Meeting Etiquette

Yesterday I was reading Pammie’s blog; Sobriety is Exhausting, She was writing on a newcomers meeting that she has been attending regularly for almost 20 years. A meeting that is filled with a large number of in patients. Now I gathered from her writing, her annoyance of the general disrespect some of these “in Patients” had for the meeting or the premise, purpose and decorum of the meeting. Yet in all this I must in the writing of this profess my admiration and respect for the dedication and level of service she has for nearly 20 years to continually, week in and week out attend this meeting, to carry the message to those in desperate need. Too many forget their routes as they get healthier and go to more shall we say upscale meetings. So hats off to you Pammie.

Now back to my point, it was the thinking that her post brought out in me. It started me thinking of “meeting etiquette”; after all we have all been at meetings where, there are a large number of newcomers and/or a large amount of disarray going on during the meeting. Or meetings that just seem disorganized and or chaotic atmosphere. With those such as Pammie discussed in her post, person’s with their feet on tables and/or chairs, people reading, writing, drawing, having whispered conversations, getting up and down and those getting coffee and clanging the spoon while stirring their coffee, all while the meeting is going on. This is one of the main reasons that only a few with considerable quality clean and sober time attend these meetings. And usually end up with the majority of those attending having little or no real time of being clean and sober. As well as being led by the same, this is not the case in all newcomers meetings however in all too many this becomes the norm.

Yet if I take the time to remember my early days, and get off my high horse on how I think a person ought to behave at a meeting, or rather how I was taught to respect the meeting and those sharing, for the great lessons I have learned from those who shared and the meeting that provided this great avenue of learning. In those early days I had no real concept of respect for others or what wonders were happening in this venue. In those early days I was still consumed with self, it was still all about me. Those early days when the drugs and/or alcohol had just left my system or were still actually detoxing, when my brains for the first time in years, some us decades were not full drugs and/or alcohol. As such my mind was whirling, unable to be still for any length of time, unable to concentrate or focus on a single concept for any period of time. With the same going for my body, being still was nearly impossible for any period of time. To be still and quiet was still quite a foreign concept, never mind that it was near impossible in all actuality. They as time allows be taught about respect, learn to have a semblance of reverence for the miracles that happen in our meetings.

It is those that have been around for a few days, which truly disturb me. Moreover it is their sponsors that I take umberance with, as sponsors is it not our responsibility to teach our sponsee’s about the steps, the traditions and mostly how a person with sobriety behaves, and is most of this teaching not done through example? What examples and teaching are we giving newcomers, for they only do what they have been taught and guided to do, for the most part. I know that my sponsor sat me down and not only told me that meetings were not dating and social clubs. He also spent time on the history of the fellowships and the miracles that happen, as well as how important the sharing is, and to respect each and every one who shares always remembering principles before personalities, it did not matter what I thought of the person who was sharing. My sponsor not only took the time to sit down and talk about these things on many occasions, he showed me with his behaviour at meetings. As such with treatment centres and recovery houses doing so much with newcomers these days and demanding that their charges attend 12 step meetings perhaps they might include this aspect in their curriculums.

Remember God does not create garbage