Relationships in early recovery

There are all kinds of relationships, however let's get honest the first thing that pops into our minds when the word is mentioned is the relationship with a significant other. This is a very very dangerous situation. As well as a very relevant one as it is something that is on our minds sooner or later and needs to be addressed openly. We all have a strong and inherent need to be loved, to feel wanted, to feel validated, to feel the loving caress of another human being.

Most of us coming in to recovery have destroyed many a relationship with significant others, Friends, relatives, employers, employees not to mention the ones with ourselves ( if you ever really had one ( I didn't) and with a higher power. Some of you are blessed and still have a relationship with a significant other and/or Friends, relatives ETC. albeit strained. Some of those will end as you grow and you find yourselves growing apart. A very few will find as you grow so will the relationship to greater heights ever imagined.

The main point is that coming in to recovery, BLUNTLY put we do not know how to have real relationships, NO BUTS, we take hostages, we inflict our sickness on unsuspecting loving caring individuals.At this precise moment many of you are denying this and/or not accepting this as the truth, That's O.K. sad but O.K. ( Neither did I) what you are really going to be doing is adding to your list of amends.

Remember that you have a disease which wants you dead, there is only four (4) ways out Recovery-Jails-Institutions-Death. You are afflicted with a SOUL SICKNESS. How can you have a real loving relationship, while suffering a disease which main symptom is selfishness.

Unfortunately many of us will not heed this warning and will inflict our selfish wants and sickness on unsuspecting caring loving individuals ( some as sick as ourselves). The sad fact about this is it will cause pain on both involved, in some it will cause relapse, and in some cases it will result in death. mostly due to relapse some suicide. This will not be your fault albeit you will have a part. do you really want to put yourself through this or another person? Now this does not mean in very rare cases it does work out albeit a very painful process. The odds of it working out are slimmer than winning the lottery.

Now before you become totally disillusioned, and start thinking that you'll never find love or ever have a relationship. As in all the things the 12 Step program has a way for you to find REAL love and REAL RELATIONSHIPS. However as with every other aspect of REAL RECOVERY it takes work. (Yeah that Ugly For Letter Word Again)

Through the Steps, First you will find and build a relationship with a God Of YOUR understanding, after that you will discover who and what your really all about and in doing so create a relationship with yourself. ( What A Concept), further through the steps you will heal and create relationships with family and/or friends and strengthen your relationship with YOUR GOD, at which point you will start creating meaningful relationships in your life and somewhere along this road Your God will introduce you to your significant other.
Remember God does not create garbage

The Need to Hit Bottom

Hi All , I just want to touch on "hitting Bottom" as it is mentioned in the literature, and bandied about the rooms all the time, You ask people about their respective bottoms, and most tell you about, prostituting themselves, jails, losing families, being broke, and on . this all may be part of their respective bottoms, However this is not the element that the oldtimers were talking about and/or trying to get across.
What they are referring to is that point we get to where, nothing matters, when we feel hopeless, worthless, less than, where a gun in the mouth or a jump off a bridge, or just completely giving up is a serious consideration the place I call, "Alone, Lonely and wanting to Die" or what today counsellors and most health professionals would call "a little depression" you just need some medication and a shoulder or maybe some institutional living. It becomes the point that we are vulnerable and the EGO is disoriented and beaten, It is at this point that we can actually take the directions and Guidance (suggestions) that the 12 Step Program provides. It is a this point that one can admit to his/her innermost self that there is a problem and they require help. It is at this point that we can SURRENDER to the wisdom of the 12 step program. Without this state how many of us will actually and utterly concede to our innermost selves the need for help, the need for a better way. How many of us will surrender to do what the program actually asks us to do. Without this is the main reason many of us relapse.
We are ego maniacs with an inferiority complex, we believe we can do things for ourselves. That most people don't know what they're talking about, and that they just don't understand, If we only had, the money, the family, the white.picket fence, ETC. Or the old famous "I'm not hurting anyone". That place of denial and delusion. With out a Bottom we stay in those places. We need to hit bottom to begin recovery with a solid foundation.
Remember God does not make Garbage

The Things to Remember

Well we're going to start this off with something that you probably don't want to hear, However you need to hear it and Accept it. If you are dealing with an addictive personality like me then as said before the problem IS NOT THE SUBSTANCE this is nothing but the SYMPTOM of our disease the disease centers in our thinking in our perception, It's in our HEADS. My head has a contract on my ass. Hence we have a mental problem. And whether I'm clean a day, a week, a month, a year, multiple years, or just an hour, a minute, a second, a nano second, My disease is in the parking lot doing push-ups, keeping strong just waiting for the opportunity to get me. It will use any means possible a resentment, a callous comment, a perceived hurt or slant, a negative thought. You know the ones, all those lies told to us at one time or another, and we were vulnerable enough to consider it in the back of our minds and told often enough that we stated to believe the lies like-I'm not worthwhile, I'm too stupid, I'm too fat- I'm to whatever you fill in the blank they are all the same. We need to be reminded by ourselves and the ones we choose to have in our lives that we are children of GOD and we are worthwhile and that each one of us are treasures with out equal. we are all lovable, valuable, worthwhile, wonderful human beings.

we also need to recognize that as an addictive personality, I have this wonderful tool at my disposal called a Brain, however as it has been programmed by years of abuse from others and myself and not fed enough positive input, that our thinking patterns have become damaged. One of the main aspects in this is my brain can be quite the forgetter at times it can lose facts and have distorted memories. Case in point after being clean for a period of time, my brain will remember the "so called" good times" and long long ago there were some no doubt, it conveniently forgets the times we woke up in jail, the times we woke up broke, the times we humiliated ourselves beyond comprehension, it forgets the hospitals, the arguments, the police, the shame, the guilt, the remorse,. This again is our disease having a contract on our asses. NEVER FORGET WHY WE ARE HERE.
Remember GOD does not make Garbage

You don't get Recovery by OSMOSIS

Hi there, I apologize for the lack of posts this weekend, I will just say there was technical issues and family issues. If you ever need to speak to someone or are in need ALWAYS FEEL FREE to email Me at the above email address which is wiledchild@live.ca.

Well back to the topic at hand, I was at a meeting friday and a speaker spoke on doing the steps and having a relationship with self before he could have any other relationships of value, and the work that this entailed, a few other speakers followed along the same aspects to varieing degrees. Then this other gentleman spoke and strenously voiced his opinion that this was a prgram of suggestions and that he had just about 2 years and hasn't bothered doing all this work that everybody was talking of and that it wasn't really nesssacary and it was just a waste of time. He stated that all this work was not required for sobriety he was the example.

Needless to say I felt compelled to share at this point. I shared that , the gentleman was perfectly correct this is a program of suggestions, It is suggested that if you wish to get "HAPPY JOYOUS and FREE" do the work, it is suggested that if you want longterm CONTENTED sobriety do the work, and on these are suggestions if YOU WANT what is offered. Yes some people can come in and attend meetings and gradually get some semblance of DRYNESS. However if you read the literature or remember4 some the earlier posts, It is stated that alcohol/ drugs or whatever is a sympton of our disease. I furthered shared that I've worked with many who didn't think they had to do all the work, only to watch them relapse come back continually get maybe 1-2 years as much as 5, yet continued to go in and out and their live really never change just gradually get worse oh yeah better for a short period of time, even worse is the ones who got great emotional pain and commit suicide all because they would not do the work or go out and drink and/or use one more time and they DIED just BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T DO THE WORK . so let's look at it this way do the work and get a life better than anything you would have ever imagined. or don't do the work and keep getting what you always have gotten, and I'll even give you a guarantee if you do the work for a year, if you don't like where you life has gotten All your misery will be cheerfully refubded.
Remember GOD does not make garbage

speaker tape

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=1004 This is a link to A very wonderful speaker he will clarify alot of things you may be wondering he will answer we some people relapse and why some people hurt in the fellowship Mickey Bush puts it down in an entertaining form Take an hour and click on this link then click on the download at bottom of the page it brings you to and it will start to play Do YOURSELF A GOODNESS and listen to Mickey.

Recovery Comedy Steve Johnson

Why People Have a Hard Time Changing

CLEAN AND SOBER

Step One Continued

There is so much to say about step one, However I do not want to overload at this point so I'm just going to expand on a few more specifics. I would like to address "The Powerless" aspect a little further Because I know how tasteless and disturbing this is to most of us in the beginning. This is not meant to demean or imply "stupidity" or lack of intelligence or ant thing of such nature. And personally I view it this way- I am only powerless over alcohol/drugs or whatever it is that makes your life unmanageable. Only after I succumb to that first drink, hit, toke-whatever, and the Lifestyle associated with it. This is A very IMPORTANT SPECIFIC, the lifestyle that I have associated with my Drug of choice whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling etc. The lifestyle is highly toxic for us as well as the first drink -hit whatever. If I stay away from those then I AM EMPOWERED TO MAKE NUMEROUS LIFE CREATING CHOICES. If I succumb to those then I AM POWERLESS. Our history shows this in no uncertain terms.

Also and perhaps more of a revaluation and in the beginning frightening aspect . I soon learn That I am Powerless over People, Places and Things. The Only real power I have is the choice I make, In relation to how I react to People Places Thing situations Life period. The only real thing I can do anything about is Right now Everything else is either history or fantasy( we will discuss this more in detail at a later time).
Remember GOD does not make garbage.