It is not only the newcomer who needs to keep an open mind. I am amazed sometimes with myself and my contemporaries. It is amazing and actually quite sad, to see those with a few years under their belts, become so self righteous, close minded, judgemental and unsympathetic to the suffering of a still suffering person.
I recall a number of years back I was speaking with a young lady who at the time, had trouble getting any real time under her belt, she had tried numerous times, however kept repeatedly relapsed, while attempting to stay clean and sober, appeared to be quite earnest in her attempts, yet she could get quite emotional about a given topic, her biggest obstacles appeared to be that of keeping her mind open and holding back her established opinions, secondly and possibly bigger was the lack of people of her age bracket in this particular area, most were newcomers. Yet she would occasionally come to me for support and questions regarding being clean and sober and of the program. When a distinguished member of the program, one with many years and asked to speak literally worldwide, that I knew fairly well or so I thought. This gentleman took me aside and asked me why I wasted my time with this person; he said she’s got tattoos all over her arms and relapsed a couple of times why are you wasting your time on her? You have something to give help those who are serious. I was quite taken aback by this, I replied that she seems to be truly wanting and hurting. To which he replied wait until she has some time. Seriously shocked by this, I had to take some time to think of what one of my mentors was saying, as well as pray and meditate on the whole situation. Today I am proud to say that I continued to help this young woman. Today she is 5 years clean and sober, and a young mother of a beautiful baby boy, unfortunately recently separated. However that is life, she is today a responsible contributing member of society and an active member of the fellowship and program.
However this was not my first or last encounter of this attitude. I recently came upon a blog and counsellor who purports that she will only work with those that are serious; she will not waste time on anyone not serious, and will not tolerate any B.S... I have had many conversations with those with 10 years or five, seven eight, ten and more years clean and sober with the same opinions. I myself remember a short time with the same attitude for almost a year when I was reminded by this self same young woman queried me how “where she might have ended up had I not taken the time with her? I constantly remember her when I start to judge someone or believe I know the level of sincerity. Yes you can see the ones who just hang around for the free cigarettes or think it’s just a social club; however you can also see those that truly want it just aren’t getting it. They aren’t hearing, or not quite ready to do what it takes. I still talk to both; however I speak bluntly and call B.S. when I see and smell it. Some won’t talk again after being called on their shit, yet the others seem to occasionally come back to speak some more, and after a relapse they will come for more talk. Knowing I will still talk to them and not turn them away.
I believe I must, for this was done for me, when I thought I knew everything. As well as after I relapsed. There were those who would take the time to speak with me as a person, accept me as a fellow human being, and guide me on this path. They and all the literature taught me of compassion, and of the prayer “forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who have trespassed” or that other saying” judge not lest thee be judged”, I must remember where I came from, I was no different from those today I may judge. What gives me the right to become so self righteous and intolerant.
Remember God does not create garbage
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Sobriety In The Morning
This morning I awoke to a happy dog and wife, with a clear head, I didn’t have to run to the washroom to puke or a long, long cold drink, nor did I have to scream for a guard to find out where I was and if I was being released. Another thing was I knew where I was, the address, the city, the state and country. I didn’t have to peer outside and see if my vehicle made it home with me or what shape it was in or check to see if there were indications of whether or not I had hit something or someone. There was no panic too peer out the windows to see if the police were waiting for me or someone else. There was no dread this morning wondering what had happened last night, or who I had insulted or assaulted. No wondering if someone was going to be looking for. Or if I’d committed a crime. It was peaceful and serene, like a morning should be, that is what sobriety in the morning is like. They are full of possibilities.
Remember God does not make garbage
Remember God does not make garbage
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Skills and abilities Needed in Recovery
These are the abilities you are going to have to learn, develop and implement into your life, for a successful, happy, joyous and free recovery.
The ability to laugh at oneself, to laugh at your faux pas and mistakes
The agility to be honest with self and others
The ability to catch oneself in a lie and admit it openly
The ability to ask for help
The ability to be wrong, and admit it openly
The ability to not always know everything
The ability to accept things as they are, rather than how you want them to be
The ability to forgive yourself and others
The ability to accept you are human and prone to mistakes
The ability to be gentle
The ability to be tolerant of self and others
The ability to be kind
The ability to be caring
The ability to be generous to others and self
The ability to be giving of time, energy and resources
The ability to give thanks
The ability to laugh daily
The ability to pray and meditate
The ability to learn humility
The ability to appreciate life
Remember God does not create garbage
The ability to laugh at oneself, to laugh at your faux pas and mistakes
The agility to be honest with self and others
The ability to catch oneself in a lie and admit it openly
The ability to ask for help
The ability to be wrong, and admit it openly
The ability to not always know everything
The ability to accept things as they are, rather than how you want them to be
The ability to forgive yourself and others
The ability to accept you are human and prone to mistakes
The ability to be gentle
The ability to be tolerant of self and others
The ability to be kind
The ability to be caring
The ability to be generous to others and self
The ability to be giving of time, energy and resources
The ability to give thanks
The ability to laugh daily
The ability to pray and meditate
The ability to learn humility
The ability to appreciate life
Remember God does not create garbage
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Revisting Step Four
STEP FOUR; MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES”
Here it is Step Four, and yes it says fearless, and everybody points this out to you and says if you have done the three previous steps there is nothing to fear, your god is with you. This is all true, however being honest here; we all faced our first step four with a little dread and trepidation. It is only natural, none of us have really looked at ourselves full on, heck most of us used and drank to run from some of the things we’ve done. We have in the most part stayed in our addictions in an attempt not to look at ourselves fully. However it is now time to do this, it is time to take this step, step four and that is why it is step four, not one, not two, not three. The previous three steps are there to enable you and provide you with the tools to be able to accomplish this step at this time. It says fearless, not because you don’t experience a slight fear or trepidation towards this step it says fearless because now you have the assistance and support of the fellowship, of your sponsor, of your recovery coach, of your support system and mostly of your God as you understand him, to give you the courage to face this head on, that is the fearlessness of this step the courage within you, Gained and assisted by the fellowship, your support system and your God. You will need all three to do this step; YOU cannot and should not do this step alone. You must keep in close contact with your support system during this entire step.
Most people will tell you this step is basically four parts, your resentments, Fears, harm done to others, and our sex conduct. However it is in the strongest possible form that I suggest that it be six parts. You need to add two parts to those four and those two are one-Your deepest darkest secrets and your good parts. You absolutely need to put down your good parts because after all the other stuff you need to be reminded of your goodness. No one is all bad, I don’t care who you are or rather who you think you are. Yes even though while we were out there we didn’t have much opportunity to let the good in us out, it was there all the same. Yes even though we covered most of it and began to think it wasn’t there, it was or we would not have had to hide from what we were doing, or have trepidation about this step. It was just that the good in us didn’t help us very much get what we needed while out there, and did not help in the world that we had lived in.
Now I must make three points that are ABSOLUTE MUSTS in doing a step four. The first absolute must is to keep in close contact with your support system. Let them know you are embarking on a step four lean on their support, you will need it and be thankful for it. The second absolute and something I tell everyone I work with is twofold, A) Do not procrastinate, I repeat Do not procrastinate, and B) before you start work on your step four set up your appointment for your step five. Have it set up for a week to ten days, two weeks at the longest. Get it done and over with , do not sit in the ugliness of it or the negativity it can create, Get to step five and dump it , get rid of the wreckage of the past. Third absolute, as partly discussed already do it quickly yet thoroughly. Quickly is important so that you do not get mired down in the negativity that it can create. Thorough is essential, as before previously we were discussing that this is the final part of the foundation of your recovery, because of this you need to be very thorough and why I say to get rid of those deep dark secrets. Let me expand on this with a few analogies. As a foundation for your recovery, how well does a foundation work when we rid everything underneath except for a tree root not completely killed and gotten rid of. Sooner or later that root will again begin to grow and with all deep set roots it will grow through anything causing the foundation to become tilted and eventually cracked as the roots grow through it. Another analogy is it is like a broken bone not set right, or bad infection from a cut not properly healed or better example a road rash not properly cleaned. You have to go in and fix it properly. Like opening the skin, rebreaking the bone and resetting it. Step four is like fixing a road rash not properly cleaned and healed. You have to cut the skin away, yet the first three steps act like a numbing agent so that it is not too painful to cut the ugly scar away, then it stings a little as you search for bits of sand, gravel and glass embedded in the muscle, then it stings a little as we pour antiseptic over it and drain all the pus and contaminants away, now step five as we dress the properly cleaned wound up. Then in time it grows a fresh healthy skin back over the scab and the wound is fresh healthy and useable with hardly any scarring. That is what happens to your psyche and your psychological self with a proper step four.
Step Four is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. We are searching for "causes and conditions." We want to uncover the truth about ourselves. We want to discover the attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, fears, actions,
Behaviours, and the behaviour patterns - that have been blocking us, causing us problems and causing our failure.
We want to learn the exact nature our "character defects" and what causes us to do the unacceptable things we do
This prepares us to live a life of purpose - where we can be in maximum fit condition to be of service to others. And, By taking inventory and learning the exact nature of our wrongs - we will be able to recognize when we might be slipping Into our old way of life - and headed for new problems, and possibly relapse.
We want to find out exactly how, when and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move towards their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is out of reach.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 43
In Step Four we call it a "moral" inventory because we compile a list of traits and behaviours that have transgressed our highest, or moral, values. We also inventory our "good" traits and the behaviours that represent them. In our life's moral inventory the defects or dysfunctional behaviours might include some that once worked; some dysfunctional behaviours may have saved our lives as children, but they are now out-of-date, self-defeating, and cause us a great deal of trouble when we use them as adults.
- A Hunger for Healing PG. 61
The purpose of a searching and fearless moral inventory is to sort through the confusion and the contradiction of our lives so that we can find out who we really are. We are starting a new way of life and need to be rid of the burdens and traps which have controlled us and prevented our growth.
As we approach this step, most of us are afraid that there is a monster inside us that, if released, will destroy us. This fear can cause us to put off our inventory or may even prevent us from taking this crucial step at all. We have found that fear is lack of faith, and we have found a loving, personal God to whom we can turn. We no longer need to be afraid.
... Step Four will help us toward our recovery more than we imagine. Most of us find that we were neither as terrible, nor as wonderful, as we supposed. We are surprised to find that we have good points in our inventory. Anyone who has some time in the Program and has worked this step will tell you that the Fourth Step was a turning point in their life. Some of us make the mistake of approaching the Fourth Step as if it were a confession of how horrible we are-what a bad person we have been. In this new way of life, a binge of emotional sorrow can be dangerous. This is not the purpose of the Fourth Step. We are trying to free ourselves of living in old, useless patterns. We take the Fourth Step to gain the necessary strength and insight which enables us to grow. We may approach the Fourth Step in a number of ways.
It is advisable that before we start, we go over the first three steps with a sponsor.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 4
Remember God does not create garbage
Here it is Step Four, and yes it says fearless, and everybody points this out to you and says if you have done the three previous steps there is nothing to fear, your god is with you. This is all true, however being honest here; we all faced our first step four with a little dread and trepidation. It is only natural, none of us have really looked at ourselves full on, heck most of us used and drank to run from some of the things we’ve done. We have in the most part stayed in our addictions in an attempt not to look at ourselves fully. However it is now time to do this, it is time to take this step, step four and that is why it is step four, not one, not two, not three. The previous three steps are there to enable you and provide you with the tools to be able to accomplish this step at this time. It says fearless, not because you don’t experience a slight fear or trepidation towards this step it says fearless because now you have the assistance and support of the fellowship, of your sponsor, of your recovery coach, of your support system and mostly of your God as you understand him, to give you the courage to face this head on, that is the fearlessness of this step the courage within you, Gained and assisted by the fellowship, your support system and your God. You will need all three to do this step; YOU cannot and should not do this step alone. You must keep in close contact with your support system during this entire step.
Most people will tell you this step is basically four parts, your resentments, Fears, harm done to others, and our sex conduct. However it is in the strongest possible form that I suggest that it be six parts. You need to add two parts to those four and those two are one-Your deepest darkest secrets and your good parts. You absolutely need to put down your good parts because after all the other stuff you need to be reminded of your goodness. No one is all bad, I don’t care who you are or rather who you think you are. Yes even though while we were out there we didn’t have much opportunity to let the good in us out, it was there all the same. Yes even though we covered most of it and began to think it wasn’t there, it was or we would not have had to hide from what we were doing, or have trepidation about this step. It was just that the good in us didn’t help us very much get what we needed while out there, and did not help in the world that we had lived in.
Now I must make three points that are ABSOLUTE MUSTS in doing a step four. The first absolute must is to keep in close contact with your support system. Let them know you are embarking on a step four lean on their support, you will need it and be thankful for it. The second absolute and something I tell everyone I work with is twofold, A) Do not procrastinate, I repeat Do not procrastinate, and B) before you start work on your step four set up your appointment for your step five. Have it set up for a week to ten days, two weeks at the longest. Get it done and over with , do not sit in the ugliness of it or the negativity it can create, Get to step five and dump it , get rid of the wreckage of the past. Third absolute, as partly discussed already do it quickly yet thoroughly. Quickly is important so that you do not get mired down in the negativity that it can create. Thorough is essential, as before previously we were discussing that this is the final part of the foundation of your recovery, because of this you need to be very thorough and why I say to get rid of those deep dark secrets. Let me expand on this with a few analogies. As a foundation for your recovery, how well does a foundation work when we rid everything underneath except for a tree root not completely killed and gotten rid of. Sooner or later that root will again begin to grow and with all deep set roots it will grow through anything causing the foundation to become tilted and eventually cracked as the roots grow through it. Another analogy is it is like a broken bone not set right, or bad infection from a cut not properly healed or better example a road rash not properly cleaned. You have to go in and fix it properly. Like opening the skin, rebreaking the bone and resetting it. Step four is like fixing a road rash not properly cleaned and healed. You have to cut the skin away, yet the first three steps act like a numbing agent so that it is not too painful to cut the ugly scar away, then it stings a little as you search for bits of sand, gravel and glass embedded in the muscle, then it stings a little as we pour antiseptic over it and drain all the pus and contaminants away, now step five as we dress the properly cleaned wound up. Then in time it grows a fresh healthy skin back over the scab and the wound is fresh healthy and useable with hardly any scarring. That is what happens to your psyche and your psychological self with a proper step four.
Step Four is a fact-finding and fact-facing process. We are searching for "causes and conditions." We want to uncover the truth about ourselves. We want to discover the attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, fears, actions,
Behaviours, and the behaviour patterns - that have been blocking us, causing us problems and causing our failure.
We want to learn the exact nature our "character defects" and what causes us to do the unacceptable things we do
This prepares us to live a life of purpose - where we can be in maximum fit condition to be of service to others. And, By taking inventory and learning the exact nature of our wrongs - we will be able to recognize when we might be slipping Into our old way of life - and headed for new problems, and possibly relapse.
We want to find out exactly how, when and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move towards their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is out of reach.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 43
In Step Four we call it a "moral" inventory because we compile a list of traits and behaviours that have transgressed our highest, or moral, values. We also inventory our "good" traits and the behaviours that represent them. In our life's moral inventory the defects or dysfunctional behaviours might include some that once worked; some dysfunctional behaviours may have saved our lives as children, but they are now out-of-date, self-defeating, and cause us a great deal of trouble when we use them as adults.
- A Hunger for Healing PG. 61
The purpose of a searching and fearless moral inventory is to sort through the confusion and the contradiction of our lives so that we can find out who we really are. We are starting a new way of life and need to be rid of the burdens and traps which have controlled us and prevented our growth.
As we approach this step, most of us are afraid that there is a monster inside us that, if released, will destroy us. This fear can cause us to put off our inventory or may even prevent us from taking this crucial step at all. We have found that fear is lack of faith, and we have found a loving, personal God to whom we can turn. We no longer need to be afraid.
... Step Four will help us toward our recovery more than we imagine. Most of us find that we were neither as terrible, nor as wonderful, as we supposed. We are surprised to find that we have good points in our inventory. Anyone who has some time in the Program and has worked this step will tell you that the Fourth Step was a turning point in their life. Some of us make the mistake of approaching the Fourth Step as if it were a confession of how horrible we are-what a bad person we have been. In this new way of life, a binge of emotional sorrow can be dangerous. This is not the purpose of the Fourth Step. We are trying to free ourselves of living in old, useless patterns. We take the Fourth Step to gain the necessary strength and insight which enables us to grow. We may approach the Fourth Step in a number of ways.
It is advisable that before we start, we go over the first three steps with a sponsor.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 4
Remember God does not create garbage
Monday, February 14, 2011
Refuse To Be A Victim
Being in the victim role is a choice. However most do not even realize they are making this choice. It is what they have been taught or more so what they have not been taught. Yes life happens, it happens every second of everyday, and sometimes it doesn’t happen the whey we would like. Sometimes it just seems like life is passing us by or just plain crapping on us. And you know what some days it just does that’s life.
Every day one of us misses the lottery by one number, are lied to by someone we trusted, have an accident, lose a job and so on. Don’t just sit there and whine and snivel about it, and hide away. That’s not going to do any good. Yes there is nothing wrong with venting however at some point the venting has to turn to solutions, what are you going to do about it, how are you going to change thing to make it better, what was your part in it. Life is just that life; it is constantly filled with ups and downs. However most of the downs are really not downs at all it is just your perception as well as a little pity pot that things didn’t go your way. Usually the so called downs in life are one of two things they are usually blessings in disguise or they are life lessons, building blocks or steeping stones for a better tomorrow. However it is up to you to see the silver lining or how you can take this “down” and use the opportunity it presents, and look for the life lesson contained within. You can life do you or you can do life.
There was an old farmer and his son whose horse ran away one day
The neighbours said it was bad luck, but then the horse returned with three wild horses following This the neighbours said was good luck, until the son, trying to break one of the wild horses, Fell off and broke his leg. Bad luck it turned out – except that not long after the accident the army swept through the valley, taking all the able bodied young men off to war, the son, of course was spared due to the broken leg. Within every adversity lies a gift.
One cold and wet fall day, as hundreds of birds took to migration routes for the winter, there happened to be a certain bluebird who decided that he wasn’t going with the “crowd” it was just a big waste of time and effort. After all I’ll just have to fly all the way back again come spring. Not long after a record cold spell hit the area, and our little friend realized that he would have to leave. He took to the air, however it wasn’t long before the icy air was too much. His little wing became encrusted with ice and he fell from the sky, as luck would have it, he hit a haystack and rolled to the ground. Near death and just about to freeze to death one of the cows happened by and relieved himself on our friend. The warmth of the cows waste had a thawing effect on the little guy. Happy to be alive our little friend began to sing. However this attracted one of the farms cats, who came to investigate, pawed through the manure found our little friend and promptly ate him. Thus teaching us two things –Not everyone who dumps on us is our enemy and two—not everyone who gets us out of a mess is a friend.
Remember God does not create garbage
Every day one of us misses the lottery by one number, are lied to by someone we trusted, have an accident, lose a job and so on. Don’t just sit there and whine and snivel about it, and hide away. That’s not going to do any good. Yes there is nothing wrong with venting however at some point the venting has to turn to solutions, what are you going to do about it, how are you going to change thing to make it better, what was your part in it. Life is just that life; it is constantly filled with ups and downs. However most of the downs are really not downs at all it is just your perception as well as a little pity pot that things didn’t go your way. Usually the so called downs in life are one of two things they are usually blessings in disguise or they are life lessons, building blocks or steeping stones for a better tomorrow. However it is up to you to see the silver lining or how you can take this “down” and use the opportunity it presents, and look for the life lesson contained within. You can life do you or you can do life.
There was an old farmer and his son whose horse ran away one day
The neighbours said it was bad luck, but then the horse returned with three wild horses following This the neighbours said was good luck, until the son, trying to break one of the wild horses, Fell off and broke his leg. Bad luck it turned out – except that not long after the accident the army swept through the valley, taking all the able bodied young men off to war, the son, of course was spared due to the broken leg. Within every adversity lies a gift.
One cold and wet fall day, as hundreds of birds took to migration routes for the winter, there happened to be a certain bluebird who decided that he wasn’t going with the “crowd” it was just a big waste of time and effort. After all I’ll just have to fly all the way back again come spring. Not long after a record cold spell hit the area, and our little friend realized that he would have to leave. He took to the air, however it wasn’t long before the icy air was too much. His little wing became encrusted with ice and he fell from the sky, as luck would have it, he hit a haystack and rolled to the ground. Near death and just about to freeze to death one of the cows happened by and relieved himself on our friend. The warmth of the cows waste had a thawing effect on the little guy. Happy to be alive our little friend began to sing. However this attracted one of the farms cats, who came to investigate, pawed through the manure found our little friend and promptly ate him. Thus teaching us two things –Not everyone who dumps on us is our enemy and two—not everyone who gets us out of a mess is a friend.
Remember God does not create garbage
Sunday, February 13, 2011
More on Relapse
The last few days we went over a few of the signs and symptoms that you need to be alert for. These feelings and behaviours if not kept in check and action taken can very well lead to relapse, as individuals in recovery it is imperative that we constantly be aware of our feelings and behaviours and more over where they are coming from and what is creating them in us. By doing so allows us to be at our best and to lead lives that are happy, joyous and free. However this is not to say that we will not have down times that is unrealistic, we all experience times of being down, however being aware of this as well as the reasons gives us the power of choice. It allows us to keep on keeping on, knowing these feelings will pass, and a new day will dawn brighter than ever.
These new tools coupled with previous tools, such as the advice to do a drug and/or alcohol history and the suggestion of doing a written step one gives you more than enough, power and tools to make a knowledgeable and positive choice when confronted with the tricks of the mind our disease will play. You must always remember that your addiction will never go away, you can only arrest the toll it has taken on your life and the influence it has over your choices and your life. Your addiction is in the parking lot as you read this doing push-ups and all it can to once again control your life. Our addiction does not diminish just because you are in recovery. The minute you pick up you are right back where you left off. It hasn’t been erased or lessened to any degree whatsoever, as soon as you pick up it takes over right where it left off. However as long as you do not pick-up or spent time thinking on it, it has no power over you.
Even on those down days when it seems nothing can go right and feeling that “just one might take the edge off and get things right back in the swing of things” Remember that there is no problem and/or situation that a drink or a drug will make better, it’ll only make it worse. Yes I the lies my head can tell me, it starts to remember the good times the fun times, however remember your drug and/or alcohol history that you wrote and the written step one, you wrote, your truth, your history. I remember that in the beginning there were fun times good times, however that was a long, long time ago as I kept using those times became less and less, it became I was always chasing those times and never catching. The addiction brings up those times and fantasies, however my written history and written step one tell me the truth. I had a dear friend who used to always say, “I don’t pick-up, no matter what, even if my ass is falling off, I don’t pick-up, I just try to thankful for the weight loss.
Remember God does not make garbage
These new tools coupled with previous tools, such as the advice to do a drug and/or alcohol history and the suggestion of doing a written step one gives you more than enough, power and tools to make a knowledgeable and positive choice when confronted with the tricks of the mind our disease will play. You must always remember that your addiction will never go away, you can only arrest the toll it has taken on your life and the influence it has over your choices and your life. Your addiction is in the parking lot as you read this doing push-ups and all it can to once again control your life. Our addiction does not diminish just because you are in recovery. The minute you pick up you are right back where you left off. It hasn’t been erased or lessened to any degree whatsoever, as soon as you pick up it takes over right where it left off. However as long as you do not pick-up or spent time thinking on it, it has no power over you.
Even on those down days when it seems nothing can go right and feeling that “just one might take the edge off and get things right back in the swing of things” Remember that there is no problem and/or situation that a drink or a drug will make better, it’ll only make it worse. Yes I the lies my head can tell me, it starts to remember the good times the fun times, however remember your drug and/or alcohol history that you wrote and the written step one, you wrote, your truth, your history. I remember that in the beginning there were fun times good times, however that was a long, long time ago as I kept using those times became less and less, it became I was always chasing those times and never catching. The addiction brings up those times and fantasies, however my written history and written step one tell me the truth. I had a dear friend who used to always say, “I don’t pick-up, no matter what, even if my ass is falling off, I don’t pick-up, I just try to thankful for the weight loss.
Remember God does not make garbage
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