Relapse Basics

Now there are many aspects to the conditions and causes of relapse, however in this post we are only going to deal with the basics. Relapse does not just happen out of the blue, it happens in stages, the final stage is that physical act of picking up. Relapse starts where our disease is centered, in the mind. An experience and/or a situation will trigger a feeling, and it is this feeling that has been triggered is where the relapse is born. The key here is to recognize what is going on and to take appropriate action. Now if you are in the early years of this recovery, this trigger and feeling could be related to a reservation you’ve been holding unto , or the possibility that you have never have embraced the aspect of total abstinence. If this is not the case, then like most who experience relapse, a situation or experience has triggered on some level a feeling of low self-esteem, self-concept, around some unresolved issue, or again some unresolved issue concerning shame and/or guilt. Now as these feelings become more prevalent, there are some basic tell-tale signs that you are in relapse mode. They are very basic and usually follow this usual progression. First off you start becoming less forthcoming with your sponsor and/or your support system about how you are feeling and what you’re thinking combined with not disclosing what is going on with you. (Dishonesty through omission). This may or may not be combined with the beginning of lessening meetings and or being late for meeting and/or leaving early. This then turns to little lies or untruths to your sponsor and support system. which gradually grows to outright lies and less true communication. This will grow into spending less time with sponsor and support system. You start going by or to dangerous places and/or people to your recovery. A growing irritability towards your sponsor, support system and meetings. This Combined with growing isolation and recovery practices, along with becoming argumentative. The key here is becoming aware of these signs, and then taking the actions to turning this behaviour around. The action that needs to be taken is the exact opposite of these actions; you need to become more forthright with your sponsor and support system. Explaining what exactly you are feeling and going through, spending more time with sponsor and support system. Making sure that you are attending your usual meetings in full and possibly more. Getting back to the recovery practices which got you to this point, reading recovery material, journaling, prayer and meditation, whatever you had been doing. Another key aspect that you need to be aware of, that this in no way means that you haven’t been working a program, or that your program is not right, or anything negative at all about you or your recovery. This is a normal aspect of recovery, we all experience negativity and/or uncomfortable feelings which trigger us, you must remember two things, the first is that your disease centers in your mind and has a contract on your butt, Two that this is more than likely a good thing, it means you are growing and “more is being revealed”, it just means there is more work needed. This is why many repeat the process of doing the steps repeatedly during their recovery. Remember the work never really stops. We just continue to grow and become healthier with even greater freedom and possibilities for happiness.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Need To Continually Check Our Thinking

As a person with an addictive personality, and as such I do possess the certain traits common in alcoholics and/or addicts. Traits such as the undying need to be right as well as the trait not liking being wrong. There is also the aspect of perception; perception can be skewed due many possible influences. However by doing the 12 step program, these traits have been lessened, through the growth of a healthy self-concept and self-image. However I still do not enjoy being wrong however I have learned to admit it, when I am. Yet I am still capable of being opinionated and staunch in my beliefs. When these come in question I have been taught by my sponsor, my support system and the principles of the 12 step program to be open minded. However occasionally I can be blindsided by being too close to see objectively and/or to emotionally involved and/or connected to the concept to see objectively. So I have also learned from my sponsor and support system to always check my thinking. I do this in the manner of research and education on the subject, as well as checking my thinking with my sponsor and support system, and listening to their advice and opinions. In doing so, they can usually tell me when my thinking and/or perception is out of whack. However when the aspect or concept is one that is shared with my usual source, I have learned to seek the advice and counsel of others whom appear to have knowledge on the topic.

Remember God does not make garbage

PLEASE POST ANY COMMENTS AND/OR OPINIONS

Well hello my friends, today is going to be a little different as my blog entries go. A couple of things have happened that has made me take a look at things. Some of my ideas about recovery have been challenged. I have been attempting to look objectively at this. I of course might be a little too close so here I am asking for some input on a few points. So please post any and all comments you have, they are all welcome and appreciated.
It has been implied that I am perhaps too intense about recovery. And that I need a more relaxed approach. I somewhat agree that I can be intense, sometimes preachy, and opinionated about my beliefs on recovery and the recovery process. However it is something I strongly believe in, I know what has worked for me, I know that most of this has worked for a lot of others that I have worked with, I have watched so many not follow or choose their own paths only to see them at a later date coming back and ravaged by our disease. I attempt to the best of my ability to follow the literature and to back-up my suggestions and ideas and speaking, writing with the literature and experiences. I’d like to look at my intensity being caused by my passion for recovery. I am excited about recovery, the changes, no make that miracles it has produced in my life and countless others, there are few other experiences if any that allows you to eye witness the miraculous changes in people’s lives. How can you not be passionate about a program, which literally saves millions of lives on a daily basis?
I was also challenged on my insistence of doing the steps. As well as any sort off time frame on doing the steps. If you come to me and ask for my assistance and guidance in recovery or are in a treatment centre or recovery house that purports to be based on the 12 step program. How can one not insist on mandatory work on the steps? It was suggested that you just lay out the information and if they choose to take it good, if not no problem, allow them to get to it in their own time if at all. Is it just me, that if I was allowed to set up my own agenda and timetable for the 12 steps in early recovery that I can’t say where my recovery would be today, am I the only one who sees examples of those ignoring doing the 12 steps coming back on a daily basis? Am I the only one who would question the helpfulness of a facility that endorses the 12 steps, yet after 3,6, 8 months you have made no attempt or started any work on step work, that it would be deemed acceptable? Am I also the only one who in early recovery needed direction, accountability, guidance and perhaps mostly structure, goals as well as support, and is not a lot of this through doing the 12 steps?
One of the reasons for the challenge was my endorsement of the saying “Do the Steps or Die”, well to begin with I prefer the statement “Do the Steps and Live”, however that is semantics. Overall I believe in the idea behind the statement whichever way it is said. Now I do not say that the 12 step program is the only means of recovery, however I know that has worked for me and millions of others, and no matter what the opponents to 12 step recovery say, no other form of recovery in the world has gotten as many people clean and sober, this is attested to by the over 300 12 step fellowships that have followed A.A. and the millions in 12 step meetings around the world daily. How can you join and/or be around our fellowship and not partake in the 12 step program of recovery and expect to get recovery?
Another of the challenges was in the statement “we suggest the doing the steps in the same way we suggest, if you’re going to take a crap, we suggest you take your pants down”, that this was negative. And for newcomers I should just say “you can pull up your pants now the shits over.” Again is it just me that believes that just because you’ve decided to attend meetings, and/or are in a treatment facility means the shit is over? To me the shit isn’t over until you’ve started working on your stuff and the way to do this in our fellowship is doing the steps. And then still it can take a while, again now that is my belief. So please comment on this post, for as I am writing this the more validated I fell on my positions. However if you feel that I am off the wall or whatever please post. Perhaps I am too close to see.
Oh and one other question I would pose. I believe that the average stay in a treatment facility and/or recovery house should range between 9 months to 18 months, with even 18 months bordering questionable, however this is of course dependant on the individual and factors of physical and physiological damage. A stay in excess without extreme extenuating circumstances to me would be opposed to the concept of the 12 step program, of becoming contributing members of society and enabling the client in becoming institutionalized.

Remember God does not make garbage

Do You Take The God Of Your Understanding With You Everywhere, Or Hide Your God In Meetings

The whole basic precept of the 12 step program is based on the premise of faith in a in the God of your understanding, or at the very least the adhering to spiritual principles. As our strength in the belief and faith of these principles, grows so too does the quality of our lives and relationships. However as we begin to reconnect with society and family. Or more aptly put as we strive to put our lives back together, and start on becoming contributing members in society and “get a life”. We put ourselves under pressure to get decent employment and get better things for ourselves and/or our families. It is in these times that we can get caught up in life. We can forget to bring our God, to job interviews, to the supermarket, to the commute to and from work, to our place of work and even sometimes home with us. This is a condition that can and does affect all, not only the newcomer but also those with years of being clean and sober. We can all get caught up in life, striving to find decent or better employment, losing a job, dealing with stress of deadlines, on and on. Life can be stressful; life can present us with many challenges. And on occasion we can create even more stress on ourselves to perform better, or to earn more, to keep up appearance. We can get so caught up in this material world, forgetting the spiritual principles and the joy our lives were having. That is till we started worrying about the material things of the world, about image. Forgetting that we are in the world, yet not of the world, forgetting where we came from, forgetting to be happy with what we have and what we have achieved rather than what we do not have. Basically this comes when we are not carrying the God of understanding with us at all times. For God has not forgotten us, we have forgotten our God.
Remember God does not create garbage

There Is Nothing Wrong With Being A Dreamer

There is nothing wrong with being a dreamer, dreamers are the reason we have the luxuries we have in this world. Without the dreamers and dreams we would still be living in caves around the fire, crowded in small overcrowded areas. All the things we enjoy in life today are due to the dreamers who faced the fear and ridicule of others and pursued their dreams.
However true dreamers did not sit on the couch and fantasize about possibilities and live in their fantasy worlds. No they were actually realists that did not allow their realities be limited be preconceived ideas, beliefs and convention. Real dreamers were people of action and hard work. For it is only through, action, hard work, belief and perseverance, that you turn dreams into reality. They all followed the same basic recipe for making their dreams come true.

The first part of changing a dream to reality, is a true belief in your dream and a deep desire and drive to pursue your dream, because out this you are likely to quit when the going gets tough, and make no mistake times will come when you just want to give up, and without a strong belief and desire you will. Secondly you need to have an understanding of whatever the aspects of your dream are. This means to educate yourself and research the aspects of your dreams. Thirdly you need to formulate an action plan into manifesting your dream into reality; this plan needs to be made of small achievable and realistic goals. Also on a regular basis you need to review your progress, and possibly adjust your goals and action plan accordingly. All while keeping the focus and intent of your action plan, intact.
This is your blueprint for making your dreams a reality. Hmmm anybody else notices the similarity of this and the blueprint of the 12 Step Program.

Remember God does not create garbage

Reaching Out

“Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of (RECOVERY) to be there. And for that, I am responsible,”

Now I know this phrase was originally coined for A.A., however it is my belief, that all the fellowships operate on this principle. Yet the 12 step call is a dying practice. I see a lot of people these days react differently when approached by a newcomer after a meeting. It is usually followed by a couple of sentences followed by, I have to go right now, or I have an appointment, but here’s my number, call me, But don’t call if you’ve been using/drinking and don’t call after 10:00. I believe these people really need to remember where they came from, and what it was really like. I also think that some of these people need to read the literature about what the old days were really like. Today how many in a meeting can actually put up their hands to say they have been on an actual 12 step call, especially with members with less than 5 to 10 years. I can recall getting calls from my sponsor saying “I’ll be there in ten minutes to pick you up, we’re going on a twelve step call,” on more than one occasion. And there were no excuses, like I’m just getting ready for bed, or I’m asleep, or anything else, it was someone needs help, and it’ll keep you clean and sober, it was that simple. A lot of these times the person we went to see was a little high and/or drunk, Unless they were completely out of it, this didn’t stop my sponsor from talking and listening to whoever it was, I had to talk too, It was these experiences that helped keep me clean and sober. Yet I also learned from some of these people, some of who were newcomers who just hadn’t learned to reach out, the only way they could be a little vulnerable and actually ask for what they needed was with a little chemical or liquid courage.

I’m not going to tell you that we were super sober crusaders, and we saved them all. The truth is most we never saw again, however some we helped get into detox and/or treatment, some we picked up daily for meetings and had coffee after with them There were some we saw at a meeting a couple days, a week or couple of weeks later, and usually they had no recollection of who we were. Yet that was okay, because we were just doing what the literature tells us and what we profess in meetings, that we are there to help, that if you need us we will help, and as a whole we care, no strings attached.

I’ve noticed that there is a section of recovering individuals that don’t really want to have anything to do with the raw newcomer, it has sort of come common place for these people to be dealt with by counsellors, recovery coaches, detoxes, treatment centres and recovery houses. I’ve even heard the occasional recovering individuals say to the raw newcomer get yourself straightened up a little and cleaned up then give me a call. As a whole it seems that in a lot of cases we leave it to counsellors, recovery coaches, treatment centres and recovery houses to do our 12th step work for us. Mind you in some instances, and I stress the word some, these institutions are better equipped to deal with some cases. However it is no reason to turn them away if this is the case then we help them find the resources that are needed.

Another aspect of this that really stands out for me is this. The first word in that statement on the top of this post is “anyone” not “the newcomer”. It is really sad to watch some people’s reactions, when a fellow member is hurting, and I hear comments like, “oh you’ll be alright, you know what to do”, or “You’re right where you’re supposed to be” or “this too shall pass” and they walk away. Another comment usually muttered aside to another is “they can’t be running any kind of program”. Life can be hard, and sometimes life just happens, there are a lot of situations when even if you have 5, 10, 20 years it can be tough, you can feel confused, lost , disillusioned, or just plain beaten down by life. Sometimes this individual just need some comfort, from those they thought they could count on. A few encouraging words, a touch, some attention or just plain old genuine concern and possibly a helping hand or just a little of your time. After all it is not so much our words that make the biggest impacts, it is our actions. Occasionally these members need our attention as much as the newcomer, and occasionally even more.

Remember God does not create garbage

Meeting Are Not The Only Place To Learn Recovery

Don’t get me wrong meetings are a great source of recovery and learning. And if it were not for meetings the other avenues of my learning would not have existed. Neither would have I met the teachers I was lucky enough to meet. What I am saying is that for me, a major source of my learning came from the unofficial meetings before and especially after the meetings. When I started recovery it was not unheard of to be 45 minutes to a ½ hour early for a meeting, to help out in setting up, it was also good for me as I attempted to keep busy. Well there was always a couple of others that came early, and sometimes people visiting from out of town were usually early,. This allowed me to mete others in recovery in an informal basis, which led usually to more personal communication on a whole range of topics, mostly surrounding recovery and life in a far more intimate way. Then there was the meeting after the meeting were some of the core members would start the rounds as the meeting was breaking up to say we are all going to such and such restaurant for coffee, it wasn’t uncommon for a few of the older members to offer to buy you a coffee if you were a newcomer or if they knew you were struggling a bit, it was also not uncommon for some of the members to buy a pizza for the table. Usually it was coffee with 5 to 10 members just sharing and being together. However from Thursday to Saturday these get togethers could grow to 20 to 30 members. However prices were cheaper then and restaurants were open to a bunch taking over a corner or a section and just having coffee, and sometimes a piece of pie or something. Also some of the Alano clubs at that time seemed a little more lax in people staying around after a meeting, member or not. It seems today restaurants are not as flexible on such happenings. As well recovery clubs seem more interested in you paying dues and closing as soon as they can rather than being there for the original purposes. However it was these times that got me through and taught me so much between 0 to around 5-6 years. It was in these formidable years in my recovery I was lucky to meet two wonderful examples of recovery, one was John An elderly gentleman in his late fifties or so, who always had the coffee on and you were welcome to stop by and chat. As well as a whole host of others in this community ready to meet for coffee. When I moved from this community to another I was lucky enough to meet another gentleman who referred to himself as “the happiest drunk in the valley”, This wonderful older gentleman was always having people over for recovery chats, every year he held a Bar B Q for all, as well as holding numerous step groups in his home. These two men inspired me, as they reminded me of what it must have been like when Bill and Bob held most activities in their homes as well as housing the newly recovering. So much so that for the next almost ten years, my apartment became a sort of recovery club, there were a group of us that all hung together and we helped each other stay clean and sober, mind you we exchanged the venue to the others home on occasion> I guess we had our own little clique, However it was not uncommon to bring someone else over to my place that they had met at a meeting or an acquaintance, or a newcomer or sponsee. We would go to meetings, sometimes we would watch movies, play card, penny poker on occasion, Pictionary, charades, or numerous other games, sometimes we would just sit round discussing recovery or just have a B.S. session. I believe we all grew and stayed clean and sober during this period, sometimes the newcomers in our group would struggle, yet we would corral them and nurse them back , to which mostly those who stayed around.
I have since moved, yet there are still some of us they remain in touch today and on occasion meet up for a games night and/or a meeting.
I fail to see this much these days, I understand that society as a whole has changed somewhat, and the availability to take over a sections in restaurants for coffee drinkers is not the same today even with the coffee shops. This saddens me, when I remember how crucial these times were to my recovery. However, it seems to me that even if it were possible, people today seem to depart from the meetings much quicker these days, many come late; more seem to leave at half time or early. There just seems to be less solidarity or comradeship. Maybe it’s just me, an missing my old days

Remember God de not create garbage