The Real Christmas

Well here we are just 1 week from Christmas. The past week I was blogging about all the pitfalls of Christmas for those in early recovery. Some of them are real concerns; however a lot of it is what we create in our heads. The feelings are scary, emotion based and mostly fear based. Yet feeling are your feelings however feelings are not necessarily facts. Feelings are real however the thinking that creates those feelings is sometimes flawed, yet occasionally the feeling is totally justified. The point being is that feelings never killed anyone; it is our emotional and irrational reaction to them that may be fatal. This is something you might want to ponder on. We will dive into that topic on a later date. I have blogged about these feelings, and the whole scary side of Christmas and possible negative anxieties towards this great season. It’s been quite real for a lot of you, so I thought it better to face it. However yesterday I posted a few recovery comedy videos, because the time for doom and gloom is past. Life is to enjoy and have some laughs, there is a time to be serious, however if you can’t laugh and enjoy life. You are missing the whole point of it.

As for Christmas, today I was out attempting to pick up a few things for Christmas. It’s just chaos out there, people cutting each other off while driving, trying to get ahead, and be the first one to the next traffic jam 10 feet ahead. People pushing and bumping into you knocking into to you in the malls, cutting in line. It is just crazy. It reminds me the other day I went to the parade with the wife and daughter. We got there a little later than I wanted however found a good spot. I had to go back and pick something up just before it started. So I squeezed my way through and got across the street. Then I had to come back. Well let me tell you this was quite the experience. As a finagled my way through the crowd, with excuse me and pardons, I came up to this couple and they were not going to let me pass, they said there are children in front. I tried to explain that I wasn’t attempting to but in front of them, that I was attempting to cross to get to my family. Well they were having none of it and the fellow even grabbed me. I had to fight the urge to get angry and return the hostility, and just shrugged him off and stepped over the children and started to cross the street. When there was another lady involved to speaking of her child in front. Well she and the couple just exploded in to a tirade of foul language, the likes I haven’t heard since my using days. Don’t get me wrong I’m still quite capable of a swear word or two. However the way these people went on. I just stared and replied nice talk in front of the children. To which they just continued and blamed it on me. I just shook my head and crossed the street to join my family. This little story, to go along with the pushing and shoving in the malls, and the rude drivers. All in the name of Christmas People we have forgotten what Christmas is all about. It’s about a little kindness, compassion, tenderness, generosity, the brotherhood of man, LOVE, Peace on earth. Nice words, we watch the movies and preach all this stuff, when asked, yet what actions do you see out on the street.
So please don’t forget what the holidays are really supposed to be, live it, and be the example. If you’re going to the mal or anywhere, and it would normally take you 20 minutes to a ½ hour. Give yourself an hour and ½ to 2 hours to accomplish it now. Take your time let the crazies cut in front, you won’t be stressed and in a panic. In the crowds out there practice random acts of kindness, you know what you’ll get some strange looks, like you’ve got two heads or something, but occasionally you’ll get that smile and the smile from the eyes of that person and in that moment the magic of Christmas will happen. Keep it alive. By doing what’s right, and what’s right in front of you. By giving yourself the extra time to accomplish whatever you are setting out to do. And practicing “random acts of kindness”.
Remember God does not create garbage

Recovery Comedy Presents Steve Johnson

Recovery Comedy Presents Steve Smith

Erik Myers, Stand-up Comedian - Fighting Addiction, Drugs, rock-bottoms ...

H.A.L.T. for the Holidays

Ah yes the classic H.A.L.T., a very good tool to keep in mind over the holidays. Actually a very good tool to remember at all times of the year. However during the holidays when stress levels tend to be more elevated, always good to check on these levels before any major decisions or actions are considered.

H. HUNGRY; We all know this one, however sometimes we miss the body signals, Can you count the amount of times when you pass a restaurant or bakery and catch a smell of something good. Then all of a sudden realize how hungry you are. Or another one is a friend, or family member says here have something to eat, or you’re at a restaurant and order a little something, to be polite or just out of habit. Then all of a sudden everything that was on your plate is gone and you realize just how hungry you were.
Your body is a very sophisticated and complex machine, and for it to run efficiently and properly it needs energy. Just as an automobile needs the energy it gets from an engine in the form of fuel and proper spark plugs as well as battery cells to run efficiently and properly. Or a computer needs energy from electricity or battery and from the R.A.M. memory if it cannot get that flow of energy it cannot run properly. Your body is the same way. However an automobile usually has gauges you can check and a warning system on most automobiles now. We have already established that we occasionally miss the body’s warning signs. However just like an automobile and the computer if our energy levels are low. Usually shows up as low blood sugar levels. We cannot function efficiently; when we are hungry we are prone to irritability, poor decision making skills, and the list increases. Generally put we are not up to our abilities, physically, mentally or even spiritually.

ANGRY; I don’t think I really have to elaborate on this too much. We can all recall when angry some of the stupid, irrational things that we have said or done, can we not. Let’s just say that when you are in a state of anger, you basically cross into a state of Fight or Flight. Your breathing intensifies; your heartbeat elevates sending blood primarily to your muscles for fight or flight, thus shutting down the more cognitive centers of the brain. Rational thought is questionable; basically the mental capabilities are limited, as well as spiritual. So always better to take deep breaths and a break, possibly a walk as well as a conversation with a trusted source. Before making any decisions whatsoever.

Lonely: Well here we go again. This one is tied in the basic human needs. We are social animals by nature. We crave belonging and acceptance. This can also be triggered by that old bugaboo—SEX or shall we say the want there of. Sex as a rule is also a basic natural instinct. However it’s not so much the need or want of belonging, acceptance, friendship, companionship or sex that is the big issue here. The big issue is our learned behaviours of where to find it. We go places where we have found it before. However in most cases these places are not healthy and safe places for us anymore. We have new places to meet healthier chooses in our companions. However they are uncomfortable to us, for we are not sure how to proceed here. Coupled with the fact that in all probability, it is not happening as fast as we would like. Because more than likely we are looking for a quick fix. Or more precisely an unhealthy “feel better” answer. Talk to your sponsor. Counsellor, recovery coach and your support system. Call a trusted friend.

Tired- This one is just like HUNGRY; nothing physically, mentally or spiritually functions properly when the energy levels are depleted. Take a nap. Get some sleep. Go to bed get a good night’s sleep. As for any decision and/or actions, Sleep on it.
Remember God does not create garbage

Christmas as a whole

Now that we have discussed most of the uncomfortable feelings that the holidays can bring up, it’s time to look at Christmas as a whole. In all reality this is a wonderful time of year, as a whole people are a little nicer, when not caught up in the stress. That is basically the whole key. This can be such a wonderful time of year, and a whole new wondrous experience. The key is to remember all the suggestions. Stay hooked in; attend more meetings stay in close contact with your counsellor, recovery coach, sponsor and your support network. Spend the holidays with the people who truly love you for you. Keep centered and balanced, keep in close contact with YOUR higher power. You should be able to have one of the best Christmas of your life, if you follow these simple suggestions. If you’re anything like me it will also be fully remembered unlike many of my past Christmases before getting clean and sober, many of them are just a blur. Some thankfully.

It is truly a wonderful time of year with opportunities galore to be happy. After all wasn’t that just what we were always chasing. To be happy. This can be a glorious opportunity to experience the best of man, and to experience many wonders and the simplicity of love and giving.
Remember God does not create garbage
So enjoy.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Christmas with Family

Ah Yes Christmas with family. This can be difficult, depending on your family, or your partner’s family. There is a possibility of all sorts of dynamics here. There is always the Christmas dinner and perhaps family and/ or the New Year’s family get together. The whole aspect can be daunting; the first to consider is your feelings around the whole situation. Are you comfortable with attending? If not, why not? There may be all kinds of reasons, from There may be someone there, whom still has doubts about you, or the one who still hold a bit of a grudge, or the ones that just don’t understand why you just can’t have one, after all it is Christmas time or new years. Or do you just feel awkward, and unsure of self, perhaps still a little lingering shame/ and or guilt. Is it you have one of these families where there is just an overabundance of alcohol and/or drugs. Possibly just some strained relationships.

First off, you need to deal with self. Get yourself centered and balanced, remembering this is a time of love, forgiveness and tolerance. Get yourself into a Christmas mood, and centered on your higher power. Talk a lot with your sponsor, counsellor, recovery coach. and your support group. So you are fully balanced and God centered. Secondly get as many numbers from the above if you need then to help if you get a little frazzled and USE THEM. Secondly again with the above create an escape plan or alternate place to go and stay if things get really hairy, Do this and use it if needed. If your families are anything like mine, THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE. Damn the PRIDE, DO IT. Your support group will not mind, They Love You.

Now as for the doubters, and the ones with snide remarks, or unbelievers, and even the caring ones who just don’t understand. Remember most will never completely understand. some will never understand a little. That is okay, do you understand everybody, and why some people in your life do things you don’t understand. Well there you go, you will never understand everybody. So why expect others to understand you. As for the doubters and sceptics, Remember we were the ones that broke the trusts, we were the ones who created the suspicions. How many lies have we told these people? How many times have we said we’ve changed, or it’s different now or whatever? It will take time to regain peoples trust, even family. After all how quickly do you trust someone who has hurt or lied to you? Remember you are setting an example of the program; you are the example of love, patience tolerance and compassion. Hopefully you will have some support with you, remember to use the phone numbers if you’re feeling stressed or boxed in, Go for a walk, take a breather, and if really hairy use your escape plan. You can always go back after you’ve centered yourself. Remember you are here because it is family and you love these people and they love you. There are just some past actions that may not be healed yet; however this is part of the healing. Remember this is the season of love and family. It’s about God, and God is love.

Remember God does not create garbage

Christmas Issues Part two

Today we are going to discuss the inevitable Christmas party. There’s the work Christmas party, the ones we all here stories about, perhaps in the past we have been one of those stories. I know me past I was a few of those stories. These can be quite difficult, there is usually a lot of drinking and drug involved. There is the social aspect involved as well. Some of us may have a difficult time socializing in normal environments now that we no longer have the aid of a “social lubricant.” Coupled with the fact that it can be very difficult socializing with people you have very little in common with any longer. It can be extremely difficult socializing with people who are in various degrees of inebriation, when one is clean and sober. There are a number of ways to deal with this situation. First off don’t go however in some cases some of us may feel that this is really not an option. If you must go, then bring a support with you. Then leave at the first opportunity. There will come a time when this is not such a dangerous thing for you. However it may always be somewhat uncomfortable. I know in my case, when we attend my wife’s work Christmas party, I would just as well blow it off. However for her work it is quite the occasion, and seen as a slight if missed without just cause. The one thing that does make it bearable is the large amount of great prizes given away. However this work place highly alcohol orientated and 90% of the staff enc up inebriated. As this is the main focus of most of the staff, we have very little in common. Even the sports and what not that we can discuss among a few others, it is the mentality that goes along with people who live for the party. So even though the company holds its Christmas party in a posh environment, with a great meal and super prizes. It is still not one of our best times. Basically this is due to the fact that we no longer fit in this type of environment with these kinds of people. It is not that we are better than, it is due to the fact that we have different goals and values. However there usually is one or two that we end up conversing with, the ones trying to tone it down, or the occasional pregnant spouse. The point is if you really don’t have to go, DON”T. If you feel you must make an appearance bring support and leave at the first opportunity. Remember if you run with the wolves long enough you’ll eventually howl like the rest.

Tomorrow we’ll look at the house and/or family Holiday parties
Remember God does not create garbage