Wrong Perceptions Hinder Self Concept

The other day I was checking my email, and low and behold I found an invitation to come and speak at a University in London, England. I was immediately was surprised, elated and very proud. As I read the rest of the invitation, it said that they had gotten my name and information from my “Experts page” on Self growth.com, where I was invited to post my page and links to my various pages. After my initial “EGO” boost, I became a little suspicious of this “invitation” I mean yes I have spoken at numerous, conventions, Round-ups, Institutions, Local panels, a few churches as well as corresponded on a few informational venues, we are speaking of a major speaking engagement with contract, speaker fees at a University seminar on addictions with academia, which is a complete different level, a level on par with the likes of Dr. Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins and Deepak Chopra. Yes I know my field and quite knowledgeable in it, however I have no illusions of being on par with the likes of the aforementioned speakers. Part of me was saying well “my time has come” I’m finely being recognized, yet inside I know that there is a ladder or progression to getting to that level of recognition. Upon further reflection, I realized that I haven’t even finished setting up my “Expert’s Page”, it is viewable however it is only 2/3 completed, and the links to my sites one of the links pages is only half complete. So at this I investigated the “invitation” a little deeper. Upon contact with a national speaker association, I was informed that a few of their members had been contacted about this and other seminars, and yes they were bogus, it appears it was an attempt to gain personal information and a cheque for a visitors work visa. I was shown a couple of other invitations, and was surprised to see that even though some were for a different venue and/or symposium the invitations themselves were identical except for the names.

At this I was a little deflated, and at this point I became aware of that old feeling or little knot in the gut and the back of the mind. You know the one, the one that all alcoholics/addicts suffer, and the one that 98% of the population suffer from. That little feeling and/or voice in the back of your mind, that says” see told you that you are not good enough”. Yes it is something suffered by 95-98% of the population, however it goes a little deeper in us with “an addictive personality”, we are basically “ EGO MANIACS with a INFERIORITY COMPLEX” , we fight the feeling of being perfect just to be barely acceptable. This pushes that almost uncontrollable need to always be right. To where it almost feels like a personal attack and/or affront when we are wrong or if someone has a differing opinion.

Now this comes from the aspect of our perceptions, when we look at our life or history, basically our individual stories of our pasts, whether consciously or unconsciously. We always look back ego-centrically, basically that is all about us, and to a degree this is true it is all about us, however the reasons and cause are not. And this is where most if not all of the “I’m not good enough” feelings come from.
Let me elaborate and describe in greater detail what I’m saying here. Actually I really got this point driven home to me by my precious little dachshund “Princess”, this little interaction with her really made it clear for me. “One day we had been out for one of her walks, and she was running around enjoying the brisk air and just being a dog and enjoying herself. Well this particular day I wasn’t feeling too well, my stomach was unsettled, my back hurt and I had a raging headache. Well we got home and I started to clean up the house a little so I could sit down and relax. Well Princess was still excited from the fresh air and started running around and grabbing her ball and toys and bringing them to me to play. As which is usually the case. However this day I was not in the mood, I just wanted to finish cleaning and then sit down and relax. So I told Princess “ NO, go lie down”, To which she did however she was on the end of the couch with that look, the one that looked so hurt and worried as if she had done something wrong. Of course she hadn’t really done anything wrong, she was just being her wonderful Princess self. That’s when it hit me, All those times my mother or siblings weren’t there for me, all those broken promises, all those missed times, the father that was no longer around, all those and more had nothing to do with me, It would not have mattered if I were, smarter, funnier, prettier, better or whatever, It was not about me, it was about what was going on with them. Just like later in life when the same things or things like “that pretty Girl/boy didn’t choose/notice me, I wasn’t picked first on the schoolyard, and all those other little things that reinforced my feelings of never good enough. It was not about me. It was about them, it was about things such as Mary-Anne or Ginger, Donnie Osmond or Bobby Sherman, Coke or Pepsi, and everybody has different preferences just like me. It is not always about me. It is usually what is going on for the other person and their preferences. Seeing this allowed me to see the bigger picture of my story. I am not the center of the universe, yes I am the central character, however it was not about me not being smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough, whatever, it is about life period, this is what happened and this is where I am going. I am no better yet no worse than anyone else, We are all just children of God, all with different skills and abilities, none better or worse than others. I am a child of God, just like you I do not have to be perfect just to be accepted. I have to accept myself for whom and what I am.

Remember God does not create garbage