Step 3 Part 2

Step 3 Part 1

Keep It Simple

Sometimes espscially in early recovery , it can seem and feel all to complicated and confusing, more so when going through the steps. So just remember "you don't have to figure it all out. You don't have to try and find out howw it works or the keys to it" just know it works trust th process. Here is a little something (Just For TodayPhamphlet; Vancouver A.A.
Central Office)
JUST FOR TODAY;
Try to live through this day only, and not tackle your whole life problem at
once. You can do something for 12 hours that appall you if you felt that you
had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that
"most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own
deires. I will take my "luck" as it omes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will ty to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful
I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort,
thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and NOT
get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two
things I don't want to do---just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my
feelngs ar hurt; they may be hurt, but to-day I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will be agreeeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low,
act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not
try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it.
I will save myself from two pests; Hurry and Indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During is half hour,
sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

JUST FOR TODAY;
I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
nd to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Remember God does not create garbage

Gratitude List

When times are down, or when your not feeling so good about life when life happens, things are not going the way you wish they would or just plain down. One of the best tools you can use is The Gratitude List.

What you do is grab a pen and paper and start writing down the things your grateful for. Starting with just the material items you may have then add on the other aspects of your current life , such as a recovery community, meetings, family, sponsor, recovery friends and so on. Then go on to include the things that we normally take for granted such as, The use of a brain, eyesight, the use of limbs that work, living in the moment, I mean right at this moment are you starving , like many others around the world, do you have a roof over your head, again unlike many others around the world, the owning or at the very least access to a computer (your reading this), many around the world do not have this., Take a good look in the country you live in compared to many other countries around the world and all the things we take for granted that are luxuries in other parts of the world. A loving God who cherishes and adores you. Are things really so bad, or are you just being ungrateful for what you do have, and a little down because your "WANTS" are all not fulfilled. For true happiness we need to learn to be happy with what we have Rather than happy for the things we want. Point of interest as soon as one of our wants are fulfilled there are ten to take its place. So if your only happy when your wants are fulfilled you will never be happy. Happiness comes from within, Not from outside stuff.
remember God does not make garbage

Step Three continued

Now that we have "turned our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him" I give my troubles , my miseries, my frustrations over to God I no longer have to worry or do anything as God will miraculously take care of it all. WRONG. True you longer have to worry " if you worry don't pray, if you pray don't worry." That part is true God will take care of all . However with God it is a two way street. And as with any great gift come great responsibility, now have you are required to work on being more patient, tolerant, caring, giving and loving towards others. As well as this Just because we've turned all this over to God, does not mean I get to laze around in bed or on the couch doing nothing, as stated before this relationship is a two way street, God does not put my pants on in the morning. For example If I'm unemployed and need to find a job to support myself, and family, Then I need to take the appropriate actions, God will guide me and just may find getting a job in the strangest places doing wonderful opportunities , However this will not take place if I'm not doing my part in making ready showing up and doing what is required. When I do My part and watch for signs Then absolutely miraculous things will happen. I must always take responsibility to do my part. And God will do his and more than likely part of mine.
remember God does not create garbage

Step Three

" Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."

Now make note of the last part of this step. (As we understood him) this is a very important part of step three, a vital part, it will not work without this ingredient. The important aspect here is that it be a God of your choosing and understanding, it is not up to another member to tell you direct you , or in anyway tell you who or what your God is. This is a very personal and intimate relationship , so it absolutely needs to be the God of your choosing and understanding, someone Else's God will not work for you you have to be comfortable and at peace with your own God, in this way will you be able to do as the step asks- to turn your will and your life in complete abandon, trusting in faith your God. In time as with most of us your concept, faith, trust and perception of your God will grow and change. However it is vitally imperative that the concept , trust faith and perception of your God ins one that your are completely comfortable with now.

As we have gone through step one and conceded to our innermost self that our way hasn't worked, "that a life run of self will just has not worked, and as doing the work in step one seen that lack of power has been our dilemma, and through the work in step two have seen that there is a power greater than ourselves, and that it will restore us to a sane life. Now come the part to start taking action.

In other words, If we have seen we our "powerless regarding our additive self and behaviors have produced a undesirable life and seen also a way out a power greater than ourselves with a way out. What are we going to do about it?

First off as the step suggests we make a decision. That decision being to "turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God.

Now a very important decision has to be made . That being the God of our understanding. For how are we to turn our lives and our wills over to something that we have no concept, faith or belief in. Let me clarify this a little. To turn my will over is basically turning over my "thinking" so here we must have some concept , trust faith and belief of our God, for explanation purposes I will share mine , he is peaceful , loving, caring, non judgemental , like a caring doting father. Thus My will I try to align to his loving ,caring, non judgemental, thoughts and thinking, And as for turning my life- this is my behaviors and actions, thus my behaviors and actions need to be loving , caring and non judgemental. Now our lives no longer belongs to us, It belongs to the God of our understanding, doing his will , Not that I will not at times fail and try to take my life back, however it is at these times where my life will become once again unmanageable and painful. However that is part of the human condition. Like most of us you will struggle at continuously through your sobriety.

It must be noted here that just as no one has forced their concept of a higher power or God on us we do like wise and not force our concept and/or understanding of our God on another. Also It is vitally important for us to understand at this point. Just because our God may be peaceful, loving, non judgemental, in no way do we become "door mats" we stand for what we believe in, "To Thine Own Self Be True", We learn to be assertive NOT aggressive but assertive .
Always remembering that we can " Agree to disagree" we do not force our beliefs and/or ways on others and likewise have the dignity and measure not to have others ways and/or beliefs forced on us..

Now once we have gotten to the point of having our own concept, trust , faith and belief in our God. We get on our knees and most of us use the prayer in the Bi Book or basic text, and we say a prayer such as this" God, I offer myself to Thee--- to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life May I do Thy will always."
Now i know there is the constant debate over whether we need do actually get on our knees for this step. I believe the answer to be an resounding YES. It is a show of submission to your GOD. A sign of surrender. I know some of you'll say we are now persons of dignity who needed bend a knee to anyone. Well you your not bending knee to ANYONE but to your GOD. If there is further hesitation what is it really? perhaps EGO, or self will? I wonder if there is a real issue is it because you have not really surrendered in Step one, have you truly conceded to your inner most self? And have you truly done Step Two believe that there is a Power Greater than YOURSELF. I strongly suggest that you might want to revisit Steps One and Two.
remember God does not make garbage

Getting Real

That's really what recovery is all about. Getting Real, Getting honest with self. seeing the truth about self, and doing whats right. This is really difficult for us and not only us but the whole population. A society as a whole does not readily accept the truth most truths are attacked, and well as for doing what is right just look at the society we are surrounded with. Where dishonesty is praised and rewarded.

Back to the truth most people would rather not face the truth. First of we have all built up defense mechanisms against the truth, per Se denial, rationalization, justification to name a few.

Denial-Don't Even Notice I Am Lying- we are so locked up in what ever we are doing that we can't even see what we are really doing most of the time, haven't really taken a good look a it from a different perspective or are incapable of seeing it because our minds are so befuddled.
Or so lost in what are lives are and have been for so long do not even know any difference. We rationalize and/or justify our actions and behaviors by putting the blame on someone and/or something else, not taking responsibility for our own actions saying well if this hadn't happened or they hadn't done this I wouldn't have done that.

doing the right thing well, most of us have lived so long doing what we needed to to survive that we again justified and/or rationalized everything we new to be wrong. Even though most of us stopped seeing a lot of our actions as right or wrong they just were and some of it was just everybody else does it. However all this does is belittle ourselves we are putting ourselves down we are making all those lies be truth. the lies that we started to believe like we are no good, you'll never amount to anything' your just a___ anyway. We kill our own self respect and self image, and this keeps us in our disease. Because those are nothing but lies. And we need to start treating ourselves better if we hope to recover. When we do these things we prostitute our own values we sell our selves out. We do this because consciously or even sub consciously everyone in there being knows the difference between right and wrong and all human beings deep in their souls or inner self has an idea and concept of God and a similar value system . sometimes some values are valued higher than others in each individual the rankings are different BUT they are there none the less. Aware of it or not every time you go against your inner self you damage YOU, your self esteem and your self image the more you damage it the worse you feel. none of us need a Bill of rights, the 10 commandments or a set of laws because we all no the difference between right wrong. When you get quiet with self right in your chest you know. Every time you rationalize and/or justify you've crossed your own line.It doesn't matter what other people do or how they live, we do recovery for ourselves and are accountable for ourselves, PERIOD. Every time you sell yourself out. You make your recovery that much harder. we must always do our best to do what's right and what's right in front of us.

That's no to say we don't make mistakes. We are human and part of being human is mistakes. However a mistake is doing something and then realizing I've messed up. in recovery we do whatever it takes to remedy the situation. It does not give us a license to do wrong because it's convenient and I'll remedy it later.
Remember God does not make garbage

Patience

Patience, Like all of us in recovery, patience was a hard one to learn. We live in a society of instant coffee, instant mashed potatoes the list goes on and on, our whole society is geared for instant results. However if you tried any of these instant products or services you find that they are usually lacking and not very good compared to the real "McCoy", as it is with recovery. You just can't have the learning wisdom and experience that ONLY time gives. However we still want it . We look sometimes at all the time we wasted and want to get back to life, to get back to work to get back to our relationships, to get relationships, to start families and so on. This can be very dangerous, not only to ourselves but to the ones we involve. The bottom line is we need time to really recover, and tackle the mainstream once again. Part of recovery is giving oneself adequate time to recover, to be in a position, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to re-integrate in the mainstream of society.

Let's look at the facts it took us years sometimes decades to get to the state we have found ourselves in. Another hard fact is that we stopped growing emotionally and spiritually, when we started our using, so that makes us emotionally the age when we started using. Any wonder why we had continued failed relationships or problems in our relationships. The other fact is that it is going to take years to actually recover from the abuses we have done to ourselves. Rule of thumb is that you should take time to get back into the mainstream , each individual case varies mind you, A month to six months is a usual good frame again depending on the state you arrived in. Another is as suggested in most programs not to make any serious decisions in the first year, relationships being a serious decision. The "Big Book" states " sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, but it will come if you work for them".

I remember a couple of "Oldtimers" telling me that it takes five years to " get your head out your ass and then another five years to get rid of the ring around your neck", I just nodded and thought to myself yea well that's just because you were so pickled and didn't have the resources I have nor the treatment facilities in those days and because your not as smart or determined as I am. Well at five years I understood what they meant slightly and at ten years almost completely understood. The habits and habitual thinking that was ingrained from the way I had lived for so long, took time for the perceptions to change for my outlook on live to change. most of it came very early, however it was the subtle little things and the instant reactions that still was there.

Life does get better actually quite quickly but it's the underlying things ingrained that will trip you up if you do not continual look for them and work on your recovery. Big things are easy to recognize and to work on. It's the little things, comments we utter , thoughts , the little actions, we ignore , rationalize, justify, that will trip us up. constant vigilance.

If you try to rush the process you'll get rushed results. If you work on it and have patience and faith you will get more than you could ever imagined. So don't cheat yourself.

One other thing remember to be careful what you pray for. I made the mistake of praying for patience as I believe alot of us do I found out after as many related to what I about to tell you. My God listens and knows that for me to truly have this trait I've prayed for then I need to learn it , so my God gave me new and wonderful ways to "LEARN" patience.
Remember God does not make Garbage.

Just For Today/ One Day at a Time

This saying can be confusing and sometimes irrateting (to say the least) to newcomers. Yes in some instances time really does matter and in making some decisions one must really explore the past histories and future possibilities. However in recovery when we are quoting the phrase, it ussually an attempt to soothe a person in turmoil, distress and/or just basically overwhelmed by one or more situations. The basic aspect this is used to relieve is the habit that most addictive personalties have in dealing with problems , we get all caught up in our heads and try to remedy "percieved catastrophies" right now and usually involving mutltiple outcomes, scenarios and fixes. With the perception that this is a catastrophy and monumental and that nobody can understand, and I need an imediate solution, or my world will fall apart. As well as of course the aspect of getting Clean and Sober can only be done one day at a time and sometimes in the begining for some of us we have to break that down to just for this moment I won't use, and then just for this hour I won't drink, and so on.

When sh*t happens and it will because that is just life. It's not like you come into recovery and get clean and sober and your life just turns into fantasy land and the world just gives you everything and all problems are eliminated. Not Even close Everybody in recovery has Life problems and unexpected situations, possibly even more than "normys". Yes miraculous things will happen and fantastic oppotunities will present themselves, however so will everyday life and that is all it is is life on lifes terms. However in recovery you will learn how to put these catastrophies into perspective, how to see the big picture, you will know that it is not the "end of the world" or even earth shattering it is but life, and it will be ok.

No matter what the situation, a mate leaves us, a mate cheats on us, a loved one dies, lose a job, an accident, getting audited, getting charge,incarcerated, whatever the situation. We learn to stop mostly the racing in the mind, we Breathe in and out, we reach out ( sponsor, peer group, support group, God) pray, Then look at the big picture right at this moment, am I alive, do I have food in my stomach, do I have a roof over my head (even just temporary). Then right at this moment things are OK, Not fantastic but ok. next examine what issue is, Have I done everything I am capable of doing at this moment, calmy do what you can right at this moment and leave the rest to when it is possible no use dwelling on things that can not be done. Now Just do what is Right and what is right in front of you, if you do just that you will be amazed at how many things will take care of themselves.

As for situations as stated above, it's not to belittle them or to ignore how painful some of these life events can be, however that's all they are is life events normal everyday life occurences> Sometimes what we perceive as painful unjust curses, end up being just the opposite and are actual blessings. Lets look at a death, painful and tragic and this is amplified depending on how close we were to the individual and the circumstances, however it is a fact of life we are born and we will die, in this world we live in there are many possibilities how this will come about, yet it will happen, and depending on your beliefs what becomes of the departed,? they got to heaven, reincarnation, vahalla, ETC, we just don't want them gone they our supposed to stay here with us, what if they have been suffering, isn't the option of not in this world are they better off in a better place, yet selfishly we weren't ready to let them go. Not that we do not need to grieve, to feel the loss and the separation is painful sometimes even more depending on the circumstances, yet can you change it? Can you bring them back to life? Can you go back in time and prevent it? Reality is they are gone . Sad but reality, Painful but reality. Wrongfully, possibly but realty. Reality is reality and we have to adjust ourselves to reality because it will not adjust itself to us. If we want to be happy, joyous and free and we want those around us to have this too then we have no alternative but to accept reality for what it is, you don't have to like it but you need to accept it, even if you believe it to be wrong or unjust. If this is the case then all the more reason to accept it because it is the way to move on and in moving on we can do more about recovery and in recovery we recreate ourselves and the world in which we live making for a better reality for all is the ultimate goal only it starts with ourselves. As for mates leaving losing jobs etc. How many times have you heard some one or yourself saying "I just got the best job I ever had, they have this and that" or "I just met the best mate in the world they're understanding loving caring Yaddda Yadda" Well would that have happened if they were still at the old job, or with the Ex. Probably not. It's like the old saying, When one door closes another opens, We just have to be open to see and looking for it it might only be a crack open or a window. However if your dwelling in the past and fighting reality you will probably miss fantastic opportunities TODAY.
Remember God does not make Garbage