Revisiting Step Nine

Step Nine: “Made Direct Amends To Such People Wherever Possible, Except When To Do So Would Injure Them Or Others.”
Here we are Ste nine, for those of you that are familiar with the Big Book of A.A. it is in discussing the ninth step that the 12 promises are mentioned. It is here and during this step that the promises truly manifest themselves.

Take note here that yet again we have a two part step, First part states, that we make direct amends wherever possible. Part Two and very important, except where it would cause harm.

However there are a few things yet to do before taking any action in step nine. First of all we need to review our lists, to ensure that we have not left anyone off do to resentment and/or fear. Remembering that our job in this process is to clean our own side of the sidewalk, or our own backyard. It is not for us to judge another’s behaviour and/or actions. Just our own, if our behaviour and/or actions were wrong that is all we concentrate on. We also check our list’s to ensure that we have included those that we have inadvertently harmed, including employers and/or financial institutions and the like. In Clarifying this, topic meetings can be very helpful, by suggesting the topic of “who do I include on my amends list”, as well your support system can be invaluable in this aspect especially your, sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor.

Now that we are sure that are list is complete, again now we with the help of our sponsor, or recovery coach or counsellor. We carefully examine each entry on our list as to whom we can make direct amends without any harm being done. Some of the harms to be considered, if to make amends to having an affair with a friend or neighbours spouse, is there a family involved, is the affair long dead, and many other questions in this angle to determine that if disclosing this might break up a family and potentially cause even greater harm. If you have had multiple affairs, do you need to disclose each individual affair to your spouse as individual slaps in the face, there needs to be a measure of making it right opposed to directly harming another in an attempt to clear your conscience. These are but a few examples of why the list needs to be gone over entry by entry. For the process of the ninth step, is too hopefully, to the best of our abilities and circumstances, achieve the three R’s>> Resolution, Restoration and Restitution. Other factors that need to be considered in this step is to disclose prior wrong doings that may result in criminal prosecution, loss of employment and the like again who is going to be harmed, and does this truly serve the intention of the step. Once again the aid of our sponsor and our support system as well as prayer to guide us, to do what is right.

There are now some that you can never make direct amends to, some our deceased, some are people whose names and where they are unknown to us, there are the nameless faceless ones we have directly and indirectly harmed, as well as those that we have concluded would cause more harm than good to disclose. What then do we do in these instances, here again our support system, and topic meetings are great resources. Some of us have written letters and read and then burnt them in a sort of ritual, or make donations in the names of these people, we volunteer, we give back that which has been given to us. To name only a couple of ways. There is also the aspect of some of our amends may be a continuous amend, we accomplish these by remaining clean and sober, by continuing to grow, by continually become better people, by giving of ourselves, by sharing and just by being in recovery.

Now that we are actually going out to make amends it is natural to feel excited and or happy in making some amends where we feel that the amends will heal perhaps family situations or the like. There are others where we feel trepidation and anxious over how certain amends will be received. It is during this step that we need to have close ties to meetings and our support system. As well as to not have any expectations, for some of the ones we expected to go okay and/or well will not be received the way we thought and some of the ones we feared might be difficult were received remarkably well. In either case it is important to remember two things here. One that we have quit the debating team, we do not argue or demand the acceptance or even expect the acceptance of our attempt at amends. We do to the best of our abilities and make the amend as such. Remembering that we our cleaning our own backyards here, It is up to the other party whether they choose to accept the amends or not. It is their choice; our only part was to offer an honest attempt at making amends. For us to do the right thing in cleaning our backyards.

How It Works
Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.
-A.A. Big Book p.79


After we have made a list of people we have harmed, have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have tried to possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to proceed, we will see that the making of direct amends divides those we should approach into several classes. There will be those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we become reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety. There will be those to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or others more harm than good. There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 83


Timing is an essential part of this step. We should make amends when the first opportunity presents itself, except when to do so will cause more harm. Sometimes we cannot actually make the amends; it is neither possible nor practical. In some cases, amends may be beyond our means. We have found that willingness can serve in the place of action where we are unable to contact the person we have harmed. However, we should never fail to contact anyone because of embarrassment, fear or procrastination.
...In some old relationships, an unresolved conflict may still exist. We do our part to resolve old conflicts by making our amends. We want to step away from further antagonisms and ongoing resentments. In many instances we can only go to the person and humbly ask for understanding of past wrongs. Sometimes this will be a joyous occasion when some old friend or relative proves very willing to let go of their bitterness. To go to someone who is hurting from the burn of our misdeeds can be dangerous. Indirect amends may be necessary where direct ones would be unsafe or endanger other people. We can only make our amends to the best of our ability. We try to remember that when we make amends, we are doing it for ourselves. Instead of feeling guilty and remorseful, we feel relieved about our past.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic text Chapter 4 step nine


The making of amends needs to be approached cautiously by codependent people. There are three things amends are or can be. There is one thing they definitely should not be.
Amends can be these things:
1. Sincere efforts to offer apology for past harm.
2. Wonderful bridge-builders for more positive future relationships.
3. Effective agents for removing the tremendous weight of guilt, shame, and remorse.
The one thing amends should never be, though, are installment payments on false guilt or false shame...
There are five categories of persons to whom we may consider making amends. Notice how this contrasts with what we did in Step 8. There we included everyone to whom we were willing to make amends. In Step 9, however, as we prepare to execute this step, we use a high degree of discretion regarding to whom we will make amends and when this should happen...
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 62, 63


Remember God does not create garbage