Beware Early Recovery Complacency

Complacency is something to be on guard for in every stage of recovery. However it is complacency during early recovery that I wish to address today. It is very subtle, dangerous and potentially lethal. The early stage complacency I wish to specifically address today, usually starts to creep in around the 9 month mark and progresses in greater or lesser degrees to around the 2 year mark. We have all seen the person who has been coming around regularly and has appeared to be growing and getting their life together then you stat noticing they are not around as often as they use to be, and that first year anniversary is coming just around the corner. Then it passes and you’re not seeing this individual or possibly you see them again only to hear that they are coming back. Back in the late eighties or early nineties, N.A. instituted an 18 month medallion and in some areas an 18 month cake. This was done because according to a couple of studies, it was noticed that 30% >40% of people taking one year cakes, were not around to take a second year cake.
These very sad occurrences have a twofold cause, which works in concert with each other. The first is a true sense of humility, which in turn creates a slow influx of complacency. Now let me elucidate on each of these, to give you a clearer picture of what I am actually attempting to show you. First of ; A True Sense of Humility, ah yes you know what humility means and understand the concept consciously or perhaps more pointedly in theory, however it has not seeped into your being or sub conscious as a knowing or a deep understanding. Let me paint a clearer picture for you at this point. Here you are you’ve been going to meeting, keeping in touch with your support system, doing the steps, and you’ve been clean and sober now somewhere between 7-8 months to around 22 months (anywhere in that time frame). You’ve made a lot of new friends in the recovery community you attend, you have been seeing your sponsor and support system pretty regularly, you haven’t had a craving in a while, you seldom even think about using anymore. Overall life has been looking pretty good lately, overall you’re feeling better about yourself and life as a whole, there are new dreams and possibilities in your thinking. People are saying how much better you look and/or how much you’ve learned. Somewhere in your thinking it starts, and you begin to ponder the thought that, yes you have worked hard and things are turning around, perhaps it’s time I’ve earned a little rest (red flag), it starts with maybe by letting go of commitments to perhaps your home group, (time to let someone else do it), or you slow up on meetings, just one less a week, you start seeing less of your sponsor and the rest of your support system. Or on a completely different angle, things are good it’s time I took care of the rest of my life, it’s time to catch up on all the “wasted time” concentrating on getting a life. I’m just being responsible and becoming a contributing member of society. However there is nothing wrong with this, we need to be responsible and be contributing members of society. But not at the cost of your recovery, if even more you need the support of the meetings and your support system.
There are several key points you need to remember at this stage of your recovery. First; that your disease, addiction, is not the drug, the drug is just the symptom. Your affliction centers in your mind, to put it bluntly, your head has a contract on your ass. Every moment you spent in a meeting talking with your support system working on your recovery, your addiction was in the parking lot doing push-ups just waiting for the slightest crack in your recovery to attack. Never forget this, it is not what you did yesterday for your recovery, it is what you do today.
Secondly: At this point you’ve in all reality have just scratched the surface, Yes it was hard work to get over the constant obsession and cravings and to change your regular routines of the past, however your new routines are basically just like posts in wet cement. They are there and standing, however the cement is far from setting at this point. If you have been to a few first year anniversaries, how many times have you heard it said “now the real work begins” do think they were just jokes. These are observations and telling’s from those who have been there. Now is when those friendships and trusts you’ve built with your support system are going to be the most valuable.
Thirdly. Yes it is time to change it up a little and take more responsibility and get back to life and a contributing member of society, after all this is one of the major goals of recovery. However we do not do this at the expense of our recovery. Go back to the post about habits, It is very easy at this point to transfer over to becoming a workaholic or overly concerned with relationships and getting a family. Remember all things with balance, at this crucial time as you go forward, you need to take extra effort to maintain meeting attendance in your schedule, as well as extra effort to maintain you connections with your support system.
Fourthly: You have to this point work hard and grown. You deserve the life that is happening for you at this point and more. This is why you need to bear down now for the work is not over, if you relax to much you will suffer dearly.

Remember God does not create garbage

Being Anonymous in Meetings

There are over 300 12 step fellowships today. The majority if not all follow the lead of Alcoholics Anonymous, that of anonymity. The original idea behind this is to protect its members, especially newcomers. From the social stigma associated with the general perceptions from mainstream society, of the perceived image associated with the word “alcoholic”. Let’s face the facts, what is the image that comes to mind when you hear the word alcoholic and/or addict , most people, even those in recovery, when we first came to meetings, are not positive images or the kind of people we want in our homes or to be associated with. This aspect of being anonymous was there so that the newcomer could feel safe coming to a meeting without the fear of being pointed out and/or shunned because of their affliction. Or that no one member would violate someone’s anonymity outside the meeting. And let us not be so ignorant as to think that this has changed very much today, even among the educated and so-called enlightened, the stigma is still there, outside the fellowship, even of those who are “clean and sober.” However this was done to protect us from outside, judgement and stigma, not within our own ranks. If we are to follow the principles and learning’s of the 12 step program, why would you choose to remain anonymous inside the very fellowship that has saved your life? Dr. Bob wrote about this very issue... Dr. Bob said (paraphrased): "...remaining unknown inside the fellowship is as much a violation of (the principle of) anonymity as being known outside the fellowship..." (READ the literature). It was also stated to remain anonymous> at the level of Press, Radio and Television. Tradition Eleven Have you ever had a friend in the meetings who has gone to the hospital, it is very difficult to go to the information desk at a hospital and ask for Bill C. as well what about the insecure newcomer who wants to call you after losing your number, or afraid to ask for it. Find Bill C.’s phone number in the phone book. Most of all if you have gained some semblance of clean time. What or whom are you hiding from? You can’t use the 12 tradition to hide behind. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. This basically comes down to We do what is right, No matter with whom, what, where we are dealing with we must always endeavour to do what is right. One of the best examples of this I have witnessed was on an episode of M.A.S.H... It was an episode in which Charles Emerson Winchester (snob and rich, arrogant character of the show) made a trip during Christmas at night to drop presents and food off at the local village orphanage, under the cover of night, so that the gift be anonymous. Doing the right thing, for the right reasons without out the need of praise and/or recognition, no matter who is involved. Because it is the right thing to do.

Remember God does not create garbage

Being The Victim No More

The role of Victim (poor me) is a favourite for many of us. There are so many benefits we can ascertain by playing the role of the victim.
We automatically gain self-worth. As a victim, we are the one to whom injustice is/or done, thus others are unjust, incorrect, not okay, and wrong . Meaning, we are just, okay, good and right. We are the righteous. Many who do not have healthy self-esteem find this as the only way to establish their own self-worth, by being the victims of others' wrong doings. As victims, we can play on the others' pity and guilt. When they are angry and/or frustrated with us, we can diminish this by playing the weak, abused person. When we want something from someone, we use guilt and pity. As victims, we are not responsible for our reality, and thus not to blame if we or our lives are not in good condition. We have an excuse for not being okay or meeting our potential. As a result, we get what we want from the others by making them feel sorry for us and by making ourselves seem weak, incapable and in need of help. The victim thrives on being unhappy it keeps their role justified
In 95% of situations or things that have happened in our lives, we have played a part, no matter how small, there is a part we played, perhaps even a higher percentage. Yes there are situations that we had no part, or did not deserve what happened. And in no way does this condone any actions by others. However my point is, that by playing the victim, takes away our power. By playing the blame game and playing the victim, we put all the responsibility on others and relieve us of all responsibility and in doing so eliminate any chance for healing. We need to take responsibility for our lives, for our recovery and for our healing. In this way we empower ourselves for the ability to make choices, choosing to take responsibility for our life. Taking control and responsibility for our lives is the only way to find healing, recovery and happiness. If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes and there is no growth, no growth, no recovery, no recovery, no happiness.

Remember God does not create garbage

Johnny Cash - 'Hurt"

Being In Control

The idea that we were in control, gave us the illusion of being safe. However the truth is we were never in control, oh there were times when we thought and/or others led us to believe we were in control, however the truth is we can never be in control of others or the world we live in this is simply impossible. We are even seldom in control of ourselves. Yet that is what we need, to be in control of our actions and our tongues. You are not responsible for the thoughts that enter your mind; we all occasionally have thoughts of revenge of going a little wild of malicious, that’s normal. We are responsible for our actions and the words that come from our mouths. This is where we need to exert control; we need to do the right thing and to say the right things, according to your truth. This is where our need for control must be recognized. As for feeling safe that is why we have faith in trust in a God of our own understanding.

Remember God does not create garbage

Your Life is Your Choices

It literally is that simple. There are a few things we can do to make our lives Happy, Joyous and Free. One of these is to be an authentic person and follow our truth, in doing so you automatically follow the rule: Do What Is Right and What Is Right In Front Of You. Another aspect is having a deep faith and trust in the God of your understanding, even when it appears as if your God has forsaken you, having the faith and trust in the God of your understanding, even if it the bottom of the ninth with 2 out. However it is understood that the God of your understanding has given you the ultimate gift, the power of choice. It is this gift that ultimately charts the course of our lives, some call it Karma, others recognize it as you reap what you sow, and others see it as whatever you give shall be given unto you, Or as some has seen as “The Secret” or the law of attraction. Basically to break it down if you are positive you attract positive in your life, if you act negatively you attract negative aspects, if you act with love, tolerance and kindness, you will attract the same. Whatever you put out to the universe it reacts in kind. So again simply put, Your Life is a culmination of your choices. So get out of your way.

Remember God does not create garbage