Being An Authentic Person

Every day we run into situations and behaviours, from praiseworthy and remarkable to downright disgusting and deplorable, as well as everything in between. In all aspects of our lives, home, work on the street and even in meetings. It is not so much our job to judge the individual or individuals involved, however it is our job to judge the behaviour and/or situation, in the manner of, is this how I would like to be perceived and is this kind of behaviour, actions, and situation that I would be pleased to be associated with. This is how everyone and everything can be our teachers, they show us action, behaviours and situations in real life and we can decide if this is the type of person we would like to be perceived as. However it needs to be noted here that our perceptions are not always correct, in any given situation we may not always know the variables and circumstances involved, in some cases there could well be extenuating circumstances behind such behaviour. That is why we do not judge the individual and/or individuals. That being said it is the general rule that this is a pattern of behaviour, and as such do we want our pattern of behaviour to be perceived as loving, gentle and kind or the alternatives. It is my belief that we all possess these qualities; however they are usually covered up and/or perverted by four typical impairments. Those four impairments being, fear, pain, greed and addiction. To accurately show are authentic selves, and be authentic people we need to take to heart yesterdays posting on “to thine own self be true.” However we need to take this a step further. It is amazing how some seem to be this caring compassionate individual at meeting, yet a complete tyrant at work and indifferent in the home. Or at least varies degrees of this nature, this is not an authentic; this to put it bluntly is a phony and a still sick individual. To practice the aspect of “to thine own self be true or to follow one’s own truth and be an authentic person, is to practice this behaviour in all aspects of one’s life. To be the same person in all situations and all venues. This is a true authentic person. A true person of integrity, ethics and dignity.

Remember God does not create garbage

To Thine Own Self Be True

Do you know that it is possible to become the President of the United States of America, or the Prime Minister of Canada without winning the actual popular vote? You can win what is called the majority of the electoral votes in the United States and the party Seats in Canada, this can be achieved without actually winning the popular vote or individual votes. Is that not quite amazing and as well quite humbling to the elected person if that were indeed the case in their elected win. I only mention this as a point of reference to my overall point today. That point is that no matter how hard you may try, you can never please everyone, no matter what the situation or decision there will always be those who disagree and think you are wrong. So the fact that most people with addictive personalities especially those in recovery are prone to people pleasing. It is important to note just how futile this effort truly is.

This is why it is essential for you to learn “To Thine Own Self Be True.” This is another great learning or gift that you will acquire from The 12 Step Program. There are hundreds of life decisions you will be called to make, some will deeply affect the lives of others, and some only affect you. However all will affect how you face yourself in the mirror and how you will feel when you look into the eyes of any man, woman or child. The program will give you the ability to take every decision and look at it from different angles and perspectives with an open mind. Then using your intellect, your rational and mostly your heart and that spark of God consciousness in all of us, that inner spark that instantly knows wrong from right, that small inner voice. Where your truth is, always speak your truth for in this way you can always hold your head high, with dignity, self respect and integrity. With the ability to look anyone in the eye. For when you fail to follow your truth you fail yourself. By following your own personal truth, To Thine Own Self Be True, is upheld and so is your integrity and self respect. However we still allow others the right to their own truths and listen to the still small voice of others, which on occasion will echo our own and sometimes Change our own truths, if you have an open mind.

Remember God does not create garbage

HABITS

Habits, We all have them, we have a whole load of habits, good and bad, and they basically make us who we are. It is estimated that the brain receives, on average 11000 signals from our senses, the brain can only process 40 consciously, and the rest is discarded or handled through habits. Addiction has been a habit for us. As well in our addiction we created a bunch of other habits that went along with our addiction. For most of us there were certain rituals that went with our drinking and/or using, other habits included who and where we hung out and/or with. How we obtained the means to get our drug of choice. Lying, cheating, stealing and dishonesty became habits for us. And a whole host of others. These are some of the common examples we could all probably relate to these and probably add a few. Al habits can be broken. However one of the biggest keys in breaking a habit is to fill the void that is created from the loss of a habit. These are the reasons for some of the suggestions you get from sponsors, counsellors, recovery coaches and others in your support system. You know all those suggestions such as, changing your play toys, play mates, play grounds or ones like 90 meetings in 90 days. Ones like being honest, share, write the steps, service work, clean your house, yard, volunteer. These all come together to replace old negative habits. Not only do they work in replacing old negative habits, they replace negative habits with healthy positive ones. They also have an added bonus of making you feel good about yourself, giving direction and have an overall positive effect on you, spiritually, physically and mentally. In life we will always have habits, the keys is to be aware and to make them ones that promote a healthy and positive lifestyle.
Remember God does not create garbage

Revisiting Step Eight

STEP EIGHT;
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step eight starts to change things just a bit, to this point recovery through the 12 steps has been centered around us, with a very few others of our choosing involved. Now even though the recovery process is still centered about us, for the first time it is broaching the aspect of the general public, per say, being involved in the process. This is not as scary as it may seem, we need just go back and find the strength and comfort of the God of our understanding. As well we seek the guidance of our support system, we see that many before us have not only survived, but grew and flourished as a result of this process. This is truly the beginning of the Phoenix aspect of the 12 step process.


Now as you’ll notice in reading step eight; made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. There is a comma in the middle of the step. Thus meaning that step eight is really a two part step. It is important that we approach it, and do it as such. The first part is to make a list. Now we have help in this as we should have a partial list from our fourth step. You’ll notice here that I said partial. Now at this point you are probably doing what most of us do at this point, and that is getting a little ahead of ourselves. More than likely you are already imagining facing these people, however at this point it is a distraction from what we are attempting to accomplish, we are not at that point. You need to focus on just making a list, for that is all that is required for the present moment. Let us concentrate on the job at hand; we will deal with the other aspects at the appropriate time. Now we need to go over our partial list and ensure that we have not inadvertently or purposely left anyone off the list. It is vitally important at this point that we not leave person and/or persons off our list that we may still harbour resentments or feel that if they hadn’t done what they did we would not have done what we did, or just can’t imagine the thought of facing the individual, or even perhaps it is not possible to make an amend to this individual or group. Remember what the steps says, it says a list of ALL persons we had harmed. Now that we are satisfied that our list is complete as for what we have seen from our fourth step, it is now time to look deeper into our past and see if there may be others who need to be added to our list. We need to look at other aspects of possible entries for our list, for those that we have harmed unintentionally, Such as, trusted old friends and/or confidents we began to ignore and/or blew off as our addictions grew and our lifestyles and interests no longer meshed. They are left hurt and betrayed. What about the individuals we gossiped and laughed about, with others. The people who suffered ,in the wake of our cheating, stealing, manipulating and overall deceitful ways, the ones that paid the price directly and those who paid the price indirectly. Have we remembered to list all businesses, institutions and organizations that we have harmed and/or caused damage to, whether intentional or not. Have we included all of our financial amends as well not only to individuals, but those financial amends to businesses, institutions and organizations? Now that we have included all of the above, and talked with our support system, we now have a full list and completed the first part of step eight.

Now we come to the second part, and again we run into that “willing” aspect. It is at this point we must remind ourselves, that we are doing this for ourselves; this is about our recovery, about us taking responsibility for our side of the street, for cleaning up our lives. No one else’s. This is about us following spiritual principles, about doing what is right. It is about making ourselves whole, once more. We would be most wise to fully incorporate our whole support system at this point. Gaining support and guidance from all our resources, don’t forget to lean on the God of your understanding. As we go over our list, one entry at a time, becoming willing to make amends to each. Remembering here that we need not decide how, when or anything else, other than just being willing to make the amend, for that is all that is required at this point.


How It Works
We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
-A.A. Big Book p.76


Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake. To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways. This reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 77-78


Step Eight is a social housecleaning, just as Step Four was our personal housecleaning. In Step Eight we're setting out to clean up all the bruised relationships and the pockets of guilt, pain, fear, resentment, and sadness that are stored inside, stuck to our shameful past deeds. For this undealt-with material blocks us from loving other people, ourselves, and God in the present.
It's as if God were saying, "Okay, now you want me to take all of your character defects, fine. Then you can be free and serene and the person I want you to be. But first you must see that almost all your troubles involve other people. You've tried to control them one way or the other or fix them; you have guilty or resentful feelings about them; or you have been so preoccupied with yourself and your feelings, dreams, and plans that you have ignored them emotionally and caused them to experience some of their worst fears of being deserted. Now I want you to face what you have done and own your part in hurting each person in your life so you can move into the future I have for you unencumbered by the past and beginning to understand how not to keep repeating the mistakes of that past.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 135-136


The Eighth Step is not easy; it demands a new kind of honesty about our relations with other people. The Eighth Step starts the procedure of forgiving others and possibly being forgiven by them, forgiving ourselves, and learning how to live in the world. By the time we reach this step, we have become ready to understand rather than to be understood. We can live and let live easier when we know the areas in which we owe amends. It seems hard now, but once we have done it, we will wonder why we did not do it long ago.
...The final difficulty in working the Eighth Step is separating it from the Ninth Step. Projecting about actually making amends can be a major obstacle both in making the list and in becoming willing. We do this step as if there were no Ninth Step. We do not even think about making the amends but just concentrate on exactly what the Eighth Step says which is to make a list and to become willing. The main thing this step does for us is to help build an awareness that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves and how we deal with other people.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 8


Step 8 is the more specific person-to-person application of the shame-reduction that was begun in Steps 4 and 5. ...
Implicit in both Steps 8 and 9 is the assumption that we carry a toxic residue of shame from virtually every incident in which we have hurt, rejected, or ignored others. Steps 8 and 9 provide us with the opportunity to reduce this guilt by setting things right again. We should be cautioned, though, that we need to work through and grieve our underlying resentment, hurt, anger, and pain before trying to make amends to those who have also offended us. Otherwise, we are putting a bandage on a festering, cancerous sore, because the toxicity is still there. Only after it has been excised can we release our resentments with a high degree of emotional integrity.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 58,59


Remember God does not create garbage

What Is Recovery?

We venture to these rooms filled with a mixture of feelings and emotions. Most of us come with a little anxiety, dread, scepticism and doubt in large measures. We come with barely veiled hostility and anger as well as beaten down, lost, disillusioned. Many of us wander in alone lonely and wishing for an end to our suffering by any means, many believing death is the way out. We come with despair and desperation. Yet under all these is a vague glimmer of hope, hope beyond hope that maybe, just maybe these strangers just might have some sort of answer, to end the pain and hopelessness that has become our lives.

We come for that vague promise of recovery, not really knowing what that means or entails. Blindly we seek this almost mystical grail, known as recovery. What is this recovery, well recovery is just as it’s written the process of recovering, but recovering what? First off we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Then we may recover our families or part thereof. We recover hope, of a life. We recover the unthinkable, the ability to go through periods of time not craving. Our minds begin to think rationally, or at least somewhat rational. And yet even greater than this we recover or self respect, our dignity, and even if we work at it our self confidence and a healthy self concept. However that is not the end we recover the ability to dream and hope for unending and unimaginable possibilities, because we see them happen to others on our path, and we know in our beings that these too can happen for us. All this and more is achievable with The 12 step program. This is Real Recovery.

Remember God does not create garbage

Why Bother "Putting Pen To Paper" On All The Steps

The aspect of the 12 steps is so profoundly life changing. I cannot emphasize the power of the 12 step program and as such I cannot over emphasize the value of putting “pen to paper” in doing the steps. And not the aspect of just “putting pen to paper’ for the 4rth and 8th step. This is just such an injustice to self. It is the same aspect of why, in education, at all levels from grade school right through to university, there are exercises and papers to be written and assignments given out, that all require “pen to paper.” There are lectures given, where certain elements of the curriculum is discussed and expanded upon, yet even with these there are assignments, in which the aspects learned and/or gleaned from lectures or lectures must be proved and/or examined and shown the value and usefulness in a written form.
The simple act of actual writing down and putting into one’s own words and thought process, is unparallel in the learning process. The aspect of doing so is profound, as it allows one to transcend the aspects of thinking to knowing. It goes from the conscious “thinking” to a deeper subconscious of “knowing” the material. It is especially effective and transforming when dealing with personal history and experiences. The “aha” moments are much more expanded and turn the simple “aha” moments into life changing epiphanies.
This is why in the rooms you can see such the difference of actual recovery levels. From the individuals who have glossed over the steps and read them and perhaps even spent time studying the literature of the steps and can speak quite eloquently at times, on them, yet struggle with the deeper aspects of recovery and actually struggle with getting any long term clean and sober time. Then there are those that have taken pen to paper on a few of the steps, yet they appear to be able to remain clean and sober, yet there emotional sobriety does not always seem to be consistent. There is also, to be seen that even though they seem to be able to remain clean and sober their personalities and/or traits have not changed or have changed very little. You know the ones, the ones who are set in their ways and refuse to look at other ways, the “that’s the way we’ve always done it” crowd. The one’s that always seem grouchy. Then there are those who stand out, the change is unmistakable, they seem to have a glow about them, they seem to genuinely care, they seem to even be somewhat cheery or upbeat when their life situations are in upheaval. These are the ones who have made a commitment to recovery. They studied the literature, they have written the steps, and even more so they continue the work themselves. They are the ones that it seems miracles happen for on a continuing basis. Now it does not mean that they don’t encounter challenging times and/or troubles in their lives. For there is no happily ever after, it means they know how to deal with it and rise above.
The choice is always ours to make. We either decide that we want a substandard quality of life a standard quality of life or we want a premium standard of life, the only cost is our willingness to work for it through commitment and personal work. Or attempt to slide by.

Remember God does not create garbage

Life's Operating Manual

We are all born into this life without the aid of an operator’s manual and/or an instruction booklet. Some of us are born under different circumstances, such as abilities or lack of, or family situation and position. However none of us come with instructions. We have all made do with what we were taught and what we learned. Mostly to this point and time, you have to a certain have basically failed in life. You argue this, if it were not true you would not be reading this. However the bright point in this is now you have the 12 Step Program. It is your operating guide to a great life, all you need do is follow it .to the best of your ability. And miracles will happen in your life from this point on. It really is that simple. However this does not mean there will not be ups and downs, After all life is just that life, and life happens, not always the way we wish or think it should. Yet if you continue to live the principles of the 12 Step program, you will adjust yourself to the twists and turns of life. You will learn acceptance and faith and in doing so your life will become Happy, Joyous and free. Miracles will happen before your eyes.
Remember God does not create garbage