Real 12 Step Recovery
Real 12 Step Recovery, Getting and Staying Clean and Sober
WELCOME Hi There, this blog will be about what I believe to be REAL RECOVERY not band aids or feel good BS These are the hard cold true facts that I have learned and been taught by OLD TIMERS and People WHO HAVE REMAINED CLEAN and SOBER and "GOT A LIFE".There will be no original thoughts here, Because in essence there are no original thoughts only perhaps originals and/or different ways to present or illustrate old Ideas.Now that this is understood lets get to the heart of the matter. Recovery is not about coddling or enabling. IT IS LIFE CHANGING. PERIOD WELCOME to the hardest thing that you will do in YOUR LIFE. Make no mistake, Real recovery is not EASY, it is simple, very simple, Yet you will make it hard, as all before you have. Also let's get this STRAIGHT right off the top. REAL RECOVERY has nothing to do about ALCOHOL and/or Drugs. IT IS about the way you react to life, your perceptions, and YOUR actions. Alcohol and/or Drugs are just a symptom of YOUR disease. Take notice of the word DISEASE - Which in our case translates to ILL AT EASE or simply not at ease, which is the basic nature of our problem and answer to our solution.Back to why I state that this is the hardest thing you will do. I state this because Real Recovery Will challenge everything you know/believe or really what you think you know, Because you really don't know SHIT or you wouldn't need recovery. It will make you face the truth about your biggest problem YOU and YOUR THINKING. You will face the real you not the one we would like to see with all the justifications and rationalizations just the TRUE YOU.REMEMBER GOD DOES NOT CREATE GARBAGE >>>>>>>> If you have a request or enquiry Please Email me at wiledchild@live.ca I'd like to add one other thing here for all those who read this Blog. It's something that was taught to me That was invaluable to my recovery My Spiritual Advisor Taught me this. Don't believe a word I say , do not take what I say as the truth just because I say it or anybody else, for that matter. Check it out for yourself. Try it on for size. Investigate , find out for YOURSELF only use what you have read or heard as a reference point. Find the truth out for yourself . This way it is your TRUTH not someone else's. You will also not be believing a lie or untruth if you always check things for yourself . Do not believe everything you are told or read without checking it out.

Friday, January 7, 2011

It's Official --The Holidays are Over

Well it is now official in our household. Today we took down all the Christmas decoration, the lights, the tree, all of it. All packed in the boxes, taped up and stored away for another year. It is a bittersweet time for the family at this time; no I think it is bittersweet for me. It seems the rest of the family is fine with it; it is I that has the hard time finally saying good bye to the holidays. I’m the one who wants to hold on to the last. I love the whole idea of The Christmas Holidays, all the aspects of it, the sharing the good feelings, the festive idea of giving, family, sharing Peace on Earth, all the little and big ideas and what not surrounding the whole holiday season. Yes I’m totally aware that part of it is an escape of reality of the world we live in and the fantasy of a better more loving tolerant world. A world I wished we lived in rather than the harsh, stark reality of the world that actually exists. However I still believe that it can be better. This better world starts with me, I need to be a better person on a daily basis, applying the principles this wonderful program has taught me. Doing what is right and what is right in front of me on a daily basis and maybe just maybe I can pass that on to another, and perhaps another, and then they can do the same. Oh what a wonderful dream. Anyways as I said back to the real world, practicing these principles In All My Affairs, daily.
Remember God does not create garbage.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Do you have the Holiday Blues ?

Feeling a little irritable, out of whack, in a funk, lethargic, maybe even a little depressed? Not to worry, do not be overly concerned you are probably just experiencing “Post Holidays Blues”. It is not uncommon, a lot people even so-called “normies”. Think about it, we dream about and worry about, what’s going to happen during the holidays. We tend to get emotionally charged for the holidays, seeing friends and family, some we haven’t seen in awhile. Especially so for those of us in recovery where in some instances we may be encountering those we still have unresolved issues with. Couple this along with the aspect that many of us have been spending days, weeks even months preparing for and/or thinking, fantasizing, dreaming of what this holiday was going to be like. Then wham before you can even breathe and take it all in, it’s over, and everybody is back to their daily routines, almost as if it never happened. Then there is in some cases the let down as the holidays never really lived up to the hype in your mind. And again in some cases the disappointments of the things that didn’t happen or the cases where things did not go so good.

So no matter what your situation is, here are a few pointers to help get you out of the funk. Always a good one, whenever feeling a little down. Write a gratitude list, I can hear the groans already , groan if you like it does work if you do it sincerely, start by writing down all the things you take for granted on a daily basis, i.e.; your sight, your mind, ability to think at least somewhat rationally, LOL, . Write down some of the good warm and fuzzy moments you got this Holiday season. Come on there must have been a couple, and relive for a minute and be thankful for them. Here’s one call some of your closest friends and have an “It’s Winter” Dinner and/or get together. Volunteer to help those in need, this one is good on many fronts, one it gets you out of yourself and active, two it’s a form of giving back, three this is the time the needy are most needy as after the holidays they are usually forgotten about by the general public for a few months. Choose a friend that you haven’t talked to in a long time and been meaning to call just haven’t gotten around to it, we’ll do it now. Another one with your friends or support system have a get together and a little prize for the worst piece of clothing received at Christmas. One more thing you might want to give a shot at- teach yourself new ways to pray and create your own prayer, most of us were never really taught how to pray, and we were taught easy to recite prayers, not how to pray from the heart. Sometimes we forget that prayer can be done anytime, anywhere, for any reason.
Remember God does not create garbage

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Let Go and Let God

Let Go and Let God, what a beautiful phrase and concept. Easy to say, even somewhat easier to envision. However in practice, it is not so easy, especially those of our disposition. For most of us letting go is quite difficult, and when we say we’ve let go most of us really haven’t completely let go, the truth is we let go with claw marks, hanging on to just a thread. Just in case, it might need us to fine tune it or just touch up, a little. The truth is that in some things we just do not completely trust the God of understanding. Oh yea, we believe, or at least say we do, and we say we have faith, but when it comes right down to it how much do we really trust the God of our understanding. It’s in our heads that somehow God does not know exactly how we want it or how we think it should be. How arrogant of us and in all reality how much do we still play God to a degree when we think we understand it better. In all actuality it is really about what we want and how we want it. We all want that great job with the good pay or the best things for our kids, the new car, the house, the white picket fence. We all want the good life. We all dream to some degree or another of fame, fortune, prestige, wealth and/or power. There is nothing wrong with abundance of this nature, the wrong is what we will do to achieve it and/or keep it. That is where the wrong doing is committed. However the whole point is we have lost our conscious contact and the true trust in God. In are pursuits for these materialistic ends. We lack the true belief and trust in our God when we cannot just “ do what is right and do what is right in front of us” and let the outcome be God’s will for us. It reminds me continuously of “The Sermon on The Mount” where it is said “ do the sparrows worry over their next meal, and how more important are you to the father” and “ do the lilies of the valley concerned what they will wear, and are they not adorned in splendour, how much more does the father care for his children”. It seems sometimes that we spend too much time in chasing the materialistic things in life. Which reminds me again of scripture, “how can a person serve two masters, and he will love one and despise the other”. Is my master the God of my understanding or money and the things it brings. It is learning to be satisfied in what I have rather than worrying about the things I want. After all does not the God of my understanding give me the things I need? Do I have a roof over my head, a place to sleep, food in my belly, clothes on my back ETC.... My God may not have given me everything I want, However have I allowed him to do his will in my life, or am I like the child who says father you haven’t fixed my toy, and the father replies you never left it with me long enough you kept taking it back before I could complete the work. More and more I am finding my life works much better and happier when I do what is right and what is right in front of me, and let God take care of the rest.
Remember God does not create garbage

Monday, January 3, 2011

Anger on Autopilot By Sharon Sayler

Is ANGER steering you or someone you care about off course? Maybe the ANGER is set on Autopilot!

Have you ever noticed there is really little one can control except how we choose to react?
While winging my way back from LA the other day I noticed mass anger, upset and frustration. There had been weather delays, crowds and a bit of chaos, none of which I have yet learned to control. After years of hard lessons in trying to control things out of my control, I've worked to train myself to "go with the flow" as they say, yet, after watching 100+ people board the plane; I can only assume that "control / no control" is not something everybody understands, yet.

I don't think the majority even realized they were behaving from a place of overwhelm. I say behaving because overwhelm isn't just an emotional response, it's a physical response. You can just see it in their faces and the way they move....

The feeling of overwhelm is part of the physical response to stress, together these two create the majority of the fight or flight response (no pun intended.) Fight or flight is the rapid surge of high levels of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol released in our body. These hormones affect reasoning and thinking. They are not bad guys though, at low levels, cortisol actually facilitates our mental functions.

Course correction may be required...

Since I'm was on a plane, I'll steal a flying analogy... Did you know when you fly, if you start out just one degree off course you end up in a totally different part of the world? It's the law of exponential growth.

You start at Airport X, you fly one degree off course, soon it becomes two degrees, than four, than eight off course.... Same idea holds true for emotions, they can infect not only you, but an entire group. A study by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis titled Social Intelligence and the Biology of Leadership states that "destructive emotions infects an entire group and inhibits its performance."

No one is immune to the contagion of stress. Yet, we can take steps to combat overwhelm, stress and anger when they arise. Take the time to understand the biology of your emotions. Train yourself to control your emotions instead of being controlled by them. Notice when you begin to feel overwhelmed and take action to calm yourself so you can maintain clear thinking when it is needed most.

A quick and in-the-moment fix for overwhelm is low, deep breathing. It's amazing what a few deep breaths will do to clear your thinking. Being able to think clearly under stress will increase your effectiveness as a leader. Awareness is key, many notice the physical sensation first, some call it a gut response, a knot in the stomach, a frog in your throat... and my favorite "turtleing," that sensation of your shoulders rising so high that your ears disappear.

Knowing that so much of the overwhelm response is physical, does not excuse us from not using our mental gifts to overcome an anger autopilot response. Again, awareness is key; anger can quickly be disabled by knowing it is a secondary emotion. One must have their feelings hurt, or be frightened or frustrated to get angry. Go beyond just noticing "I'm angry."

What are the impulses and intentions running through your mind? An impulse is usually that thought "I feel so (angry) (mad) (sad)... I could...." then, look to the intention behind it. What do you hope to accomplish? With every impulse and intention, the law of cause and effect comes along for the ride. "If I respond this way, what's likely to happen, next?"

Take some time to develop default solutions, "A better thing to do would be...." "If I try that, the benefits will be...." Under stress the typical first response is to revert back to old habits, no matter how unsuitable they are for addressing the new challenge.

As they just told me, "put your mask on first, then help others...." Take a few deep breaths to clear the mental cobwebs. To be a true leader one must have an awareness of and control over the autopilot button.

"If I lose my temper, you lose your head. Understand?" ~ Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland

Shared and Written by Sharon Sayer

Are You in the Fellowship or The Program

There seems to be some confusion about this. It seems that some confuse the difference, they seem to think that just because it says” you are a member of A.A. (N.A., C.A., ETC...)If you say you are” or that by going to meetings, you are in the program. No you are in the “fellowship” of whichever fellowship you attend. Mind you there is nothing wrong with being in the “fellowship”, the fellowship is needed it is where you meet people who are also in “the program” it’s where you learn about “the program”; It is where you will find a sponsor and support system. Being part of “the fellowship “has been known to get a person clean and sober. However in over 90% of cases “the fellowship” will not keep you clean and sober. It will get a “horse thief” clean and sober, however then all you have is a “clean and sober horse thief”. These are the ones you see all the time or hear—yea I’ve been around or in the program for 2 to 5 years, however they have a hard time putting together any real clean time, usually around 6 months. Or these are the ones you hear saying yea the program doesn’t work I’ve tried it, it never worked for me. The reason it never worked for these people and probably never will is because they are in or have tried the fellowship. They have never been in “the program”.

I have a few simple questions for those that say those things to me. I ask them, do you have a sponsor? How much time do they have? How often do you see them, and talk to them? Do you have a support system? Who are they, are they all clean and sober? What step are you on? Do you go over your steps with your sponsor? In 99 % of the cases I don’t get past the third question without hearing excuses. It is really simple, we read it every meeting in “How It Works” (the title should tell you something) “here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery. There it is simple black and white, read at every meeting. Yet still some of you don’t get it. Further on this is the Forward to the First Edition of the “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, The Grandfather of all 12 step program(to which there are over 300) It says This book was written to show you “PRECISELY” how we have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body”. No kind of or sort of or the basic idea to pick and choose. No it says PRECISELY, what part of precisely is unclear. Do the steps, as laid out in the order they are presented, the book also says to “put pen to paper” it does not say only put pen to paper when you feel like it or only to step four. So I do not take the chance I put pen to paper for all 12 steps, and it is amazing the stuff I learn, about self. In the process it hasn’t been a need for me to use or drink in over 18 years, in addition I have become a better person, my life is happier. There are people in my life who respect, trust, love and admire me. All this from the grace of God and following the suggestions (Doing the twelve steps repeatedly). Yes they are suggestions, We suggest you do these things if you want a better life, if you want to get and stay clean and sober, if you want to become joyous happy and Free. It’s like the suggestion—if you are going to take a crap, we suggest you lower your trousers first. Pretty simple.
Remember God does not create garbage
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