Yes more Signs and Symptoms

I know that you may feel that this segment is going on and on , however I believe that knowledge is power, and in that end the more one is armed in aspects you can recognize to be a danger to your sobriety the better. It is better to be forewarned than to gain the knowledge from hindsight. So in that vein here are some more symptoms and behaviours you need to alert for.


LOSS OF STRUCTURE:
Daily routine becomes haphazard. Regular hours of retiring and waking disappear. Inability to sleep, becomes oversleeping, Not keeping appointments becomes more common social planning declines, a feeling of being rushed and/or overburdened, large blocks of inactivity without knowing what to do, failure to follow through on plans and decisions knowing what to do however unable to overcome feelings of frustration, fear, anxiety and tension. The loss of a daily structure can be disturbing to anybody; everyone does better with a daily routine. However it is more essential to those in early recovery, as structure and a daily routine creates feelings of stability and balance, both of which are a necessity in early recovery to create a healthy lifestyle.


LOOSING HOPE:
This usually starts when a plan fails or an expectation of some sort falls through. Followed by idle daydreaming and/or wishful thinking, where the ability to concentrate fades and concentration turns to fantasy. The “if only syndrome” becomes more common in thinking and speaking, more and more fantasies of “being rescued from it all”, coupling with “An Immature wish to be happy” where the desire to be happy” and everything to be well , becomes a common thinking, although without defining what is necessary for happiness or well. Here it is vital to reach out to your support system, to meetings, to understand that life is full of ups and downs, that if it were not for the rain who would appreciate the sun. Let your support system help you through the down times, because there will always be down times. That is the cycle of life.


ADJUSTMENT TO BEING CLEAN:
This comes in many forms, more than I can mention here, although I will go through some. Overcome with feelings of shame, remorse, loss, humiliation, fear of... These are just feeling, I have never known a feeling to kill anyone, I’ve known many who died running from a feeling. Write, talk to your support system, and get it out. It is amazing how much power these feelings can lose when out in the open to the light of day, yet bottled up in the “hamster cage” of our minds they have immense power. You will go through cycles of just plain arability for what seems like no reason; you will have periods of arability with family and friends just because. It is OK you are adjusting to feeling, this will pass apologize and spend time reading, writing, exercising or quiet meditation. If it persists over long period of time months and increases consult a medical professional, otherwise it is just normal adjustment, don’t worry. You will also experience periods of no appetite and periods of overeating, just adjustments usually an attempt to stuff feeling that are uncomfortable, Issues that you will deal with as your recovery progresses. As well there will be periods of insomnia where it seems you can’t shut your brain off, attempt some light reading nothing too deep or that takes a lot of concentration, attempt meditation, watch T.V do some of those chores you been avoiding, clean the house/apartment. Most if not all of this is just the brain and body detoxing more deeply and adjusting to a new pattern of healthy living. You are on the right track. It is nothing to be overly concerned with. As long as you handle it properly. Being worried and running away will more than likely result in relapse.


Remember God does not create garbage

More Signs and Symptoms of Relapse

We are continuing with signs and symptoms of relapse.


COCKINESS:
Having the attitude of “having it made”, got it made, - no longer fear the addiction- going into dicey situations just to prove you have no problem. Do this often enough and well as I like to say “run with the wolves long enough and you will howl”.


COMPLACENCY;
“drinking/using was the farthest thing from my mind” Not drinking or using was also no longer a conscious thought. It becomes very dangerous to let up on your program, because things are going well. Always need to remember why your here. Many relapses happen when things are going well. This is when we can let down on our defences, a little like unconscious cockiness.


EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS:
“I’ve changed why haven’t they?” it is a bonus if others change as well. However more than likely they won’t or at least not yet. They still may not trust you yet; you cannot expect others to change just because you have. We have deceived others for so long it is going to take a lot of time to regain even a measure of the trust we have destroyed.


PRESCRIPTIONS:
This can be a very tricky one; this is why it is strongly advised that your doctor is fully aware of your drug and/or alcohol history as well as a doctor that is fully educated in addiction and recovery. Too many doctors will readily hand out prescriptions that can trigger our addiction, Again a doctor fully educated in addiction and recovery is a very high priority. Also if you really need t a prescription, inform your support system so they are there to assist you and help you monitor the situation and your use.


TUNNEL VISION:
You may tend to view your life in isolated fragments. You may focus exclusively on one area pre-occupy yourself with it, to the detriment of other areas, avoiding the other areas. Sometimes pre occupation may be with a positive aspect giving the false impression that everything is great. Or possibly the reverse pre-occupied with a negative aspect creating a victim persona which confirms you are helpless and being treated unfairly. Being fully concentrated on the front door leaves the back door unattended. Recovery is about balance in all areas of our lives. Many a relapse has occurred to being unbalanced.


CUTTING DOWN ON MEETINGS:
Many an alcoholic/addict has started to feel a little better, only to cut down on their meeting attendance only to find themselves relapsing. In the first 2-3 years you have a statistically better chance of remaining clean and sober if attending a minimum of three meetings per week. Actually a 66% better chance.


NOT USING YOUR SUPPRT SYSTEM:
This is your barometer of recovery. You created it for a reason. Even the best support system in the world is useless if not used. This is also part of complacency, cockiness. An attitude that you are better than and an attitude of “cured”. Let your support system do the job it was created for, it may perhaps need to be retuned as you grow. Use it; many relapses have occurred because of going it alone.


Remember God does not create garbage.

Relapse Signs and Symptoms

Now relapse does not just come out of the blue, it feeds and comes out of our thinking, just as we discussed earlier, that our problem centres in our thinking, in our perceptions. The facts that we have a disease, or shall we say dis ease or ill at ease if you will, that centers in our minds, thinking, and perceptions. So does relapse, it starts and grows in that very same area, manifesting in behaviour until the final behaviour being the actual physical act of drinking and/or drug use.

This the primary reason of being ever vigilant, of constant monitoring our actions and thinking. One of the reasons we have a support system made of those we trust is this, for sometimes they can detect these behaviours and mood shifts before we can. If we are open to honest appraisal from our support systems we can snip these behaviours in the bud before they grow into an actual physical relapse. We all have mental relapses; the key is to catch it before we hurt ourselves and our loved ones. Over the next few days I am going to give you a list of signs and symptoms of thinking and behaviours you need to be alert for in relapse prevention.


EXHAUSTION:
Allowing yourself to become overly tired or in poor health, some of us are prone to transferring our addictive behaviours to becoming workaholics. Perhaps in a hurry to make up for lost time, keeping too busy to feel. Good health (mental and physical) and suitable periods of rest are essential to stable recovery. If you are feeling good physically, you are more apt to make sound decisions. Feeling run down and physically ill you might begin thinking that using couldn’t make it any worse.


DISHONESTY:
This begins with a few little white lies or deceits, usually unnecessary with friends or family, or co workers, perhaps even with your support system. This is followed by either slight conscious or sub conscious guilt for the lies. This then progresses to the important lies you start telling to yourself (rationalizing, justifying- Making excuses for the lies, then making the excuses for not doing what you don’t want to do, or for doing what you know you shouldn’t be doing.


IMPATIENCE:
Things are not happing fast enough. Or, others are not doing what you think they should be doing when you think they should be doing it. Recovery, money, relationships ETC... Are not coming fast enough.


ARGUEMENTATIVENESS:
We all know this one picking and looking for a fight. Arguing small and/or ridiculous points of view indicates the need to always be right. “Why don’t you just be reasonable and agree with me?” Usually this thinking and/or behaviour are used when you are looking for a reason to use.


DEPRESSION:
Now this can come in many forms, most of us experience some form of depression from time to time. Feeling run down, over tired, not caring about much, lack of appetite, flat acceptance, listlessness unreasonable and unaccountable despair. Worsening to more severe despair, becoming disruptive to your life, amplified by fatigue and hunger. Turning to isolation reacting to human contact with irritability and anger while at the same time lamenting that no one cares. This can be remedied by forcing oneself out of bed or couch and becoming more active with your family friends and support system as well as getting outside for fresh air and sunlight as well as large doses of physical activity. If these feelings still persist then seek medical attention A.S.A.P. as this is a very serious condition.


FRUSTRATION:
At people, institutions, life, recovery. Frustrated because things are not going your way or the way that you believe they should be going. Things happen and go the way they go for a reason, usually it is not the way they should be or want them to be. However it is what it is. Life happens.


SELF PITY:
“Why do these things always happen to me?” “Why do I have to be an alcoholic (addict)?” “Nobody appreciates all I do-(for them)?” This is what I call the plom tree (Poor Little Old Me) syndrome. Self pity is often used as an attention getting behaviour in recovery and with family and friends. Want more attention—Get more active.


If you recognize any of these behaviours write about them in your journal. Don’t have a journal? Get one. Write down what you believe is bringing this thinking and behaviour out in you. Write also what you think you need to do to curb them. As well as this you absolutely need to talk with members of your support system about these behaviour and thinking, which is why you have a support system. It will not help you if you don’t use it. Failure to take these actions is a relapse trap all on its own, and usually fatal.


Remember God does not create garbage

The truth about relapse

Relapse is a very serious subject; some have a very cavalier attitude towards relapse. I believe that yes it is a very real and distinct possibility in the recovery community, so much so that it is not given the seriousness and respect this subject requires. Relapse can be extremely devastating to the lives of those who relapse, however it can be just if not more devastating to those associated with the one who relapses. The hard and cold fact about relapse is that it kills. Many newcomers scoff at this idea, their thinking is “i.ve been using and or drinking this long, one more isn’t going to kill me.” Unfortunately I can’t count how many times I’ve heard this statement, even more unfortunate is the amount of times that I have never ever seen the person again who uttered this statement. The sad truth is we all have another relapse in us, the real question is “Do you have another recovery in you?” The cold hard fact is that the relapse can be “the last straw” on your body and you DIE. Sometimes you don’t die, however it was “the last straw” for family and/or friends and they are gone out of your life forever. Sometimes this isn’t the case and you just cause more pain and anguish. And sometimes you just keep doing what you’re doing, and you are too embarrassed to come back, or afraid, and you just get lost in oblivion. The land of the undead, the purgatory of the alcoholic and/or addict. Moving towards a slow, painful, lonely and ugly death. Sometimes we see an individual who eventually makes it back and their mental and/or physical presence is nothing compared to the once vibrant soul who had left the safety of recovery. The damage to the brain and body so devastating that it cannot be reversed. The point being that many who thought” one more wouldn’t hurt” never make it back, and the few that do many are not half the person they were when they left. And yes sometimes it is not the drinking and/or drug that kill you it is the lifestyle associated with drinking and drugging.

So For the next week or so we are going to be taking a closer look at relapse. We are going to look at the signs and symptoms of relapse and some of the relapse traps

Remember God does not create garbage.

A Deeper Look At " THE SERENITY PRAYER'

GOD
Saying this word you are admitting the existence of
Consciousness or a higher power that is greater
Than you

GRANT
Saying this second word, you are admitting that this
Consciousness or higher power is able to bestow and
Give to you and others

ME
You are asking something for yourself, Holy texts say
That if you ask sincerely, it shall be given. It is not wrong
To ask for improving oneself. For with the improvement
Of your character, both you and those around you will
Be happier and your relationships will have a better
Chance to improve

THE SERENITY
You are asking for calmness, composure and
Inner peace in your life which will enable you
To transcend your ego, to think straight, and
To govern yourself properly

TO ACCEPT
You are resigning yourself to conditions as
They are right now, you are living in the now
The present moment

THE THINGS
You acknowledge your tragedy, death,
Suffering. Illness and pain, as a part of
Your life, neither good nor bad. You accept
Your humanness and fallibility. You are
Accepting your lot in life as it is. Until you
Have the courage to change any part of your
Life you don’t like. You must accept it.

I CANNOT CHANGE
You can’t prevent these events or
Conditions from happening to you
Or others

COURAGE
A quality which enables you to deal
With the problems and realities of life
Without reliance on alcohol or drugs
A determination to stand your ground
And “slug it out” with all issues, pleasant
Or otherwise, that might return you to
Drinking and/or using. A strength of your
Spirit to face and handle the negatives.
Fearlessness in the practice of faith
Humility and honesty

TO CHANGE
In facing these negatives directly and
Honestly you are asking for yourself
And your life conditions to be different
You are taking an active part in the
Changing

THE THINGS I CAN
You are asking for help to make the
Right decisions. Everything is not the
Way you would like it to be in your life
You must continue to face reality and
Constantly work toward continued
Growth and progress

AND WISDOM
You are asking for the ability to rise
Above your ego and form sound
Judgements about yourself and your
Life. You then use this ability to ask for
Guidance from yourself others and a
Higher power

TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
You want to be able to understand clearly
Truths of fact. You want to see things differently
In your life so that you will be more aware
Of yourself and others. You need to sense a
Definite value in loving over being selfish


Remember God does not create garbage

Revisiting Step Three

Here we are, Step Three “Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” Here it is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for newcomers of the 12 step program of recovery. It is the G word; it brings up all kinds of resentments, prejudices and feelings. For most of us there is also a lot of mistrust associated around the word “GOD”. First off, it is imperative that I point out here that the 12 step program of recovery is based on spiritual principles, not religious principles. There is a distinct difference; the difference being is a religion has its own Doctrine of belief and/or dogma and its principles are based on that doctrine. Secondly the word God is usually associated with our understanding of a religion. Now even though most of all the holy texts contain the same basic principles, their respective leaders and doctrine dictate how these principles are practiced and applied.


Then we come to the other objections, such as; if there really was an all loving God, how could he let all these unspeakable acts and atrocities happen? Or they Look at all the atrocities, horrors and wars pert rated in the name of God. And then there is the old standby, I tried the God thing before and all I got was pain and anguish, he let me down. Well again there are answers to these, if we truly get honest with ourselves, and truly look at what this step is actually saying, and asking of us.

To begin with, let’s go back to the previous two steps and recall what we have learned there. In steps one, we learned that we have a problem, that we need help, we learned our way does not work, we learned we had a lack of power, so we learned a bit of humility, surrender and that there is a way out. In step two we learned that, there are powers greater than ourselves, we also learned that there was power available for us, we learned that this power would help us. We also learned in these steps to have an open mind, to be willing to give things a try and to be honest.

So with that let us now try to re examine step three, looking for possibilities rather than objections. Again let me repeat again that this is a spiritual program not a religious one. There by taking away your religious objection to step three. Now my god is not an invasive God, he allows me to have freedom of choice as with all people. This being the case it is people’s choice which has dictated most of the atrocities and state of the world we live in. Secondly when I previously tried God it was usually with a list of things I wanted him to do and give me. Never taking the responsibility for my situation and life rather just want him to fix with no real action and/or responsibility for myself. When he did not deliver to my demands according to my timetable and wants, I found him lacking.


So let’s look at step three again. It is asking me to turn my will and my life over to the care of god of my understanding. This is the key, not someone else’s conception of God, not the God I was taught by someone else’s belief, not a God I was told existed and how he existed and operated. A God I could understand and relate with. So maybe it’s time you created a personal relationship with YOUR God, not someone else’s conception. As well G.O.D. can be viewed as the steps, they are G.ood, they are O.rderly and they give you D.irection. There is also G.roup O.f D.runks or D.ruggies, and they are making it. There is also the aspect that the spiritual principles are good orderly and give direction.

FROM WIKIPEDIA
"Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or immaterial reality; [1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.”[2] Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life; such practices often lead to an experience of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.[3] Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.[4] It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.
Spirituality, in a wide variety of cultural and religious concepts, is itself often seen as incorporating a spiritual path, along which one advances to achieve a given objective, such as a higher state of awareness, to become a perfect human being, outreach wisdom or communion with God or with creation. Plato's Allegory of the Cave, which appears in book VII of The Republic, is a description of such a journey, as are the writings of Teresa of Avila. The spiritual journey is a path that has a dimension primarily subjective and individual. For a spiritual path may be considered a path of short duration, directed at a specific target, or a lifetime. Every event of life is part of this journey, but in particular one can introduce some significant moments or milestones, such as the practice of various spiritual disciplines (including meditation, prayer, fasting), the comparison with a person believed with deep spiritual experience (called a teacher, assistant or spiritual preceptor, guru or otherwise, depending on the cultural context), the personal approach to sacred texts, etc. If the spiritual path is the same in whole or in part, with an initiatory path, there may be tests to overcome. Such tests usually before a social significance are a "test" for the individual of his reaching a certain level. Spirituality is also described as a process in two phases: the first on inner growth, and the second on the manifestation of this result daily in the world

Secular spirituality denotes various attempts to recognize aspects of life and human experience which are not captured by a purely materialist or mechanistic view of the world, but without accepting belief in the supernatural. It is for example possible to regard many kinds of spiritual practice such as mindfulness and meditation as beneficial or even necessary for human fulfillment without accepting any supernatural interpretation or explanation. Indeed, there is no necessary connection between spirituality and belief at all. For some, the term simply carries connotations of an individual having a religious outlook which is more personalized, less structured, more open to new ideas/influences, and more pluralistic than that of the doctrinal faiths of organized religions, although whether it is helpful to call this view secular may be doubtful. While atheism tends to lean towards skepticism regarding supernatural claims and the existence of any actual "spirit", some atheists define "spiritual" as nurturing thoughts, emotions, words and actions that are in harmony with a belief that the entire universe is, in some way, connected; even if only by some mysterious flow of cause and effect at every scale.[9] Some versions of Buddhist spirituality would also be examples of this style of thought since Buddhism, although conventionally involving the supernatural is not theistic."


In contrast, those of a more 'New-Age' disposition see spirituality as the active connection to some force/power/energy/spirit, facilitating a sense of a deep self.
For some, spirituality includes introspection, and the development of an individual's inner life through practices such as meditation, prayer and contemplation. Some modern religions also see spirituality in everything: see pantheism and neo-Pantheism. In a similar vein, religious naturalism has a spiritual attitude towards the awe, majesty and mystery it sees in the natural world.

This is not to say that religion does not have its place or that one should abandon their personal religious beliefs, in all actuality if one does have a religious practice and belief it is highly suggested to continue with a path you are familiar and comfortable with. Once again –A God of YOUR understanding.


Now let us look at the first part of the step again, “Made a decision to turn our will and life over to the care of...” Well it is rather simple, however not easy it will take time and effort. Mad a decision > well if you really made a decision it needs to be followed with action, this is an action step. “Turn our will and life over” again rather simplistic. Your will is your thinking and your life is your actions. So in essence turning your will and life over is thinking and acting in a manner that is consistent with your concept of your higher power. Or even easier the basic spiritual principles, thinking and acting with love, kindness, giving, tolerant, patient, caring, honest, forgiving, integrity to name a few. On a daily basis.


How It Works
We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always?" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him
- A.A. Big Book p.63



Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God - or, if you like a Higher Power - into our lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore our problem now becomes just how and by what specific means shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three represents our first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of the whole A.A. program will rest upon how well and how earnestly we have tried to come to "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him".
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 40


But other people say "making a decision" to do something is only the first part of doing it. For example, if I make a decision to buy a house, I haven't bought the house yet, and I certainly can't move in this afternoon. There are a series of things I must do after making a decision to buy a house before I have actually bought it. I have to find a house, get a realtor, a lawyer, a banker, check taxes, check a certificate of title, and do all kinds of other things. Then finally, at the end of the process, I've bought the house, and I'm living in it. In taking Step Three, if you make a decision to turn your will and life over to God, you're deciding. You're committing to "buy the house". You're committed to turning your life and your will over to God. But you haven't completed the transaction when you say the words of commitment.
... I asked my sponsor, "If saying the words doesn't turn my will and my life over to God, how do I do it?" He smiled and said, "That's what Steps Four through Twelve are: the way to turn our whole lives - past, future, and present - over to God."
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 53


We found that all we needed to do was to try. When we gave our best effort to the Program, it worked for us as it has worked for countless others. The Third Step does not say, "We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God". It says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him". We made the decision; it was not made for us by the drugs, our families, a probation officer, judge, therapist or doctor. We made it. For the first time since that first high, we have made a decision for ourselves.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 3


A common recovery phrase used in Twelve Step groups is "Turn it over." For the recovering person, that means turning over to God's care not only the major, conspicuous addictions like alcoholism. It means turning over every aspect of life, even the small frustration involved in handling children or trying to make a faulty appliance work or dealing with congested freeway traffic. In the face of these irritations, the recovering person will say time and time again, "Turn it over; turn it over; turn it over."
...Breaking out of this bondage of self does not mean we ignore or deny our needs. In fact, quite the reverse is true. If we can discover healthy, God-directed ways to meet our emotional and physical needs, then we become less needy, less selfish, less self-preoccupied individuals. This is another recovery paradox. Discovering what our needs are and asking to have those needs met may be one of the most unselfish things we do. All of us have needs, and all of us have choices as to how those needs are to be met. Addictions, compulsions, and co dependencies are counterfeit means of trying to meet our basic physical, emotional, and spiritual hungers. With God's help we can find genuine ways of satisfying them.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 34,35


Remember God does not create garbage

The True Essence of the Program

So have you figured it out yet? Have you gotten to the point yet of discovering what this program is really all about? This program has very little to do with alcohol and/or drugs. If you haven’t noticed it yet, let me enlighten you. This is a 12 step program; there is only one step, the first step that has any mention of drugs and/or alcohol. In the literature it is very clear, in case you missed it. The alcohol and/or drugs are not the problem, they are the symptom. You perception, your lack of power, your thinking, you are the problem. Now make no mistake as a result of the 12 step program you will become clean and sober, this is a fact.

This is a program of spiritual principles, principles found in all the ancient holy books and all the books of wisdom. This program is a program for living, life on life’s terms. This program is about honesty, courage, DISIPLINE, FAITH, ACCEPTANCE, HUMILITY, TOLERANCE, CHAEITY, KINDNESS, and LOVE, however mostly it is about DIGNITY AND INTEGRITY. When you do the steps as laid out, and put the principles and lessons into your daily life. You will become a person of principles, of respectability, of integrity and of course dignity. You will become a very rare commodity on this earth. Look around at the world in which we live, look at the news in print, online and on T.V. How often do you see someone of true honesty, integrity and dignity? That in itself tells you why the world is in the shape it’s in. Hopefully if enough of us carry the torch of honesty, dignity and integrity. It will spread and our world might have a chance, and with it a better world for us our families and for future generations.

Remember God does not create garbage