Family and Friends

This is yet another difficult dynamic in recovery , in particular early recovery. First off if we have not already completely destroyed this relationships, it is usually quite strained with misunderstanding and hurt feelings on both sides. We have difficulty comprehending the fact that they can't be more understanding. For us we find it difficult how hard for us this is. we wonder why they can't be more compassionate, understanding, supportive. Don't they realize what we're going through, how painful this is, how hard this is.

No they don't. That is the bottom line unless they have gone through it themselves they have no idea. Besides that they have been watching what we have been doing to ourselves for months, years decades. Depending of the case. They have suffered all that time fearing for our lives our sanity our well being all this time. Not to mention all the hurts we have caused from the times we haven't called the things they have watched us do and go. The times we didn't call for a night a day a week sometimes even longer. They have suffered the broken promises, the lies, possibly even thefts. They have suffered the emotional, mental abuse we have heaped on them even in some cases the verbal and possibly the physical abuse.

More importantly is the fact that it is us that have the disease, a soul sickness, We are the ones that require recovery. We are the ones that were out there. Our responsibility is to do our recovery. Not to decide whether our friends and/or family require recovery. In some cases that may be needed. However whether this be the case or not it is us that are in recovery NOW and the ones who need it. The only thing we can do is our recovery, and realize that part we have in the strained relationship . We are only responsible for our own side of the street. In most cases it is the bigger side. Even if is not it is the only side we can do anything about.
Remember God does not make garbage

Why We need to Remember our last Drunk/High ETC

This Is vital in recovery especially early recovery. Why? you ask, why would I want to remember the Pain, Guilt, Shame, Humiliation, all the disgusting details of a horrible part of my life. Well my friends the answer is two fold.

First and most importantly is ; First off let remember that we have an allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind, through abstinence we have stayed the allergy, now comes the hard part , taming the obsession of the mind. Remember that we have a disease that has a contract on our butts. that while we are abstinent and in a meeting or having a coffee with friends and/or sponsor, our disease is in the parking lot doing push-ups staying strong looking for any foot hold to get us back out. If you are an alcoholic/addict like me with an addictive personality coupled with a soul sickness and a mind that does not always hear things or perceive things as they truly are. You see, your God probably gave you the same great tool My God gave me --A Brain, however My thinking works in this brain and My thinking isn't always my friend, And after years of abuse my brain doesn't always work the way it should. sometimes it gets very forgetful. In times of stress, loneliness, resentment, perceived slights and the like it can very easily forget the Pain, the shame the jails, the broken promises, the hospitals, the institutions, the police visits, the broken relationships, the crying children, the humiliations, that come with drinking and/or using. It remembers the few if any good times it conveniently forgets the bad times. This is the foremost reason I have to keep this memory alive for times like this when our disease is attempting to lure me back.

The second reason is more simplistic, all these memories become our tools to help the newcomers, so that they may relate to our stories so they can hear and see that we understand where they are coming from and that they to can recover and that they can feel no longer like the worst piece of crap on the earth that somebody else has done the things that they are not proud of that their pains, guilt's, shames, humiliations are shared and they are no different or worse than any of us that came before. Ultimately that they too are worthwhile.
Always remember God does not make Garbage.

Relationships in early recovery

There are all kinds of relationships, however let's get honest the first thing that pops into our minds when the word is mentioned is the relationship with a significant other. This is a very very dangerous situation. As well as a very relevant one as it is something that is on our minds sooner or later and needs to be addressed openly. We all have a strong and inherent need to be loved, to feel wanted, to feel validated, to feel the loving caress of another human being.

Most of us coming in to recovery have destroyed many a relationship with significant others, Friends, relatives, employers, employees not to mention the ones with ourselves ( if you ever really had one ( I didn't) and with a higher power. Some of you are blessed and still have a relationship with a significant other and/or Friends, relatives ETC. albeit strained. Some of those will end as you grow and you find yourselves growing apart. A very few will find as you grow so will the relationship to greater heights ever imagined.

The main point is that coming in to recovery, BLUNTLY put we do not know how to have real relationships, NO BUTS, we take hostages, we inflict our sickness on unsuspecting loving caring individuals.At this precise moment many of you are denying this and/or not accepting this as the truth, That's O.K. sad but O.K. ( Neither did I) what you are really going to be doing is adding to your list of amends.

Remember that you have a disease which wants you dead, there is only four (4) ways out Recovery-Jails-Institutions-Death. You are afflicted with a SOUL SICKNESS. How can you have a real loving relationship, while suffering a disease which main symptom is selfishness.

Unfortunately many of us will not heed this warning and will inflict our selfish wants and sickness on unsuspecting caring loving individuals ( some as sick as ourselves). The sad fact about this is it will cause pain on both involved, in some it will cause relapse, and in some cases it will result in death. mostly due to relapse some suicide. This will not be your fault albeit you will have a part. do you really want to put yourself through this or another person? Now this does not mean in very rare cases it does work out albeit a very painful process. The odds of it working out are slimmer than winning the lottery.

Now before you become totally disillusioned, and start thinking that you'll never find love or ever have a relationship. As in all the things the 12 Step program has a way for you to find REAL love and REAL RELATIONSHIPS. However as with every other aspect of REAL RECOVERY it takes work. (Yeah that Ugly For Letter Word Again)

Through the Steps, First you will find and build a relationship with a God Of YOUR understanding, after that you will discover who and what your really all about and in doing so create a relationship with yourself. ( What A Concept), further through the steps you will heal and create relationships with family and/or friends and strengthen your relationship with YOUR GOD, at which point you will start creating meaningful relationships in your life and somewhere along this road Your God will introduce you to your significant other.
Remember God does not create garbage

The Need to Hit Bottom

Hi All , I just want to touch on "hitting Bottom" as it is mentioned in the literature, and bandied about the rooms all the time, You ask people about their respective bottoms, and most tell you about, prostituting themselves, jails, losing families, being broke, and on . this all may be part of their respective bottoms, However this is not the element that the oldtimers were talking about and/or trying to get across.
What they are referring to is that point we get to where, nothing matters, when we feel hopeless, worthless, less than, where a gun in the mouth or a jump off a bridge, or just completely giving up is a serious consideration the place I call, "Alone, Lonely and wanting to Die" or what today counsellors and most health professionals would call "a little depression" you just need some medication and a shoulder or maybe some institutional living. It becomes the point that we are vulnerable and the EGO is disoriented and beaten, It is at this point that we can actually take the directions and Guidance (suggestions) that the 12 Step Program provides. It is a this point that one can admit to his/her innermost self that there is a problem and they require help. It is at this point that we can SURRENDER to the wisdom of the 12 step program. Without this state how many of us will actually and utterly concede to our innermost selves the need for help, the need for a better way. How many of us will surrender to do what the program actually asks us to do. Without this is the main reason many of us relapse.
We are ego maniacs with an inferiority complex, we believe we can do things for ourselves. That most people don't know what they're talking about, and that they just don't understand, If we only had, the money, the family, the white.picket fence, ETC. Or the old famous "I'm not hurting anyone". That place of denial and delusion. With out a Bottom we stay in those places. We need to hit bottom to begin recovery with a solid foundation.
Remember God does not make Garbage

The Things to Remember

Well we're going to start this off with something that you probably don't want to hear, However you need to hear it and Accept it. If you are dealing with an addictive personality like me then as said before the problem IS NOT THE SUBSTANCE this is nothing but the SYMPTOM of our disease the disease centers in our thinking in our perception, It's in our HEADS. My head has a contract on my ass. Hence we have a mental problem. And whether I'm clean a day, a week, a month, a year, multiple years, or just an hour, a minute, a second, a nano second, My disease is in the parking lot doing push-ups, keeping strong just waiting for the opportunity to get me. It will use any means possible a resentment, a callous comment, a perceived hurt or slant, a negative thought. You know the ones, all those lies told to us at one time or another, and we were vulnerable enough to consider it in the back of our minds and told often enough that we stated to believe the lies like-I'm not worthwhile, I'm too stupid, I'm too fat- I'm to whatever you fill in the blank they are all the same. We need to be reminded by ourselves and the ones we choose to have in our lives that we are children of GOD and we are worthwhile and that each one of us are treasures with out equal. we are all lovable, valuable, worthwhile, wonderful human beings.

we also need to recognize that as an addictive personality, I have this wonderful tool at my disposal called a Brain, however as it has been programmed by years of abuse from others and myself and not fed enough positive input, that our thinking patterns have become damaged. One of the main aspects in this is my brain can be quite the forgetter at times it can lose facts and have distorted memories. Case in point after being clean for a period of time, my brain will remember the "so called" good times" and long long ago there were some no doubt, it conveniently forgets the times we woke up in jail, the times we woke up broke, the times we humiliated ourselves beyond comprehension, it forgets the hospitals, the arguments, the police, the shame, the guilt, the remorse,. This again is our disease having a contract on our asses. NEVER FORGET WHY WE ARE HERE.
Remember GOD does not make Garbage

You don't get Recovery by OSMOSIS

Hi there, I apologize for the lack of posts this weekend, I will just say there was technical issues and family issues. If you ever need to speak to someone or are in need ALWAYS FEEL FREE to email Me at the above email address which is wiledchild@live.ca.

Well back to the topic at hand, I was at a meeting friday and a speaker spoke on doing the steps and having a relationship with self before he could have any other relationships of value, and the work that this entailed, a few other speakers followed along the same aspects to varieing degrees. Then this other gentleman spoke and strenously voiced his opinion that this was a prgram of suggestions and that he had just about 2 years and hasn't bothered doing all this work that everybody was talking of and that it wasn't really nesssacary and it was just a waste of time. He stated that all this work was not required for sobriety he was the example.

Needless to say I felt compelled to share at this point. I shared that , the gentleman was perfectly correct this is a program of suggestions, It is suggested that if you wish to get "HAPPY JOYOUS and FREE" do the work, it is suggested that if you want longterm CONTENTED sobriety do the work, and on these are suggestions if YOU WANT what is offered. Yes some people can come in and attend meetings and gradually get some semblance of DRYNESS. However if you read the literature or remember4 some the earlier posts, It is stated that alcohol/ drugs or whatever is a sympton of our disease. I furthered shared that I've worked with many who didn't think they had to do all the work, only to watch them relapse come back continually get maybe 1-2 years as much as 5, yet continued to go in and out and their live really never change just gradually get worse oh yeah better for a short period of time, even worse is the ones who got great emotional pain and commit suicide all because they would not do the work or go out and drink and/or use one more time and they DIED just BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T DO THE WORK . so let's look at it this way do the work and get a life better than anything you would have ever imagined. or don't do the work and keep getting what you always have gotten, and I'll even give you a guarantee if you do the work for a year, if you don't like where you life has gotten All your misery will be cheerfully refubded.
Remember GOD does not make garbage