There were numerous times we used and/or drank as a social lubricant, to be able to overcome fears and/or shyness, we used and drank to get closer to others, to be able to express ourselves more openly, overall many times it was to just feel part of, to fit in. Or as a wonderful lady I heard speak, put it she used to feel “wittier, prettier and tittier”. We came from a place of feeling less than, we use and drink and become ego maniacs with an inferiority complex.
The drinking and using gave us false courage, it formed the illusion that my lady friend was speaking of, for periods of time it allowed us to feel part of, however as our drinking and/or using careers progressed, it ceased to work the way it once had, It also increased the walls we had felt between us and others. The exact reason we had used and/or drank was now creating the walls even bigger than ever. Some of the reason for this was the build up and/or shame that came with our continued use and the behaviour that the increased use brought with it.
However now as we gradually bring ourselves to attending, these god forsaken meetings, a miraculous thing begins to happen. At the meetings we see a fellowship and we eventually tread into this fellowship. It is in this fellowship that we find others of our kind, others who know the feeling we have, the fears we cringe from, the shame and guilt we carry. It is in these shared burdens and pain that we begin to see ourselves and begin a relationship with others, as never before, the thing we have always wanted, yet in the same breath were afraid of and still are to a degree. It is also here that we learn that a miracle is possible we can have these kinds of relationships. By following “The Program” we learned about in this fellowship. It is possible to find this closeness to others, the way to destroy the walls that had made us feel separate from others, the walls that made it impossible to feel love. Oh yes we had loved or at least believed we had loved, however we were never truly able to feel the love of others completely. The wall was always there, the thing that had us believe that we were different and apart from others, between the fellowship and mostly the program, that feeling of apartness can be forever obliterated. The choice is now ours. It is possible to know unity and love beyond our experience and/or what we once believed to be out of our reach.
Remember God does not create garbage
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Are You Motivated to Change? - By Julie Fuimano
You talk about how you want something different in your life -- a new house, a better relationship with your spouse (or to find a spouse), get out of debt, or lose weight -- but nothing changes. You find that you spend (waste) a lot of time talking about it, but not doing anything about it.
How do you motivate yourself to change?
There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.
Change by Force
'By force' means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight...or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.
There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.
Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.
Change by Choice
The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your 'comforts' of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.
Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.
This isn't pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.
But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.
Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.
So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?
Two Motivators for Change
We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It's that simple. But not so easy.
People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life's negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!
You might also have much difficulty being happy and enjoying pleasurable experiences. It may sound funny, but true happiness comes from within; in a world where most people are so busy and full of worry, happiness and joy is left on a wish list somewhere.
Change is possible.
You can learn to sensitize yourself to your pain. You can also learn how to be happy and enjoy yourself. But you cannot do either if you are running on a treadmill. You have to slow down enough to assess your life and learn about yourself -- your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, where you are frustrated or angry -- before you can begin to change anything.
So here is your coaching challenge; it is twofold.
1) Pay attention to your emotions and identify what frustrates you or annoys you in your life. Where are you angry, disappointed, or uncomfortable? List these things in a notebook. Identifying them and writing them out is cathartic in that it raises your awareness and you become sensitive to where you are hurting. Many of these items you can eliminate quite easily. Others will take some time. Go slow -- there is no rush.
We start with identifying what hurts because this way we can create space for what feels good. Many people have so much pain that they don't know what they want; they just know they cannot take it anymore!
If you know you want something better in your life that's great! But don't skip doing the exercise above. You are still living with annoyances and old hurts that will hold you back and interfere with happiness and success if you continue to allow it. You first have to unearth these things so you can deal with them.
2) What do you envision for yourself? What do you want? What would make you happy? A vision is a compelling force that will solidify your commitment and pull you toward it. It provides direction for your thoughts and actions. Without vision, how will you know where you are going? You will continue to be buffeted by the circumstances of the day, throwing your power to the wind.
Identify your pain; envision your pleasure. Start saying no to what feels bad and start thinking about and considering what feels good. That's your work for now. Let me know how I can support your success.
Remember God does not create garbage
How do you motivate yourself to change?
There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.
Change by Force
'By force' means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight...or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.
There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.
Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.
Change by Choice
The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your 'comforts' of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.
Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.
This isn't pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.
But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.
Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.
So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?
Two Motivators for Change
We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It's that simple. But not so easy.
People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life's negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!
You might also have much difficulty being happy and enjoying pleasurable experiences. It may sound funny, but true happiness comes from within; in a world where most people are so busy and full of worry, happiness and joy is left on a wish list somewhere.
Change is possible.
You can learn to sensitize yourself to your pain. You can also learn how to be happy and enjoy yourself. But you cannot do either if you are running on a treadmill. You have to slow down enough to assess your life and learn about yourself -- your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, where you are frustrated or angry -- before you can begin to change anything.
So here is your coaching challenge; it is twofold.
1) Pay attention to your emotions and identify what frustrates you or annoys you in your life. Where are you angry, disappointed, or uncomfortable? List these things in a notebook. Identifying them and writing them out is cathartic in that it raises your awareness and you become sensitive to where you are hurting. Many of these items you can eliminate quite easily. Others will take some time. Go slow -- there is no rush.
We start with identifying what hurts because this way we can create space for what feels good. Many people have so much pain that they don't know what they want; they just know they cannot take it anymore!
If you know you want something better in your life that's great! But don't skip doing the exercise above. You are still living with annoyances and old hurts that will hold you back and interfere with happiness and success if you continue to allow it. You first have to unearth these things so you can deal with them.
2) What do you envision for yourself? What do you want? What would make you happy? A vision is a compelling force that will solidify your commitment and pull you toward it. It provides direction for your thoughts and actions. Without vision, how will you know where you are going? You will continue to be buffeted by the circumstances of the day, throwing your power to the wind.
Identify your pain; envision your pleasure. Start saying no to what feels bad and start thinking about and considering what feels good. That's your work for now. Let me know how I can support your success.
Remember God does not create garbage
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Why do I need Meetings?
In early recovery meetings are your thread to sanity, they are life blood. Studies have shown that those in early recovery who go to 3 meetings or more per week have a 67% better chance of getting clean and sober than those who do not. Those are pretty good odds, if you truly want to have a better life and change, I would absolutely suggest you take advantage of anything that will give you an edge. How does going to meetings give you an edge? Well first off they are a safer place to be than just about anywhere else you would go , You are more than likely not going to be getting drunk or high at a meeting,. Secondly you are will be with others just like you, those who understand your pain, your shame, your guilt, your fears and those that feel or have felt just exactly how you feel. Thirdly you will meet those who can help you recover. Fourthly you will learn here of “The Program” that will change your life—that will give you a new life.
Yes you will meet “sick people” there, hell you’re sick. This is where the sick come to get healed. We are all sick damaged people just working together to be better people “one day at a time”. However yes there are some that are sicker than others, yet they too can recover. And yes there are a few that are just sick and don’t bother to change. However perhaps one day. You need to listen with your heart rather than your head, when you listen with your heart, you will hear those who speak the “language of the heart”; those are the ones you want to be around. They will show you “the Program”, which will give you a new life. Meetings are where we find the directions to the path and the answers, which are in the Program. Meetings alone may possibly get you clean and sober however they will not grant you long term sobriety, and a new lease on life. Only the Program will do this for you. However the paradox is: it is you and you alone, with the support of your sponsor, support system, and possibly a recovery coach, that will get you a new lease on life. YOU have to do the work, albeit all those in “the program” will help, however only you can do the work. Nobody, not the best sponsor in the world, not the best support system in the world and definitely not the best recovery coach and/or counsellor can do this for you. However meetings are where you find all these things and more. As well as some of the best support and help available in the world, just remember to listen with your heart, for the “language of the heart” for in meetings is where it is spoken.
Remember God does not create garbage
Yes you will meet “sick people” there, hell you’re sick. This is where the sick come to get healed. We are all sick damaged people just working together to be better people “one day at a time”. However yes there are some that are sicker than others, yet they too can recover. And yes there are a few that are just sick and don’t bother to change. However perhaps one day. You need to listen with your heart rather than your head, when you listen with your heart, you will hear those who speak the “language of the heart”; those are the ones you want to be around. They will show you “the Program”, which will give you a new life. Meetings are where we find the directions to the path and the answers, which are in the Program. Meetings alone may possibly get you clean and sober however they will not grant you long term sobriety, and a new lease on life. Only the Program will do this for you. However the paradox is: it is you and you alone, with the support of your sponsor, support system, and possibly a recovery coach, that will get you a new lease on life. YOU have to do the work, albeit all those in “the program” will help, however only you can do the work. Nobody, not the best sponsor in the world, not the best support system in the world and definitely not the best recovery coach and/or counsellor can do this for you. However meetings are where you find all these things and more. As well as some of the best support and help available in the world, just remember to listen with your heart, for the “language of the heart” for in meetings is where it is spoken.
Remember God does not create garbage
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Staying the Course Or Keeping the Faith
This is the hard part, all this talk of trusting the inner most selves or the intuitive self, you know the part of you that instinctively knows right from wrong, is easy to say and nice words. Yet when the tire meets the road or in all reality it is not that easy to follow. The fear sets in; it gnaws in the back of your mind. The questions of fear come up, like what happens if I don’t have enough? And all those other real fears, you know the ones. Let’s face it we all want to be responsible, and we all want to have the means to be responsible, to pay our bills and get the things we need and want. Yet again the fears set in. What happens if I don’t have enough to pay all my bills? Or get those things for the family? Or what happens if I fall even farther behind? How will I ever catch up? We tend to start to bend to those fears, we start looking for short cuts. For the easier softer way.
Well isn’t that what faith is all about? There is an old saying” if you worry, don’t pray. If you pray don’t worry”. Again, I know easy words. However it is not such easy words, I do not speak from a place of wealth where it is easy to say such things as I have the means anyway. I speak from the same boat as you. I have not the means today; however I do trust that the means will be made available. My history has shown such, in the darkest of times things happen and I make it through. Not how I wish they could be, I don’t win the big lottery or get the great big bonus, I just find a way to get by. Yes I do wish to do more than just get by; however just for today that is what is happening. I do not suffer, the main reason I do not suffer is I usually stay away from worry and fear. I would like to say I never fear or worry, however that would be a lie. However 95 % of the time I do. It is especially difficult when my partner‘s level of anxiety is up and she shares that, and/or when there are more pressing family needs and/or wants. However that is when more prayer is required and faith, as well as a look to the past. Has not my God led me through in the past, and has not my God gotten me to where I am today, which is basically everything I need at this precise moment as well as clean and sober and a better life than before. I do not believe that my God has brought me this far just to leave me hanging or to desert me. The only way for it to get bad is for me to take charge without faith and to backslide on doing what is right and what is right in front of me. I must continue in faith that my God has my best interests in heart and hand.
Remember God does not create garbage
Well isn’t that what faith is all about? There is an old saying” if you worry, don’t pray. If you pray don’t worry”. Again, I know easy words. However it is not such easy words, I do not speak from a place of wealth where it is easy to say such things as I have the means anyway. I speak from the same boat as you. I have not the means today; however I do trust that the means will be made available. My history has shown such, in the darkest of times things happen and I make it through. Not how I wish they could be, I don’t win the big lottery or get the great big bonus, I just find a way to get by. Yes I do wish to do more than just get by; however just for today that is what is happening. I do not suffer, the main reason I do not suffer is I usually stay away from worry and fear. I would like to say I never fear or worry, however that would be a lie. However 95 % of the time I do. It is especially difficult when my partner‘s level of anxiety is up and she shares that, and/or when there are more pressing family needs and/or wants. However that is when more prayer is required and faith, as well as a look to the past. Has not my God led me through in the past, and has not my God gotten me to where I am today, which is basically everything I need at this precise moment as well as clean and sober and a better life than before. I do not believe that my God has brought me this far just to leave me hanging or to desert me. The only way for it to get bad is for me to take charge without faith and to backslide on doing what is right and what is right in front of me. I must continue in faith that my God has my best interests in heart and hand.
Remember God does not create garbage
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I am Truly Grateful
Good day to all. I am going to stray a little from the usual context of recent posts today and tell you something of my week end. This past weekend was my birthday. I turned 51 on Saturday. To some this might seem old, sometimes it seems old to me, when I consider the number and/or consider what I was once capable of physically. Yet usually I still see myself around twenty that is till I’m around those that around that age. It is amazing how age creeps up on you.
Well this past Saturday, my step-daughter was scheduled to attend her first Cheer leading competition. So we had to attend this out of town and as it happens it was in the city where we moved from over two years ago. Actually the city where I spent most of my clean time in. So as it happens my dear wife contacted a few of our friends (well some of my old friends from recovery) in this town and set-up a little get together. So after My step daughter’s competition, in which her team placed second. This in itself is a great accomplishment considering they did not have their music until the last practise. We went to my friends, where we saw a few dear friends, who out of friendship had taken time out of their lives and schedules to have this get together in their home. Where we played cards, conversed of old times and new, complete with a few cards, birthday cake and the required singing of “Happy Birthday”. It was just so touching of the effort by my dear wife and a few of my oldest and dearest friends. The ones who together have seen each other during their good times and their low times. It was to my once again the difference between acquaintances and friends. It was very special and touching to see these people and to see them acknowledge my birthday after so long a time and see them take the time and effort. This was one of the real true blessings that recovery has given me. Especially when I look back before recovery and think who would have taken the time and effort to do something like this for me, never mind, people that I haven’t really spent time with in years. This is what God and Recovery has given me.
Remember God does not create garbage
Well this past Saturday, my step-daughter was scheduled to attend her first Cheer leading competition. So we had to attend this out of town and as it happens it was in the city where we moved from over two years ago. Actually the city where I spent most of my clean time in. So as it happens my dear wife contacted a few of our friends (well some of my old friends from recovery) in this town and set-up a little get together. So after My step daughter’s competition, in which her team placed second. This in itself is a great accomplishment considering they did not have their music until the last practise. We went to my friends, where we saw a few dear friends, who out of friendship had taken time out of their lives and schedules to have this get together in their home. Where we played cards, conversed of old times and new, complete with a few cards, birthday cake and the required singing of “Happy Birthday”. It was just so touching of the effort by my dear wife and a few of my oldest and dearest friends. The ones who together have seen each other during their good times and their low times. It was to my once again the difference between acquaintances and friends. It was very special and touching to see these people and to see them acknowledge my birthday after so long a time and see them take the time and effort. This was one of the real true blessings that recovery has given me. Especially when I look back before recovery and think who would have taken the time and effort to do something like this for me, never mind, people that I haven’t really spent time with in years. This is what God and Recovery has given me.
Remember God does not create garbage
Monday, January 17, 2011
Love is Letting Go of Fear >>>> Continued
As we continue in, we are going to look at the aspects our mind plays on our perception. A big aspect of our perception is created by our negative past history, basically where our fears are based, this is reinforced and/or validated by our egos. As our egos see us as separate and apart from, our egos produce a shade or a tint of fear and guilt. There is as well the part of us that is love; however it is usually hidden deep down, in an attempt to keep us safe and unhurt. However this action is what is the cause of most of our pain and unhappiness. By not allowing our true essence of love to shine and be available is what actually stifles our ability to love, be loved and to experience true joy and happiness. As it is quoted in the bible, “one does not light a candle and keep it hidden under a basket”.
As such our minds create our perceptions. One way to understand this is to see the mind as really a big movie studio, and the world we perceive is actually what we project outward. Our minds are in all actuality the director, producer, scriptwriter, editor, projectionist, and cast director. As such the world, (movies) we see are directed by the parts of the mind that we live in most, fear projects mostly illusion, ego projects war, conflict and separatism, although it may make illusions appear as romantic fantasies. As where love only projects only unity and peace. However the movie we watch (the live we live) is indicative of which part of your mind is truly directing. As with most of the population, the movie they view (life they live) is filled with conflict and pain and very little unity and happiness. Usually we only perceive the love of those that are fully projecting love, however we concentrate mostly on the negative, thus making us blind to the truth and happiness that love is everywhere and surrounds us. Instead we view the world through the tint of fear, and ego, or as such shame guilt and pain. However we can choose to see it through love, all you have to do is change the director of your movie.
To accomplish this you need to make a conscious effort to live by these simple ideas forefront in your mind.
A) Peace of Mind as your only goal
B) Forgiveness as your main function and as the means to achieve Peace of Mind
C) By using Forgiveness, we learn to see ourselves and other without shame and guilt, and stop being judgemental
D) We destroy the grip Fear has on our lives, when we stop being judgemental and stop projecting our fears on the future, thus learn to live in the Now
E) We learn to trust our inner most selves
F) When we listen to our inner most selves, it will provide us with the means to have it fulfilled
G) Trusting that by following ones inner most self, even though the means might not be immediately apparent, it will present itself when ultimately needed.
H) We have a choice in what we perceive and the feelings we feel.
I) Through conscious retraining of how we think, using loving positive thinking patterns we can change he life we live to a more loving positive one
J) This day I choose to live with Peace of Mind.
Remember God does not create garbage
As such our minds create our perceptions. One way to understand this is to see the mind as really a big movie studio, and the world we perceive is actually what we project outward. Our minds are in all actuality the director, producer, scriptwriter, editor, projectionist, and cast director. As such the world, (movies) we see are directed by the parts of the mind that we live in most, fear projects mostly illusion, ego projects war, conflict and separatism, although it may make illusions appear as romantic fantasies. As where love only projects only unity and peace. However the movie we watch (the live we live) is indicative of which part of your mind is truly directing. As with most of the population, the movie they view (life they live) is filled with conflict and pain and very little unity and happiness. Usually we only perceive the love of those that are fully projecting love, however we concentrate mostly on the negative, thus making us blind to the truth and happiness that love is everywhere and surrounds us. Instead we view the world through the tint of fear, and ego, or as such shame guilt and pain. However we can choose to see it through love, all you have to do is change the director of your movie.
To accomplish this you need to make a conscious effort to live by these simple ideas forefront in your mind.
A) Peace of Mind as your only goal
B) Forgiveness as your main function and as the means to achieve Peace of Mind
C) By using Forgiveness, we learn to see ourselves and other without shame and guilt, and stop being judgemental
D) We destroy the grip Fear has on our lives, when we stop being judgemental and stop projecting our fears on the future, thus learn to live in the Now
E) We learn to trust our inner most selves
F) When we listen to our inner most selves, it will provide us with the means to have it fulfilled
G) Trusting that by following ones inner most self, even though the means might not be immediately apparent, it will present itself when ultimately needed.
H) We have a choice in what we perceive and the feelings we feel.
I) Through conscious retraining of how we think, using loving positive thinking patterns we can change he life we live to a more loving positive one
J) This day I choose to live with Peace of Mind.
Remember God does not create garbage
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