The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The Third Basic Ingredient

The Third Ingredient- Unconditional Abstinence

This is self-explanatory. However being an Alcoholic and/or Drug Addict, or any other compulsion, we have a tendency not to get this or rationalize an excuse to this rule. It is really that simple We Don't Use NO MATTER WHAT. I have a very, very dear friend who puts it this way" I don't use even if my ass is falling off I'm just grateful for the weight loss." That pretty much says it all.

However as addictive personalities, especially if your new, drinking /using is what we know they are our defense mechanism our ways of coping, it is what we do. NO MORE! Now on we find other ways. Yes it's hard, yes it's uncomfortable (because it new not to go to our old standby) that is why you need a support system, meetings, sponsor, because alone you will likely use. These strange things like "FEELINGS' and "EMOTIONS " or going to be cropping up and hard to deal with because they have been numbed and restricted by our using that they will seem overwhelming and/or uncontrollable. However they are natural, normal and healthy. However they will be confusing and very overwhelming. However "FEELING never killed anybody, our reaction to them can cause many problems. Again when experiencing an overwhelming and/or confusing feeling we immediately seek out our support system, sponsor and/or go to a meeting. Doing one or all of these things will equip you with a whole new set of tools to deal with this issue and will be OK. Just remember We don't Drink or use NO MATTER WHAT.

One more little note on the second ingredient. The first three steps are basic life lines for early recovery. Step one says we are powerless and our lives had become unmanageable.
At some point to some degree we have perceived this (probably grudgingly) to be the case. This is the motivation for recovery. No one will treat a problem until they are aware of it, and in our cases usually have to be forced to acknowledge it, usually by some sort of crisis. Remember that an alcoholic and/or addict are usually the last person to see the severity of their addiction. The whole world has seen much earlier the problem and how desperately they need to change. Step one is the remedy.
Step Two says that the addictive person seek strength and hope outside himself, usually a novel and distasteful option the addictive personality. Yet highly needed as their history proves. Step Two says Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity" We addictive personalities as a whole are prime examples of " FALSE INDEPENDENCE-- Stubborn insistence on the right to make endless numbers of bad decisions while under the influence of powerful toxins or at least without complete ability of rational thought. Step Two tells us specifically to abandon the hope of any lasting recovery without help.

The third step, another difficult and tasteless step for addictive personalities. Now he MUST turn his will and life over to God. HOWEVER there is a very special point here that must be noted and pointed out. Step three says “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM". Now who understands God, However more to the point, it is not up for anybody to tell you who you’re God Is! You need to find a Higher Power that works for you and implement it/them into your daily life.

Now if a relapse happens a sponsor or support system and/or treatment will always steer you back to these three steps. So to avoid a relapse because we all have a relapse in us The Deadly Question is DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER RECOVERY IN YOU? So to avoid this very painful situation to yourself and others, Work particularly hard at getting these three steps instilled in YOUR LIFE/RECOVERY.

And Always Remember GOD does not make Garbage!

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The Second Basic Ingredient

Second Ingredient “THE 12 STEPS"

This may seem redundant to put this in here considering the title of this Blog. However you'll be surprised how many people join the Fellowship of A.A., N.A. C.A. Whatever A. you attend. Go to meetings look at the wall where the 12 steps are posted, read the 12 steps discuss the Steps even go to step meetings. They go to Alano clubs, Recovery clubs, attend recovery functions, they get a support system. They proclaim to be in the program, yet they rarely get any continuous recovery time in. This is because THEY are not doing a PROGRAM of recovery. They are in the fellowship, now don't get me wrong here there is nothing wrong with the "fellowship" of whichever 12 Step program you attend. However the fellowships are great and a recommended PART of recovery. However The Program of Recovery is NOT the Fellowship IT IS THE 12 STEPS. Any fellowship worth its weight will continuously tell you to do the steps. Oh Yeah I know “They are only Suggestion". Well hold on now, let’s remember the original concept came out (1938) the word suggestion had a much stronger connotation. How shall I put it - It's the same as saying that I suggest if you’re going to take a crap , you take your pants down first. Does that make it a little clearer? Here let’s try to clarify it a little more. It is suggested you do the Steps if you wish to Recover from a hopeless state of mind and body, we suggest you do the steps if you want A new and better life, we suggest you do the steps if you want to be "Happy, Joyous and Free". Otherwise you can continue to live the way you have always lived. There is a saying in the Fellowships- The Definition of Insanity- is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. As well as “If nothing changes nothing changes".
Once Again let’s be perfectly clear here the meeting are strongly recommended as well as the fellowship, however together or separately they are just support, The 12 STEPS are THE PROGRAM OF RECOVERY. Read how it works it tells you right there “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as A PROGRAM OF RECOVERY."

Just to clarify a few things. Now many will say “well I did the steps and it still didn't work". Many have sat in meeting or step meeting and discussed the steps their opinions, interpretations ETC... Or they have done Steps 1-6-8-12. Let’s be perfectly clear here. The Steps are numbered 1 through 12. This is how they need to be done, in sequence; they are numbered for a reason. No Skipping Steps you don't like. No Hopscotching doing the ones you think are good. Just do step 1 then Step 2 and so on. Secondly and possibly more important- PUT PEN TO PAPER, nowadays most 12 step fellowships have their own step guides, they are all over the place for which to use, Ask your sponsor, use your support system, BUT DO THEM.

Remember GOD does not make garbage.

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The First Basic Ingredient

FIRST INGRDIENT “A SUPPORT SYSTEM"

One of the most important element in "getting and staying" in Recovery, No Matter what you are recovering from. Is A Support System in place for YOU...? Now WHAT IS A SUPPORT SYSTEM? A support system is the foundation of your recovery; it’s like building a house. How long will your house stay up and liveable if the foundation is on a bad foundation? Your recovery is the same! So what are the ingredients for a solid support system?
1) It needs to be readily Available- Now this doesn't mean you are the centre of the universe and the world stops when you call. It does mean you should be able to reach someone on the phone (or in person) in a reasonable amount of time (1/2-1 hour)
2) It needs to involve more than one person- for a couple of reasons. One being people are people- we are all fallible (life happens), secondly if one person tells you something it can be that persons opinion or beliefs, however if a group of people are saying the same thing then it's more apt to be for real. Thirdly if you’re depending on one person's support constantly, you’re going to want to spread it around a little so it doesn't become a burden. Especially if you begin to think your being a burden how much will you reach out for HELP, you'll probably tell yourself to do it yourself? This defeats the whole purpose of a support system. Remember I can't We Can.
3) It provides EMOTIONAL SUPPORT not FINANCIAL SUPPORT- Now this does not mean you cannot accept someone buying you a coffee or a meal or something of this nature on occasion or even "RARE FINACIAL" assistance. However Recovery is about learning to take care of yourself and taking responsibility for yourself and this include "FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY". Yes early recovery is usually a time of financial restraint. However the growth of this period is part of the whole recovery process.
4) It needs to give you HONEST feedback of your Behaviours and Attitudes.
In early recovery we can't always trust ourselves, as said before "our heads have a contract on our asses" As well our thinking is influenced by a well-developed and honed "warped Defense mechanisms" developed through years of abuse. Even if your support systems feedback is wrong and it can be always check it out first. Discuss all your major decisions with them before taking action. Now for most of us in early recovery the support system we establish will be comprised mostly by those we have met in our particular 12 step fellowship. A note here is that this needs to include persons with more "recovery time" than your own, not a bad idea to have an "Old-timer" or two in the mix.
5) Yes it can include a "Sponsor"- How do I Choose a Sponsor
CHOOSING A SPONSOR
This is a tricky one however I have a few hard and fast RULES I Strongly Recommend
A) The SAME SEX A man cannot teach a woman how to be a woman in recovery
Each gender has its own set of issues. And there's always the chance of another kind of relationship developing and that’s one for a whole other posting or 10
B) Availability- Again the best sponsor in the world is no good to you if you can't reach
Them or they have very little time they can devote to you.
C) They Know How to Stay "Clean and Sober" They have significant CONTINOUS recovery
Time.
D) They live what they Preach- Unfortunately some people in the rooms speak real well
However they don't live it. Go out for coffee with them Visit their homes See if the actually
Practice what they preach (HIGH PRIORITY on THIS)
E) They are willing to be HONEST with you- Without a doubt this is the single most
Valuable asset in a sponsor. Someone who willing lovingly tell you you’re being an
as@$#%le. After all A REAL FRIEND is someone who is honest with you.

Can Group therapy and/or Therapy- in A word NO. Therapy of any form is TREATMENT
You may get support from it however it is treatment and not to be considered as part of
Your support system.

Tomorrow the second ingredient

REMEMBER GOD DOES NOT MAKE GARBAGE

Best When It’s Worst

Consider that people are like tea bags.

They don’t know their own strength
until they get into hot water.

— Dan McKinnon

In the film Starman, an extraterrestrial comes to earth to study life on this planet. Like many such visitors, he does not receive a very kindly welcome and spends most of his time fleeing from au–thorities. In the process, he falls in love with a woman who befriends him. Finally he must leave, and he has a few short moments to say good-bye to his beloved. “Do you know what I learned about human beings? ” he asks. “I learned that when things are at their worst, you are at your best. ”

Adversity is a gift if we make it work on our behalf. Challenge is not a curse or a punishment, but an opportunity to shine. If life were easy all the time, we would not deepen in love, compassion, and wisdom, or learn how to sink a pipeline into the well of true strength within us. Often we do not know how powerful we are until we are faced with a challenge that draws forth our greatness.

In high school I took a typing class. By the end of the course, I had built up my speed to about 40 words a minute. The time came for the final exam, on which a large part of my grade depended. I focused intently and scored a smashing 64 words a minute?over 50 percent faster than my reg–ular speed! Why did I do so well? I knew it counted for a lot,

When an act in life counts, there is a source of strength within us that grows to meet the challenge. Some people demonstrate superhuman abil–ities, such as pushing a wrecked car off an injured person. Where do they find the strength? It was within them all the time; the worst brought out the best.
I pray to be big enough to handle
whatever comes before me.
With Your help, I can and will do anything.
The power of God is within me.
The Grace of God surrounds me.
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Revisiting Step Ten

“Continued To Take Personal Inventory, And When We Were Wrong Promptly Admitted It.”

This is a very important step, as are all the 12 steps. However this step can make all the difference in your recovery. Unfortunately this step is usually brushed by and highly ignored. This step is a key in real recovery. Up to this point we have changed and grown a great deal. However unlike some, as people with an addictive personality, we do not have the luxury or really the ability to think our selves into better behaviour, we need to take the reverse approach. We need to act differently, and as we continue to act differently our feeling and thinking change. This explains why your sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor will give you certain ways to act and things to do, that at the time may to seem to have nothing to do with your recovery.

The difference between a person in recovery and a person who is abstinent, is the behaviour and thinking. Now as you have progressed through the previous nine steps, as said earlier, your behaviour and thinking has changed a great deal. However you have been acting, believing and thinking in a certain manner, which has fed your addiction/alcoholism for years. Most of this has been ingrained in you, it cannot be expected to reverse itself in a few short months. These ways of acting, beliefs and thinking is just in the background, at this point. It will take years to completely iradicate these aspects. They are just below the surface awaiting the difficult times, those are the beliefs, actions and thinking were relapse begins. Step 10 is our defense against these relapse traps, they are also the tools of growth in a real recovery. By nightly reviewing our behaviors and thinking we see were we are going off the path, they keep us on the path of recovery and safe from relapse. We get to see through a regular review of actions and thinking, where amends are needed and correction required.

How It Works

This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
-A.A. Big Book p.84

More about Step 10 in the Big Book

The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has been groomed, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than unusual or set apart.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 89-90


The Tenth Step can be a pressure relief valve. We work this step while the day's ups and downs are still fresh in our minds. We list what we have done and try not to rationalize our actions. This may be done in writing at the end of the day. The first thing we do is stop! Then we take the time to allow ourselves the privilege of thinking. We examine our actions, our reactions, and our motives. We often find that we've been "doing" better than we've been "feeling". This allows us to find out where we have gone wrong and admit fault before things get any worse. We need to avoid rationalizing. We promptly admit our faults, not explain them.

We work this step continuously. This is a prevention, and the more we do it, the less we will need the corrective part of this step. This is really a great tool. It gives us a way of avoiding grief before we bring it on ourselves. We monitor our feelings, our emotions, our fantasies, and our actions. By constantly looking at these things we may be able to avoid repeating the actions that make us feel bad.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 10

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are sometimes called the maintenance steps. They repeat many of the points outlined in previous steps, but they emphasize the value of continuing to "work the steps" on a day-to-day basis.

Step 10 encourages the taking of a personal inventory, which, for recovering persons, should be a daily process...


Our daily inventory certainly needs to assess the status of our relationship with God. Are we still yielding our will to Him? Bill Wilson emphasized how crucial this evaluation is, especially for addictive personalities, which tend to be willful. Our need to surrender ourselves to God on a daily basis will go on throughout our lives, and we shall explore the means of that continuing spiritual surrender in Step 11.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 67, 69


Step Ten is a spiritual pocket computer to help us keep tabs on our behavior today and a cleanser to help keep our spiritual lenses clean. In this method of keeping an inventory every day, we ask ourselves questions like, Which of my character defects popped up as uninvited guests today? Am I using the tools of the program? Am I praying? Am I thanking God for all the good things he has done for me this day, and for any positive things he's freed me to do? ...

The reason this is so important is that the Sin-disease, which its denial and delusion, is always hovering "just a decision away" to throw us back into fear and confusion. Its tactics are to convince us in various ways, "You're 'well' now and don't need a stupid program to lead a normal life. You can and should operate on your own as a mature adult." The disease's "strategy" often works like this: When we begin to feel a little secure and happy and our relationships are more comfortable, many of us "forget" to have our quiet time. We forget to go to meetings and don't call our sponsor. We're busy again, because the pain that drove us into the program has been alleviated. This is a dangerous place to be, because it is one of the major delusions of the spiritual life that we can "do it oursleves" without daily contact with God and a daily look at the reality of what is going on in our own lives.
- A Hunger for Healing, by Keith Miller, p. 164

Remember God does not create garbage