Looking at Step One

Hi all it has been awhile and I believe it is time we revisited Step one; Admitted we were powerless over ------------------------, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

I remember when I first heard this step I was completely taken aback, and it repulsed me, the audacity to think that I was Powerless, and then to say my life was unmanageable. To me this was utter nonsense. Powerless I think not, the only way I was powerless was if you had me at gunpoint and/or you had me in handcuffs. As for as unmanageable, well I always managed to get what I needed/wanted, one way or another. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, a place to stay, money, whatever. However after listening to other members I soon came to see that I might have a “wee” bit of a problem. That was when I was lucky enough to be introduced to the program and some very knowledgeable people. They introduced me a “program of Recovery” as suggested by the father of all 12 step organizations, “The Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, in which it says to take “pen to paper”. It was during this process that I began to see the truth about self.

It was in writing my first step one, in my own words, not by a case manager, making it proper or a lawyer, hoping to make me look good and filling in justifications, it was me in my own words, the truth. In black and white, no more dodging, no more rat ionizations, no more denial, just the facts. It should me how it was just my ego that was so offended. It showed me how much my life was controlled by drugs, alcohol, wanting to be accepted, sex, and the list went on. It also showed how little control I had over any of it. It also became quite evident that my life was in total disarray, I had either lost or in the process of losing everything, from money, homes, possessions, relationships family, everything. I called that manageable; in what world was I living??

And yet today, how easy is it for ego to attempt to reassert itself. To think I have power. Yet the truth is I have the power of choice today, the ability to choose what and who is in my life, the power to choose how I react to life’s situations. At the same time remembering that I am powerless over people, places and things. And to remember that when I attempt to manage my life, I can quickly ruin everything, that I am better off with a higher power in my life to manage my day to day affairs.

Remember God does not create garbage