Revisiting Step Six

Step Six “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of Character.”

Many overlook the seriousness and the intricate value of this step. Now hopefully you have followed the advice and taken the suggestion earlier, at the beginning of the revalidation of the steps. If so you are using step guides, as such the questions in this guide will enlighten you on many different levels, as to the intricacies of this step and of yourself. If not you have seriously cheated yourself. As per step six, hopefully at this point, having done a thorough step four and five. You are a point of really seeing clearly how selfishly pursuing your character defects for your own gratification has led to pain, suffering and despair to all those involved in your life, and even those not involved. You have hopefully come to see how your selfish indulgence in your character defects have also not only caused yourself pain and suffering but also in the control they have had over your life. In the process of this enlightenment you have garnered a measure of humility, a measure of seeing the reality of your life and who and what you have truly become. This process has been necessary to bring you to a place where you are ENTIRELY ready to have God remove these defects of character. For you are truly at the point here in true recovery where half measures availed us nothing. This is the point where Real Recovery begins to happen. The process of the 12 steps have hopefully brought you to a place now where you can clearly see the effects of your defects of character have on not only yourself but everyone around you as well. This is where you have hopefully been convinced of the need to be ENTIRELY separated from your defects of character. Not just mouth service to the step, or reservations like well I won’t use it or I’ll keep it in check, for the time being. Now is the place to be completely convinced, hopefully if there is doubt, the Step guide you are using and perhaps a refresher of the previous steps will be enough to convince you of the seriousness of this step.


How It Works
We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all, everyone? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.
-A.A. Big Book p.76



So Step Six - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character" - is A.A.'s way of stating the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job. This does not mean that we expect all our character defects to be lifted out of us as the drive to drink was. A few of them may be, but with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement. The words "entirely ready" underline the fact that we want to aim at the very best we know or can learn.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 65



When we tried to clean ourselves up with our own power and "discipline" we kept ourselves agitated, confused, in denial, and worn out, and we were in almost constant emotional pain. We were like the man who tore the scab off his arm every morning to see if his wound had healed.

But it was in doing the sixth Step that I saw why I had become so exhausted. I'd been trying to do God's part in the spiritual growth and healing process. In the program I was told that my part was "being entirely ready", being ready to let God be the controller and life-changer of myself and others. When I did that, my sponsor said, I would see how God's power is released to flow through our lives to clean them only when we quit trying to control the how and when he is to use that power...At first this sounded like a call to complacency - until I got into Step Seven. This attitude of readiness to let God reach into our lives and uncover and remove the things that make us spiritually and emotionally sick is paradoxically the doorway to active and effective change of specific lifelong habits and sins. But it means turning loose of our control-even of our healing.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 112-113



When we are working Step Six, it is important to remember that we are human and should not place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. This is a step of willingness. That is the spiritual principle of Step Six. It is as if to say that we are now willing to move in a spiritual direction. Being human we will, of course, wander.

Rebellion is a character defect that spoils us here. We need not lose faith when we become rebellious. The indifference or intolerance that rebellion can bring out in us has to be overcome by persistent effort. We keep asking for willingness. We may be doubtful still that God will see fit to relieve us or that something will go wrong. We ask another member who says, "You're right where you're supposed to be". We renew our readiness to have our defects removed. We surrender to the simple suggestions that the Program offers us. Even though we are not entirely ready, we are headed in that direction.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 6



We must be specific in our identification of individual defects of character, and we must be specific about the changes required to recover from them. One cure does not fit all! The approach for addressing one addiction may not work at all for another. For instance, the rageaholic may need to reduce anger expression. Conversely, the anger phobic person, who has no permission to feel or experience anger, may need to mobilize anger expression and assertiveness. The treatment has to be very specifically tailored to the defect and to the person.

As a rule, most defects of character involve some imbalance in the expression of and the experience of our most basic human needs. For example, sexuality and ambition are not bad unless our experiences of those drives are imbalanced or codependent. If we are addicted to sex or driven by ambition to the point of workaholism, these expressions have become defects we must address. Our sixth step prayers would not be "Make me asexual" or "Take away my ambition." Rather, we might pray, "Grant me a healthy expression of my sexuality" or "Channel ambition into enhancing my private life as well as my work life."

As we hold known defects of character up to God, we must avoid self-shaming and self-condemnation. The goal here is spiritual release, not spiritual self-punishment. For most of us, this process is ongoing. We will not be healed and sent forward immediately; rather, recovery will be a daily effort to evaluate, balance, and adjust the healthy expression of all of our God-given needs.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 50-51


Remember God does not create garbage

How To Change The world You Live In

Here’s is one way in which you can make the world a better place starting in your own community. I challenge you to take up this way of life.
Put your god as you understand him first
Others second
Then yourself
However this must be tempered with some rational thinking>>
Enabling a person, or giving to them something that you know is not good for them or healthy, is not really putting them second,
Remembering always to do no harm

Remember God does not create garbage

The Charlie Sheen Controversy

Ok, Ok with Charlie all over the news and 20/20 doing an interview and the whole recovery community, flying around with opinions. We might as well address the issue and move on.

All in all, it does bring the whole addictive personality and drug and alcohol problem, that is worldwide, yet more "in your face" in North America , into the public spotlight and now with Charlie, into the homes and workplace of just about all of North America. However the whole thing is actually quite sad. Many people’s lives are being affected, and that is exactly what happens with alcoholics/addicts we affect so many other lives. Yet this is sad in a whole other aspect as well. Being who Charlie is it is extremely difficult for him to get the help he truly needs. It is quite difficult for a person of such means to get the real help they require because of their wealth and fame. First off with means at his disposal it is very difficult to actually experience true consequences for their actions. Secondly with being so wealthy and famous, there are so many willing to validate the B.S. and to cover his actions, just to be around and to get a piece of the wealth and fame. To keep him shielded from the truth of his actions. As well the actual chance of someone actually being real with him and calling him on his crap is near impossible, firstly most won’t jeopardize the association, and if they do, there are so many willing to tell him what he wants to here rather than the truth.

However let’s look at what he is saying; actually he is taking some of the things he has learned in recovery, yet distorting them to his advantage. IE; he was saying live in the now, in the overall aspect it is a good thing, however when using it as a shield in not to take responsibility for his past, it is defeating the healing process. As in the aspect of what happened in the hotel room with his daughters across the hall. Yes it is the past, however there is the responsibility of clearing that up with his daughters, the trauma he caused for them, take responsibility, as he said again, apologizing when wrong and then move on, Absolutely, However The apology has to be sincere coupled with taking responsibility for the actions and making the appropriate amends. This is what Charlie is not doing, He just wants to say “oh sorry” and forget it. Well no if it caused trauma, pain or distress to another, you need to take responsibility and be accountable, yes this can be uncomfortable, however it is freeing and healing to both yourself and those affected. Charlie also spoke of not needing to be judged by all, well Charlie you put it all out there for everyone and chosen a public life as well as public antics, What do you really expect? You can’t live off the adoration of fans and the fruits of the fame without enduring the criticism it a package deal. The same with asking to have your fatherhood issue (whether he was a good father) left private, you make your life so public and especially with the debacle with your daughters in the room across the hall, and then bringing the cameras in your house and claiming your just a “loving family” and using your twin boys presence as a publicity to your view, again you want it your way. Sound familiar people. There is also the glorifying of the drug use, well every addict is somewhat laughing here, as who truly has the lung capacity to Smoke a rock that size, and even if you could the heart and lungs would give out. Just like many an addict the “legend” is being created. So sad. This is just the ego, yet even sadder is this is an open door to relapse. Speaking of EGO, yes we all have to admit that he is talented, however no more so than many others in his field, and yet Charlie still human. It is so very sad, for on the path he is on is quite dangerous, If he continues on this path we may very well see another, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobane, Elvis Presley, Micheal Jackson. As those of us in recovery that truly see the truth, we need not judge this individual so harshly as he is in the midst of the disease, We must pray for him to see the truth and get the help he needs. We must remember under the fame and wealth, Charlie is just another one of us a Suffering alcoholic/addict. And just another Child of God.

Remember God does not create garbage

Living The 12 Steps

The program of recovery is about more than just the 12 steps. Yes we do the 12 steps; however in doing so we find the principles, we find the essence of right and wrong. We essentially find a blue print for a life of feeling good about oneself, about being able to live in one’s own skin, we find the person in the mirror we are proud to be and without shame and guilt. And through this process it gives us a life that is joyous, happy and free. The 12 steps bring us to a place in ourselves, where it is no longer a program of recovery. It is a way of life. It is about doing the right things for the right reasons. It is about being principled and ethical people. It is about living with dignity, integrity and faith.

Remember God does not create garbage

Monday, Monday

So here it is a new week, all fresh and Shiny, bright. However more importantly, It is the first day of the rest of your life. I know what a cliche, however it is the truth, today you can start to recreate the life you've always wanted. The only thing stopping you,--Is YOU. So okay let's start here. I want you to take some time and think. What is holding you back from showing your family or loved one the love you and appreciation you have for them being in your life.

Now Choose something that you can do to show them how much they really mean to you, That they will recognize and appreciate. Got It. Now I want you to do that very thing for them in the next 24 hours.

Remember God does not create garbage

THe Six Main Reasons We Don't Change Our Lives

The thought of making a life change can be so intimidating that even though you want to be the master of your own destiny you'll end up doing nothing or settling for less than you deserve simply because you are so afraid of that change. Here’s the 6 main reasons you can end up paralysed with fear and what you can do about them:
1. Fear of the Unknown
We’ve all heard of the old proverb, “The Devil you know is better than the one you don’t”. This great fear of the unknown causes people not to take chances and to stay in situations where they’re not very happy. As soon as people think about change they start playing the “what if?” game.
• What if I make a mistake?
• What if it’s worse than what I have now?
• What if I fail?

You tell yourself the “grass is greener” and bury any thoughts of changing your situation for the better. You think you should stay where you are, just in case. You don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future so you can’t tell for sure what the consequences of your actions will be. You do know what you have now and you tell yourself that if you think about it, it’s really not that bad. Right? The fear of the unknown is what stops most people from ever making positive changes in their lives.


If you let it, your imagination can dream up a never ending supply of terrible things that could happen. But let’s think about it. You have the ability to imagine the absolute worst thing that could happen so that means you also have the skill to use your energy to imagine the absolute best thing that could happen. It’s a matter of focus. Why do you waste so much time imagining the worst when there’s just as much of a chance of the best outcome happening? In Susan Jeffers book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, she says that whatever option you choose will provide you with new opportunities and surprises that you may never have imagined happening.

“I can’t lose – regardless of the outcome of the decision I make. The world is a place for opportunity, and I look forward to the opportunities for learning and growing that either pathway gives me.” - Susan Jeffers
As she says, there is no wrong decision, there’s just different opportunities. It makes it far easier to face the unknown if you think of all your options as exciting and worthwhile. You just need to decide which one you want to do right now. There is no wrong choice. Doesn't that make you feel better when you think of it that way?


2. Doubt Yourself
When you are contemplating making a life change you will usually begin to doubt whether you are up for the challenge. Things can also seem a lot bigger and harder than they really are. The task seems overwhelming when we look at it in the big picture. We’ll ask ourselves, “who do we think we are thinking we can do that?” “I can’t do that. That’s too much.”


If you want to achieve great things or even just achieve inner peace, sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone and try something totally new. At least you will have tried. You will not have to live with the regret that you’ll never know what you could have been if you’d been able to just take that one step forwards. Also, you will learn so much by trying different things. Even if you only end up learning that you don’t like it, you have learnt more about yourself and where you want to go in your life. You will have new knowledge with which to use as stepping stones for the future. Usually afterwards as well, we realize, “it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as we thought it would be.” You have also increased your self confidence in having another situation under your belt that you were able to handle successfully.


3. Isolate Yourself and Agonize Over Decisions
Sometimes when you are going through challenging times you tend to feel isolated like you are the only person in the world going through this decision. You feel you need outside reassurance that you’re doing the right thing. You’ll ask everyone for their opinion so that you don’t have to take responsibility for making the decision. I can tell you from personal experience that the absolute hardest part of making a huge decision is during the time when I’m agonizing over it. I will make myself sick with worry and wondering if it’s the “right” thing to do. I’ll be on the fence for such a long time sometimes deciding to make that big leap of faith and other times telling myself to “be sensible” and to work with what I have. I slowly drive myself and everyone around me completely insane. But the moment that I finally take the step that makes my decision official, I’ll suddenly feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. I’ll then feel quite liberated and excited about my choice. It’s the agonizing part that can stop you in your tracks though. It’s the hardest part of making a big decision. It’s much easier if you can make the decision and then move forwards as soon as you can.


4. Forget That You Always Have Options
Sometimes when you’re trying to make a big decision, you think you only have one choice if you don’t want to accept the current situation. For example, you can stay in a job you hate or you can quit and be unemployed. And if you’re like me you’ll add things like “unemployed and starving to death and I'll never be able to find another job.” I’ll mentally paint myself into a corner (motivated by fear or uncertainty) and feel there is no way out. I’ll feel like I have to stay in the situation because there is no other option. The truth is there is always another option. Sometimes it can take a little brainstorming to come up with a list of possible solutions but rarely are you truly ever without any choices.


5. Focus on the External World
Another problem people face when contemplating change is that we tend to focus on external things to define our identity and worth (what kind of job we do, what kind of possessions we have, how much we make). We put an emotional weight on stuff like this. If we don’t have the latest t.v. system, we feel like a failure. We can’t take the risk of losing all our possessions. It’s who we are. People always ask us, "what do you do?". When we answer, our job is a huge part of our identity.


A much more important thing we should focus on is the value of all the relationships we have and how we can help others - it's really a wonderful symbiotic relationship. When you help someone (and see their appreciation or know that you are helping them) you feel good yourself - and it's a more genuine feeling of contentment than buying the latest gadget. It provides us with a much greater sense of self worth.


Also, being able to live the life you truly want if far more important than feeling trapped in a job you hate because you have to pay the credit cards for all the stuff you’ve bought. I think I can also guarantee, before we take our final sleep (which I'm sure will be when we're 105) we will be thinking about the people that have touched our lives, and not the corner office we had, nor the car we drove.


6. Handcuff Yourself to Stuff
Along with focusing on the external world comes the fact that we cling to certain possessions, statuses, and perks we’ve been given along the way as some sort of safety net. People will "handcuff" themselves to jobs they hate with thoughts like “I'll stay until I use up all my vacation days" or "I’ll stay until I’ve got my pension". It’s the “I’ll stay until…” mentality. There's a lot of people who won't leave a job because of the promises of holidays, pension and severance pay. “If I leave I won’t get 3 weeks of vacation anymore.” Think about it. When you’re 80 years old, are you going to be happy that you wasted your life for a few weeks of vacation? Also, it’s limiting thoughts like these that keep us trapped in situations we don’t want to be in. Turn it around and if something like vacation really is important to you, you can bring it up in any interviews you go to. At least you won’t be letting a crutch stop you from facing the fear of change. It’s far better to keep the big picture in mind of what do you really want out of life? You need to keep moving towards that and not getting caught in the mental safety nets along the way.


You Don't Have To Settle For Whatever Happens
The worst part about being afraid of change is that you can end up settling for whatever happens. It seems less scary that way. The truth is that this is a far more frightening way to live because you don’t have the feeling of being in control of what happens to you and you live in fear of what might happen. Having the confidence to take action in the face of fear not only provides you with a sense of control, ultimately it will also provide you with a life full of purpose and joy. And isn’t that really what we’re all trying to achieve?



Remember God does not make garbage