It is not only the newcomer who needs to keep an open mind. I am amazed sometimes with myself and my contemporaries. It is amazing and actually quite sad, to see those with a few years under their belts, become so self righteous, close minded, judgemental and unsympathetic to the suffering of a still suffering person.
I recall a number of years back I was speaking with a young lady who at the time, had trouble getting any real time under her belt, she had tried numerous times, however kept repeatedly relapsed, while attempting to stay clean and sober, appeared to be quite earnest in her attempts, yet she could get quite emotional about a given topic, her biggest obstacles appeared to be that of keeping her mind open and holding back her established opinions, secondly and possibly bigger was the lack of people of her age bracket in this particular area, most were newcomers. Yet she would occasionally come to me for support and questions regarding being clean and sober and of the program. When a distinguished member of the program, one with many years and asked to speak literally worldwide, that I knew fairly well or so I thought. This gentleman took me aside and asked me why I wasted my time with this person; he said she’s got tattoos all over her arms and relapsed a couple of times why are you wasting your time on her? You have something to give help those who are serious. I was quite taken aback by this, I replied that she seems to be truly wanting and hurting. To which he replied wait until she has some time. Seriously shocked by this, I had to take some time to think of what one of my mentors was saying, as well as pray and meditate on the whole situation. Today I am proud to say that I continued to help this young woman. Today she is 5 years clean and sober, and a young mother of a beautiful baby boy, unfortunately recently separated. However that is life, she is today a responsible contributing member of society and an active member of the fellowship and program.
However this was not my first or last encounter of this attitude. I recently came upon a blog and counsellor who purports that she will only work with those that are serious; she will not waste time on anyone not serious, and will not tolerate any B.S... I have had many conversations with those with 10 years or five, seven eight, ten and more years clean and sober with the same opinions. I myself remember a short time with the same attitude for almost a year when I was reminded by this self same young woman queried me how “where she might have ended up had I not taken the time with her? I constantly remember her when I start to judge someone or believe I know the level of sincerity. Yes you can see the ones who just hang around for the free cigarettes or think it’s just a social club; however you can also see those that truly want it just aren’t getting it. They aren’t hearing, or not quite ready to do what it takes. I still talk to both; however I speak bluntly and call B.S. when I see and smell it. Some won’t talk again after being called on their shit, yet the others seem to occasionally come back to speak some more, and after a relapse they will come for more talk. Knowing I will still talk to them and not turn them away.
I believe I must, for this was done for me, when I thought I knew everything. As well as after I relapsed. There were those who would take the time to speak with me as a person, accept me as a fellow human being, and guide me on this path. They and all the literature taught me of compassion, and of the prayer “forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who have trespassed” or that other saying” judge not lest thee be judged”, I must remember where I came from, I was no different from those today I may judge. What gives me the right to become so self righteous and intolerant.
Remember God does not create garbage
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