The truth about relapse

Relapse is a very serious subject; some have a very cavalier attitude towards relapse. I believe that yes it is a very real and distinct possibility in the recovery community, so much so that it is not given the seriousness and respect this subject requires. Relapse can be extremely devastating to the lives of those who relapse, however it can be just if not more devastating to those associated with the one who relapses. The hard and cold fact about relapse is that it kills. Many newcomers scoff at this idea, their thinking is “i.ve been using and or drinking this long, one more isn’t going to kill me.” Unfortunately I can’t count how many times I’ve heard this statement, even more unfortunate is the amount of times that I have never ever seen the person again who uttered this statement. The sad truth is we all have another relapse in us, the real question is “Do you have another recovery in you?” The cold hard fact is that the relapse can be “the last straw” on your body and you DIE. Sometimes you don’t die, however it was “the last straw” for family and/or friends and they are gone out of your life forever. Sometimes this isn’t the case and you just cause more pain and anguish. And sometimes you just keep doing what you’re doing, and you are too embarrassed to come back, or afraid, and you just get lost in oblivion. The land of the undead, the purgatory of the alcoholic and/or addict. Moving towards a slow, painful, lonely and ugly death. Sometimes we see an individual who eventually makes it back and their mental and/or physical presence is nothing compared to the once vibrant soul who had left the safety of recovery. The damage to the brain and body so devastating that it cannot be reversed. The point being that many who thought” one more wouldn’t hurt” never make it back, and the few that do many are not half the person they were when they left. And yes sometimes it is not the drinking and/or drug that kill you it is the lifestyle associated with drinking and drugging.

So For the next week or so we are going to be taking a closer look at relapse. We are going to look at the signs and symptoms of relapse and some of the relapse traps

Remember God does not create garbage.

A Deeper Look At " THE SERENITY PRAYER'

GOD
Saying this word you are admitting the existence of
Consciousness or a higher power that is greater
Than you

GRANT
Saying this second word, you are admitting that this
Consciousness or higher power is able to bestow and
Give to you and others

ME
You are asking something for yourself, Holy texts say
That if you ask sincerely, it shall be given. It is not wrong
To ask for improving oneself. For with the improvement
Of your character, both you and those around you will
Be happier and your relationships will have a better
Chance to improve

THE SERENITY
You are asking for calmness, composure and
Inner peace in your life which will enable you
To transcend your ego, to think straight, and
To govern yourself properly

TO ACCEPT
You are resigning yourself to conditions as
They are right now, you are living in the now
The present moment

THE THINGS
You acknowledge your tragedy, death,
Suffering. Illness and pain, as a part of
Your life, neither good nor bad. You accept
Your humanness and fallibility. You are
Accepting your lot in life as it is. Until you
Have the courage to change any part of your
Life you don’t like. You must accept it.

I CANNOT CHANGE
You can’t prevent these events or
Conditions from happening to you
Or others

COURAGE
A quality which enables you to deal
With the problems and realities of life
Without reliance on alcohol or drugs
A determination to stand your ground
And “slug it out” with all issues, pleasant
Or otherwise, that might return you to
Drinking and/or using. A strength of your
Spirit to face and handle the negatives.
Fearlessness in the practice of faith
Humility and honesty

TO CHANGE
In facing these negatives directly and
Honestly you are asking for yourself
And your life conditions to be different
You are taking an active part in the
Changing

THE THINGS I CAN
You are asking for help to make the
Right decisions. Everything is not the
Way you would like it to be in your life
You must continue to face reality and
Constantly work toward continued
Growth and progress

AND WISDOM
You are asking for the ability to rise
Above your ego and form sound
Judgements about yourself and your
Life. You then use this ability to ask for
Guidance from yourself others and a
Higher power

TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
You want to be able to understand clearly
Truths of fact. You want to see things differently
In your life so that you will be more aware
Of yourself and others. You need to sense a
Definite value in loving over being selfish


Remember God does not create garbage

Revisiting Step Three

Here we are, Step Three “Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.” Here it is one of the biggest stumbling blocks for newcomers of the 12 step program of recovery. It is the G word; it brings up all kinds of resentments, prejudices and feelings. For most of us there is also a lot of mistrust associated around the word “GOD”. First off, it is imperative that I point out here that the 12 step program of recovery is based on spiritual principles, not religious principles. There is a distinct difference; the difference being is a religion has its own Doctrine of belief and/or dogma and its principles are based on that doctrine. Secondly the word God is usually associated with our understanding of a religion. Now even though most of all the holy texts contain the same basic principles, their respective leaders and doctrine dictate how these principles are practiced and applied.


Then we come to the other objections, such as; if there really was an all loving God, how could he let all these unspeakable acts and atrocities happen? Or they Look at all the atrocities, horrors and wars pert rated in the name of God. And then there is the old standby, I tried the God thing before and all I got was pain and anguish, he let me down. Well again there are answers to these, if we truly get honest with ourselves, and truly look at what this step is actually saying, and asking of us.

To begin with, let’s go back to the previous two steps and recall what we have learned there. In steps one, we learned that we have a problem, that we need help, we learned our way does not work, we learned we had a lack of power, so we learned a bit of humility, surrender and that there is a way out. In step two we learned that, there are powers greater than ourselves, we also learned that there was power available for us, we learned that this power would help us. We also learned in these steps to have an open mind, to be willing to give things a try and to be honest.

So with that let us now try to re examine step three, looking for possibilities rather than objections. Again let me repeat again that this is a spiritual program not a religious one. There by taking away your religious objection to step three. Now my god is not an invasive God, he allows me to have freedom of choice as with all people. This being the case it is people’s choice which has dictated most of the atrocities and state of the world we live in. Secondly when I previously tried God it was usually with a list of things I wanted him to do and give me. Never taking the responsibility for my situation and life rather just want him to fix with no real action and/or responsibility for myself. When he did not deliver to my demands according to my timetable and wants, I found him lacking.


So let’s look at step three again. It is asking me to turn my will and my life over to the care of god of my understanding. This is the key, not someone else’s conception of God, not the God I was taught by someone else’s belief, not a God I was told existed and how he existed and operated. A God I could understand and relate with. So maybe it’s time you created a personal relationship with YOUR God, not someone else’s conception. As well G.O.D. can be viewed as the steps, they are G.ood, they are O.rderly and they give you D.irection. There is also G.roup O.f D.runks or D.ruggies, and they are making it. There is also the aspect that the spiritual principles are good orderly and give direction.

FROM WIKIPEDIA
"Spirituality can refer to an ultimate or immaterial reality; [1] an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being; or the “deepest values and meanings by which people live.”[2] Spiritual practices, including meditation, prayer and contemplation, are intended to develop an individual's inner life; such practices often lead to an experience of connectedness with a larger reality, yielding a more comprehensive self; with other individuals or the human community; with nature or the cosmos; or with the divine realm.[3] Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life.[4] It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.
Spirituality, in a wide variety of cultural and religious concepts, is itself often seen as incorporating a spiritual path, along which one advances to achieve a given objective, such as a higher state of awareness, to become a perfect human being, outreach wisdom or communion with God or with creation. Plato's Allegory of the Cave, which appears in book VII of The Republic, is a description of such a journey, as are the writings of Teresa of Avila. The spiritual journey is a path that has a dimension primarily subjective and individual. For a spiritual path may be considered a path of short duration, directed at a specific target, or a lifetime. Every event of life is part of this journey, but in particular one can introduce some significant moments or milestones, such as the practice of various spiritual disciplines (including meditation, prayer, fasting), the comparison with a person believed with deep spiritual experience (called a teacher, assistant or spiritual preceptor, guru or otherwise, depending on the cultural context), the personal approach to sacred texts, etc. If the spiritual path is the same in whole or in part, with an initiatory path, there may be tests to overcome. Such tests usually before a social significance are a "test" for the individual of his reaching a certain level. Spirituality is also described as a process in two phases: the first on inner growth, and the second on the manifestation of this result daily in the world

Secular spirituality denotes various attempts to recognize aspects of life and human experience which are not captured by a purely materialist or mechanistic view of the world, but without accepting belief in the supernatural. It is for example possible to regard many kinds of spiritual practice such as mindfulness and meditation as beneficial or even necessary for human fulfillment without accepting any supernatural interpretation or explanation. Indeed, there is no necessary connection between spirituality and belief at all. For some, the term simply carries connotations of an individual having a religious outlook which is more personalized, less structured, more open to new ideas/influences, and more pluralistic than that of the doctrinal faiths of organized religions, although whether it is helpful to call this view secular may be doubtful. While atheism tends to lean towards skepticism regarding supernatural claims and the existence of any actual "spirit", some atheists define "spiritual" as nurturing thoughts, emotions, words and actions that are in harmony with a belief that the entire universe is, in some way, connected; even if only by some mysterious flow of cause and effect at every scale.[9] Some versions of Buddhist spirituality would also be examples of this style of thought since Buddhism, although conventionally involving the supernatural is not theistic."


In contrast, those of a more 'New-Age' disposition see spirituality as the active connection to some force/power/energy/spirit, facilitating a sense of a deep self.
For some, spirituality includes introspection, and the development of an individual's inner life through practices such as meditation, prayer and contemplation. Some modern religions also see spirituality in everything: see pantheism and neo-Pantheism. In a similar vein, religious naturalism has a spiritual attitude towards the awe, majesty and mystery it sees in the natural world.

This is not to say that religion does not have its place or that one should abandon their personal religious beliefs, in all actuality if one does have a religious practice and belief it is highly suggested to continue with a path you are familiar and comfortable with. Once again –A God of YOUR understanding.


Now let us look at the first part of the step again, “Made a decision to turn our will and life over to the care of...” Well it is rather simple, however not easy it will take time and effort. Mad a decision > well if you really made a decision it needs to be followed with action, this is an action step. “Turn our will and life over” again rather simplistic. Your will is your thinking and your life is your actions. So in essence turning your will and life over is thinking and acting in a manner that is consistent with your concept of your higher power. Or even easier the basic spiritual principles, thinking and acting with love, kindness, giving, tolerant, patient, caring, honest, forgiving, integrity to name a few. On a daily basis.


How It Works
We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always?" We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him
- A.A. Big Book p.63



Like all the remaining Steps, Step Three calls for affirmative action, for it is only by action that we can cut away the self-will which has always blocked the entry of God - or, if you like a Higher Power - into our lives. Faith, to be sure, is necessary, but faith alone can avail nothing. We can have faith, yet keep God out of our lives. Therefore our problem now becomes just how and by what specific means shall we be able to let Him in? Step Three represents our first attempt to do this. In fact, the effectiveness of the whole A.A. program will rest upon how well and how earnestly we have tried to come to "a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him".
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 40


But other people say "making a decision" to do something is only the first part of doing it. For example, if I make a decision to buy a house, I haven't bought the house yet, and I certainly can't move in this afternoon. There are a series of things I must do after making a decision to buy a house before I have actually bought it. I have to find a house, get a realtor, a lawyer, a banker, check taxes, check a certificate of title, and do all kinds of other things. Then finally, at the end of the process, I've bought the house, and I'm living in it. In taking Step Three, if you make a decision to turn your will and life over to God, you're deciding. You're committing to "buy the house". You're committed to turning your life and your will over to God. But you haven't completed the transaction when you say the words of commitment.
... I asked my sponsor, "If saying the words doesn't turn my will and my life over to God, how do I do it?" He smiled and said, "That's what Steps Four through Twelve are: the way to turn our whole lives - past, future, and present - over to God."
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 53


We found that all we needed to do was to try. When we gave our best effort to the Program, it worked for us as it has worked for countless others. The Third Step does not say, "We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God". It says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him". We made the decision; it was not made for us by the drugs, our families, a probation officer, judge, therapist or doctor. We made it. For the first time since that first high, we have made a decision for ourselves.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 3


A common recovery phrase used in Twelve Step groups is "Turn it over." For the recovering person, that means turning over to God's care not only the major, conspicuous addictions like alcoholism. It means turning over every aspect of life, even the small frustration involved in handling children or trying to make a faulty appliance work or dealing with congested freeway traffic. In the face of these irritations, the recovering person will say time and time again, "Turn it over; turn it over; turn it over."
...Breaking out of this bondage of self does not mean we ignore or deny our needs. In fact, quite the reverse is true. If we can discover healthy, God-directed ways to meet our emotional and physical needs, then we become less needy, less selfish, less self-preoccupied individuals. This is another recovery paradox. Discovering what our needs are and asking to have those needs met may be one of the most unselfish things we do. All of us have needs, and all of us have choices as to how those needs are to be met. Addictions, compulsions, and co dependencies are counterfeit means of trying to meet our basic physical, emotional, and spiritual hungers. With God's help we can find genuine ways of satisfying them.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 34,35


Remember God does not create garbage

The True Essence of the Program

So have you figured it out yet? Have you gotten to the point yet of discovering what this program is really all about? This program has very little to do with alcohol and/or drugs. If you haven’t noticed it yet, let me enlighten you. This is a 12 step program; there is only one step, the first step that has any mention of drugs and/or alcohol. In the literature it is very clear, in case you missed it. The alcohol and/or drugs are not the problem, they are the symptom. You perception, your lack of power, your thinking, you are the problem. Now make no mistake as a result of the 12 step program you will become clean and sober, this is a fact.

This is a program of spiritual principles, principles found in all the ancient holy books and all the books of wisdom. This program is a program for living, life on life’s terms. This program is about honesty, courage, DISIPLINE, FAITH, ACCEPTANCE, HUMILITY, TOLERANCE, CHAEITY, KINDNESS, and LOVE, however mostly it is about DIGNITY AND INTEGRITY. When you do the steps as laid out, and put the principles and lessons into your daily life. You will become a person of principles, of respectability, of integrity and of course dignity. You will become a very rare commodity on this earth. Look around at the world in which we live, look at the news in print, online and on T.V. How often do you see someone of true honesty, integrity and dignity? That in itself tells you why the world is in the shape it’s in. Hopefully if enough of us carry the torch of honesty, dignity and integrity. It will spread and our world might have a chance, and with it a better world for us our families and for future generations.

Remember God does not create garbage

A Daily Program

You have chosen a new path. Your life journey has been altered, as always you have a choice. The choice is to continue on this new path, or go back towards your previous path. Your previous path was one of pain and destruction, both for you and those in your life, with no good endings, probable ending in jail, institutions and a painful and lonely death. However we cannot be certain where exactly your new journey will take you. We can say that along the way you will experience a new freedom, a happier contented life, with renewed respect from family, friends and self respect. A loss of shame and guilt. A life better than you could have ever imagined.

In an effort to increase your growth and your rate of growth, for a new found dignity and self respect. We would suggest a new daily regime for your recovery. Or perhaps better said might be a daily recovery program to go along with ‘The 12 Step Program” of recovery, you have chosen to follow.

Here is your suggested daily program:

Get up a ½ hour early each day, in order to accommodate some of these tasks

Ask your Higher Power for help, not to drink and/or use today
To overcome one defect


Eat a well balanced healthy breakfast, leisurely


Read one page in a daily meditation book or self help book and 2 pages in the text of your program


Talk with one of your fellowships and/or one of your support system about recovery


Pray earnestly upon waking and before bed


Perform an act of “random kindness”


Look for the good in each individual you encounter Today


Remember to practice your program in the home


Do not procrastinate, do not put off till tomorrow what can be accomplished TODAY


Review your day before bed and give thanks for another day


Attend at least three meetings this week


Live the 12 steps in all you do today


“It is said that 90% of the things we do everyday are “HABITS”, so let us make the above suggestions. “DAILY HABITS”


Remember God does not create garbage

OUR LIFE = OUR ATTITUDE

Ponder, if you will this poem and how it applies to recovery, or should I say your recovery and the changes of your perception of life and what you want from your life.

“ATTITUDE”


“THE LONGER I LIVE, THE MORE I REALIZE THE IMPACT OF ATTITUDE ON LIFE.


ATTITUDE, TO ME, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FACTS.


IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE PAST, THAN EDUCATION, THAN MONEY


THAN CIRCUMSTANCES, THAN FAILURES, THAN SUCCESSES


THAN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK SAY OR DO.


IT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN APPEARANCE, GIFTEDNESS OR SKILL.


IT WILL MAKE OR BREAK A COMPANY. . . A HOME.


THE REMARKABLE THING IS WE HAVE A CHOICE


EVERYDAY REGARDING THE ATTITUDE WE WILL EMBRACE FOR THE DAY.


WE CANNOT CHANGE OUR PAST. . .


WE CANNOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT PEOPLE WILL ACT IN A CERTAIN WAY.


WE CANNOT CHANGE THE INEVITABLE.


THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS PLAY ON THE ONE STRING WE HAVE,


AND THAT IS OUR ATTITUDE . . .


I AM CONVINCED THAT LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS TO ME


AND 90% HOW I REACT TO IT.”

CHARLES SWINDOLL


Remember God does not create garbage

If I Had My Life To Live Over Again....

I”D DARE TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES NEXT TIME

I”D RELAX

I WOULD LIMBER UP

I WOULD BE SILLIER THAN I HAVE BEEN THIS TRIP

I WOULD TAKE FEWER THINGS SERIOUSLY

I WOULD TAKE MORE CHANCES

I WOULD TAKE MORE TRIPS

I WOULD CLIMB MORE MOUNTAINS AND SWIM MORE REVIERS

I WOULD EAT MORE ICE CREAM AND LESS BEANS

I WOULD PERHAPS HAVE MORE ACTUAL TROUBLES, BUT FEWER IMAGINARY ONES

YOU SEE, I”M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
WHO LIVE SENSIBLY SND SANELY HOUR AFTER HOUR, DAY AFTER DAY

OH, I”VE HAD MY MOMENTS

IF I HAD IT TO DO OVER AGAIN, I”D HAVE MORE OF THEM

IN FACT, I”D TRY TO HAVE NOTHING ELSE

JUST MOMENTS, ONE AFTER ANOTHER, INSTEAD OF LIVING SO MANY YEARS AHEAD OF EACH DAY

I”VE BEEN ONE OF THOSE PERSONS WHO

NEVER GOES ANYWHERE WITHOUT A THERMOMETER, A HOT WATER BOTTLE, A RAINCOAT AND A PARACHUTE

IF I COULD DO IT AGAIN, I WOULD TRAVEL LIGHTER THAN I HAVE

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER,

I WOULD START BAREFOOT EARLIER IN THE SPRING AND STAY LATER IN THE FALL

I WOULD GO TO MORE DANCES

I WOULD RIDE MORE MERRY-GO-ROUNDS

I WOULD PICK MORE DAISIES
NADINE STAIR


Remember God does not create garbage

Becoming Self Aware

“To know others is Clever, to know oneself is enlightenment.”


Addiction is a twofold disease to overcome, firstly we have to tackle the Physical Addiction; (the using), and this requires detoxification and outlasting the withdrawal. Which is a relatively short process, however depending on the substance, may require medical supervision, and can be painful physically and psychologically. Thankfully it is a short process, although during the process it may not seem so short.
Secondly is the psychological dependence, (the thinking and feeling) this requires a whole new set of life coping skills acquired through the recovery process, and will continue grow through your recovery, continuously.

As we all know the insanity of our addictions was repeating the same behaviours (in essence) over and over, and expecting a different result. So let me ask you something,” If you built a house and it fell down, would you then rebuild your house the same way?” Hopefully not. Well that is what recovery is all about, rebuilding your life differently? Your way didn’t work. Recovery is going to give you new tools, and a better plan. However it is up to you to learn how to use these tools properly and to read the plans and adjust them accordingly. However the work and the learning are on you to do. However it is next to impossible to do alone, there is help and guidance available. Use it!

Now as you detoxify and your faculties and feeling become less numb, you will start becoming more aware of what is going on around you as well as within you, it will seem your body feels more, your mind is racing and your emotions and feelings are more acute. You will probably feel overwhelmed and/or bombarded by these feelings, emotions and the mind racing, you may feel like running back to what you know or shutting down that this is all too much and you can’t deal with it. Take a deep breath and try to relax, this is normal, we have all felt the same way top one degree or another. You can handle it and you will survive. This is one of the main reasons that you have been advised to go to meetings, and get a support system. For at the meetings you will find others experiencing the same thing or those that have been through this. They will help. A support system is the suggestions you have heard about in the meetings. They should consist of a sponsor, a few close people that are on the same path, those who accept you for you, and possibly a recovery coach and counsellor. These people will guide you on the use of your new tools and probably provide you with more as time progresses.

Now that you are becoming self aware, the most valuable tool you are going to need is the 12 step program. With you new tool and support system you will learn to indentify specifically, all these new feelings and thoughts. Now with the help of your support system and tools you can start to identify exactly what needs to be fixed in your life.
This new tool will also help you increase yourself awareness, which is essential for your recovery. Unlike those without addiction issues self awareness is essential. Most people don’t truly know themselves; unfortunately they go through their whole life never knowing who and what they truly are. They look for answers in their family, from other people, from work, from accomplishments, toys, possessions and so on, never finding an answer or true happiness. In true recovery we must find our answers from within, from being truly self aware, thus finding freedom and a life that is happy, joyous and free. However this is not an easy journey we must have courage, we absolutely need the help of a support system. We cannot do this alone, yet we do it ourselves.


“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities, than to hide them, more strength to relate to others rather than dominate them, more “manhood” to abide by thought out principles rather than blind reflex, toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in the muscles and an immature mind.”
Alex Karras


These tools must constantly be expanded and used, or one becomes open to becoming a “dry Drunk”. True sobriety is an action of insights and skills far beyond abstinence. It is a creative art of living, loving and personal growth.


Remember God does not create garbage

Denial

Denial is not the river in Egypt. It is a tool that you have developed and mastered over the years to protect your addiction. D.E.N.I.A.L Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying.


“We have troubles because we refuse to grow up.” Said the master. “How will we know when we have grown up?” asked the student. “When we no longer need to be lied to.” Replied the master.


Now that you have reached recovery, means that you don’t need or want to continue to lie to yourself, that is if you truly want real recovery. Denial was your escape from responsibility and reality, your own little fantasy world. It was lying to yourself, telling yourself, everything is fine, you are in control, there is no problem. Denial keeps you from the truth of your life and situation. A spiritual reality is when we experience the truth; from there you can change and transform your life.


For many of us our addiction seems to have a personality and a voice all its own. For example, most of us feel and behave differently in different areas of our lives. Such as work, in the classroom, with our parents, with our kids, on a date, with our spouse or partner ETC...We teach our children that it is wrong to lie, and they should always tell the truth, no matter what. Then we lie to our boss, lie on our taxes, even to our own parents. It is as if we several different personalities existing in our consciousness. One of these is our addiction; it has a life and a voice as well. And to stay alive and well it creates its own stories and lies to us. In essence it tells us we are fine and do not have a problem, when our life is falling apart, just so we can keep doing what we’re doing. This is denial in action.


To recover from addiction we need to recognize our denial. We need to see the truth of our lives and stop lying to ourselves. Denial is a protective mechanism. It is a defence to keep us from the pain of facing the truth about our addiction. It keeps us from seeing our powerlessness as well as the consequences and unmanageability of our addiction. If we choose not to see the truth, our addiction can continue to destroy our lie.


Denial comes in many forms; everybody suffers from denial, not just those with addictions. If you are human you have denial about something. Denial protects us from the pain, the pain from facing the reality of our own unhealthy or wrongful behaviours. However as those with addictions, to keep our denial is to die. Not only do we fail to see what it is doing to us, it creates havoc and pain for all who come in contact with us. We need to recognize our own denial and the forms it takes. In doing so we can loosen the grip addictions has on our lives and replace it with truth, acceptance and recovery.


We have used denial in many forms , such as simply denying, minimizing, rationalizing, blaming, bargaining, intellectualizing, diversion, passivity, hostility and just plain old excuses,. We have used these forms of denial and/or behaviours to avoid the truth about our addiction. Now you need to recognize where and when you have used these forms and/or behaviours, which are your favourites. So that you can see your truth, and recover.



Remember God does not create garbage

The H.O.W. it works, of the Program

You know it’s kind of funny actually, when you think about it. We usually come into the fellowship and the meetings, because our lives are a mess. Yet here we are, and one of the first things we want to know is how does this work, firstly because we have very little if any trust in anything, and we want to see what kind of weird stuff we gotten ourselves into this time. Secondly we want to know how it works so we can dissect it and tell you why this will not work for me, or we want to dissect it take out all the unnecessary stuff, so that we kind find the short cuts (easier softer way) and get out of here as fast as possible and/or we are going to change it and make it better, because “don’t you know who I am”. After awhile we look back at this stage and smile and shake our heads.

The H.O.W. of the program or as I like to put it the W.H.O. of the program is twofold. The first part is the who? And the who is you, you are the one who’s life is falling apart and needs to listen and follow directions, who doesn’t know crap about how to fix their life, don’t deny it otherwise you would not be in the meetings and/or reading this. Let us get honest right from the get go, no one of us goes to a meeting for the first time and wants to find out about the meetings, fellowship and program because their life is great, we all came the first time because our lives were falling apart and thought just maybe I might find some help or you were sent by the courts and your life is really going downhill. No one comes for the first time saying,” YAHOO I finally reached A.A., N.A. C.A. or whatever ?.A. .
The second part is for what each individual letter in W.H.O., W> stands for WILLINGNESS, the willingness to do whatever it takes to get your life back. The willingness to listen, the willingness to take suggestions, the willingness to take action on those suggestions, the willingness to face the second letter H> Honesty and the willingness to get honest. To get honest first and foremost about and with yourself, to be willing to actually see and admit firstly to yourself the truth about your life and yourself. Then to work towards being totally honest with others. And to have the willingness to have an open mind, on everything you will hear, on the suggestion you will be given, on your judgement of yourself and others. On All your preconceived notions and beliefs.
This is the beginning of how it works, It is hard to change these things overnight, it will take perseverance on your part and work, however as you begin to adopt these principles you will come to hear about and be directed and drawn to the actual program, That being the 12 steps and this is truly how it works, through the practice and adoption of these steps your Willingness, Honesty and Open-mindedness will grow and in proportion your life will improve.

Remember God does not create garbage

Life's hard times

There is no doubt, that at times life seems very hard and unfair, sometimes even to the point of unbearable. To say the least life is challenging. Through the ages there is much poignant euphuism about this very fact.

Life can be hard and dangerous;
Those who seek happiness may find sorrow;
Those who seek peace may find strive:
Those who seek love may find disappointment;
Joy comes to those who do not fear solitude;
Life comes to those not afraid to die’
Joyce Cary

Life is not a matter of holding good cards
But sometimes, of playing a poor hand well.
Robert Louis Stevenson

It seems that the fact is that life is a challenge, or as some say a “school for the soul”, No matter what your belief is the fact remains that life has its rainy days, its sunny days and its stormy days, as well as everything in between. Life is like a ship at sea, sometimes the sailing is smooth and comfortable, were we are guided by the stars and a clear compass. At other times we feel lost, cut adrift, seemingly lost. It is then that we must batten down the hatches and trim the sails and stay the course in hope of staying afloat. And then even the most experienced sailors may get blown off course, or worse, swamped and perhaps even sunk. That is life. No matter how masterful and experienced you may become, the storms of life are unavoidable. However this is not what makes a life or the person, what makes the life and the person is our reaction to and courage in the face of the storm and its aftermath.
It is said that if it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger, this is only if you choose it to be so. There are many that life has beaten down, and they choose to remain beaten and wallow in the pain. Yes it is a choice. Life can be hard and unfair and sometimes it seems that some seem to have far more than others to weather. However again I say it is a choice to stay beaten or to pick yourself up and keep on keeping on. This is the true measure of a life. It takes a great deal of courage to pick oneself up and continue.
Courage is like a muscle, we strengthen it with use. RUTH GORDON
Sometimes we turn to God, when our foundations are shaking
Only to find it is God who is shaking them
Anonymous
The point seems to be that when life is hunky dory, and we are comfortable and gliding along, things are simple and easy, however not much is truly accomplished and/or learned. Yet when an adversity comes we get more active and alert. And if not during, certainly after we are able to learn and grow; IF WE SO CHOOSE. This is we acquire wisdom and the ability and resources to be of help and assistance to our fellows.
As Saint Augustine is quoted; “pray not for a lighter load, But for stronger shoulders”

We pray and demand a lot of our God; we constantly ask of, however I truly believe that in doing so I have to be very careful and specific. For usually I have found that my God rarely just hands me my wants, He gives me ways to learn how to accomplish said wants.

Life therefore is not about the storms or difficulties we may encounter in our journey. It is in how we choose to weather the storms, and how we live in the wake of the storms of life that truly measures one’s life.
Remember God does not create garbage

Revisiting Step Two

Not long ago we revisited Step One, only reasonable to now revisit Step Two.
“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”

Step two , again as stated in revisiting Step One , we had been suggested to “put pen to paper” now doing so in Step two is again quite advantageous and very helpful, especially to get over the indignation that this step can bring up for the alcoholic and/or addict. Most of us alcoholics and/or addicts, immediately rail at the mention of a higher power. First off it sets off the ego, and then we realize that in actuality they are using higher power to bring up the God stuff, which is a whole other kettle of fish. Then after a bit we notice the end part and really take offence, restore us to sanity. How dare you imply that I’m insane we retort

At this point it was the reassurances from a sponsor, my support system and recovery coach that got me pat my affronts and down to work, “pen to paper” on step two.

And this work was the catalyst that again as in Step One, helped me see through the illusions into reality. It first off had me see “powers that indeed had more “power” than myself starting with things such as, nature, the wind, water, the Government, police ETC.... Gradually leading to the possibilities of a God. Then with the reminder of Step One and more “pen to Paper” showed me, as in the first part again in my own words in black and white, breaking down the denial and fantasy. That the way I had lived and my repeated behaviours were not those of a person thinking rationally and/or sanely.

So once again the aspect of “pen to paper” was having the affect of allowing me to learn from my own words the folly of my past. It also gradually was teaching me a little humility. Bit by bit, lowering the ego and leading to a place where I could learn more, by slowly changing my perceptions, attitude, thinking and behaviour. All the while allowing me to learn for myself, thus empowering me at the same time.

A few excerpts from noted recovery resources;

Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step. True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 33


Through believing that a Higher Power can help, a man or a woman formerly eaten up with raging fear, anger, shame, doubt, guilt, and frustration may become calm and begin to grow spiritually by focusing on doing some simple steps, going to meetings, reading the Big Book, and talking to a sponsor. This person is not alone; there are other caring brothers and sisters who really do understand because they are dealing with the same problems the newcomer has. The simple act of believing that a Higher Power can restore us to sanity leads us into a family and into a new life where we can begin to see and experience a little sanity.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 35


The process of coming to believe is something that we seem to experience in similar ways. One thing most of us lacked was a working relationship with a Higher Power. We begin to develop this relationship by simply admitting to the possibility of a Power greater than ourselves. Most of us have no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive force in our lives. Our best efforts resulted in ever greater destruction and despair. At some point we realized we needed the help of some Power greater than our addiction. Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves. We don't have to be religious to accept this idea. The point is that we open our minds to believe. We may have difficulty with this, but by keeping an open mind, sooner or later, we find the help we need.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 2


The Step 2 phrase "came to believe" suggests a process and a progression of faith that evolves over time. A portion of A.A.'s oral tradition defines this as a three-part unfolding: First, we came, that is, we showed up and stumbled in the door. Second, we came to, that is, we sobered up, came to our senses, and began to experience emotional sobriety. Third, we came to believe. We began our real recovery process and our spiritual growth.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 29

When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to other spiritual expressions which you find in this book. Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception, however limited it was. We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. - "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.
-A.A. Big Book p.47

Remember God does not create garbage

How to be thankful for your life

Just imagine. Imagine as if you could live every day as a miracle. Imagine if you could wake up and no matter what your day brings, you could go through your day saying, "Thank you Spirit! Thank you God!" Thanks for this opportunity to learn once more how to open my heart. Thank you for the opportunity to dare to love those who I was afraid to love, found it difficult to love, wanted to love but didn't know how. Thank you for the opportunity to love and discover more about being loved in return.


You in the airport or on the freeway.... thank you for the opportunity to practice patience, to offer a smile, to encounter the limitations within myself that keep my heart frozen and blocked from revealing all the love that I am, and taking in all the love I can receive.


You in my family... despite all the pain and hurt we have shared together, thank you for the opportunity to practice forgiveness, to replace my fears with love, to learn discernment, to see you more clearly, to know how to be with you in a safe space, where we can learn to be more conscious and open together.


You in another country... thank you for being different from me, for teaching me to be less self-absorbed in my own view of the world, to discover how varied human kind is, and how to love others fully and clearly in an attempt to understand and learn how to be with different points of view.


You all alone... out there somewhere believing no one cares. Thank you for helping me remember that you are there. Knowing this I can send you my love, and wish for you that you will reach beyond fear finding those who care.


You who are in pain or suffering... thank you for reminding me about compassion. That I am here not only to receive, but to give. Thank you for teaching me the limits of my capacity to love, so that I may open my heart and expand my ability to embrace you even more. For in embracing you and helping you heal, I heal myself. Because we are one, all one, in our joys and our sorrows.


You who I have harmed... thank you for revealing to me my shadow, all those nooks and crannies of ignorance I thought I had gone beyond. Thank you for showing me all the ways I need to grow. And, to those of you who found it in your hearts to forgive me, thank you for that act of grace, as I also attempt to shed that grace upon myself.


You who are in celebration and joy... thank you for reminding me about the essence and true nature of life. Thank you for waking me up and reminding me that life is precious. So let us all wake up and embrace the day to see what it has to offer. Thank you for reminding me life is too short for bad moods, and all things go better when we simply remember to find joy in life and smile at one another.


You who love... you are the reason for living. Thank you for the friendship, kindness, inspiration, and shear delight you bring into my life. Your courageous act of keeping your hearts open help heal this world. For you reveal that love is not scarce, it exists in an abundance.


You... Spirit... Divine... God... Energy... Life! You are all that is, in all your wonderous displays. Sometimes confusing, but always revealing the fundamental truth.... we are one. I am you, you are me. As we learn to consciously embrace the miracle of life, and lovingly dissolve the barriers that prevent us from seeing the essence we all are... then love bursts forth!

So, thank you.... thank you... thank you... this day, every day, every moment.


Remember God does not create garbage

As Obama would say YES YOU CAN

What would you like to have?

What would you like to do?

What would you like to be?

Yes, what is it?

Now, whatever you said, what's stopping you?

Why don't you have it? Why don't you do it? Why don't you be it?

Put yourself on the spot, what is it? Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you really want that? Sometimes we think we want something and then when we really get right down to it, it isn't that important to us. You may have already seen that when you've released on goals. What you thought was something you just must have, you find out, after releasing on the goal for awhile, that maybe you really don't want it at all.

So let's get that out of the way, because there is something you definitely would like to have, do or be. What is it and why isn't it yours? Check right now. What's your block? What's standing in your way?

Is it because there's an "I can't" thought? "I can't do it. I can't have it. I can't be it." Then the many assorted excuses follow: I can't because, not enough money, not enough time, no one to help me, it might not work out anyway, too old, too young, not enough education, too much education, don't know how, don't know who, don't know where to start, don't have what it takes, haven't done it yet so probably won't do it now, it's too late… That's only a partial list. We humans can get very creative about our "I cant's." What is it for you?

I can't because ____________________.

You know, that behind any "I can't" is, ‘I won't." And behind the, "I won't" is fear. Check that for yourself right now. It's the fear that blocks you. Fear is just a feeling and you can let it go. In fact, you must let it go or you'll stay stuck there in fear forever and never be able to move into having, doing or being.

What does it take to attain the objects of your dreams? It begins with an attitude of, "I can. I can do it. I can have it. I can be it."

Notice the difference in energy?

Try it. Say, "I can't" four times. Now, say, "I can" four times. Notice, "I can't" is weak energy? Notice it's low energy? Notice it has a pathetic feel to it. Notice there's a despairing, defeated, forlorn feeling behind, "I can't?"

How about when you say, "I can?" Now how does that feel? It feels much better doesn't it? Does the word, "Yes," come to mind when you say, "I can?" Does "I can" feel bold? Does "I can" have power to it? Does "I can" feel like a strong energy? Does it feel like a high energy?

What's more, when you say, "I can," do you notice that it's a done deal? When you say, "I can do it," game over. It's done. Yes, you might have to carry out the steps to finish it. But it's done when you say, "I can." When you say, "I can have it," notice, it's a fait accompli. You have it. Notice the feeling that the universe is behind you organizing all the pieces and parts when you say, "I can do it."

When you say, "I can," you are setting in motion the remarkable power of Courageousness. Can you feel that power? When you say, "I can," you are in Courageousness. And no one or nothing can stop you. Courageousness is power-packed energy that says, "It is done."

Courageousness opens the door to Acceptance. "I can do it. I can have it. I can be it." Notice the Acceptance. Courageously saying, "I can," automatically moves you into acceptance. And right behind Acceptance, Peace. When you move into Acceptance, Peace flows in and envelops you like the warm sunshine. Do you notice that?

When you make the decision, "I can," you're in Courageousness. There's no doubt. There's no questioning. There are no excuses. There is no wanting. When you move into "I can," the Courageousness energy, there is Acceptance that's it's all done, and there's Peace, because the mental racket attached to "I can't" is all gone.

And as Lester Levenson says, "Everything falls perfectly into line."

You get into Courageousness, the "I can do it, I can have it, I can be it" energy by releasing. You mentally dive into those feelings. You find out what's hiding-out in there and you let it go. You bring whatever thoughts or feelings you find in your way to wanting approval, wanting control or wanting to be safe and you let them go. The Third Way to Release: Immediately see all your feelings culminate in wanting approval, wanting control or wanting to be safe. And immediately let go of wanting approval, wanting control or wanting to be safe.

Momentum is the key that unlocks the door to maximizing your releasing. With momentum you live your life in full time, all the time Courageousness.

The Release Technique® offers you so many ways to power up your Momentum. Keep your momentum at a high level, and dwell in the energy of Courageousness. The best way to spike your Momentum is the Seven Day Retreats. Why not go to the next Seven Day Retreat? What's the hold back? What is the, "I can't?" Move into, "I can." Test it. Check it out for yourself. When you decide, "I can. I can do it," you're in Courageousness and the universe revs up your engine and nothing can stop you. Find out for yourself.

Can you do it? It's a decision. Yes you can.

Remember God does not create garbage

Beware of Substituting Behaviors

It is easy for alcoholics and addicts new to recovery to substitute one addiction for another, becoming compulsively involved in other activities. Although those activities, such as work or exercise, may be otherwise healthy and productive, they can hamper recovery if they become a transfer of addictions.
One goal of recovery and learning to live a sober lifestyle is to regain control over your life and your choices. Compulsive behavior, even with productive activities, does not allow you to exercise free choice and is not within your control. Being out of control in any area of your life does not lead to true sobriety in the long run.

Common Compulsive Behaviors
One common compulsive activity for people new to recovery is "workaholism" -- becoming compulsive about your work, career or job search. Working and improving your financial situation are noble goals, but working more than full time or spending most of your time thinking or talking about work can become compulsive behavior.


The same is true with exercise. While exercise and becoming healthier are beneficial to people in recovery, research shows that your long-term sobriety can be hampered if your exercise program becomes compulsive and a substitute for your former addictive behaviors.

Unhealthy Compulsive Behaviors
Of course, it is also common for alcoholics and addicts in recovery to substitute addictions that are not productive or healthy. For example, one of the more popular substitutions is for alcoholics to begin smoking marijuana, which is known as marijuana maintenance.


Addicts who were strung out on heroin or methamphetamine will also substitute marijuana, using the argument that it is not nearly as harmful. There are many other behaviors that can become compulsive -- gambling, sex, video games, shopping -- that are neither healthy nor productive for someone trying to maintain a sober lifestyle.
If you are in follow-up care in your professional rehab program, your counselor will point out the dangers of these choices, because they can easily lead to a relapse and are counter-productive to your long-term recovery.
Finding a Balance

Your continuing care treatment counselor will ask you about your activities in recovery and try to determine if you are becoming compulsive with any of your behaviors. This is a topic discussed by most counselors because substituting addictions is such a common occurrence.
You will be encouraged to make recovery-related activities a top priority of the structure of your daily schedule. Your counselor will remind you of the importance of meeting your personal needs and the benefit of relaxation and leisure activities.
The key to long-term, healthy recovery is to find a balance in your life by working, relaxing, eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep while avoiding overscheduling and overworking.


An Exception to the Rule
There is one area that you may become compulsive about that your counselor will not discourage -- getting involved in your 12-step or support group program. It is also fairly common for people new to recovery to become compulsive about participating in their support groups, sometimes to the point of attending several meetings a day.
Although this recovery behavior can indeed become compulsive to the point that you develop a dependency on your group, those issues will be addressed by your counselor at a later point in your recovery. In the early months of your rehab, your counselor will probably encourage your active participation in Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous and/or other mutual support groups.

Remember God does not create garbage

Looking at Step One

Hi all it has been awhile and I believe it is time we revisited Step one; Admitted we were powerless over ------------------------, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

I remember when I first heard this step I was completely taken aback, and it repulsed me, the audacity to think that I was Powerless, and then to say my life was unmanageable. To me this was utter nonsense. Powerless I think not, the only way I was powerless was if you had me at gunpoint and/or you had me in handcuffs. As for as unmanageable, well I always managed to get what I needed/wanted, one way or another. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, a place to stay, money, whatever. However after listening to other members I soon came to see that I might have a “wee” bit of a problem. That was when I was lucky enough to be introduced to the program and some very knowledgeable people. They introduced me a “program of Recovery” as suggested by the father of all 12 step organizations, “The Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous, in which it says to take “pen to paper”. It was during this process that I began to see the truth about self.

It was in writing my first step one, in my own words, not by a case manager, making it proper or a lawyer, hoping to make me look good and filling in justifications, it was me in my own words, the truth. In black and white, no more dodging, no more rat ionizations, no more denial, just the facts. It should me how it was just my ego that was so offended. It showed me how much my life was controlled by drugs, alcohol, wanting to be accepted, sex, and the list went on. It also showed how little control I had over any of it. It also became quite evident that my life was in total disarray, I had either lost or in the process of losing everything, from money, homes, possessions, relationships family, everything. I called that manageable; in what world was I living??

And yet today, how easy is it for ego to attempt to reassert itself. To think I have power. Yet the truth is I have the power of choice today, the ability to choose what and who is in my life, the power to choose how I react to life’s situations. At the same time remembering that I am powerless over people, places and things. And to remember that when I attempt to manage my life, I can quickly ruin everything, that I am better off with a higher power in my life to manage my day to day affairs.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Power of Choice

By committing yourself to “The Program” you receive many gifts, Along with the gift of sobriety comes the gift of a new life. It is akin to being reborn; through sobriety you become freed from the chains of using and/or drinking, freed from the compulsion to use and/or drink free from the lifestyle associated with that old lifestyle. By following “The Program” you will find freedom from shame and guilt, Freedom from all those things that held you back. Being clean and sober will give you a whole new perspective, and through the use of the program a whole new bright perspective on the whole world and mostly your future. Through your new perception and learning that you have a choice. Everything now becomes possible because now you have control of how you view life and more importantly you now can choose your path and the world you live in. Life does not stop happening , However you now have the choice in how you view, you are no longer forced to see things as impossible, obstacles and barriers, you can now see things as stepping stones to a higher self and to a greater life and future, You now have that choice. The world is still the same the world and people, places and things have not changed, what has changed is how you choose to view it and how you choose to react and rise above it all.

Remember God does not create garbage

Meetings a place of miracles ???

There were numerous times we used and/or drank as a social lubricant, to be able to overcome fears and/or shyness, we used and drank to get closer to others, to be able to express ourselves more openly, overall many times it was to just feel part of, to fit in. Or as a wonderful lady I heard speak, put it she used to feel “wittier, prettier and tittier”. We came from a place of feeling less than, we use and drink and become ego maniacs with an inferiority complex.

The drinking and using gave us false courage, it formed the illusion that my lady friend was speaking of, for periods of time it allowed us to feel part of, however as our drinking and/or using careers progressed, it ceased to work the way it once had, It also increased the walls we had felt between us and others. The exact reason we had used and/or drank was now creating the walls even bigger than ever. Some of the reason for this was the build up and/or shame that came with our continued use and the behaviour that the increased use brought with it.

However now as we gradually bring ourselves to attending, these god forsaken meetings, a miraculous thing begins to happen. At the meetings we see a fellowship and we eventually tread into this fellowship. It is in this fellowship that we find others of our kind, others who know the feeling we have, the fears we cringe from, the shame and guilt we carry. It is in these shared burdens and pain that we begin to see ourselves and begin a relationship with others, as never before, the thing we have always wanted, yet in the same breath were afraid of and still are to a degree. It is also here that we learn that a miracle is possible we can have these kinds of relationships. By following “The Program” we learned about in this fellowship. It is possible to find this closeness to others, the way to destroy the walls that had made us feel separate from others, the walls that made it impossible to feel love. Oh yes we had loved or at least believed we had loved, however we were never truly able to feel the love of others completely. The wall was always there, the thing that had us believe that we were different and apart from others, between the fellowship and mostly the program, that feeling of apartness can be forever obliterated. The choice is now ours. It is possible to know unity and love beyond our experience and/or what we once believed to be out of our reach.

Remember God does not create garbage

Are You Motivated to Change? - By Julie Fuimano

You talk about how you want something different in your life -- a new house, a better relationship with your spouse (or to find a spouse), get out of debt, or lose weight -- but nothing changes. You find that you spend (waste) a lot of time talking about it, but not doing anything about it.

How do you motivate yourself to change?

There are two ways people will change, either by choice or by force. Neither one is very pretty.

Change by Force

'By force' means that you have no choice. For example, you lose your job so you have to find a new one. Your doctor gives you bad news about your health so now you have to lose weight...or else suffer the consequences. Your husband is having an affair; this forces you to divorce.

There are times when you know you need to change and you think about it, but instead of being proactive like seeking new employment before your workplace lays you off or talking to financial planner before you go into foreclosure, you sabotage things. You wait until things get so bad you are forced into action.

Force is not pretty because you cannot choose to move forward and create something new; you HAVE to or else suffer the consequences.

Change by Choice

The other option is to CHOOSE change. Choosing to change means that you have become willing to do whatever it takes to make a change in your life. You sacrifice your 'comforts' of the way things are in exchange for the hopes of something better.

Choosing change is great in that it allows you to be proactive. Instead of waiting for the forces of fate to push you into moving and making a change, you take the actions needed to move forward.

This isn't pretty either because any way you look at it, change is hard. There are forces at work that are meant to keep you right where you are. For instance, fear is a big obstacle to change. So are habits.

But fear of the consequences is also a motivator for change. If you are scared to die, and most people are, then you might be more willing to give up greasy foods as recommended by your doctor so you can continue to live and enjoy yourself, your relationships, and your work.

Overwhelm is another big hurdle to change. You see all that needs to be accomplished in order to change and you become overwhelmed. This DE-motivates you, or, rather, motivates you to continue along your current path no matter how unhappy you may be.

So how does one break through the barriers and choose change?

Two Motivators for Change

We humans will move toward pleasure and away from pain. It's that simple. But not so easy.

People endure a lot of pain without realizing it. You put up with so much stuff that you do not like, that causes you pain and frustration and aggravation. You hold tight to old wounds and repeat damaging behaviors. Day after day, you are bombarded by life's negative forces and you do battle, often without realizing just how much of a fight you withstand. Until, of course, at the end of the day when you crash from exhaustion!

You might also have much difficulty being happy and enjoying pleasurable experiences. It may sound funny, but true happiness comes from within; in a world where most people are so busy and full of worry, happiness and joy is left on a wish list somewhere.

Change is possible.

You can learn to sensitize yourself to your pain. You can also learn how to be happy and enjoy yourself. But you cannot do either if you are running on a treadmill. You have to slow down enough to assess your life and learn about yourself -- your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, where you are frustrated or angry -- before you can begin to change anything.

So here is your coaching challenge; it is twofold.

1) Pay attention to your emotions and identify what frustrates you or annoys you in your life. Where are you angry, disappointed, or uncomfortable? List these things in a notebook. Identifying them and writing them out is cathartic in that it raises your awareness and you become sensitive to where you are hurting. Many of these items you can eliminate quite easily. Others will take some time. Go slow -- there is no rush.

We start with identifying what hurts because this way we can create space for what feels good. Many people have so much pain that they don't know what they want; they just know they cannot take it anymore!

If you know you want something better in your life that's great! But don't skip doing the exercise above. You are still living with annoyances and old hurts that will hold you back and interfere with happiness and success if you continue to allow it. You first have to unearth these things so you can deal with them.

2) What do you envision for yourself? What do you want? What would make you happy? A vision is a compelling force that will solidify your commitment and pull you toward it. It provides direction for your thoughts and actions. Without vision, how will you know where you are going? You will continue to be buffeted by the circumstances of the day, throwing your power to the wind.

Identify your pain; envision your pleasure. Start saying no to what feels bad and start thinking about and considering what feels good. That's your work for now. Let me know how I can support your success.

Remember God does not create garbage

Why do I need Meetings?

In early recovery meetings are your thread to sanity, they are life blood. Studies have shown that those in early recovery who go to 3 meetings or more per week have a 67% better chance of getting clean and sober than those who do not. Those are pretty good odds, if you truly want to have a better life and change, I would absolutely suggest you take advantage of anything that will give you an edge. How does going to meetings give you an edge? Well first off they are a safer place to be than just about anywhere else you would go , You are more than likely not going to be getting drunk or high at a meeting,. Secondly you are will be with others just like you, those who understand your pain, your shame, your guilt, your fears and those that feel or have felt just exactly how you feel. Thirdly you will meet those who can help you recover. Fourthly you will learn here of “The Program” that will change your life—that will give you a new life.

Yes you will meet “sick people” there, hell you’re sick. This is where the sick come to get healed. We are all sick damaged people just working together to be better people “one day at a time”. However yes there are some that are sicker than others, yet they too can recover. And yes there are a few that are just sick and don’t bother to change. However perhaps one day. You need to listen with your heart rather than your head, when you listen with your heart, you will hear those who speak the “language of the heart”; those are the ones you want to be around. They will show you “the Program”, which will give you a new life. Meetings are where we find the directions to the path and the answers, which are in the Program. Meetings alone may possibly get you clean and sober however they will not grant you long term sobriety, and a new lease on life. Only the Program will do this for you. However the paradox is: it is you and you alone, with the support of your sponsor, support system, and possibly a recovery coach, that will get you a new lease on life. YOU have to do the work, albeit all those in “the program” will help, however only you can do the work. Nobody, not the best sponsor in the world, not the best support system in the world and definitely not the best recovery coach and/or counsellor can do this for you. However meetings are where you find all these things and more. As well as some of the best support and help available in the world, just remember to listen with your heart, for the “language of the heart” for in meetings is where it is spoken.

Remember God does not create garbage