Revisiting Step Eight

STEP EIGHT;
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step eight starts to change things just a bit, to this point recovery through the 12 steps has been centered around us, with a very few others of our choosing involved. Now even though the recovery process is still centered about us, for the first time it is broaching the aspect of the general public, per say, being involved in the process. This is not as scary as it may seem, we need just go back and find the strength and comfort of the God of our understanding. As well we seek the guidance of our support system, we see that many before us have not only survived, but grew and flourished as a result of this process. This is truly the beginning of the Phoenix aspect of the 12 step process.


Now as you’ll notice in reading step eight; made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. There is a comma in the middle of the step. Thus meaning that step eight is really a two part step. It is important that we approach it, and do it as such. The first part is to make a list. Now we have help in this as we should have a partial list from our fourth step. You’ll notice here that I said partial. Now at this point you are probably doing what most of us do at this point, and that is getting a little ahead of ourselves. More than likely you are already imagining facing these people, however at this point it is a distraction from what we are attempting to accomplish, we are not at that point. You need to focus on just making a list, for that is all that is required for the present moment. Let us concentrate on the job at hand; we will deal with the other aspects at the appropriate time. Now we need to go over our partial list and ensure that we have not inadvertently or purposely left anyone off the list. It is vitally important at this point that we not leave person and/or persons off our list that we may still harbour resentments or feel that if they hadn’t done what they did we would not have done what we did, or just can’t imagine the thought of facing the individual, or even perhaps it is not possible to make an amend to this individual or group. Remember what the steps says, it says a list of ALL persons we had harmed. Now that we are satisfied that our list is complete as for what we have seen from our fourth step, it is now time to look deeper into our past and see if there may be others who need to be added to our list. We need to look at other aspects of possible entries for our list, for those that we have harmed unintentionally, Such as, trusted old friends and/or confidents we began to ignore and/or blew off as our addictions grew and our lifestyles and interests no longer meshed. They are left hurt and betrayed. What about the individuals we gossiped and laughed about, with others. The people who suffered ,in the wake of our cheating, stealing, manipulating and overall deceitful ways, the ones that paid the price directly and those who paid the price indirectly. Have we remembered to list all businesses, institutions and organizations that we have harmed and/or caused damage to, whether intentional or not. Have we included all of our financial amends as well not only to individuals, but those financial amends to businesses, institutions and organizations? Now that we have included all of the above, and talked with our support system, we now have a full list and completed the first part of step eight.

Now we come to the second part, and again we run into that “willing” aspect. It is at this point we must remind ourselves, that we are doing this for ourselves; this is about our recovery, about us taking responsibility for our side of the street, for cleaning up our lives. No one else’s. This is about us following spiritual principles, about doing what is right. It is about making ourselves whole, once more. We would be most wise to fully incorporate our whole support system at this point. Gaining support and guidance from all our resources, don’t forget to lean on the God of your understanding. As we go over our list, one entry at a time, becoming willing to make amends to each. Remembering here that we need not decide how, when or anything else, other than just being willing to make the amend, for that is all that is required at this point.


How It Works
We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. We subjected ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal. Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
-A.A. Big Book p.76


Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure. Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake. To a degree, he has already done this when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways. This reopening of emotional wounds, some old, some perhaps forgotten, and some still painfully festering, will at first look like a purposeless and pointless piece of surgery. But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 77-78


Step Eight is a social housecleaning, just as Step Four was our personal housecleaning. In Step Eight we're setting out to clean up all the bruised relationships and the pockets of guilt, pain, fear, resentment, and sadness that are stored inside, stuck to our shameful past deeds. For this undealt-with material blocks us from loving other people, ourselves, and God in the present.
It's as if God were saying, "Okay, now you want me to take all of your character defects, fine. Then you can be free and serene and the person I want you to be. But first you must see that almost all your troubles involve other people. You've tried to control them one way or the other or fix them; you have guilty or resentful feelings about them; or you have been so preoccupied with yourself and your feelings, dreams, and plans that you have ignored them emotionally and caused them to experience some of their worst fears of being deserted. Now I want you to face what you have done and own your part in hurting each person in your life so you can move into the future I have for you unencumbered by the past and beginning to understand how not to keep repeating the mistakes of that past.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 135-136


The Eighth Step is not easy; it demands a new kind of honesty about our relations with other people. The Eighth Step starts the procedure of forgiving others and possibly being forgiven by them, forgiving ourselves, and learning how to live in the world. By the time we reach this step, we have become ready to understand rather than to be understood. We can live and let live easier when we know the areas in which we owe amends. It seems hard now, but once we have done it, we will wonder why we did not do it long ago.
...The final difficulty in working the Eighth Step is separating it from the Ninth Step. Projecting about actually making amends can be a major obstacle both in making the list and in becoming willing. We do this step as if there were no Ninth Step. We do not even think about making the amends but just concentrate on exactly what the Eighth Step says which is to make a list and to become willing. The main thing this step does for us is to help build an awareness that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves and how we deal with other people.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 8


Step 8 is the more specific person-to-person application of the shame-reduction that was begun in Steps 4 and 5. ...
Implicit in both Steps 8 and 9 is the assumption that we carry a toxic residue of shame from virtually every incident in which we have hurt, rejected, or ignored others. Steps 8 and 9 provide us with the opportunity to reduce this guilt by setting things right again. We should be cautioned, though, that we need to work through and grieve our underlying resentment, hurt, anger, and pain before trying to make amends to those who have also offended us. Otherwise, we are putting a bandage on a festering, cancerous sore, because the toxicity is still there. Only after it has been excised can we release our resentments with a high degree of emotional integrity.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 58,59


Remember God does not create garbage

What Is Recovery?

We venture to these rooms filled with a mixture of feelings and emotions. Most of us come with a little anxiety, dread, scepticism and doubt in large measures. We come with barely veiled hostility and anger as well as beaten down, lost, disillusioned. Many of us wander in alone lonely and wishing for an end to our suffering by any means, many believing death is the way out. We come with despair and desperation. Yet under all these is a vague glimmer of hope, hope beyond hope that maybe, just maybe these strangers just might have some sort of answer, to end the pain and hopelessness that has become our lives.

We come for that vague promise of recovery, not really knowing what that means or entails. Blindly we seek this almost mystical grail, known as recovery. What is this recovery, well recovery is just as it’s written the process of recovering, but recovering what? First off we recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Then we may recover our families or part thereof. We recover hope, of a life. We recover the unthinkable, the ability to go through periods of time not craving. Our minds begin to think rationally, or at least somewhat rational. And yet even greater than this we recover or self respect, our dignity, and even if we work at it our self confidence and a healthy self concept. However that is not the end we recover the ability to dream and hope for unending and unimaginable possibilities, because we see them happen to others on our path, and we know in our beings that these too can happen for us. All this and more is achievable with The 12 step program. This is Real Recovery.

Remember God does not create garbage

Why Bother "Putting Pen To Paper" On All The Steps

The aspect of the 12 steps is so profoundly life changing. I cannot emphasize the power of the 12 step program and as such I cannot over emphasize the value of putting “pen to paper” in doing the steps. And not the aspect of just “putting pen to paper’ for the 4rth and 8th step. This is just such an injustice to self. It is the same aspect of why, in education, at all levels from grade school right through to university, there are exercises and papers to be written and assignments given out, that all require “pen to paper.” There are lectures given, where certain elements of the curriculum is discussed and expanded upon, yet even with these there are assignments, in which the aspects learned and/or gleaned from lectures or lectures must be proved and/or examined and shown the value and usefulness in a written form.
The simple act of actual writing down and putting into one’s own words and thought process, is unparallel in the learning process. The aspect of doing so is profound, as it allows one to transcend the aspects of thinking to knowing. It goes from the conscious “thinking” to a deeper subconscious of “knowing” the material. It is especially effective and transforming when dealing with personal history and experiences. The “aha” moments are much more expanded and turn the simple “aha” moments into life changing epiphanies.
This is why in the rooms you can see such the difference of actual recovery levels. From the individuals who have glossed over the steps and read them and perhaps even spent time studying the literature of the steps and can speak quite eloquently at times, on them, yet struggle with the deeper aspects of recovery and actually struggle with getting any long term clean and sober time. Then there are those that have taken pen to paper on a few of the steps, yet they appear to be able to remain clean and sober, yet there emotional sobriety does not always seem to be consistent. There is also, to be seen that even though they seem to be able to remain clean and sober their personalities and/or traits have not changed or have changed very little. You know the ones, the ones who are set in their ways and refuse to look at other ways, the “that’s the way we’ve always done it” crowd. The one’s that always seem grouchy. Then there are those who stand out, the change is unmistakable, they seem to have a glow about them, they seem to genuinely care, they seem to even be somewhat cheery or upbeat when their life situations are in upheaval. These are the ones who have made a commitment to recovery. They studied the literature, they have written the steps, and even more so they continue the work themselves. They are the ones that it seems miracles happen for on a continuing basis. Now it does not mean that they don’t encounter challenging times and/or troubles in their lives. For there is no happily ever after, it means they know how to deal with it and rise above.
The choice is always ours to make. We either decide that we want a substandard quality of life a standard quality of life or we want a premium standard of life, the only cost is our willingness to work for it through commitment and personal work. Or attempt to slide by.

Remember God does not create garbage

Life's Operating Manual

We are all born into this life without the aid of an operator’s manual and/or an instruction booklet. Some of us are born under different circumstances, such as abilities or lack of, or family situation and position. However none of us come with instructions. We have all made do with what we were taught and what we learned. Mostly to this point and time, you have to a certain have basically failed in life. You argue this, if it were not true you would not be reading this. However the bright point in this is now you have the 12 Step Program. It is your operating guide to a great life, all you need do is follow it .to the best of your ability. And miracles will happen in your life from this point on. It really is that simple. However this does not mean there will not be ups and downs, After all life is just that life, and life happens, not always the way we wish or think it should. Yet if you continue to live the principles of the 12 Step program, you will adjust yourself to the twists and turns of life. You will learn acceptance and faith and in doing so your life will become Happy, Joyous and free. Miracles will happen before your eyes.
Remember God does not create garbage

Early Recovery

Recovery, What a concept. You know what generally is the hardest part of early recovery? It’s shutting your mouth and listening. Yes that’s it, accepting that you basically know squat about recovery, you may be educated and know about, economics, sports, the stock market and a whole range about all sorts of topics, however basically nothing about recovery. Or you would not be in early recovery. You have to “take the cotton baton out of your ears and put it in your mouth” as the oldtimers would put it, you have to take all your thinking and preconceived notions and stifle them. For early recovery is for learning about recovery from those who have achieved some measure of recovery, proven by years and years of being continuously clean and sober and creating a life out of the ashes of addiction. Early recovery basically put is like being back in preschool, kindergarten at best to advance you need to finish your first set of steps and celebrate a full year of being clean and sober, then you can move on.
Broken down the first step is about seeing admitting to your inner most self that you have a problem, steps 2 and 3 are finding a higher power or God of your understanding, steps 4, 5, and 6 is about learning who you really are. Steps 7, 8, and 9 are taking responsibility for you. The remaining steps are for continuing to monitor self, a deeper relationship with your God, and 12 helping others, these last three are also about emotional sobriety. The oldtimers used to phrase it as “trust god, clean house, and help others.”
After breaking it all down is recovery does not come overnight, it takes work, perseverance and time. We come in here ego maniacs with inferiority complexes, thinking we know it all and the truth is usually we are all alone trapped in a prison of our own making, however if we just get out of the way of ourselves, listen take suggestions there is a life better than anything we would have ever imagined, just waiting for us to go and grab it.
Remember God does not create garbage

What Is Forgiveness

Real Forgiveness is a complex and in some cases a difficult process. It is not about granting someone pardon for wrong doing or perceived wrong doing, it is not even really understanding why a person would do or act in such a manner, however understanding does seem to make it easier. Forgiveness is really just about letting the incident go. To stop reliving the incident, to stop holding the grudge and/or resentment, to let the past be the past and the dead bury the dead. It’s about moving on.


Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.[1] The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven and/or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.[1]
Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many varying modern day traditions and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness of one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and/or divine forgiveness. (From WIKIPEDIA)


Forgiveness
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance — but if you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy.

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. (MAYO CLINIC DEFINTION)

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:
 Healthier relationships
 Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
 Less stress and hostility
 Lower blood pressure
 Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
 Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?
When you're hurt by someone you love and trust, you may become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility may take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?
If you're unforgiving, you may pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life may become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present. You may become depressed or anxious. You may feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You may lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. A way to begin is by recognizing the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time. Then reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being. When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you. Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life. As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You may even find compassion and understanding.

What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?
Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.


"Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look toward the people themselves. But if you look toward God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy. Therefore, do not look at the shortcomings of anybody; see with the sight of forgiveness."
— `Abdu'l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 92

Remember God does not create garbage

A First nation Perspective on Humility

"Each of us must know in our minds and believe in our hearts that even though we are different, you are like me and I am like you."
--Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

One of the definitions of humility is having an awareness of one's own character defects. To recognize and acknowledge that one has imperfections is being humble. We should never pray for ourselves unless by doing so it would help another person. To have self-importance puts self first and this is not humble. We each have strengths and we each have weaknesses. Both the strengths and weaknesses are sacred. Life is sacred. We learn sacred things from weaknesses also. Therefore, all lives are developed through trial and error, strength and weakness, ups and downs, gains and losses - all of these are part of life and life is sacred.

Great Mystery, let me see and know about the sacredness of life

Remember God does not create garbage

The Enormous Value Of Service Work

I hope that you have taken advantage of the great opportunities there are in the 12 step fellowships to be of service. Service is the backbone and essence of this wonderful Program. It is truly the essence of spirituality, which is giving and what is more giving than being of service. There is nothing more valuable than time, it can never be refunded or stopped or harvested. So to give of one’s time is invaluable. Not only does being of service bring you to a new level of spiritual awareness, whether you are conscious of it or not. Not only are you being of service, you are staying clean and sober, I would be hard pressed to think of any who have relapsed while opening the doors and setting up for the meetings, or making coffee for the same or attending a G.S.R. meeting and/or convention, or attending a round-up, convention and/or gratitude day committee meeting. Not only are you staying clean and sober, but through service you are learning of and about the 12 traditions, especially if you are attending committee meetings as a G.S.R or similar position. Once you get through the craziness and excitement that some of those meetings can create, you are learning how to “agree to disagree” and “principles before personalities. However even greater than that you are ensuring that the doors are open and that there is a meeting for those who need one, especially those who have not found us yet.

So to all those who have done or are doing service right now, THANK YOU and God bless you. As well learn the traditions well for those are what keep us from destroying this great program from all are good intentions. The traditions are truly the greatest recovery tool of all, for they ensure that this wonderful program endures for those who need a meeting and those who have not found us yet. They ensure that when they are ready the meetings will still be here, even if they are not yet born.
Remember God does not create garbage

Revisiting Step Seven

Step Seven “Humbly asked God to Remove our Shortcomings”

This step as with step six is often glossed over, and brushed past. However again as in step six, and as with all the steps, it is an integral part of the 12 step program. All the 12 steps are equally important and vital for quality, lasting recovery, which brings you to a place of Happy, Joyous and Free. That is why it a “12 Step Program.” Let me put it this way, say you go to a party or a restaurant and you have the amazing dessert, that is just fantastic, you love it. So you get the recipe, now to create this exquisite dessert that you loved so much you follow the recipe, you don’t start changing the measurements and leaving out ingredients, because if you do your result will not be anything like the dessert you fell in love with. The 12 step program is the same it is the “precise “recipe for a recovery that brings you to a place of happy joyous and free, without ever having to use ever again. That being said let us proceed with step seven. Now all the steps prepare us for the next step, as the previous steps, if taken as written have guided you to this place. A place where you have become entirely ready, and have gained some measure of humility. Now the word is humility, not humiliation, these words are a thousand miles apart in definition. Humility is basically becoming right sized, no longer are an ego maniac, and no longer thinking you the worst person on earth. It is seeing ourselves for who we have truly become without the justifications, the lies, the good and bad, the fears and failures, the triumphant and the successes. You have seen that which needs to be discarded to become all you can. It is in this attitude you ask to be relieved of the troubling aspects of your character. And if the God of your understanding is akin to the God of my understanding, there will come situations in the future where certain conditions or situations will arise where you will get uncomfortable or catch yourself going down a path that is uncomfortable. The reason for this will be although the God of your understanding has removed the shortcoming, your God has also given you the power of choice. The uncomfortable feeling is showing you that he has done as requested, now is the time for you to follow that decision with action. This is where step seven is quite close to step three, they both require faith and trust in the God of your understanding, and they also require some action on your part.



How It Works
When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven.
-A.A. Big Book p.76



The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is really saying to us that we ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our shortcomings just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possibly have.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 76


Taking Step Seven was for many of us the greatest act of authentic humility we have ever been asked to commit: to transfer control of our recovery to God...
...according to the Twelve and Twelve, humility is a clear recognition of who we are followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. That is, humility is seeing ourselves as we actually are, good and bad, strong and weak, and acting authentically on those truths. This is not a naieve attitude suggesting we have in some way already "arrived." It is a sincere attempt to state the positive truth that when we face the truth of our shortcomings and the fact that we are powerless to change and begin to let God take our defects away, we have entered the pathway of humility. For the reality is, only God can take away our Sin, our deeply entrenched addictions, and our lifelong character defects. It is on this pathway, where we humbly ask God to remove all these defects of character, that the tools of recovery bring the healing, happiness, adn security we have dreamed of. But once more it is only powerlessness and pain that can force us to take the seventh Step into humility.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 116-117


Humility is as much a part of staying clean as food and water are to staying alive. As our addiction progressed, we devoted our energy toward satisfying our material desires. All other needs were beyond our reach. We always wanted gratification of our basic desires.
...The word humble applies because we approach this Power greater than ourselves to ask for the freedom to live without the limitations of our past ways. Many of us are willing to do it without reservations, on pure blind faith, because we are sick of what we have been doing and how we are feeling. Whatever works, we go all the way.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 7


We need humility for three reasons:
1. So that we can recognize the severity of our character defects. One aspect of our addictions is that we tend to deny and minimize the pain they inflict. Therefore as we try to assess our character defects, we may, unless we take a very humble approach, underestimate their severity.

2. So that we can acknowledge the limits of human power in addressing these character defects. We cannot do it on our own. We cannot do it by sheer willpower. We cannot do it by our own intellect and reasoning.

3. So that we can appreciate the enormity of God's power to transform lives.

... Although Step 7 is the shortest step in terms of wording and is perhaps the least discussed in recovery groups, it is probably the most potent of the twelve. It embodies the miracle of transformation as we turn over to God our broken, defective personalities in order that He might mold them into healthy, effective instruments of His will.

- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 54-55

Remember God does not create garbage