Embarking on your New Life

Hi there, Now I'm certain that facing the truth about yourself and looking at was not the easiest thing you've ever done, Now is where some of those insights are going to come into play, in all actuality that was the easy part now comes the real work---Sober Living, on a day to day basis. Now is where all those cliches and "stupid" little sayings come into play, as you go into the world SOBER and navigate all life's little pitfalls, triumphs and surprises. And you accept these life events SOBER and hopefully somewhat rationally without going "nuts" (Not Using The Steps). Getting Sober, that's a feat in itself. However Staying Sober, now that,s the trick. That's were going to look at now, as this is the ultimate goal. Staying sober with all that life has to throw at us. As most of us have not experienced most of life's situations Clean, without something to aid in celebrating or numbing life's "great little surprises".

The first of these I'd like to look at is Relationships;;; Our intimate relationships... the ones with boyfriends , girlfriends,, significant others, YOU know the ones. Now for those of you that are already in a relationship and has the support of a loved one as you have cleaned up, you may run into a little snag here as you both may expect everything to be rosy now that you've cleaned up. First off I strongly urge your significant other to find their own place to share their experiences and trials such as Al-Anon, Nar Anon ETC.. As they have their own individual things that need to be dealt with, and only They can resolve these. Now you are changing, your desires, wishes, everything is going to be changing, this is going to be difficult for your partner as they will perhaps have thought they knew you, however they knew the old you. You are going to have to learn how to communicate, and for most of us is a whole new thing. Learning how to talk with your partner HONESTLY and not just talk at them but to them, and then perhaps even something even more possibly a new concept of listening to them , communication is two parts 1 honestly talking about our wishes desires feelings ETC 2 listening to feedback and their feelings, wishes,desires without interruption, and not only listening but hearing. You might want to learn about paraphrasing. to know that you are actually hearing what is being said rather than just thinking you've heard what is being said. You may have to deal with your partner not understanding your changing and growth, they may have unresolved resentments over things that happened before you got clean or even resentments over your growth and changes. This is why I strongly recommend Al-Anon, Nar-Anon ETC for partners. However now you may have to be patient with them as they explore these feelings. Remember we were guilty of causing a lot of damage and pain.

As for you that are presently single, there is a very strong desire in us to feel accepted, loved, validated and just to be held by another. There is nothing wrong with this. However it is suggested that you give yourself a year before initiating any strong decisions, and getting involved in a relationship is a major decision. However you and I know that if I,m lucky maybe 1% of you will listen to this suggestion. Because don't you know I know this stuff I can handle it.Yea OK. That being said let's take a bit of a closer look at this. First off let me say there can nothing more beautiful or wonderful gift from God them Human Relations, being held sex ETC. However you have already shown a propensity to get hung up on good feelings, so it is quite easy to get caught up in the feelings of the act of sex thus using others for the feeling thereby again crossing your values and sub consciously self defeating yourself and causing pain to yourself and other's through our selfish nature. As well it is not unheard of for those such as ourselves to get caught up in the thought of being in love or the concept where we blind ourselves thus not being able to see the forest for the trees.

aside from that what do you know about doing life sober??? How many of these things have you ever done Clean? Have you ever been on a date Clean? have you ever really had deep conversations clean? Have you been clean long enough to truly know yourself and what you really desire in a special relationship? Have you ever had sex Clean??? Do you know yourself enough to know what a Clean you wants in a sexual relationship? And give to your partner? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN REJECTED CLEAN?Remember your making love to one of God's children!

One of the strangest things I've noticed is most of us end up in relationships and/or bed with another with less shopping than we'd spend on buying a vehicle. Yet this person and this decision may and will probably have more impact and possible far reaching consequences than a vehicle ever will.Since it is highly unlikely that I can get you to stay away from relationships and/or sex for a considerable amount of time to truly get to know the real you your becoming. I STRONGLY URGE YOU to at least make a list of what you truly want from a relationship, and what you truly desire in a significant other. This way I just might save you and another some painful and possible humiliating experiences.

Remember God doesn't make garbage