Revisiting Step Five

And now is the time; Step Five; “Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”

Wow what an order, yes it can be daunting, however that’s why step 5 is step 5, and not step two, or any other, you should now have had time to become somewhat comfortable, with a God of your understanding, of being clean and sober, of reality, of the fellowship, of your support system and your sponsor. You have probably built up a level of trust with all of the afore mentioned. As such you know inside the process of the 12 step program works. Yeas however you are probably still thinking, admitting to God is one thing, to ME OK, but to someone else, well that’s something else.

Well ok let’s look at this; first off have we not become somewhat trusting of the fellowship, of your support system, of the 12 step program and the process of it. Of course you have. So let’s look at it piece by piece. Firstly let’s look at admitting to God. Not any God, but the God of your understanding. Do you really think he doesn’t already know? However, I suggest we find a quite safe place, where you feel comfortable and will not be disturbed. In this place say a prayer of your own making offering up your step four to your God, and then proceed to read it out loud. Then take a little quite time. There you have admitted to God and yourself. The world hasn’t ended; you haven’t been struck by lightning. Above all you must remember it is this stuff that you carry around with you, in your head is what is making you ill at ease, it is controlling your life, it is ruining your life, and destroying your abilities to be happy joyous and free. As we discussed before getting it out into the open will destroy the power it has over you. As well there is nothing and I repeat nothing that you have done that others in the room haven’t done and they have recovered and gone on to become happy joyous and free, in all actuality you will probably that there are those that are happy joyous and free that have done for worse. Yet if you are still somewhat reluctant to share with another member, there are many who on their first step five used a professional secret keeper, such as a member of the clergy, or going to a monastery and seeing a monk or perhaps a nun. Not quite as freeing as another member, yet a true beginning and freeing as a ways of releasing all that negativity, a very positive step forward.


How It Works

This is perhaps difficult, especially discussing our defects with another person. We think we have done well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice, we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go much further. We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.
-A.A. Big Book p.72-73

More about Step 5 in the Big Book


All of A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires ... they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 55


Some people seek an easier and softer way by doing a "general confession" to God alone. They are not about to name specifically the humiliating, "awful" thinks they have done out loud before another human being. But this act of specifically confessing things is what often leads to serenity. The more afraid you are to tell about a certain act or thought in your Fifth Step, the more likely it is that confessing that particular thing will put a new crack in your denial and free you in a new area. There doesn't seem to be an easier, softer way, and people who seek one apparently don't understand the tenacious and tricky nature of this spiritual disease we are facing. Step Five is to help us see, to grasp, to understand specifically how the disease has permeated our lives in ways we usually cannot see any other way.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 91-92


The Fifth Step is the key to freedom. It allows us to live clean in the here and now. Sharing the exact nature of our wrongs sets us free to live. After taking a thorough Fourth Step, we have to deal with what we have found in our inventory. We are told that if we keep these defects inside us, they will lead us back to using. Holding on to our past would eventually sicken us and keep us from taking part in this new way of life. If we are not honest when we take a Fifth Step, we will have the same negative results that dishonesty brought us in the past.
...Our Higher Power will be with us when we do this, and will help to free us from the fear of facing ourselves and another human being. It seemed unnecessary to some of us to admit the exact nature of our wrongs to our Higher Power. "God already knows that stuff", we rationalized. Although He already knows, the admission must come from our own lips to be truly effective. Step Five is not simply a reading of Step Four.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 5


This may be one of the most challenging steps we face in our recovery process, but it can also be one of the most fulfilling in terms of removing us from our isolation. In order to accomplish Step 5, the three-part sharing it endorses must take place. That is, all of what we discovered about ourselves in our Step 4 inventory is to be freely admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being


Remember God does not create garbage

Just Something To Ponder

I want to look at yesterdays post again, about my story about my interaction with my dachshund, Princess. Now yesterday I was saying how noticing Princesses reaction to not playing, Really brought the reality of what I Had learned to a more higher level , noticing Princesses reaction truly brought it home to the level of really getting it. Today, I want to revisit that same pivotal event with Princess, but on the other side.
What I mean is when we are in “tunnel vision”, or keeping our eye on the prize, just so totally focused on what we are feeling, going through, attempting to achieve, whatever the case. How aware are we of those around us? Do we take notice of their body language, their facial expressions? Do we notice the impact we are having on those around us? What might the results have been, if those that we perceived slights and/or hurts from had noticed and made an effort to remedy it? Imagine what the difference might be if you took more notice of the affects your actions and words have on your family, your workplace, your community, your world? If we all spent just a little more time in how we affect others and remedied it, think how much better a world we would live in!

Remember God does not make garbage

Wrong Perceptions Hinder Self Concept

The other day I was checking my email, and low and behold I found an invitation to come and speak at a University in London, England. I was immediately was surprised, elated and very proud. As I read the rest of the invitation, it said that they had gotten my name and information from my “Experts page” on Self growth.com, where I was invited to post my page and links to my various pages. After my initial “EGO” boost, I became a little suspicious of this “invitation” I mean yes I have spoken at numerous, conventions, Round-ups, Institutions, Local panels, a few churches as well as corresponded on a few informational venues, we are speaking of a major speaking engagement with contract, speaker fees at a University seminar on addictions with academia, which is a complete different level, a level on par with the likes of Dr. Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins and Deepak Chopra. Yes I know my field and quite knowledgeable in it, however I have no illusions of being on par with the likes of the aforementioned speakers. Part of me was saying well “my time has come” I’m finely being recognized, yet inside I know that there is a ladder or progression to getting to that level of recognition. Upon further reflection, I realized that I haven’t even finished setting up my “Expert’s Page”, it is viewable however it is only 2/3 completed, and the links to my sites one of the links pages is only half complete. So at this I investigated the “invitation” a little deeper. Upon contact with a national speaker association, I was informed that a few of their members had been contacted about this and other seminars, and yes they were bogus, it appears it was an attempt to gain personal information and a cheque for a visitors work visa. I was shown a couple of other invitations, and was surprised to see that even though some were for a different venue and/or symposium the invitations themselves were identical except for the names.

At this I was a little deflated, and at this point I became aware of that old feeling or little knot in the gut and the back of the mind. You know the one, the one that all alcoholics/addicts suffer, and the one that 98% of the population suffer from. That little feeling and/or voice in the back of your mind, that says” see told you that you are not good enough”. Yes it is something suffered by 95-98% of the population, however it goes a little deeper in us with “an addictive personality”, we are basically “ EGO MANIACS with a INFERIORITY COMPLEX” , we fight the feeling of being perfect just to be barely acceptable. This pushes that almost uncontrollable need to always be right. To where it almost feels like a personal attack and/or affront when we are wrong or if someone has a differing opinion.

Now this comes from the aspect of our perceptions, when we look at our life or history, basically our individual stories of our pasts, whether consciously or unconsciously. We always look back ego-centrically, basically that is all about us, and to a degree this is true it is all about us, however the reasons and cause are not. And this is where most if not all of the “I’m not good enough” feelings come from.
Let me elaborate and describe in greater detail what I’m saying here. Actually I really got this point driven home to me by my precious little dachshund “Princess”, this little interaction with her really made it clear for me. “One day we had been out for one of her walks, and she was running around enjoying the brisk air and just being a dog and enjoying herself. Well this particular day I wasn’t feeling too well, my stomach was unsettled, my back hurt and I had a raging headache. Well we got home and I started to clean up the house a little so I could sit down and relax. Well Princess was still excited from the fresh air and started running around and grabbing her ball and toys and bringing them to me to play. As which is usually the case. However this day I was not in the mood, I just wanted to finish cleaning and then sit down and relax. So I told Princess “ NO, go lie down”, To which she did however she was on the end of the couch with that look, the one that looked so hurt and worried as if she had done something wrong. Of course she hadn’t really done anything wrong, she was just being her wonderful Princess self. That’s when it hit me, All those times my mother or siblings weren’t there for me, all those broken promises, all those missed times, the father that was no longer around, all those and more had nothing to do with me, It would not have mattered if I were, smarter, funnier, prettier, better or whatever, It was not about me, it was about what was going on with them. Just like later in life when the same things or things like “that pretty Girl/boy didn’t choose/notice me, I wasn’t picked first on the schoolyard, and all those other little things that reinforced my feelings of never good enough. It was not about me. It was about them, it was about things such as Mary-Anne or Ginger, Donnie Osmond or Bobby Sherman, Coke or Pepsi, and everybody has different preferences just like me. It is not always about me. It is usually what is going on for the other person and their preferences. Seeing this allowed me to see the bigger picture of my story. I am not the center of the universe, yes I am the central character, however it was not about me not being smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough, whatever, it is about life period, this is what happened and this is where I am going. I am no better yet no worse than anyone else, We are all just children of God, all with different skills and abilities, none better or worse than others. I am a child of God, just like you I do not have to be perfect just to be accepted. I have to accept myself for whom and what I am.

Remember God does not create garbage

How to Truly Develop An Attitude of Gratitude

An attitude of gratitude is a very simple statement, which can easily be bandied around, However Just as recovery takes work and effort to become a component of your life. The same is can be said for an” attitude of gratitude”, it is not something that just happens, I’m going to give you an exercise here to develop an “attitude of gratitude”. I strongly suggest you attempt this exercise, for the time it will take is minimal and the benefits are astounding. After all what do you have to lose by attempting this? Let me more persuasive if I can. After doing this for awhile you will actually feel better, this exercise will actually have positive physiological effect. You will actually feel your energy levels rise. This exercise will increase your level of success, your level of happiness and will actually increase your quality of life, and after all is that not what it is all about, having a better quality of Life.

Ok here is the exercise; for the next two weeks I want you to take a couple of hours and Writ down a Gratitude list. Not just any gratitude list, this one has to be very specific. For the next fourteen days I want you to write down ten to fifteen things that you are grateful and happy for in your life, each item has to be described in 50 to 100 words, Caution, this may sound simple, however once you sit down to do it you will find it much more difficult, especially because you cannot use the exact same list and exact same description every day. When the going gets tough and it will just start repeating to yourself things like I’m happy my car stared this morning, I’m happy my dog didn’t pee on the carpet today , and so on. At night or in the morning I want you to read this over (scan it over) after the two weeks you will be surprised on how you feel and the change in your outlook. Your quality of life will amaze you. Then repeat this list once monthly thereafter.

Remember God does not create garbage.

A few Tips To Stay Positive When Faced With Negativity

There are times when we must go through negative situations. Maybe people say something negative about us, or they show rejection or even resentment against us. In such situations, it may be difficult to stay positive. We may be inclined to react negatively to them. That won’t do us any good though; doing so will just make the situation worse. People may behave even more negatively to us. Our day would be filled with anger and disappointment. At the end, nobody wins.

Though it’s not easy, it’s important to stay positive in negative situations. Beat the negative situations by staying positive. Here are 15 tips on how to do it; pick the ones that work for you:

1. Never respond when you are not calm. If you are not sure that you are calm, don’t respond. Take time to calm yourself down first.

2. Take a deep breath as a first step to calm yourself down.

3. Speak in gentle tone to reduce the tension of the situation.

4. Realize that you can find opportunities in negative situations. Albert Einstein said: “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”

5. Look at the content of what people say to you for something positive that you can act upon to improve yourself. Don’t just reject the whole messages.

6. For the rest of the messages which is negative, simply ignore it.

7. Maintain positive view of the people. Maybe you don’t like their messages or behavior, but that doesn’t mean that you can hate them personally.

8. Realize that having negative feelings will just hurt you, not them. So there is no reason for you to have any negative feeling.

9. If you make mistakes, be open to admit it.

10. If you make mistakes, remember this quote by George Bernard Shaw: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

11. If you can, listen to motivational audio program to feed positive thoughts into your mind.

12. Talk to a positive friend who can encourage you.

13. Remember your favorite quotes to give you inspiration and motivation.

14. Look at the negative situations as your training sessions for real life. The higher you climb in life, the worse the negative situations would be, so you’d better be prepared for them.

15. Realize that you can’t please everyone. In fact, nobody can. Sometimes you need to just let some people go. Realizing this will relieve you from a lot of unnecessary burden so that you can focus on the people that you can positively interact with.


remember God does not create garbage

Do what's Right, and what is Right in front of You

HOW TO DECIDE
WHAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO

Some decisions you make aren't terribly important. For example, you might decide to have chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla. But other decisions may involve a choice between right and wrong, and sometimes it's not easy to know what to do. Whenever you aren't sure what's the right thing to do, stop and think! Ask yourself these questions:

What does my conscience—that "little voice" inside my head—say about it?

Could it hurt anyone—including me?

Is it fair?

Would it violate the Golden Rule? (How would I feel if somebody did it to me?)

Have I ever been told that it's wrong?

Deep down how do I feel about it?

How will I feel about myself later if I do it?

What would adults I respect say about it?

If you still can't decide, talk it over with someone you trust and respect.

It really is that simple, Why do we sometimes act that it is complicated.

Remember God does not create garbage

More Than Belief, Is Trust and Faith In Your God.

In the stress and pressures of today, having trust and reliance of a God of my understanding is the key to balance, acceptance and a happy, joyous and free recovery. However in the same breath achieving this is much easier said than done. It is acquired only through time and a deep found faith, which grows day by day, as you continually practise turning your will and life over to the God of your understanding. Trusting in your God’s love for you, allowing your God to love, guide and protect you always. We do this by looking at our lives and recognizing the many miracles that have been performed for us. As we see over and over the hand of our God doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. By acknowledging that nothing happens by mistake and realizing there are no coincidences. In this way we can go to the two minute warning, or even overtime in faith and trust in the God of your understanding. How many times have we not let God work till the last minute, we get anxious and lose faith we start acting on our own, taking action to achieve the goals I desire, rather than having the trust and faith that the God of our understanding will take care of us, either in the way of our prayers, hopes and dreams, or in the way that will produce an even greater outcome, possibly one we cannot see at our vantage point. However with faith and trust it will happen. Your God has not brought you this far just to leave you hanging. Remember you are a child of God.

Remembering always God does not create garbage.