Reaching Out

“Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of (RECOVERY) to be there. And for that, I am responsible,”

Now I know this phrase was originally coined for A.A., however it is my belief, that all the fellowships operate on this principle. Yet the 12 step call is a dying practice. I see a lot of people these days react differently when approached by a newcomer after a meeting. It is usually followed by a couple of sentences followed by, I have to go right now, or I have an appointment, but here’s my number, call me, But don’t call if you’ve been using/drinking and don’t call after 10:00. I believe these people really need to remember where they came from, and what it was really like. I also think that some of these people need to read the literature about what the old days were really like. Today how many in a meeting can actually put up their hands to say they have been on an actual 12 step call, especially with members with less than 5 to 10 years. I can recall getting calls from my sponsor saying “I’ll be there in ten minutes to pick you up, we’re going on a twelve step call,” on more than one occasion. And there were no excuses, like I’m just getting ready for bed, or I’m asleep, or anything else, it was someone needs help, and it’ll keep you clean and sober, it was that simple. A lot of these times the person we went to see was a little high and/or drunk, Unless they were completely out of it, this didn’t stop my sponsor from talking and listening to whoever it was, I had to talk too, It was these experiences that helped keep me clean and sober. Yet I also learned from some of these people, some of who were newcomers who just hadn’t learned to reach out, the only way they could be a little vulnerable and actually ask for what they needed was with a little chemical or liquid courage.

I’m not going to tell you that we were super sober crusaders, and we saved them all. The truth is most we never saw again, however some we helped get into detox and/or treatment, some we picked up daily for meetings and had coffee after with them There were some we saw at a meeting a couple days, a week or couple of weeks later, and usually they had no recollection of who we were. Yet that was okay, because we were just doing what the literature tells us and what we profess in meetings, that we are there to help, that if you need us we will help, and as a whole we care, no strings attached.

I’ve noticed that there is a section of recovering individuals that don’t really want to have anything to do with the raw newcomer, it has sort of come common place for these people to be dealt with by counsellors, recovery coaches, detoxes, treatment centres and recovery houses. I’ve even heard the occasional recovering individuals say to the raw newcomer get yourself straightened up a little and cleaned up then give me a call. As a whole it seems that in a lot of cases we leave it to counsellors, recovery coaches, treatment centres and recovery houses to do our 12th step work for us. Mind you in some instances, and I stress the word some, these institutions are better equipped to deal with some cases. However it is no reason to turn them away if this is the case then we help them find the resources that are needed.

Another aspect of this that really stands out for me is this. The first word in that statement on the top of this post is “anyone” not “the newcomer”. It is really sad to watch some people’s reactions, when a fellow member is hurting, and I hear comments like, “oh you’ll be alright, you know what to do”, or “You’re right where you’re supposed to be” or “this too shall pass” and they walk away. Another comment usually muttered aside to another is “they can’t be running any kind of program”. Life can be hard, and sometimes life just happens, there are a lot of situations when even if you have 5, 10, 20 years it can be tough, you can feel confused, lost , disillusioned, or just plain beaten down by life. Sometimes this individual just need some comfort, from those they thought they could count on. A few encouraging words, a touch, some attention or just plain old genuine concern and possibly a helping hand or just a little of your time. After all it is not so much our words that make the biggest impacts, it is our actions. Occasionally these members need our attention as much as the newcomer, and occasionally even more.

Remember God does not create garbage