basic life lines for early recovery. Step one says we are powerless and our lives had become unmanageable.
At some point to some degree we have perceived this (probably grudgingly) to be the case. This is the motivation for recovery. No one will treat a problem until they are aware of it, and in our cases usually have to be forced to acknowledge it, usually by some sort of crisis. Remember that an alcoholic and/or addict are usually the last person to see the severity of their addiction. The whole world has seen much earlier the problem and how desperately they need to change. Step one is the remedy.
Step Two says that the addictive person seek strength and hope outside himself, usually a novel and distasteful option the addictive personality. Yet highly needed as their history proves. Step Two says Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity" We addictive personalities as a whole are prime examples of " FALSE INDEPENDENCE-- Stubborn insistence on the right to make endless numbers of bad decisions while under the influence of powerful toxins or at least without complete ability of rational thought. Step Two tells us specifically to abandon the hope of any lasting recovery without help.

The third step, another difficult and tasteless step for addictive personalities. Now he MUST turn his will and life over to God. HOWEVER there is a very special point here that must be noted and pointed out. Step three says “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM". Now who understands God, However more to the point, it is not up for anybody to tell you who you’re God Is! You need to find a Higher Power that works for you and implement it/them into your daily life.

Now if a relapse happens a sponsor or support system and/or treatment will always steer you back to these three steps. So to avoid a relapse because we all have a relapse in us The Deadly Question is DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER RECOVERY IN YOU? So to avoid this very painful situation to yourself and others, Work particularly hard at getting these three steps instilled in YOUR LIFE/RECOVERY.

And Always Remember GOD does not make Garbage!

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The Second Basic Ingredient

Second Ingredient “THE 12 STEPS"

This may seem redundant to put this in here considering the title of this Blog. However you'll be surprised how many people join the Fellowship of A.A., N.A. C.A. Whatever A. you attend. Go to meetings look at the wall where the 12 steps are posted, read the 12 steps discuss the Steps even go to step meetings. They go to Alano clubs, Recovery clubs, attend recovery functions, they get a support system. They proclaim to be in the program, yet they rarely get any continuous recovery time in. This is because THEY are not doing a PROGRAM of recovery. They are in the fellowship, now don't get me wrong here there is nothing wrong with the "fellowship" of whichever 12 Step program you attend. However the fellowships are great and a recommended PART of recovery. However The Program of Recovery is NOT the Fellowship IT IS THE 12 STEPS. Any fellowship worth its weight will continuously tell you to do the steps. Oh Yeah I know “They are only Suggestion". Well hold on now, let’s remember the original concept came out (1938) the word suggestion had a much stronger connotation. How shall I put it - It's the same as saying that I suggest if you’re going to take a crap , you take your pants down first. Does that make it a little clearer? Here let’s try to clarify it a little more. It is suggested you do the Steps if you wish to Recover from a hopeless state of mind and body, we suggest you do the steps if you want A new and better life, we suggest you do the steps if you want to be "Happy, Joyous and Free". Otherwise you can continue to live the way you have always lived. There is a saying in the Fellowships- The Definition of Insanity- is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. As well as “If nothing changes nothing changes".
Once Again let’s be perfectly clear here the meeting are strongly recommended as well as the fellowship, however together or separately they are just support, The 12 STEPS are THE PROGRAM OF RECOVERY. Read how it works it tells you right there “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as A PROGRAM OF RECOVERY."

Just to clarify a few things. Now many will say “well I did the steps and it still didn't work". Many have sat in meeting or step meeting and discussed the steps their opinions, interpretations ETC... Or they have done Steps 1-6-8-12. Let’s be perfectly clear here. The Steps are numbered 1 through 12. This is how they need to be done, in sequence; they are numbered for a reason. No Skipping Steps you don't like. No Hopscotching doing the ones you think are good. Just do step 1 then Step 2 and so on. Secondly and possibly more important- PUT PEN TO PAPER, nowadays most 12 step fellowships have their own step guides, they are all over the place for which to use, Ask your sponsor, use your support system, BUT DO THEM.

Remember GOD does not make garbage.

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The First Basic Ingredient

FIRST INGRDIENT “A SUPPORT SYSTEM"

One of the most important element in "getting and staying" in Recovery, No Matter what you are recovering from. Is A Support System in place for YOU...? Now WHAT IS A SUPPORT SYSTEM? A support system is the foundation of your recovery; it’s like building a house. How long will your house stay up and liveable if the foundation is on a bad foundation? Your recovery is the same! So what are the ingredients for a solid support system?
1) It needs to be readily Available- Now this doesn't mean you are the centre of the universe and the world stops when you call. It does mean you should be able to reach someone on the phone (or in person) in a reasonable amount of time (1/2-1 hour)
2) It needs to involve more than one person- for a couple of reasons. One being people are people- we are all fallible (life happens), secondly if one person tells you something it can be that persons opinion or beliefs, however if a group of people are saying the same thing then it's more apt to be for real. Thirdly if you’re depending on one person's support constantly, you’re going to want to spread it around a little so it doesn't become a burden. Especially if you begin to think your being a burden how much will you reach out for HELP, you'll probably tell yourself to do it yourself? This defeats the whole purpose of a support system. Remember I can't We Can.
3) It provides EMOTIONAL SUPPORT not FINANCIAL SUPPORT- Now this does not mean you cannot accept someone buying you a coffee or a meal or something of this nature on occasion or even "RARE FINACIAL" assistance. However Recovery is about learning to take care of yourself and taking responsibility for yourself and this include "FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY". Yes early recovery is usually a time of financial restraint. However the growth of this period is part of the whole recovery process.
4) It needs to give you HONEST feedback of your Behaviours and Attitudes.
In early recovery we can't always trust ourselves, as said before "our heads have a contract on our asses" As well our thinking is influenced by a well-developed and honed "warped Defense mechanisms" developed through years of abuse. Even if your support systems feedback is wrong and it can be always check it out first. Discuss all your major decisions with them before taking action. Now for most of us in early recovery the support system we establish will be comprised mostly by those we have met in our particular 12 step fellowship. A note here is that this needs to include persons with more "recovery time" than your own, not a bad idea to have an "Old-timer" or two in the mix.
5) Yes it can include a "Sponsor"- How do I Choose a Sponsor
CHOOSING A SPONSOR
This is a tricky one however I have a few hard and fast RULES I Strongly Recommend
A) The SAME SEX A man cannot teach a woman how to be a woman in recovery
Each gender has its own set of issues. And there's always the chance of another kind of relationship developing and that’s one for a whole other posting or 10
B) Availability- Again the best sponsor in the world is no good to you if you can't reach
Them or they have very little time they can devote to you.
C) They Know How to Stay "Clean and Sober" They have significant CONTINOUS recovery
Time.
D) They live what they Preach- Unfortunately some people in the rooms speak real well
However they don't live it. Go out for coffee with them Visit their homes See if the actually
Practice what they preach (HIGH PRIORITY on THIS)
E) They are willing to be HONEST with you- Without a doubt this is the single most
Valuable asset in a sponsor. Someone who willing lovingly tell you you’re being an
as@$#%le. After all A REAL FRIEND is someone who is honest with you.

Can Group therapy and/or Therapy- in A word NO. Therapy of any form is TREATMENT
You may get support from it however it is treatment and not to be considered as part of
Your support system.

Tomorrow the second ingredient

REMEMBER GOD DOES NOT MAKE GARBAGE

Best When It’s Worst

Consider that people are like tea bags.

They don’t know their own strength
until they get into hot water.

— Dan McKinnon

In the film Starman, an extraterrestrial comes to earth to study life on this planet. Like many such visitors, he does not receive a very kindly welcome and spends most of his time fleeing from au–thorities. In the process, he falls in love with a woman who befriends him. Finally he must leave, and he has a few short moments to say good-bye to his beloved. “Do you know what I learned about human beings? ” he asks. “I learned that when things are at their worst, you are at your best. ”

Adversity is a gift if we make it work on our behalf. Challenge is not a curse or a punishment, but an opportunity to shine. If life were easy all the time, we would not deepen in love, compassion, and wisdom, or learn how to sink a pipeline into the well of true strength within us. Often we do not know how powerful we are until we are faced with a challenge that draws forth our greatness.

In high school I took a typing class. By the end of the course, I had built up my speed to about 40 words a minute. The time came for the final exam, on which a large part of my grade depended. I focused intently and scored a smashing 64 words a minute?over 50 percent faster than my reg–ular speed! Why did I do so well? I knew it counted for a lot,

When an act in life counts, there is a source of strength within us that grows to meet the challenge. Some people demonstrate superhuman abil–ities, such as pushing a wrecked car off an injured person. Where do they find the strength? It was within them all the time; the worst brought out the best.
I pray to be big enough to handle
whatever comes before me.
With Your help, I can and will do anything.
The power of God is within me.
The Grace of God surrounds me.
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Revisiting Step Ten

“Continued To Take Personal Inventory, And When We Were Wrong Promptly Admitted It.”

This is a very important step, as are all the 12 steps. However this step can make all the difference in your recovery. Unfortunately this step is usually brushed by and highly ignored. This step is a key in real recovery. Up to this point we have changed and grown a great deal. However unlike some, as people with an addictive personality, we do not have the luxury or really the ability to think our selves into better behaviour, we need to take the reverse approach. We need to act differently, and as we continue to act differently our feeling and thinking change. This explains why your sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor will give you certain ways to act and things to do, that at the time may to seem to have nothing to do with your recovery.

The difference between a person in recovery and a person who is abstinent, is the behaviour and thinking. Now as you have progressed through the previous nine steps, as said earlier, your behaviour and thinking has changed a great deal. However you have been acting, believing and thinking in a certain manner, which has fed your addiction/alcoholism for years. Most of this has been ingrained in you, it cannot be expected to reverse itself in a few short months. These ways of acting, beliefs and thinking is just in the background, at this point. It will take years to completely iradicate these aspects. They are just below the surface awaiting the difficult times, those are the beliefs, actions and thinking were relapse begins. Step 10 is our defense against these relapse traps, they are also the tools of growth in a real recovery. By nightly reviewing our behaviors and thinking we see were we are going off the path, they keep us on the path of recovery and safe from relapse. We get to see through a regular review of actions and thinking, where amends are needed and correction required.

How It Works

This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
-A.A. Big Book p.84

More about Step 10 in the Big Book

The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has been groomed, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than unusual or set apart.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 89-90


The Tenth Step can be a pressure relief valve. We work this step while the day's ups and downs are still fresh in our minds. We list what we have done and try not to rationalize our actions. This may be done in writing at the end of the day. The first thing we do is stop! Then we take the time to allow ourselves the privilege of thinking. We examine our actions, our reactions, and our motives. We often find that we've been "doing" better than we've been "feeling". This allows us to find out where we have gone wrong and admit fault before things get any worse. We need to avoid rationalizing. We promptly admit our faults, not explain them.

We work this step continuously. This is a prevention, and the more we do it, the less we will need the corrective part of this step. This is really a great tool. It gives us a way of avoiding grief before we bring it on ourselves. We monitor our feelings, our emotions, our fantasies, and our actions. By constantly looking at these things we may be able to avoid repeating the actions that make us feel bad.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 10

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are sometimes called the maintenance steps. They repeat many of the points outlined in previous steps, but they emphasize the value of continuing to "work the steps" on a day-to-day basis.

Step 10 encourages the taking of a personal inventory, which, for recovering persons, should be a daily process...


Our daily inventory certainly needs to assess the status of our relationship with God. Are we still yielding our will to Him? Bill Wilson emphasized how crucial this evaluation is, especially for addictive personalities, which tend to be willful. Our need to surrender ourselves to God on a daily basis will go on throughout our lives, and we shall explore the means of that continuing spiritual surrender in Step 11.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 67, 69


Step Ten is a spiritual pocket computer to help us keep tabs on our behavior today and a cleanser to help keep our spiritual lenses clean. In this method of keeping an inventory every day, we ask ourselves questions like, Which of my character defects popped up as uninvited guests today? Am I using the tools of the program? Am I praying? Am I thanking God for all the good things he has done for me this day, and for any positive things he's freed me to do? ...

The reason this is so important is that the Sin-disease, which its denial and delusion, is always hovering "just a decision away" to throw us back into fear and confusion. Its tactics are to convince us in various ways, "You're 'well' now and don't need a stupid program to lead a normal life. You can and should operate on your own as a mature adult." The disease's "strategy" often works like this: When we begin to feel a little secure and happy and our relationships are more comfortable, many of us "forget" to have our quiet time. We forget to go to meetings and don't call our sponsor. We're busy again, because the pain that drove us into the program has been alleviated. This is a dangerous place to be, because it is one of the major delusions of the spiritual life that we can "do it oursleves" without daily contact with God and a daily look at the reality of what is going on in our own lives.
- A Hunger for Healing, by Keith Miller, p. 164

Remember God does not create garbage

What Truly Matters Who or What Christ Was, Or His Teachings

Yes Happy Easter all and a Happy Good Friday. I do not say this to offend anyone, however no matter what faith you proclaim, credit must be given where credit is due. No matter what your faith, or whom you choose to call God. You must admit that there has never been anyone or anything to affect the world as a whole as Jesus Christ. No matter how you would view him, no one has spoken their truth and their belief with the effect that he did, Mind you there are countless interpretations to his teachings and what he was implying. His teaching alone were radical at the time and taken for their word strictly without religious connotations and implications, his words were strictly about how to live. And to live with faith, love, compassion and selflessly. No other has affected the world as he had in his time, after his physical existence and yet to this day over 2000 years hence. If we lived by his teachings alone, and left the religious interpretations out them. The world would be a more peaceful place. Unfortunately as with all great teachings, others would tell you how to honour them and the underlying message within. Instead of just taking the teachings on face value, as spoken and as he walked, for when this is done the underlying message becomes self-evident.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Meeting

How To Make Life Simpler In A Complicated World

We live in a complicated world, in a complicated society, in a complicated time. Life can be complicated, relationships can be complicated, demands on your money resources can make finances complicated, and multiple interests and wants makes time management complicated. If you look around the world politics are complicated, national budgets are complicated, strained relationships across the globe make world peace complicated, misunderstandings and intolerance between cultural, religious, race and political relations highly combustible and complicated. Now throw into the mix quantum mathematics, Physics and electronic boards. Is it any wonder we are stressed, frustrated and surrounded by chaos?

That is why I am so thankful, that the God of my understanding has led me to the simplistic lifesaving 12 step program. Of all the great things that the 12 step program has taught me, there are a few basic premises that have made my life simple, less stressful and happy, joyous and free. One of these is “Easy Does It”; the other is “The K.I.S.S. Method” (Keep It Simple Stupid). When I follow these precepts life becomes fairly simple and enjoyable. The 12 step program teaches us to face life squarely, honestly, and with principles. We start living life honestly, doing what is right and what is right in front of us. Isn’t it amazing how many complications dissolve away when we handle this honestly, and when we do the right thing? What could be simpler than doing what is right and what is right in front of you, honestly. Can you imagine a world where politics and global relations were handled in the same manner, without attempting to please everyone and hide secrets?

Remember God does not create garbage

God and the Twelve Steps of A.A.

The Perfection Paradox

The paradox of perfection is actually quite simplistic, yet it seems it is very difficult for us to accept. Simply put, you are perfect in the eyes of the God of your understanding. You are a perfect Child of the God of your understanding, and are exactly where you are supposed to be at this time.

As you’ve heard in meetings we strive for progress not perfection. Or as Michael J. fox is quoted as saying “We strive for excellence, Leaving Perfection for God.” I use these two quotes to emphasize that you are incapable of living up to your idea of perfection, only God can achieve this idea of perfection.

Also you can live up to anyone else’s idea of perfection, in both the above stated and the previous, the actual fact is that you are human. And as human we are fallible, we make mistakes, however it is in our mistakes that we grow. Also you must always remember that you were not born to live up to anyone’s expectations. You were born to achieve the best you, as directed by the God of your understanding. So stop being so damn hard on yourself, confine yourself to , Doing what is right and what is right in front of you.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Difference Between Living In Recovery Mode Or Living In Relapse Mode

In the last post we talked of the basic of relapse, in this post we are going to expand on the basic difference between recovery and relapse. In recovery we learn to face the reality of our lives and the world in which we live. We learn to do this through the 12 steps, our sponsor, and our support system. Through the 12 step program we learn to be honest with ourselves and face the truth about ourselves. With the help of our sponsor and our support system we learn to be honest with others. As we proceed to learn and grow through the 12 step program, in doing so we learn the principles of the 12 step program. We learn to be honest with ourselves and others, and in practising honesty we gradually become to gain integrity and humility. As we learn these and other principles it allows us to face life head on and with integrity. As we face reality head on with the faith of a God of our understanding and the support of our sponsor and support system, we begin to recover, and experience a new freedom which allows us to know a new level of happiness. This in a nutshell is what recovery is all about, facing reality, with honesty, humility and integrity. On the other side is relapse, relapse is where we lie to ourselves and others. Relapse is where we attempt to run and hide from world, reality, truth, and ourselves in many different ways. In other words relapse is the absence of principles, such as honesty, Integrity and faith.

Remember God does not create garbage

Relapse Basics

Now there are many aspects to the conditions and causes of relapse, however in this post we are only going to deal with the basics. Relapse does not just happen out of the blue, it happens in stages, the final stage is that physical act of picking up. Relapse starts where our disease is centered, in the mind. An experience and/or a situation will trigger a feeling, and it is this feeling that has been triggered is where the relapse is born. The key here is to recognize what is going on and to take appropriate action. Now if you are in the early years of this recovery, this trigger and feeling could be related to a reservation you’ve been holding unto , or the possibility that you have never have embraced the aspect of total abstinence. If this is not the case, then like most who experience relapse, a situation or experience has triggered on some level a feeling of low self-esteem, self-concept, around some unresolved issue, or again some unresolved issue concerning shame and/or guilt. Now as these feelings become more prevalent, there are some basic tell-tale signs that you are in relapse mode. They are very basic and usually follow this usual progression. First off you start becoming less forthcoming with your sponsor and/or your support system about how you are feeling and what you’re thinking combined with not disclosing what is going on with you. (Dishonesty through omission). This may or may not be combined with the beginning of lessening meetings and or being late for meeting and/or leaving early. This then turns to little lies or untruths to your sponsor and support system. which gradually grows to outright lies and less true communication. This will grow into spending less time with sponsor and support system. You start going by or to dangerous places and/or people to your recovery. A growing irritability towards your sponsor, support system and meetings. This Combined with growing isolation and recovery practices, along with becoming argumentative. The key here is becoming aware of these signs, and then taking the actions to turning this behaviour around. The action that needs to be taken is the exact opposite of these actions; you need to become more forthright with your sponsor and support system. Explaining what exactly you are feeling and going through, spending more time with sponsor and support system. Making sure that you are attending your usual meetings in full and possibly more. Getting back to the recovery practices which got you to this point, reading recovery material, journaling, prayer and meditation, whatever you had been doing. Another key aspect that you need to be aware of, that this in no way means that you haven’t been working a program, or that your program is not right, or anything negative at all about you or your recovery. This is a normal aspect of recovery, we all experience negativity and/or uncomfortable feelings which trigger us, you must remember two things, the first is that your disease centers in your mind and has a contract on your butt, Two that this is more than likely a good thing, it means you are growing and “more is being revealed”, it just means there is more work needed. This is why many repeat the process of doing the steps repeatedly during their recovery. Remember the work never really stops. We just continue to grow and become healthier with even greater freedom and possibilities for happiness.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Need To Continually Check Our Thinking

As a person with an addictive personality, and as such I do possess the certain traits common in alcoholics and/or addicts. Traits such as the undying need to be right as well as the trait not liking being wrong. There is also the aspect of perception; perception can be skewed due many possible influences. However by doing the 12 step program, these traits have been lessened, through the growth of a healthy self-concept and self-image. However I still do not enjoy being wrong however I have learned to admit it, when I am. Yet I am still capable of being opinionated and staunch in my beliefs. When these come in question I have been taught by my sponsor, my support system and the principles of the 12 step program to be open minded. However occasionally I can be blindsided by being too close to see objectively and/or to emotionally involved and/or connected to the concept to see objectively. So I have also learned from my sponsor and support system to always check my thinking. I do this in the manner of research and education on the subject, as well as checking my thinking with my sponsor and support system, and listening to their advice and opinions. In doing so, they can usually tell me when my thinking and/or perception is out of whack. However when the aspect or concept is one that is shared with my usual source, I have learned to seek the advice and counsel of others whom appear to have knowledge on the topic.

Remember God does not make garbage

PLEASE POST ANY COMMENTS AND/OR OPINIONS

Well hello my friends, today is going to be a little different as my blog entries go. A couple of things have happened that has made me take a look at things. Some of my ideas about recovery have been challenged. I have been attempting to look objectively at this. I of course might be a little too close so here I am asking for some input on a few points. So please post any and all comments you have, they are all welcome and appreciated.
It has been implied that I am perhaps too intense about recovery. And that I need a more relaxed approach. I somewhat agree that I can be intense, sometimes preachy, and opinionated about my beliefs on recovery and the recovery process. However it is something I strongly believe in, I know what has worked for me, I know that most of this has worked for a lot of others that I have worked with, I have watched so many not follow or choose their own paths only to see them at a later date coming back and ravaged by our disease. I attempt to the best of my ability to follow the literature and to back-up my suggestions and ideas and speaking, writing with the literature and experiences. I’d like to look at my intensity being caused by my passion for recovery. I am excited about recovery, the changes, no make that miracles it has produced in my life and countless others, there are few other experiences if any that allows you to eye witness the miraculous changes in people’s lives. How can you not be passionate about a program, which literally saves millions of lives on a daily basis?
I was also challenged on my insistence of doing the steps. As well as any sort off time frame on doing the steps. If you come to me and ask for my assistance and guidance in recovery or are in a treatment centre or recovery house that purports to be based on the 12 step program. How can one not insist on mandatory work on the steps? It was suggested that you just lay out the information and if they choose to take it good, if not no problem, allow them to get to it in their own time if at all. Is it just me, that if I was allowed to set up my own agenda and timetable for the 12 steps in early recovery that I can’t say where my recovery would be today, am I the only one who sees examples of those ignoring doing the 12 steps coming back on a daily basis? Am I the only one who would question the helpfulness of a facility that endorses the 12 steps, yet after 3,6, 8 months you have made no attempt or started any work on step work, that it would be deemed acceptable? Am I also the only one who in early recovery needed direction, accountability, guidance and perhaps mostly structure, goals as well as support, and is not a lot of this through doing the 12 steps?
One of the reasons for the challenge was my endorsement of the saying “Do the Steps or Die”, well to begin with I prefer the statement “Do the Steps and Live”, however that is semantics. Overall I believe in the idea behind the statement whichever way it is said. Now I do not say that the 12 step program is the only means of recovery, however I know that has worked for me and millions of others, and no matter what the opponents to 12 step recovery say, no other form of recovery in the world has gotten as many people clean and sober, this is attested to by the over 300 12 step fellowships that have followed A.A. and the millions in 12 step meetings around the world daily. How can you join and/or be around our fellowship and not partake in the 12 step program of recovery and expect to get recovery?
Another of the challenges was in the statement “we suggest the doing the steps in the same way we suggest, if you’re going to take a crap, we suggest you take your pants down”, that this was negative. And for newcomers I should just say “you can pull up your pants now the shits over.” Again is it just me that believes that just because you’ve decided to attend meetings, and/or are in a treatment facility means the shit is over? To me the shit isn’t over until you’ve started working on your stuff and the way to do this in our fellowship is doing the steps. And then still it can take a while, again now that is my belief. So please comment on this post, for as I am writing this the more validated I fell on my positions. However if you feel that I am off the wall or whatever please post. Perhaps I am too close to see.
Oh and one other question I would pose. I believe that the average stay in a treatment facility and/or recovery house should range between 9 months to 18 months, with even 18 months bordering questionable, however this is of course dependant on the individual and factors of physical and physiological damage. A stay in excess without extreme extenuating circumstances to me would be opposed to the concept of the 12 step program, of becoming contributing members of society and enabling the client in becoming institutionalized.

Remember God does not make garbage

Do You Take The God Of Your Understanding With You Everywhere, Or Hide Your God In Meetings

The whole basic precept of the 12 step program is based on the premise of faith in a in the God of your understanding, or at the very least the adhering to spiritual principles. As our strength in the belief and faith of these principles, grows so too does the quality of our lives and relationships. However as we begin to reconnect with society and family. Or more aptly put as we strive to put our lives back together, and start on becoming contributing members in society and “get a life”. We put ourselves under pressure to get decent employment and get better things for ourselves and/or our families. It is in these times that we can get caught up in life. We can forget to bring our God, to job interviews, to the supermarket, to the commute to and from work, to our place of work and even sometimes home with us. This is a condition that can and does affect all, not only the newcomer but also those with years of being clean and sober. We can all get caught up in life, striving to find decent or better employment, losing a job, dealing with stress of deadlines, on and on. Life can be stressful; life can present us with many challenges. And on occasion we can create even more stress on ourselves to perform better, or to earn more, to keep up appearance. We can get so caught up in this material world, forgetting the spiritual principles and the joy our lives were having. That is till we started worrying about the material things of the world, about image. Forgetting that we are in the world, yet not of the world, forgetting where we came from, forgetting to be happy with what we have and what we have achieved rather than what we do not have. Basically this comes when we are not carrying the God of understanding with us at all times. For God has not forgotten us, we have forgotten our God.
Remember God does not create garbage

There Is Nothing Wrong With Being A Dreamer

There is nothing wrong with being a dreamer, dreamers are the reason we have the luxuries we have in this world. Without the dreamers and dreams we would still be living in caves around the fire, crowded in small overcrowded areas. All the things we enjoy in life today are due to the dreamers who faced the fear and ridicule of others and pursued their dreams.
However true dreamers did not sit on the couch and fantasize about possibilities and live in their fantasy worlds. No they were actually realists that did not allow their realities be limited be preconceived ideas, beliefs and convention. Real dreamers were people of action and hard work. For it is only through, action, hard work, belief and perseverance, that you turn dreams into reality. They all followed the same basic recipe for making their dreams come true.

The first part of changing a dream to reality, is a true belief in your dream and a deep desire and drive to pursue your dream, because out this you are likely to quit when the going gets tough, and make no mistake times will come when you just want to give up, and without a strong belief and desire you will. Secondly you need to have an understanding of whatever the aspects of your dream are. This means to educate yourself and research the aspects of your dreams. Thirdly you need to formulate an action plan into manifesting your dream into reality; this plan needs to be made of small achievable and realistic goals. Also on a regular basis you need to review your progress, and possibly adjust your goals and action plan accordingly. All while keeping the focus and intent of your action plan, intact.
This is your blueprint for making your dreams a reality. Hmmm anybody else notices the similarity of this and the blueprint of the 12 Step Program.

Remember God does not create garbage

Reaching Out

“Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of (RECOVERY) to be there. And for that, I am responsible,”

Now I know this phrase was originally coined for A.A., however it is my belief, that all the fellowships operate on this principle. Yet the 12 step call is a dying practice. I see a lot of people these days react differently when approached by a newcomer after a meeting. It is usually followed by a couple of sentences followed by, I have to go right now, or I have an appointment, but here’s my number, call me, But don’t call if you’ve been using/drinking and don’t call after 10:00. I believe these people really need to remember where they came from, and what it was really like. I also think that some of these people need to read the literature about what the old days were really like. Today how many in a meeting can actually put up their hands to say they have been on an actual 12 step call, especially with members with less than 5 to 10 years. I can recall getting calls from my sponsor saying “I’ll be there in ten minutes to pick you up, we’re going on a twelve step call,” on more than one occasion. And there were no excuses, like I’m just getting ready for bed, or I’m asleep, or anything else, it was someone needs help, and it’ll keep you clean and sober, it was that simple. A lot of these times the person we went to see was a little high and/or drunk, Unless they were completely out of it, this didn’t stop my sponsor from talking and listening to whoever it was, I had to talk too, It was these experiences that helped keep me clean and sober. Yet I also learned from some of these people, some of who were newcomers who just hadn’t learned to reach out, the only way they could be a little vulnerable and actually ask for what they needed was with a little chemical or liquid courage.

I’m not going to tell you that we were super sober crusaders, and we saved them all. The truth is most we never saw again, however some we helped get into detox and/or treatment, some we picked up daily for meetings and had coffee after with them There were some we saw at a meeting a couple days, a week or couple of weeks later, and usually they had no recollection of who we were. Yet that was okay, because we were just doing what the literature tells us and what we profess in meetings, that we are there to help, that if you need us we will help, and as a whole we care, no strings attached.

I’ve noticed that there is a section of recovering individuals that don’t really want to have anything to do with the raw newcomer, it has sort of come common place for these people to be dealt with by counsellors, recovery coaches, detoxes, treatment centres and recovery houses. I’ve even heard the occasional recovering individuals say to the raw newcomer get yourself straightened up a little and cleaned up then give me a call. As a whole it seems that in a lot of cases we leave it to counsellors, recovery coaches, treatment centres and recovery houses to do our 12th step work for us. Mind you in some instances, and I stress the word some, these institutions are better equipped to deal with some cases. However it is no reason to turn them away if this is the case then we help them find the resources that are needed.

Another aspect of this that really stands out for me is this. The first word in that statement on the top of this post is “anyone” not “the newcomer”. It is really sad to watch some people’s reactions, when a fellow member is hurting, and I hear comments like, “oh you’ll be alright, you know what to do”, or “You’re right where you’re supposed to be” or “this too shall pass” and they walk away. Another comment usually muttered aside to another is “they can’t be running any kind of program”. Life can be hard, and sometimes life just happens, there are a lot of situations when even if you have 5, 10, 20 years it can be tough, you can feel confused, lost , disillusioned, or just plain beaten down by life. Sometimes this individual just need some comfort, from those they thought they could count on. A few encouraging words, a touch, some attention or just plain old genuine concern and possibly a helping hand or just a little of your time. After all it is not so much our words that make the biggest impacts, it is our actions. Occasionally these members need our attention as much as the newcomer, and occasionally even more.

Remember God does not create garbage

Meeting Are Not The Only Place To Learn Recovery

Don’t get me wrong meetings are a great source of recovery and learning. And if it were not for meetings the other avenues of my learning would not have existed. Neither would have I met the teachers I was lucky enough to meet. What I am saying is that for me, a major source of my learning came from the unofficial meetings before and especially after the meetings. When I started recovery it was not unheard of to be 45 minutes to a ½ hour early for a meeting, to help out in setting up, it was also good for me as I attempted to keep busy. Well there was always a couple of others that came early, and sometimes people visiting from out of town were usually early,. This allowed me to mete others in recovery in an informal basis, which led usually to more personal communication on a whole range of topics, mostly surrounding recovery and life in a far more intimate way. Then there was the meeting after the meeting were some of the core members would start the rounds as the meeting was breaking up to say we are all going to such and such restaurant for coffee, it wasn’t uncommon for a few of the older members to offer to buy you a coffee if you were a newcomer or if they knew you were struggling a bit, it was also not uncommon for some of the members to buy a pizza for the table. Usually it was coffee with 5 to 10 members just sharing and being together. However from Thursday to Saturday these get togethers could grow to 20 to 30 members. However prices were cheaper then and restaurants were open to a bunch taking over a corner or a section and just having coffee, and sometimes a piece of pie or something. Also some of the Alano clubs at that time seemed a little more lax in people staying around after a meeting, member or not. It seems today restaurants are not as flexible on such happenings. As well recovery clubs seem more interested in you paying dues and closing as soon as they can rather than being there for the original purposes. However it was these times that got me through and taught me so much between 0 to around 5-6 years. It was in these formidable years in my recovery I was lucky to meet two wonderful examples of recovery, one was John An elderly gentleman in his late fifties or so, who always had the coffee on and you were welcome to stop by and chat. As well as a whole host of others in this community ready to meet for coffee. When I moved from this community to another I was lucky enough to meet another gentleman who referred to himself as “the happiest drunk in the valley”, This wonderful older gentleman was always having people over for recovery chats, every year he held a Bar B Q for all, as well as holding numerous step groups in his home. These two men inspired me, as they reminded me of what it must have been like when Bill and Bob held most activities in their homes as well as housing the newly recovering. So much so that for the next almost ten years, my apartment became a sort of recovery club, there were a group of us that all hung together and we helped each other stay clean and sober, mind you we exchanged the venue to the others home on occasion> I guess we had our own little clique, However it was not uncommon to bring someone else over to my place that they had met at a meeting or an acquaintance, or a newcomer or sponsee. We would go to meetings, sometimes we would watch movies, play card, penny poker on occasion, Pictionary, charades, or numerous other games, sometimes we would just sit round discussing recovery or just have a B.S. session. I believe we all grew and stayed clean and sober during this period, sometimes the newcomers in our group would struggle, yet we would corral them and nurse them back , to which mostly those who stayed around.
I have since moved, yet there are still some of us they remain in touch today and on occasion meet up for a games night and/or a meeting.
I fail to see this much these days, I understand that society as a whole has changed somewhat, and the availability to take over a sections in restaurants for coffee drinkers is not the same today even with the coffee shops. This saddens me, when I remember how crucial these times were to my recovery. However, it seems to me that even if it were possible, people today seem to depart from the meetings much quicker these days, many come late; more seem to leave at half time or early. There just seems to be less solidarity or comradeship. Maybe it’s just me, an missing my old days

Remember God de not create garbage

Thoughts On Sharing At Meetings

Now it is suggested that we share in a general way, and we share what it was like what happened and what it’s like now. There are a few reasons that we share in a general way, firstly a meeting is not the proper venue for doing a fifth step. Secondly it is for your own protection, yes it is said “what is said here let it stay here” and for most this is the practice, however let’s be honest, meetings are full of “sick people” and more so human beings. Some human beings and “sick individuals” have been known to gossip and/or share things they have heard. So to get specific and detailed about certain issues you would rather not have public knowledge do not share it in a somewhat public venue, that is what sponsors, your support system, recovery coaches and counsellors are for. Unless you have dealt with it and do not care if it comes back to you and would not cause you or OTHERS pain and/or harm. Thirdly some issues and topics can be offensive and/or uncomfortable for others and bring up issues they are not prepared to deal with along with this is some issues and/or topics from our lives are not appropriate to be shared in a meeting.
I guess in all reality, these are a couple of my pet peeves at meetings. Are two particular kinds of sharing that I have run into at meetings. These are drunkalogues and/or drugalogues and the whiners. And yes I suppose I am judging however I refer you to my post of judging. I have never understood the ones who share their complete drinking and/or drugging careers and then end with then I find the fellowship and everything is great now. I have asked a couple and they have told me that they were “qualifying themselves,” I guess I was mistaken, I was sure the literature said” I was a member when I said I was a member”, I knew nothing about qualifiers for the fellowship, I thought they for competitions. Geez maybe I’m not a member because I never went to any qualifiers. Ah but I digress, I was taught we vaguely talk about our using history add maybe an example or two of my using, move on to finding recovery and part of the processes again with possible examples and finish with the changes that recovery has created in my life. I mean I understand we share about some of our drinking/drugging career that the newcomer can relate and feel they are ion the right place. However sharing mostly on my drinking and/or drugging can possibly trigger the newcomer. I also don’t see the change and/or recovery allure. If anything I don’t think the newcomer, I know I didn’t need to learn how to drink and/or use, we already know that. What they and I needed to learn was how not to. And then there are the constant whiners or as I like to call them; the drama Queens and Kings. You know the type I’m sure you’ve run into them as well. The ones that always seem to have a problem, and/or issue, with people places and things, always something. They are always sharing on one problem or another and never anything about the solution or even what they are doing to deal with it, just the issue. It not that I don’t understand we all encounter life problems, and issues that affect our sobriety, sanity and/or quality of life. Yet from those who work a program of recovery. I hear the issue/difficulty and the principles, step and/or processes they are using to deal with the issue, and possibly the difficulties they are having applying these to the issue or the difficulty in finding a resolution.

Remember God does not create garbage

Meeting Etiquette

Yesterday I was reading Pammie’s blog; Sobriety is Exhausting, She was writing on a newcomers meeting that she has been attending regularly for almost 20 years. A meeting that is filled with a large number of in patients. Now I gathered from her writing, her annoyance of the general disrespect some of these “in Patients” had for the meeting or the premise, purpose and decorum of the meeting. Yet in all this I must in the writing of this profess my admiration and respect for the dedication and level of service she has for nearly 20 years to continually, week in and week out attend this meeting, to carry the message to those in desperate need. Too many forget their routes as they get healthier and go to more shall we say upscale meetings. So hats off to you Pammie.

Now back to my point, it was the thinking that her post brought out in me. It started me thinking of “meeting etiquette”; after all we have all been at meetings where, there are a large number of newcomers and/or a large amount of disarray going on during the meeting. Or meetings that just seem disorganized and or chaotic atmosphere. With those such as Pammie discussed in her post, person’s with their feet on tables and/or chairs, people reading, writing, drawing, having whispered conversations, getting up and down and those getting coffee and clanging the spoon while stirring their coffee, all while the meeting is going on. This is one of the main reasons that only a few with considerable quality clean and sober time attend these meetings. And usually end up with the majority of those attending having little or no real time of being clean and sober. As well as being led by the same, this is not the case in all newcomers meetings however in all too many this becomes the norm.

Yet if I take the time to remember my early days, and get off my high horse on how I think a person ought to behave at a meeting, or rather how I was taught to respect the meeting and those sharing, for the great lessons I have learned from those who shared and the meeting that provided this great avenue of learning. In those early days I had no real concept of respect for others or what wonders were happening in this venue. In those early days I was still consumed with self, it was still all about me. Those early days when the drugs and/or alcohol had just left my system or were still actually detoxing, when my brains for the first time in years, some us decades were not full drugs and/or alcohol. As such my mind was whirling, unable to be still for any length of time, unable to concentrate or focus on a single concept for any period of time. With the same going for my body, being still was nearly impossible for any period of time. To be still and quiet was still quite a foreign concept, never mind that it was near impossible in all actuality. They as time allows be taught about respect, learn to have a semblance of reverence for the miracles that happen in our meetings.

It is those that have been around for a few days, which truly disturb me. Moreover it is their sponsors that I take umberance with, as sponsors is it not our responsibility to teach our sponsee’s about the steps, the traditions and mostly how a person with sobriety behaves, and is most of this teaching not done through example? What examples and teaching are we giving newcomers, for they only do what they have been taught and guided to do, for the most part. I know that my sponsor sat me down and not only told me that meetings were not dating and social clubs. He also spent time on the history of the fellowships and the miracles that happen, as well as how important the sharing is, and to respect each and every one who shares always remembering principles before personalities, it did not matter what I thought of the person who was sharing. My sponsor not only took the time to sit down and talk about these things on many occasions, he showed me with his behaviour at meetings. As such with treatment centres and recovery houses doing so much with newcomers these days and demanding that their charges attend 12 step meetings perhaps they might include this aspect in their curriculums.

Remember God does not create garbage

Boundaries

Recovery teaches us to take down the unhealthy walls and the separation we have created in an unhealthy attempt to protect ourselves from pain. We learn to be honest and open with others; we become vulnerable in order to have a real human connection and healthy relationships. And instead of walls that imprison us and emotional separation we learn to set boundaries to protect our well-being. By learning what healthy boundaries are, how to set them, and how to defend them. We first have to learn what our truths are so that we can follow the saying “To Thine Own Self Be True”. In doing so we are become capable of being discerning in our choices, to ask for what we need, and to be assertive and loving in meeting our own needs.

The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We have to be able to tell other’s when they are behaving in ways that are not acceptable to us. Firstly we acknowledge that we have an obligation to protect and defend ourselves. We have not only an obligation but a duty, to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us. Boundaries also allow us to be interdependent rather than co-dependent.

We need to be aware of what healthy behaviours and acceptable interaction truly are before we can start practicing them in our own lives, demanding the proper treatment from others. Recovery has taught us to be emotionally honest with ourselves, and to owning our own feelings, and to communicate in a direct and honest manner. Setting boundaries is essential in having healthy relationships. Setting boundaries also enforces our own self-respect and self-love. If we do not love and respect ourselves, how can we expect others to?

Most of us grew up believing that we had the power to make my parents angry or to break my mother's heart. This created the thinking thought that we had to be perfect, and when we weren’t, we were hurting the ones we loved. We grew up believing that something was wrong with us because we were human. Thusly we grew up believing that we have power over other people’s feelings, and they have power over mine. This ultimately created co-dependency in us.

In being co-dependent, we became enmeshed with other people. Basically we did not know where we ended and the other person began, there was no boundary. Having healthy boundaries tells us who "we" are, and that we are all separate individuals. We became hyper-vigilant through our childhoods. We learned to focus on interpreting what my parents and other authority figures were feeling in order to try to protect ourselves. As adults, we unconsciously tried to manipulate others, by attempting to be what they wanted us to be, if we wanted them to like us, or we became either intimidating or invisible. We had no idea that we were responsible for our own feelings because we had learned that other people were responsible for our feelings, and vice versa. We must learn to define ourselves emotionally as separate from others. In this way we can start learning who we are. We had always felt that we were separate only in unhealthy ways, shameful and unworthy.

Now in setting healthy boundaries, we first must learn how to communicate in a nonaggressive manner, we learn to assertive in a nonthreatening or aggressive manner. This means, we stop blaming others for our feelings. We cease saying things like: you make me so angry; you hurt me; you make me crazy; how could you do that to me after all I have done for you; and so on. Most of us grew up hearing these kinds of interactions. This has helped in created our inability to create healthy relationships. As well we must remember our whole purpose here is to create healthy loving relationships. When an individual comes at you aggressively, or in an attacking and/or condemning manner. The initial response in to become defensive, creating either a “fight or flight” mentality.

It is essential for us to learn to communicate on how another’s behaviour is affecting us, without the blaming "you”, we need to use statements starting in the following ways.

When you . . . . . Here we identify the behaviour, being very specific

I feel . . . . . Here we own our own feelings, describing what feelings the behaviour brings up in you

I want … Here we describe, what exactly you require from the other, in the relationship

Of course, we are powerless over others, whether they get it, or understand what we are doing. However in learning to communicate in a healthy way, without blame and shame, we are maximizing the possibility of healthy communication.
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Some boundaries are rigid - and need to be. Boundaries such as: "It is not OK to hit me, ever.” "It is not acceptable to cheat on me."

Some boundaries our flexible, meaning they allow for mistakes without, immediate consequences, however it does need to be voiced and acknowledged. Such as leaving dirty laundry on the floor.

It is not enough to set boundaries, they must have consequences. If there are no consequences, others will not take you seriously. You absolutely need to follow through on consequences, if you fail to enforce your boundaries with consequences, they will not be adhered to. You must follow through on consequences, this takes courage and self-respect. No matter what this entails, whether this requires you to leave for a few hours or days. This sends a clear message of your seriousness.

Remember God does not create garbage

Voicing Your Truth

Some might say that this post is really not part of the 12 steps or recovery. However I disagree and my disagreement is based upon earlier posts. Posts on being an authentic person, on to thine own self be true as well as following our moral code, and the fact that the premise of the 12 step program is to become a contributing, productive member of society. Even though the over 300, 12 step fellowships follow Tradition 10,” has no opinions about outside issues”. However as contributing and productive members of society, who live by principles, ethics and integrity, this new lifestyle compels us to voice our opinions, whether in a vote or to speak out.

The world is a wonderful paradox, people are a great paradox, we are all different in unique, from our fingerprints to hair colour, from our ideologies to our religions, from our culture to our skin colour, and many others. Yet despite these differences we are all the very same, we all breathe oxygen, we all bleed when cut, we all hurt when insulted and degraded, we all produce children in the same way, we all desire to be loved and to feel wanted and the want to belong. Most of all we all want to feel safe and secure, and we all want our loved ones to be safe and have the best life has to offer.

The lessons of the 12 steps have taught us to find our own truths and be true to them, as well as to do what is right and what is right in front of us. It would seem that for some, even though they are in recovery and examined and found the fallacy in our thinking in certain aspects of our lives, we have failed to examine all of our belief systems. Recovery must be part of our whole life and thinking processes. It is this thinking that produces thoughts such as, I am only one vote, my vote won’t make a difference, and who am I, no one will care what I think. When you add up all those thinking in this manner the numbers really add up. It is this thinking that was the basis for many of the world’s atrocities. The world’s greatest accomplishments and/or humanistic endeavours, all started with one voice, which others related to and rallied behind, and in the reverse the world’s worst atrocities were the lack of the voice of dissent. Yet that voice finally was spoken and heard, which put an end to such, as the emancipation proclamation, the destruction of the berlin wall or the end the holocaust and aparthied. However they were allowed to initially happen because as Pastor Martin Niemoller was quoted “They first came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist, they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out for I was not a Jew. Then they came for me, and there was no one left to speak for me.” This was his quote on the rise of the Nazi Regime.

It has also been quoted, “if you don’t stand for anything, you stand for nothing.” Or “if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything.” If you fail to speak out against injustice, then you condone injustice.

However with this responsibility to speak our truth brings an even greater responsibility. We MUST educate ourselves in how we use our vote and/or voice. For to use your vote and/or voice without educating yourself on the issue, is as bad as not using your vote and/or voice. There are far too many people who vote for people just because of the party they belong to, with excuses like, well our family has always voted this way, so they vote without any real knowledge of who and what they are voting for. The same is true on the voice of some who speak against or for certain issues, without any real knowledge and/or facts. My must educate ourselves about the issues that we vote or speak for against. We must find out the facts for ourselves, find our own truths. Never accept another’s opinion or truths as your own. Always find your own truth. The fellowship basically calls this “contempt prior to investigation”.
We were given a new lease on life, to honour this we need to contribute to our society. To do this we need to have our educated voices heard, for our life is our choices, and to not speak out is to basically play the victim. If you do not vote or use your voice in an educated manner, then you have no say about how society works.

Remember God does not create garbage

Revisiting Step Nine

Step Nine: “Made Direct Amends To Such People Wherever Possible, Except When To Do So Would Injure Them Or Others.”
Here we are Ste nine, for those of you that are familiar with the Big Book of A.A. it is in discussing the ninth step that the 12 promises are mentioned. It is here and during this step that the promises truly manifest themselves.

Take note here that yet again we have a two part step, First part states, that we make direct amends wherever possible. Part Two and very important, except where it would cause harm.

However there are a few things yet to do before taking any action in step nine. First of all we need to review our lists, to ensure that we have not left anyone off do to resentment and/or fear. Remembering that our job in this process is to clean our own side of the sidewalk, or our own backyard. It is not for us to judge another’s behaviour and/or actions. Just our own, if our behaviour and/or actions were wrong that is all we concentrate on. We also check our list’s to ensure that we have included those that we have inadvertently harmed, including employers and/or financial institutions and the like. In Clarifying this, topic meetings can be very helpful, by suggesting the topic of “who do I include on my amends list”, as well your support system can be invaluable in this aspect especially your, sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor.

Now that we are sure that are list is complete, again now we with the help of our sponsor, or recovery coach or counsellor. We carefully examine each entry on our list as to whom we can make direct amends without any harm being done. Some of the harms to be considered, if to make amends to having an affair with a friend or neighbours spouse, is there a family involved, is the affair long dead, and many other questions in this angle to determine that if disclosing this might break up a family and potentially cause even greater harm. If you have had multiple affairs, do you need to disclose each individual affair to your spouse as individual slaps in the face, there needs to be a measure of making it right opposed to directly harming another in an attempt to clear your conscience. These are but a few examples of why the list needs to be gone over entry by entry. For the process of the ninth step, is too hopefully, to the best of our abilities and circumstances, achieve the three R’s>> Resolution, Restoration and Restitution. Other factors that need to be considered in this step is to disclose prior wrong doings that may result in criminal prosecution, loss of employment and the like again who is going to be harmed, and does this truly serve the intention of the step. Once again the aid of our sponsor and our support system as well as prayer to guide us, to do what is right.

There are now some that you can never make direct amends to, some our deceased, some are people whose names and where they are unknown to us, there are the nameless faceless ones we have directly and indirectly harmed, as well as those that we have concluded would cause more harm than good to disclose. What then do we do in these instances, here again our support system, and topic meetings are great resources. Some of us have written letters and read and then burnt them in a sort of ritual, or make donations in the names of these people, we volunteer, we give back that which has been given to us. To name only a couple of ways. There is also the aspect of some of our amends may be a continuous amend, we accomplish these by remaining clean and sober, by continuing to grow, by continually become better people, by giving of ourselves, by sharing and just by being in recovery.

Now that we are actually going out to make amends it is natural to feel excited and or happy in making some amends where we feel that the amends will heal perhaps family situations or the like. There are others where we feel trepidation and anxious over how certain amends will be received. It is during this step that we need to have close ties to meetings and our support system. As well as to not have any expectations, for some of the ones we expected to go okay and/or well will not be received the way we thought and some of the ones we feared might be difficult were received remarkably well. In either case it is important to remember two things here. One that we have quit the debating team, we do not argue or demand the acceptance or even expect the acceptance of our attempt at amends. We do to the best of our abilities and make the amend as such. Remembering that we our cleaning our own backyards here, It is up to the other party whether they choose to accept the amends or not. It is their choice; our only part was to offer an honest attempt at making amends. For us to do the right thing in cleaning our backyards.

How It Works
Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.
-A.A. Big Book p.79


After we have made a list of people we have harmed, have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have tried to possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to proceed, we will see that the making of direct amends divides those we should approach into several classes. There will be those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we become reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety. There will be those to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or others more harm than good. There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 83


Timing is an essential part of this step. We should make amends when the first opportunity presents itself, except when to do so will cause more harm. Sometimes we cannot actually make the amends; it is neither possible nor practical. In some cases, amends may be beyond our means. We have found that willingness can serve in the place of action where we are unable to contact the person we have harmed. However, we should never fail to contact anyone because of embarrassment, fear or procrastination.
...In some old relationships, an unresolved conflict may still exist. We do our part to resolve old conflicts by making our amends. We want to step away from further antagonisms and ongoing resentments. In many instances we can only go to the person and humbly ask for understanding of past wrongs. Sometimes this will be a joyous occasion when some old friend or relative proves very willing to let go of their bitterness. To go to someone who is hurting from the burn of our misdeeds can be dangerous. Indirect amends may be necessary where direct ones would be unsafe or endanger other people. We can only make our amends to the best of our ability. We try to remember that when we make amends, we are doing it for ourselves. Instead of feeling guilty and remorseful, we feel relieved about our past.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic text Chapter 4 step nine


The making of amends needs to be approached cautiously by codependent people. There are three things amends are or can be. There is one thing they definitely should not be.
Amends can be these things:
1. Sincere efforts to offer apology for past harm.
2. Wonderful bridge-builders for more positive future relationships.
3. Effective agents for removing the tremendous weight of guilt, shame, and remorse.
The one thing amends should never be, though, are installment payments on false guilt or false shame...
There are five categories of persons to whom we may consider making amends. Notice how this contrasts with what we did in Step 8. There we included everyone to whom we were willing to make amends. In Step 9, however, as we prepare to execute this step, we use a high degree of discretion regarding to whom we will make amends and when this should happen...
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 62, 63


Remember God does not create garbage

Living By A Code Of Honour

Hi All, Sorry I missed you this weekend. I was having issues with my internet connection and my modem; I was not able to get it fixed until late Sunday night. I was not able to attend to the needed work on it, as my step-daughter was competing in The Nationals cheerleading competition. Her team came second, (YAY) she was somewhat disappointed as they didn’t win being the reigning champions, and I’ve tried to explain that second was still quite a respectable feat. She is not thoroughly convinced though. Oh well on with today’s post.
Tonight I was watching the movie King Arthur, about of course King Arthur and his knights. I must admit I have penchant for fantasy novels, dragons and knights, that sort of stuff. I believe for me it is partially fuelled in the “knights, Code of Honour”, you know honesty, integrity, equality and doing the right thing, living the code. Quite the fanciful thinking in today’s age, some might say. I think it is something sorely lacking in today’s society, especially by some of our leaders in politics and industry.
That being said, I am inclined to see that “The 12 Step Program” teaches us our own “Code of Honour.” Through the process of doing the 12 steps, we learn how to make our yes mean yes and our no mean no. We learn to make our word our bond. We learn to see all persons as equals, we may admire and even revere those who model that too which we aspire, yet understand that they are but human and may falter and/or trip, yet basically our equals, with wisdom and/or lessons they may have to share with us. Also we learn that those who continually fall short, have just not seen the way yet and accept where they are, with prayer and/or hope that they too may find their way. As such we do not think ourselves their betters. We also learn through conscious contact with the God of our understanding, to find that self within that intuitively knows right from wrong. And through all of this learning we strive to live up to these high Ideals on a daily basis. Through this we learn humility and our own humanness as we struggle not to give in to our lusts for power, greed, wealth, sex, and material wealth. However being human we occasionally stumble and fall, yet we pick ourselves up, make amends, learn grow and strive for better adherence to the principles contained in the 12 steps on a daily basis. Thus living by our own newfound “Code of Honour” through the “12 Step Program.” As we on a daily basis attempt to continually do what is right and what is right in front of us.

Remember that God does not create garbage

Beware Early Recovery Complacency

Complacency is something to be on guard for in every stage of recovery. However it is complacency during early recovery that I wish to address today. It is very subtle, dangerous and potentially lethal. The early stage complacency I wish to specifically address today, usually starts to creep in around the 9 month mark and progresses in greater or lesser degrees to around the 2 year mark. We have all seen the person who has been coming around regularly and has appeared to be growing and getting their life together then you stat noticing they are not around as often as they use to be, and that first year anniversary is coming just around the corner. Then it passes and you’re not seeing this individual or possibly you see them again only to hear that they are coming back. Back in the late eighties or early nineties, N.A. instituted an 18 month medallion and in some areas an 18 month cake. This was done because according to a couple of studies, it was noticed that 30% >40% of people taking one year cakes, were not around to take a second year cake.
These very sad occurrences have a twofold cause, which works in concert with each other. The first is a true sense of humility, which in turn creates a slow influx of complacency. Now let me elucidate on each of these, to give you a clearer picture of what I am actually attempting to show you. First of ; A True Sense of Humility, ah yes you know what humility means and understand the concept consciously or perhaps more pointedly in theory, however it has not seeped into your being or sub conscious as a knowing or a deep understanding. Let me paint a clearer picture for you at this point. Here you are you’ve been going to meeting, keeping in touch with your support system, doing the steps, and you’ve been clean and sober now somewhere between 7-8 months to around 22 months (anywhere in that time frame). You’ve made a lot of new friends in the recovery community you attend, you have been seeing your sponsor and support system pretty regularly, you haven’t had a craving in a while, you seldom even think about using anymore. Overall life has been looking pretty good lately, overall you’re feeling better about yourself and life as a whole, there are new dreams and possibilities in your thinking. People are saying how much better you look and/or how much you’ve learned. Somewhere in your thinking it starts, and you begin to ponder the thought that, yes you have worked hard and things are turning around, perhaps it’s time I’ve earned a little rest (red flag), it starts with maybe by letting go of commitments to perhaps your home group, (time to let someone else do it), or you slow up on meetings, just one less a week, you start seeing less of your sponsor and the rest of your support system. Or on a completely different angle, things are good it’s time I took care of the rest of my life, it’s time to catch up on all the “wasted time” concentrating on getting a life. I’m just being responsible and becoming a contributing member of society. However there is nothing wrong with this, we need to be responsible and be contributing members of society. But not at the cost of your recovery, if even more you need the support of the meetings and your support system.
There are several key points you need to remember at this stage of your recovery. First; that your disease, addiction, is not the drug, the drug is just the symptom. Your affliction centers in your mind, to put it bluntly, your head has a contract on your ass. Every moment you spent in a meeting talking with your support system working on your recovery, your addiction was in the parking lot doing push-ups just waiting for the slightest crack in your recovery to attack. Never forget this, it is not what you did yesterday for your recovery, it is what you do today.
Secondly: At this point you’ve in all reality have just scratched the surface, Yes it was hard work to get over the constant obsession and cravings and to change your regular routines of the past, however your new routines are basically just like posts in wet cement. They are there and standing, however the cement is far from setting at this point. If you have been to a few first year anniversaries, how many times have you heard it said “now the real work begins” do think they were just jokes. These are observations and telling’s from those who have been there. Now is when those friendships and trusts you’ve built with your support system are going to be the most valuable.
Thirdly. Yes it is time to change it up a little and take more responsibility and get back to life and a contributing member of society, after all this is one of the major goals of recovery. However we do not do this at the expense of our recovery. Go back to the post about habits, It is very easy at this point to transfer over to becoming a workaholic or overly concerned with relationships and getting a family. Remember all things with balance, at this crucial time as you go forward, you need to take extra effort to maintain meeting attendance in your schedule, as well as extra effort to maintain you connections with your support system.
Fourthly: You have to this point work hard and grown. You deserve the life that is happening for you at this point and more. This is why you need to bear down now for the work is not over, if you relax to much you will suffer dearly.

Remember God does not create garbage

Being Anonymous in Meetings

There are over 300 12 step fellowships today. The majority if not all follow the lead of Alcoholics Anonymous, that of anonymity. The original idea behind this is to protect its members, especially newcomers. From the social stigma associated with the general perceptions from mainstream society, of the perceived image associated with the word “alcoholic”. Let’s face the facts, what is the image that comes to mind when you hear the word alcoholic and/or addict , most people, even those in recovery, when we first came to meetings, are not positive images or the kind of people we want in our homes or to be associated with. This aspect of being anonymous was there so that the newcomer could feel safe coming to a meeting without the fear of being pointed out and/or shunned because of their affliction. Or that no one member would violate someone’s anonymity outside the meeting. And let us not be so ignorant as to think that this has changed very much today, even among the educated and so-called enlightened, the stigma is still there, outside the fellowship, even of those who are “clean and sober.” However this was done to protect us from outside, judgement and stigma, not within our own ranks. If we are to follow the principles and learning’s of the 12 step program, why would you choose to remain anonymous inside the very fellowship that has saved your life? Dr. Bob wrote about this very issue... Dr. Bob said (paraphrased): "...remaining unknown inside the fellowship is as much a violation of (the principle of) anonymity as being known outside the fellowship..." (READ the literature). It was also stated to remain anonymous> at the level of Press, Radio and Television. Tradition Eleven Have you ever had a friend in the meetings who has gone to the hospital, it is very difficult to go to the information desk at a hospital and ask for Bill C. as well what about the insecure newcomer who wants to call you after losing your number, or afraid to ask for it. Find Bill C.’s phone number in the phone book. Most of all if you have gained some semblance of clean time. What or whom are you hiding from? You can’t use the 12 tradition to hide behind. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. This basically comes down to We do what is right, No matter with whom, what, where we are dealing with we must always endeavour to do what is right. One of the best examples of this I have witnessed was on an episode of M.A.S.H... It was an episode in which Charles Emerson Winchester (snob and rich, arrogant character of the show) made a trip during Christmas at night to drop presents and food off at the local village orphanage, under the cover of night, so that the gift be anonymous. Doing the right thing, for the right reasons without out the need of praise and/or recognition, no matter who is involved. Because it is the right thing to do.

Remember God does not create garbage

Being The Victim No More

The role of Victim (poor me) is a favourite for many of us. There are so many benefits we can ascertain by playing the role of the victim.
We automatically gain self-worth. As a victim, we are the one to whom injustice is/or done, thus others are unjust, incorrect, not okay, and wrong . Meaning, we are just, okay, good and right. We are the righteous. Many who do not have healthy self-esteem find this as the only way to establish their own self-worth, by being the victims of others' wrong doings. As victims, we can play on the others' pity and guilt. When they are angry and/or frustrated with us, we can diminish this by playing the weak, abused person. When we want something from someone, we use guilt and pity. As victims, we are not responsible for our reality, and thus not to blame if we or our lives are not in good condition. We have an excuse for not being okay or meeting our potential. As a result, we get what we want from the others by making them feel sorry for us and by making ourselves seem weak, incapable and in need of help. The victim thrives on being unhappy it keeps their role justified
In 95% of situations or things that have happened in our lives, we have played a part, no matter how small, there is a part we played, perhaps even a higher percentage. Yes there are situations that we had no part, or did not deserve what happened. And in no way does this condone any actions by others. However my point is, that by playing the victim, takes away our power. By playing the blame game and playing the victim, we put all the responsibility on others and relieve us of all responsibility and in doing so eliminate any chance for healing. We need to take responsibility for our lives, for our recovery and for our healing. In this way we empower ourselves for the ability to make choices, choosing to take responsibility for our life. Taking control and responsibility for our lives is the only way to find healing, recovery and happiness. If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes and there is no growth, no growth, no recovery, no recovery, no happiness.

Remember God does not create garbage

Johnny Cash - 'Hurt"

Being In Control

The idea that we were in control, gave us the illusion of being safe. However the truth is we were never in control, oh there were times when we thought and/or others led us to believe we were in control, however the truth is we can never be in control of others or the world we live in this is simply impossible. We are even seldom in control of ourselves. Yet that is what we need, to be in control of our actions and our tongues. You are not responsible for the thoughts that enter your mind; we all occasionally have thoughts of revenge of going a little wild of malicious, that’s normal. We are responsible for our actions and the words that come from our mouths. This is where we need to exert control; we need to do the right thing and to say the right things, according to your truth. This is where our need for control must be recognized. As for feeling safe that is why we have faith in trust in a God of our own understanding.

Remember God does not create garbage

Your Life is Your Choices

It literally is that simple. There are a few things we can do to make our lives Happy, Joyous and Free. One of these is to be an authentic person and follow our truth, in doing so you automatically follow the rule: Do What Is Right and What Is Right In Front Of You. Another aspect is having a deep faith and trust in the God of your understanding, even when it appears as if your God has forsaken you, having the faith and trust in the God of your understanding, even if it the bottom of the ninth with 2 out. However it is understood that the God of your understanding has given you the ultimate gift, the power of choice. It is this gift that ultimately charts the course of our lives, some call it Karma, others recognize it as you reap what you sow, and others see it as whatever you give shall be given unto you, Or as some has seen as “The Secret” or the law of attraction. Basically to break it down if you are positive you attract positive in your life, if you act negatively you attract negative aspects, if you act with love, tolerance and kindness, you will attract the same. Whatever you put out to the universe it reacts in kind. So again simply put, Your Life is a culmination of your choices. So get out of your way.

Remember God does not create garbage

Being An Authentic Person

Every day we run into situations and behaviours, from praiseworthy and remarkable to downright disgusting and deplorable, as well as everything in between. In all aspects of our lives, home, work on the street and even in meetings. It is not so much our job to judge the individual or individuals involved, however it is our job to judge the behaviour and/or situation, in the manner of, is this how I would like to be perceived and is this kind of behaviour, actions, and situation that I would be pleased to be associated with. This is how everyone and everything can be our teachers, they show us action, behaviours and situations in real life and we can decide if this is the type of person we would like to be perceived as. However it needs to be noted here that our perceptions are not always correct, in any given situation we may not always know the variables and circumstances involved, in some cases there could well be extenuating circumstances behind such behaviour. That is why we do not judge the individual and/or individuals. That being said it is the general rule that this is a pattern of behaviour, and as such do we want our pattern of behaviour to be perceived as loving, gentle and kind or the alternatives. It is my belief that we all possess these qualities; however they are usually covered up and/or perverted by four typical impairments. Those four impairments being, fear, pain, greed and addiction. To accurately show are authentic selves, and be authentic people we need to take to heart yesterdays posting on “to thine own self be true.” However we need to take this a step further. It is amazing how some seem to be this caring compassionate individual at meeting, yet a complete tyrant at work and indifferent in the home. Or at least varies degrees of this nature, this is not an authentic; this to put it bluntly is a phony and a still sick individual. To practice the aspect of “to thine own self be true or to follow one’s own truth and be an authentic person, is to practice this behaviour in all aspects of one’s life. To be the same person in all situations and all venues. This is a true authentic person. A true person of integrity, ethics and dignity.

Remember God does not create garbage

To Thine Own Self Be True

Do you know that it is possible to become the President of the United States of America, or the Prime Minister of Canada without winning the actual popular vote? You can win what is called the majority of the electoral votes in the United States and the party Seats in Canada, this can be achieved without actually winning the popular vote or individual votes. Is that not quite amazing and as well quite humbling to the elected person if that were indeed the case in their elected win. I only mention this as a point of reference to my overall point today. That point is that no matter how hard you may try, you can never please everyone, no matter what the situation or decision there will always be those who disagree and think you are wrong. So the fact that most people with addictive personalities especially those in recovery are prone to people pleasing. It is important to note just how futile this effort truly is.

This is why it is essential for you to learn “To Thine Own Self Be True.” This is another great learning or gift that you will acquire from The 12 Step Program. There are hundreds of life decisions you will be called to make, some will deeply affect the lives of others, and some only affect you. However all will affect how you face yourself in the mirror and how you will feel when you look into the eyes of any man, woman or child. The program will give you the ability to take every decision and look at it from different angles and perspectives with an open mind. Then using your intellect, your rational and mostly your heart and that spark of God consciousness in all of us, that inner spark that instantly knows wrong from right, that small inner voice. Where your truth is, always speak your truth for in this way you can always hold your head high, with dignity, self respect and integrity. With the ability to look anyone in the eye. For when you fail to follow your truth you fail yourself. By following your own personal truth, To Thine Own Self Be True, is upheld and so is your integrity and self respect. However we still allow others the right to their own truths and listen to the still small voice of others, which on occasion will echo our own and sometimes Change our own truths, if you have an open mind.

Remember God does not create garbage

HABITS

Habits, We all have them, we have a whole load of habits, good and bad, and they basically make us who we are. It is estimated that the brain receives, on average 11000 signals from our senses, the brain can only process 40 consciously, and the rest is discarded or handled through habits. Addiction has been a habit for us. As well in our addiction we created a bunch of other habits that went along with our addiction. For most of us there were certain rituals that went with our drinking and/or using, other habits included who and where we hung out and/or with. How we obtained the means to get our drug of choice. Lying, cheating, stealing and dishonesty became habits for us. And a whole host of others. These are some of the common examples we could all probably relate to these and probably add a few. Al habits can be broken. However one of the biggest keys in breaking a habit is to fill the void that is created from the loss of a habit. These are the reasons for some of the suggestions you get from sponsors, counsellors, recovery coaches and others in your support system. You know all those suggestions such as, changing your play toys, play mates, play grounds or ones like 90 meetings in 90 days. Ones like being honest, share, write the steps, service work, clean your house, yard, volunteer. These all come together to replace old negative habits. Not only do they work in replacing old negative habits, they replace negative habits with healthy positive ones. They also have an added bonus of making you feel good about yourself, giving direction and have an overall positive effect on you, spiritually, physically and mentally. In life we will always have habits, the keys is to be aware and to make them ones that promote a healthy and positive lifestyle.
Remember God does not create garbage