FIRST INGRDIENT “A SUPPORT SYSTEM"
One of the most important element in "getting and staying" in Recovery, No Matter what you are recovering from. Is A Support System in place for YOU...? Now WHAT IS A SUPPORT SYSTEM? A support system is the foundation of your recovery; it’s like building a house. How long will your house stay up and liveable if the foundation is on a bad foundation? Your recovery is the same! So what are the ingredients for a solid support system?
1) It needs to be readily Available- Now this doesn't mean you are the centre of the universe and the world stops when you call. It does mean you should be able to reach someone on the phone (or in person) in a reasonable amount of time (1/2-1 hour)
2) It needs to involve more than one person- for a couple of reasons. One being people are people- we are all fallible (life happens), secondly if one person tells you something it can be that persons opinion or beliefs, however if a group of people are saying the same thing then it's more apt to be for real. Thirdly if you’re depending on one person's support constantly, you’re going to want to spread it around a little so it doesn't become a burden. Especially if you begin to think your being a burden how much will you reach out for HELP, you'll probably tell yourself to do it yourself? This defeats the whole purpose of a support system. Remember I can't We Can.
3) It provides EMOTIONAL SUPPORT not FINANCIAL SUPPORT- Now this does not mean you cannot accept someone buying you a coffee or a meal or something of this nature on occasion or even "RARE FINACIAL" assistance. However Recovery is about learning to take care of yourself and taking responsibility for yourself and this include "FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY". Yes early recovery is usually a time of financial restraint. However the growth of this period is part of the whole recovery process.
4) It needs to give you HONEST feedback of your Behaviours and Attitudes.
In early recovery we can't always trust ourselves, as said before "our heads have a contract on our asses" As well our thinking is influenced by a well-developed and honed "warped Defense mechanisms" developed through years of abuse. Even if your support systems feedback is wrong and it can be always check it out first. Discuss all your major decisions with them before taking action. Now for most of us in early recovery the support system we establish will be comprised mostly by those we have met in our particular 12 step fellowship. A note here is that this needs to include persons with more "recovery time" than your own, not a bad idea to have an "Old-timer" or two in the mix.
5) Yes it can include a "Sponsor"- How do I Choose a Sponsor
CHOOSING A SPONSOR
This is a tricky one however I have a few hard and fast RULES I Strongly Recommend
A) The SAME SEX A man cannot teach a woman how to be a woman in recovery
Each gender has its own set of issues. And there's always the chance of another kind of relationship developing and that’s one for a whole other posting or 10
B) Availability- Again the best sponsor in the world is no good to you if you can't reach
Them or they have very little time they can devote to you.
C) They Know How to Stay "Clean and Sober" They have significant CONTINOUS recovery
Time.
D) They live what they Preach- Unfortunately some people in the rooms speak real well
However they don't live it. Go out for coffee with them Visit their homes See if the actually
Practice what they preach (HIGH PRIORITY on THIS)
E) They are willing to be HONEST with you- Without a doubt this is the single most
Valuable asset in a sponsor. Someone who willing lovingly tell you you’re being an
as@$#%le. After all A REAL FRIEND is someone who is honest with you.
Can Group therapy and/or Therapy- in A word NO. Therapy of any form is TREATMENT
You may get support from it however it is treatment and not to be considered as part of
Your support system.
Tomorrow the second ingredient
REMEMBER GOD DOES NOT MAKE GARBAGE
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Best When It’s Worst
Consider that people are like tea bags.
They don’t know their own strength
until they get into hot water.
— Dan McKinnon
In the film Starman, an extraterrestrial comes to earth to study life on this planet. Like many such visitors, he does not receive a very kindly welcome and spends most of his time fleeing from au–thorities. In the process, he falls in love with a woman who befriends him. Finally he must leave, and he has a few short moments to say good-bye to his beloved. “Do you know what I learned about human beings? ” he asks. “I learned that when things are at their worst, you are at your best. ”
Adversity is a gift if we make it work on our behalf. Challenge is not a curse or a punishment, but an opportunity to shine. If life were easy all the time, we would not deepen in love, compassion, and wisdom, or learn how to sink a pipeline into the well of true strength within us. Often we do not know how powerful we are until we are faced with a challenge that draws forth our greatness.
In high school I took a typing class. By the end of the course, I had built up my speed to about 40 words a minute. The time came for the final exam, on which a large part of my grade depended. I focused intently and scored a smashing 64 words a minute?over 50 percent faster than my reg–ular speed! Why did I do so well? I knew it counted for a lot,
When an act in life counts, there is a source of strength within us that grows to meet the challenge. Some people demonstrate superhuman abil–ities, such as pushing a wrecked car off an injured person. Where do they find the strength? It was within them all the time; the worst brought out the best.
I pray to be big enough to handle
whatever comes before me.
With Your help, I can and will do anything.
The power of God is within me.
The Grace of God surrounds me.
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.
They don’t know their own strength
until they get into hot water.
— Dan McKinnon
In the film Starman, an extraterrestrial comes to earth to study life on this planet. Like many such visitors, he does not receive a very kindly welcome and spends most of his time fleeing from au–thorities. In the process, he falls in love with a woman who befriends him. Finally he must leave, and he has a few short moments to say good-bye to his beloved. “Do you know what I learned about human beings? ” he asks. “I learned that when things are at their worst, you are at your best. ”
Adversity is a gift if we make it work on our behalf. Challenge is not a curse or a punishment, but an opportunity to shine. If life were easy all the time, we would not deepen in love, compassion, and wisdom, or learn how to sink a pipeline into the well of true strength within us. Often we do not know how powerful we are until we are faced with a challenge that draws forth our greatness.
In high school I took a typing class. By the end of the course, I had built up my speed to about 40 words a minute. The time came for the final exam, on which a large part of my grade depended. I focused intently and scored a smashing 64 words a minute?over 50 percent faster than my reg–ular speed! Why did I do so well? I knew it counted for a lot,
When an act in life counts, there is a source of strength within us that grows to meet the challenge. Some people demonstrate superhuman abil–ities, such as pushing a wrecked car off an injured person. Where do they find the strength? It was within them all the time; the worst brought out the best.
I pray to be big enough to handle
whatever comes before me.
With Your help, I can and will do anything.
The power of God is within me.
The Grace of God surrounds me.
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Revisiting Step Ten
“Continued To Take Personal Inventory, And When We Were Wrong Promptly Admitted It.”
This is a very important step, as are all the 12 steps. However this step can make all the difference in your recovery. Unfortunately this step is usually brushed by and highly ignored. This step is a key in real recovery. Up to this point we have changed and grown a great deal. However unlike some, as people with an addictive personality, we do not have the luxury or really the ability to think our selves into better behaviour, we need to take the reverse approach. We need to act differently, and as we continue to act differently our feeling and thinking change. This explains why your sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor will give you certain ways to act and things to do, that at the time may to seem to have nothing to do with your recovery.
The difference between a person in recovery and a person who is abstinent, is the behaviour and thinking. Now as you have progressed through the previous nine steps, as said earlier, your behaviour and thinking has changed a great deal. However you have been acting, believing and thinking in a certain manner, which has fed your addiction/alcoholism for years. Most of this has been ingrained in you, it cannot be expected to reverse itself in a few short months. These ways of acting, beliefs and thinking is just in the background, at this point. It will take years to completely iradicate these aspects. They are just below the surface awaiting the difficult times, those are the beliefs, actions and thinking were relapse begins. Step 10 is our defense against these relapse traps, they are also the tools of growth in a real recovery. By nightly reviewing our behaviors and thinking we see were we are going off the path, they keep us on the path of recovery and safe from relapse. We get to see through a regular review of actions and thinking, where amends are needed and correction required.
How It Works
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
-A.A. Big Book p.84
More about Step 10 in the Big Book
The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has been groomed, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than unusual or set apart.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 89-90
The Tenth Step can be a pressure relief valve. We work this step while the day's ups and downs are still fresh in our minds. We list what we have done and try not to rationalize our actions. This may be done in writing at the end of the day. The first thing we do is stop! Then we take the time to allow ourselves the privilege of thinking. We examine our actions, our reactions, and our motives. We often find that we've been "doing" better than we've been "feeling". This allows us to find out where we have gone wrong and admit fault before things get any worse. We need to avoid rationalizing. We promptly admit our faults, not explain them.
We work this step continuously. This is a prevention, and the more we do it, the less we will need the corrective part of this step. This is really a great tool. It gives us a way of avoiding grief before we bring it on ourselves. We monitor our feelings, our emotions, our fantasies, and our actions. By constantly looking at these things we may be able to avoid repeating the actions that make us feel bad.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 10
Steps 10, 11, and 12 are sometimes called the maintenance steps. They repeat many of the points outlined in previous steps, but they emphasize the value of continuing to "work the steps" on a day-to-day basis.
Step 10 encourages the taking of a personal inventory, which, for recovering persons, should be a daily process...
Our daily inventory certainly needs to assess the status of our relationship with God. Are we still yielding our will to Him? Bill Wilson emphasized how crucial this evaluation is, especially for addictive personalities, which tend to be willful. Our need to surrender ourselves to God on a daily basis will go on throughout our lives, and we shall explore the means of that continuing spiritual surrender in Step 11.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 67, 69
Step Ten is a spiritual pocket computer to help us keep tabs on our behavior today and a cleanser to help keep our spiritual lenses clean. In this method of keeping an inventory every day, we ask ourselves questions like, Which of my character defects popped up as uninvited guests today? Am I using the tools of the program? Am I praying? Am I thanking God for all the good things he has done for me this day, and for any positive things he's freed me to do? ...
The reason this is so important is that the Sin-disease, which its denial and delusion, is always hovering "just a decision away" to throw us back into fear and confusion. Its tactics are to convince us in various ways, "You're 'well' now and don't need a stupid program to lead a normal life. You can and should operate on your own as a mature adult." The disease's "strategy" often works like this: When we begin to feel a little secure and happy and our relationships are more comfortable, many of us "forget" to have our quiet time. We forget to go to meetings and don't call our sponsor. We're busy again, because the pain that drove us into the program has been alleviated. This is a dangerous place to be, because it is one of the major delusions of the spiritual life that we can "do it oursleves" without daily contact with God and a daily look at the reality of what is going on in our own lives.
- A Hunger for Healing, by Keith Miller, p. 164
Remember God does not create garbage
This is a very important step, as are all the 12 steps. However this step can make all the difference in your recovery. Unfortunately this step is usually brushed by and highly ignored. This step is a key in real recovery. Up to this point we have changed and grown a great deal. However unlike some, as people with an addictive personality, we do not have the luxury or really the ability to think our selves into better behaviour, we need to take the reverse approach. We need to act differently, and as we continue to act differently our feeling and thinking change. This explains why your sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor will give you certain ways to act and things to do, that at the time may to seem to have nothing to do with your recovery.
The difference between a person in recovery and a person who is abstinent, is the behaviour and thinking. Now as you have progressed through the previous nine steps, as said earlier, your behaviour and thinking has changed a great deal. However you have been acting, believing and thinking in a certain manner, which has fed your addiction/alcoholism for years. Most of this has been ingrained in you, it cannot be expected to reverse itself in a few short months. These ways of acting, beliefs and thinking is just in the background, at this point. It will take years to completely iradicate these aspects. They are just below the surface awaiting the difficult times, those are the beliefs, actions and thinking were relapse begins. Step 10 is our defense against these relapse traps, they are also the tools of growth in a real recovery. By nightly reviewing our behaviors and thinking we see were we are going off the path, they keep us on the path of recovery and safe from relapse. We get to see through a regular review of actions and thinking, where amends are needed and correction required.
How It Works
This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
-A.A. Big Book p.84
More about Step 10 in the Big Book
The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has been groomed, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than unusual or set apart.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 89-90
The Tenth Step can be a pressure relief valve. We work this step while the day's ups and downs are still fresh in our minds. We list what we have done and try not to rationalize our actions. This may be done in writing at the end of the day. The first thing we do is stop! Then we take the time to allow ourselves the privilege of thinking. We examine our actions, our reactions, and our motives. We often find that we've been "doing" better than we've been "feeling". This allows us to find out where we have gone wrong and admit fault before things get any worse. We need to avoid rationalizing. We promptly admit our faults, not explain them.
We work this step continuously. This is a prevention, and the more we do it, the less we will need the corrective part of this step. This is really a great tool. It gives us a way of avoiding grief before we bring it on ourselves. We monitor our feelings, our emotions, our fantasies, and our actions. By constantly looking at these things we may be able to avoid repeating the actions that make us feel bad.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 10
Steps 10, 11, and 12 are sometimes called the maintenance steps. They repeat many of the points outlined in previous steps, but they emphasize the value of continuing to "work the steps" on a day-to-day basis.
Step 10 encourages the taking of a personal inventory, which, for recovering persons, should be a daily process...
Our daily inventory certainly needs to assess the status of our relationship with God. Are we still yielding our will to Him? Bill Wilson emphasized how crucial this evaluation is, especially for addictive personalities, which tend to be willful. Our need to surrender ourselves to God on a daily basis will go on throughout our lives, and we shall explore the means of that continuing spiritual surrender in Step 11.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 67, 69
Step Ten is a spiritual pocket computer to help us keep tabs on our behavior today and a cleanser to help keep our spiritual lenses clean. In this method of keeping an inventory every day, we ask ourselves questions like, Which of my character defects popped up as uninvited guests today? Am I using the tools of the program? Am I praying? Am I thanking God for all the good things he has done for me this day, and for any positive things he's freed me to do? ...
The reason this is so important is that the Sin-disease, which its denial and delusion, is always hovering "just a decision away" to throw us back into fear and confusion. Its tactics are to convince us in various ways, "You're 'well' now and don't need a stupid program to lead a normal life. You can and should operate on your own as a mature adult." The disease's "strategy" often works like this: When we begin to feel a little secure and happy and our relationships are more comfortable, many of us "forget" to have our quiet time. We forget to go to meetings and don't call our sponsor. We're busy again, because the pain that drove us into the program has been alleviated. This is a dangerous place to be, because it is one of the major delusions of the spiritual life that we can "do it oursleves" without daily contact with God and a daily look at the reality of what is going on in our own lives.
- A Hunger for Healing, by Keith Miller, p. 164
Remember God does not create garbage
Friday, April 22, 2011
What Truly Matters Who or What Christ Was, Or His Teachings
Yes Happy Easter all and a Happy Good Friday. I do not say this to offend anyone, however no matter what faith you proclaim, credit must be given where credit is due. No matter what your faith, or whom you choose to call God. You must admit that there has never been anyone or anything to affect the world as a whole as Jesus Christ. No matter how you would view him, no one has spoken their truth and their belief with the effect that he did, Mind you there are countless interpretations to his teachings and what he was implying. His teaching alone were radical at the time and taken for their word strictly without religious connotations and implications, his words were strictly about how to live. And to live with faith, love, compassion and selflessly. No other has affected the world as he had in his time, after his physical existence and yet to this day over 2000 years hence. If we lived by his teachings alone, and left the religious interpretations out them. The world would be a more peaceful place. Unfortunately as with all great teachings, others would tell you how to honour them and the underlying message within. Instead of just taking the teachings on face value, as spoken and as he walked, for when this is done the underlying message becomes self-evident.
Remember God does not create garbage
Remember God does not create garbage
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
How To Make Life Simpler In A Complicated World
We live in a complicated world, in a complicated society, in a complicated time. Life can be complicated, relationships can be complicated, demands on your money resources can make finances complicated, and multiple interests and wants makes time management complicated. If you look around the world politics are complicated, national budgets are complicated, strained relationships across the globe make world peace complicated, misunderstandings and intolerance between cultural, religious, race and political relations highly combustible and complicated. Now throw into the mix quantum mathematics, Physics and electronic boards. Is it any wonder we are stressed, frustrated and surrounded by chaos?
That is why I am so thankful, that the God of my understanding has led me to the simplistic lifesaving 12 step program. Of all the great things that the 12 step program has taught me, there are a few basic premises that have made my life simple, less stressful and happy, joyous and free. One of these is “Easy Does It”; the other is “The K.I.S.S. Method” (Keep It Simple Stupid). When I follow these precepts life becomes fairly simple and enjoyable. The 12 step program teaches us to face life squarely, honestly, and with principles. We start living life honestly, doing what is right and what is right in front of us. Isn’t it amazing how many complications dissolve away when we handle this honestly, and when we do the right thing? What could be simpler than doing what is right and what is right in front of you, honestly. Can you imagine a world where politics and global relations were handled in the same manner, without attempting to please everyone and hide secrets?
Remember God does not create garbage
That is why I am so thankful, that the God of my understanding has led me to the simplistic lifesaving 12 step program. Of all the great things that the 12 step program has taught me, there are a few basic premises that have made my life simple, less stressful and happy, joyous and free. One of these is “Easy Does It”; the other is “The K.I.S.S. Method” (Keep It Simple Stupid). When I follow these precepts life becomes fairly simple and enjoyable. The 12 step program teaches us to face life squarely, honestly, and with principles. We start living life honestly, doing what is right and what is right in front of us. Isn’t it amazing how many complications dissolve away when we handle this honestly, and when we do the right thing? What could be simpler than doing what is right and what is right in front of you, honestly. Can you imagine a world where politics and global relations were handled in the same manner, without attempting to please everyone and hide secrets?
Remember God does not create garbage
Monday, April 18, 2011
The Perfection Paradox
The paradox of perfection is actually quite simplistic, yet it seems it is very difficult for us to accept. Simply put, you are perfect in the eyes of the God of your understanding. You are a perfect Child of the God of your understanding, and are exactly where you are supposed to be at this time.
As you’ve heard in meetings we strive for progress not perfection. Or as Michael J. fox is quoted as saying “We strive for excellence, Leaving Perfection for God.” I use these two quotes to emphasize that you are incapable of living up to your idea of perfection, only God can achieve this idea of perfection.
Also you can live up to anyone else’s idea of perfection, in both the above stated and the previous, the actual fact is that you are human. And as human we are fallible, we make mistakes, however it is in our mistakes that we grow. Also you must always remember that you were not born to live up to anyone’s expectations. You were born to achieve the best you, as directed by the God of your understanding. So stop being so damn hard on yourself, confine yourself to , Doing what is right and what is right in front of you.
Remember God does not create garbage
As you’ve heard in meetings we strive for progress not perfection. Or as Michael J. fox is quoted as saying “We strive for excellence, Leaving Perfection for God.” I use these two quotes to emphasize that you are incapable of living up to your idea of perfection, only God can achieve this idea of perfection.
Also you can live up to anyone else’s idea of perfection, in both the above stated and the previous, the actual fact is that you are human. And as human we are fallible, we make mistakes, however it is in our mistakes that we grow. Also you must always remember that you were not born to live up to anyone’s expectations. You were born to achieve the best you, as directed by the God of your understanding. So stop being so damn hard on yourself, confine yourself to , Doing what is right and what is right in front of you.
Remember God does not create garbage
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Difference Between Living In Recovery Mode Or Living In Relapse Mode
In the last post we talked of the basic of relapse, in this post we are going to expand on the basic difference between recovery and relapse. In recovery we learn to face the reality of our lives and the world in which we live. We learn to do this through the 12 steps, our sponsor, and our support system. Through the 12 step program we learn to be honest with ourselves and face the truth about ourselves. With the help of our sponsor and our support system we learn to be honest with others. As we proceed to learn and grow through the 12 step program, in doing so we learn the principles of the 12 step program. We learn to be honest with ourselves and others, and in practising honesty we gradually become to gain integrity and humility. As we learn these and other principles it allows us to face life head on and with integrity. As we face reality head on with the faith of a God of our understanding and the support of our sponsor and support system, we begin to recover, and experience a new freedom which allows us to know a new level of happiness. This in a nutshell is what recovery is all about, facing reality, with honesty, humility and integrity. On the other side is relapse, relapse is where we lie to ourselves and others. Relapse is where we attempt to run and hide from world, reality, truth, and ourselves in many different ways. In other words relapse is the absence of principles, such as honesty, Integrity and faith.
Remember God does not create garbage
Remember God does not create garbage
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