What am I missing??

Hi all. Sorry to all who looked for a posting today. I wrote one last night, however in my rush I had pushed save rather than post. Then I didn’t check. I apologize, hopefully if you needed some inspiration you went and checked out the extensive posts in the archive list down the side of the blog. Enough of yesterday, time to deal with today’s blog. I was thinking of just posting the one I had planned for yesterday. However I’m sure you already figured out that is not the plan or why would I be writing about it. Well you’re right.

I was talking to a dear friend of mine today. Actually I was chatting on Face book, a new experience for me. As I’ve never been into the whole chat thing or the social network stuff, However it is the way of the world now, and we have to adapt ourselves to the world as it will not adapt to me. Seeing as I have preached this, it was time for me to practise it, and learn this new way. But I’m way off point now. As I said I was chatting with a dear friend of mine, and they were sharing that she was working with her sponsee, and she mentioned that her sponsee was having trouble with the fear of missing out on something, doing this recovery bit. Well I know my dear friend could relate to that old lie. I remember watching her battle it. And well that was my life for the longest time. Looking back, I can see now that was one of my biggest problems in life. I was always afraid I was missing something or the party some fun somewhere. I look back at my work history, I used to get jobs easily enough, and then really work hard for one to even as long as three months, earn some respect and even admiration from my employer. Once I had it, or thought they had an idea of how good I could be, and then it started. I’d miss days, be late come in drunk/high. Leave early, basically become totally irresponsible and unreliable. I was missing the party having fun. This would continue until they would pull me aside for “the talk” which I would have excuses and say “yea-yea” and placate them tell them it wouldn’t happen anymore and go back to performing properly and responsibly for maybe a week or two then back to the party, forcing them to eventually firing me. Then I’d wonder why I was such a good employee. The fact was that when I went to work to work and followed what was required I was. However this only happened in the beginning, then I start feeling I was missing out. This was my behaviour/pattern in all aspects of my life, family, friends, relationships children; creditors, everyone and everything involved in my life got the same treatment. I always had to get back to the party, the action, I might miss something, and it got worse the lies grew the length of time grew, the deceits grew, and then the cheating and stealing started. All for the same reason, I might miss something.

In all reality it was this thinking that made me miss something, actually many things. My life, lost my family, lost countless friendships, lost countless relationships, lost kids, lost material possessions of 100s of thousands of dollars, lost credibility, lost my freedom in more ways than one—(jails—freedom of choice now had to drink and/or drug just to get through the day, never mind live with myself) mostly I lost any shred of self respect, self love, self confidence,. Thinking I might be missing something came very close to me losing life, Actually In all reality I should have, many times over. But God had a different plan for me. But for the Grace of my God. I should be doing life or six feet under.
Remember God does not create garbage