Revisiting Step Eight

STEP EIGHT;
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step eight starts to change things just a bit, to this point recovery through the 12 steps has been centered around us, with a very few others of our choosing involved. Now even though the recovery process is still centered about us, for the first time it is broaching the aspect of the general public, per say, being involved in the process. This is not as scary as it may seem, we need just go back and find the strength and comfort of the God of our understanding. As well we seek the guidance of our support system, we see that many before us have not only survived, but grew and flourished as a result of this process. This is truly the beginning of the Phoenix aspect of the 12 step process.


Now as you’ll notice in reading step eight; made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. There is a comma in the middle of the step. Thus meaning that step eight is really a two part step. It is important that we approach it, and do it as such. The first part is to make a list. Now we have help in this as we should have a partial list from our fourth step. You’ll notice here that I said partial. Now at this point you are probably doing what most of us do at this point, and that is getting a little ahead of ourselves. More than likely you are already imagining facing these people, however at this point it is a distraction from what we are attempting to accomplish, we are not at that point. You need to focus on just making a list, for that is all that is required for the present moment. Let us concentrate on the job at hand; we will deal with the other aspects at the appropriate time. Now we need to go over our partial list and ensure that we have not inadvertently or purposely left anyone off the list. It is vitally important at this point that we not leave person and/or persons off our list that we may still harbour resentments or feel that if they hadn’t done what they did we would not have done what we did, or just can’t imagine the thought of facing the individual, or even perhaps it is not possible to make an amend to this individual or group. Remember what the steps says, it says a list of ALL persons we had harmed. Now that we are satisfied that our list is complete as for what we have seen from our fourth step, it is now time to look deeper into our past and see if there may be others who need to be added to our list. We need to look at other aspects of possible entries for our list, for those that we have harmed unintentionally, Such as, trusted old friends and/or confidents we began to ignore and/or blew off as our addictions grew and our lifestyles and interests no longer meshed. They are left hurt and betrayed. What about the individuals we gossiped and laughed about, with others. The people who suffered ,in the wake of our cheating, stealing, manipulating and overall deceitful ways, the ones that paid the price directly and those who paid the price indirectly. Have we remembered to list all businesses, institutions and organizations that we have harmed and/or caused damage to, whether intentional or not. Have we included all of our financial amends as well not only to individuals, but those financial amends to businesses, institutions and organizations? Now that we have included all of the above, and talked with our support system, we now have a full list and completed the first part of step eight.

Now we come to the second part, and again we run into that “willing” aspect. It is at this point we must remind ourselves, that we are doing this for ourselves; this is about our recovery, about us taking responsibility for our side of the street, for cleaning up our lives. No one else’s. This is about us following spiritual principles, about doing what is right. It is about making ourselves whole, once more. We would be most wise to fully incorporate our whole support system at this point. Gaining support and guidance from all our resources, don’t forget to lean on the God of your understanding. As we go over our list, one entry at a time, becoming willing to make amends to each. Remembering here that we need not decide how, when or anything else, other than just being willing to make the amend, for that is all that is required at this point.


How It Works
We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
-A.A. Big Book p.76


Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake. To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways. This reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 77-78


Step Eight is a social housecleaning, just as Step Four was our personal housecleaning. In Step Eight we're setting out to clean up all the bruised relationships and the pockets of guilt, pain, fear, resentment, and sadness that are stored inside, stuck to our shameful past deeds. For this undealt-with material blocks us from loving other people, ourselves, and God in the present.
It's as if God were saying, "Okay, now you want me to take all of your character defects, fine. Then you can be free and serene and the person I want you to be. But first you must see that almost all your troubles involve other people. You've tried to control them one way or the other or fix them; you have guilty or resentful feelings about them; or you have been so preoccupied with yourself and your feelings, dreams, and plans that you have ignored them emotionally and caused them to experience some of their worst fears of being deserted. Now I want you to face what you have done and own your part in hurting each person in your life so you can move into the future I have for you unencumbered by the past and beginning to understand how not to keep repeating the mistakes of that past.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 135-136


The Eighth Step is not easy; it demands a new kind of honesty about our relations with other people. The Eighth Step starts the procedure of forgiving others and possibly being forgiven by them, forgiving ourselves, and learning how to live in the world. By the time we reach this step, we have become ready to understand rather than to be understood. We can live and let live easier when we know the areas in which we owe amends. It seems hard now, but once we have done it, we will wonder why we did not do it long ago.
...The final difficulty in working the Eighth Step is separating it from the Ninth Step. Projecting about actually making amends can be a major obstacle both in making the list and in becoming willing. We do this step as if there were no Ninth Step. We do not even think about making the amends but just concentrate on exactly what the Eighth Step says which is to make a list and to become willing. The main thing this step does for us is to help build an awareness that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves and how we deal with other people.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 8


Step 8 is the more specific person-to-person application of the shame-reduction that was begun in Steps 4 and 5. ...
Implicit in both Steps 8 and 9 is the assumption that we carry a toxic residue of shame from virtually every incident in which we have hurt, rejected, or ignored others. Steps 8 and 9 provide us with the opportunity to reduce this guilt by setting things right again. We should be cautioned, though, that we need to work through and grieve our underlying resentment, hurt, anger, and pain before trying to make amends to those who have also offended us. Otherwise, we are putting a bandage on a festering, cancerous sore, because the toxicity is still there. Only after it has been excised can we release our resentments with a high degree of emotional integrity.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 58,59


Remember God does not create garbage