Being Real

That's really what recovery is all about. Getting Real, Getting honest with self. Seeing the truth about self, and doing what’s right. This is really difficult for us and not only us but the whole population. A society as a whole does not readily accept the truth most truths are attacked, and well as for doing what is right just look at the society we are surrounded with. Where dishonesty is praised and rewarded.

Back to the truth most people would rather not face the truth. First of we have all built up defense mechanisms against the truth, per Se denial, rationalization, justification to name a few.

Denial-Don't Even Notice I Am Lying- we are so locked up in whatever we are doing that we can't even see what we are really doing most of the time, haven't really taken a good look at it from a different perspective or are incapable of seeing it because our minds are so befuddled.
Or so lost in what are lives are and have been for so long do not even know any difference. We rationalize and/or justify our actions and behaviours by putting the blame on someone and/or something else, not taking responsibility for our own actions saying well if this hadn't happened or they hadn't done this I wouldn't have done that.

Doing the right thing well, most of us have lived so long doing what we needed to survive that we again justified and/or rationalized everything we knew to be wrong. Even though most of us stopped seeing a lot of our actions as right or wrong they just were and some of it was just everybody else does it. However all this does is belittle ourselves we are putting ourselves down we are making all those lies be truth. The lies that we started to believe like we are no good, you'll never amount to anything' you’re just a___ anyway. We kill our own self-respect and self-image, and this keeps us in our disease. Because those are nothing but lies. And we need to start treating ourselves better if we hope to recover. When we do these things we prostitute our own values we sell ourselves out. We do this because consciously or even sub consciously everyone in there being knows the difference between right and wrong and all human beings deep in their souls or inner self has an idea and concept of God and a similar value system . Sometimes some values are valued higher than others in each individual the rankings are different BUT they are there none the less. Aware of it or not every time you go against your inner self you damage YOU, your self-esteem and your self-image the more you damage it the worse you feel. None of us need a Bill of rights, the 10 commandments or a set of laws because we all know the difference between right wrong. When you get quiet with self-right in your chest you know. Every time you rationalize and/or justify you've crossed your own line. It doesn't matter what other people do or how they live, we do recovery for ourselves and are accountable for ourselves, PERIOD. Every time you sell yourself out. You make your recovery that much harder. We must always do our best to do what's right and what's right in front of us.

That's no to say we don't make mistakes. We are human and part of being human is mistakes. However a mistake is doing something and then realizing I've messed up. In recovery we do whatever it takes to remedy the situation. It does not give us a license to do wrong because it's convenient and I'll remedy it later.
Remember God does not make garbage

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The Third Basic Ingredient

The Third Ingredient- Unconditional Abstinence

This is self-explanatory. However being an Alcoholic and/or Drug Addict, or any other compulsion, we have a tendency not to get this or rationalize an excuse to this rule. It is really that simple We Don't Use NO MATTER WHAT. I have a very, very dear friend who puts it this way" I don't use even if my ass is falling off I'm just grateful for the weight loss." That pretty much says it all.

However as addictive personalities, especially if your new, drinking /using is what we know they are our defense mechanism our ways of coping, it is what we do. NO MORE! Now on we find other ways. Yes it's hard, yes it's uncomfortable (because it new not to go to our old standby) that is why you need a support system, meetings, sponsor, because alone you will likely use. These strange things like "FEELINGS' and "EMOTIONS " or going to be cropping up and hard to deal with because they have been numbed and restricted by our using that they will seem overwhelming and/or uncontrollable. However they are natural, normal and healthy. However they will be confusing and very overwhelming. However "FEELING never killed anybody, our reaction to them can cause many problems. Again when experiencing an overwhelming and/or confusing feeling we immediately seek out our support system, sponsor and/or go to a meeting. Doing one or all of these things will equip you with a whole new set of tools to deal with this issue and will be OK. Just remember We don't Drink or use NO MATTER WHAT.

One more little note on the second ingredient. The first three steps are basic life lines for early recovery. Step one says we are powerless and our lives had become unmanageable.
At some point to some degree we have perceived this (probably grudgingly) to be the case. This is the motivation for recovery. No one will treat a problem until they are aware of it, and in our cases usually have to be forced to acknowledge it, usually by some sort of crisis. Remember that an alcoholic and/or addict are usually the last person to see the severity of their addiction. The whole world has seen much earlier the problem and how desperately they need to change. Step one is the remedy.
Step Two says that the addictive person seek strength and hope outside himself, usually a novel and distasteful option the addictive personality. Yet highly needed as their history proves. Step Two says Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to Sanity" We addictive personalities as a whole are prime examples of " FALSE INDEPENDENCE-- Stubborn insistence on the right to make endless numbers of bad decisions while under the influence of powerful toxins or at least without complete ability of rational thought. Step Two tells us specifically to abandon the hope of any lasting recovery without help.

The third step, another difficult and tasteless step for addictive personalities. Now he MUST turn his will and life over to God. HOWEVER there is a very special point here that must be noted and pointed out. Step three says “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTAND HIM". Now who understands God, However more to the point, it is not up for anybody to tell you who you’re God Is! You need to find a Higher Power that works for you and implement it/them into your daily life.

Now if a relapse happens a sponsor or support system and/or treatment will always steer you back to these three steps. So to avoid a relapse because we all have a relapse in us The Deadly Question is DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER RECOVERY IN YOU? So to avoid this very painful situation to yourself and others, Work particularly hard at getting these three steps instilled in YOUR LIFE/RECOVERY.

And Always Remember GOD does not make Garbage!

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The Second Basic Ingredient

Second Ingredient “THE 12 STEPS"

This may seem redundant to put this in here considering the title of this Blog. However you'll be surprised how many people join the Fellowship of A.A., N.A. C.A. Whatever A. you attend. Go to meetings look at the wall where the 12 steps are posted, read the 12 steps discuss the Steps even go to step meetings. They go to Alano clubs, Recovery clubs, attend recovery functions, they get a support system. They proclaim to be in the program, yet they rarely get any continuous recovery time in. This is because THEY are not doing a PROGRAM of recovery. They are in the fellowship, now don't get me wrong here there is nothing wrong with the "fellowship" of whichever 12 Step program you attend. However the fellowships are great and a recommended PART of recovery. However The Program of Recovery is NOT the Fellowship IT IS THE 12 STEPS. Any fellowship worth its weight will continuously tell you to do the steps. Oh Yeah I know “They are only Suggestion". Well hold on now, let’s remember the original concept came out (1938) the word suggestion had a much stronger connotation. How shall I put it - It's the same as saying that I suggest if you’re going to take a crap , you take your pants down first. Does that make it a little clearer? Here let’s try to clarify it a little more. It is suggested you do the Steps if you wish to Recover from a hopeless state of mind and body, we suggest you do the steps if you want A new and better life, we suggest you do the steps if you want to be "Happy, Joyous and Free". Otherwise you can continue to live the way you have always lived. There is a saying in the Fellowships- The Definition of Insanity- is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. As well as “If nothing changes nothing changes".
Once Again let’s be perfectly clear here the meeting are strongly recommended as well as the fellowship, however together or separately they are just support, The 12 STEPS are THE PROGRAM OF RECOVERY. Read how it works it tells you right there “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as A PROGRAM OF RECOVERY."

Just to clarify a few things. Now many will say “well I did the steps and it still didn't work". Many have sat in meeting or step meeting and discussed the steps their opinions, interpretations ETC... Or they have done Steps 1-6-8-12. Let’s be perfectly clear here. The Steps are numbered 1 through 12. This is how they need to be done, in sequence; they are numbered for a reason. No Skipping Steps you don't like. No Hopscotching doing the ones you think are good. Just do step 1 then Step 2 and so on. Secondly and possibly more important- PUT PEN TO PAPER, nowadays most 12 step fellowships have their own step guides, they are all over the place for which to use, Ask your sponsor, use your support system, BUT DO THEM.

Remember GOD does not make garbage.

The Three Essential Basics For A Successful Recovery. The First Basic Ingredient

FIRST INGRDIENT “A SUPPORT SYSTEM"

One of the most important element in "getting and staying" in Recovery, No Matter what you are recovering from. Is A Support System in place for YOU...? Now WHAT IS A SUPPORT SYSTEM? A support system is the foundation of your recovery; it’s like building a house. How long will your house stay up and liveable if the foundation is on a bad foundation? Your recovery is the same! So what are the ingredients for a solid support system?
1) It needs to be readily Available- Now this doesn't mean you are the centre of the universe and the world stops when you call. It does mean you should be able to reach someone on the phone (or in person) in a reasonable amount of time (1/2-1 hour)
2) It needs to involve more than one person- for a couple of reasons. One being people are people- we are all fallible (life happens), secondly if one person tells you something it can be that persons opinion or beliefs, however if a group of people are saying the same thing then it's more apt to be for real. Thirdly if you’re depending on one person's support constantly, you’re going to want to spread it around a little so it doesn't become a burden. Especially if you begin to think your being a burden how much will you reach out for HELP, you'll probably tell yourself to do it yourself? This defeats the whole purpose of a support system. Remember I can't We Can.
3) It provides EMOTIONAL SUPPORT not FINANCIAL SUPPORT- Now this does not mean you cannot accept someone buying you a coffee or a meal or something of this nature on occasion or even "RARE FINACIAL" assistance. However Recovery is about learning to take care of yourself and taking responsibility for yourself and this include "FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY". Yes early recovery is usually a time of financial restraint. However the growth of this period is part of the whole recovery process.
4) It needs to give you HONEST feedback of your Behaviours and Attitudes.
In early recovery we can't always trust ourselves, as said before "our heads have a contract on our asses" As well our thinking is influenced by a well-developed and honed "warped Defense mechanisms" developed through years of abuse. Even if your support systems feedback is wrong and it can be always check it out first. Discuss all your major decisions with them before taking action. Now for most of us in early recovery the support system we establish will be comprised mostly by those we have met in our particular 12 step fellowship. A note here is that this needs to include persons with more "recovery time" than your own, not a bad idea to have an "Old-timer" or two in the mix.
5) Yes it can include a "Sponsor"- How do I Choose a Sponsor
CHOOSING A SPONSOR
This is a tricky one however I have a few hard and fast RULES I Strongly Recommend
A) The SAME SEX A man cannot teach a woman how to be a woman in recovery
Each gender has its own set of issues. And there's always the chance of another kind of relationship developing and that’s one for a whole other posting or 10
B) Availability- Again the best sponsor in the world is no good to you if you can't reach
Them or they have very little time they can devote to you.
C) They Know How to Stay "Clean and Sober" They have significant CONTINOUS recovery
Time.
D) They live what they Preach- Unfortunately some people in the rooms speak real well
However they don't live it. Go out for coffee with them Visit their homes See if the actually
Practice what they preach (HIGH PRIORITY on THIS)
E) They are willing to be HONEST with you- Without a doubt this is the single most
Valuable asset in a sponsor. Someone who willing lovingly tell you you’re being an
as@$#%le. After all A REAL FRIEND is someone who is honest with you.

Can Group therapy and/or Therapy- in A word NO. Therapy of any form is TREATMENT
You may get support from it however it is treatment and not to be considered as part of
Your support system.

Tomorrow the second ingredient

REMEMBER GOD DOES NOT MAKE GARBAGE

Best When It’s Worst

Consider that people are like tea bags.

They don’t know their own strength
until they get into hot water.

— Dan McKinnon

In the film Starman, an extraterrestrial comes to earth to study life on this planet. Like many such visitors, he does not receive a very kindly welcome and spends most of his time fleeing from au–thorities. In the process, he falls in love with a woman who befriends him. Finally he must leave, and he has a few short moments to say good-bye to his beloved. “Do you know what I learned about human beings? ” he asks. “I learned that when things are at their worst, you are at your best. ”

Adversity is a gift if we make it work on our behalf. Challenge is not a curse or a punishment, but an opportunity to shine. If life were easy all the time, we would not deepen in love, compassion, and wisdom, or learn how to sink a pipeline into the well of true strength within us. Often we do not know how powerful we are until we are faced with a challenge that draws forth our greatness.

In high school I took a typing class. By the end of the course, I had built up my speed to about 40 words a minute. The time came for the final exam, on which a large part of my grade depended. I focused intently and scored a smashing 64 words a minute?over 50 percent faster than my reg–ular speed! Why did I do so well? I knew it counted for a lot,

When an act in life counts, there is a source of strength within us that grows to meet the challenge. Some people demonstrate superhuman abil–ities, such as pushing a wrecked car off an injured person. Where do they find the strength? It was within them all the time; the worst brought out the best.
I pray to be big enough to handle
whatever comes before me.
With Your help, I can and will do anything.
The power of God is within me.
The Grace of God surrounds me.
This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Revisiting Step Ten

“Continued To Take Personal Inventory, And When We Were Wrong Promptly Admitted It.”

This is a very important step, as are all the 12 steps. However this step can make all the difference in your recovery. Unfortunately this step is usually brushed by and highly ignored. This step is a key in real recovery. Up to this point we have changed and grown a great deal. However unlike some, as people with an addictive personality, we do not have the luxury or really the ability to think our selves into better behaviour, we need to take the reverse approach. We need to act differently, and as we continue to act differently our feeling and thinking change. This explains why your sponsor, recovery coach and/or counsellor will give you certain ways to act and things to do, that at the time may to seem to have nothing to do with your recovery.

The difference between a person in recovery and a person who is abstinent, is the behaviour and thinking. Now as you have progressed through the previous nine steps, as said earlier, your behaviour and thinking has changed a great deal. However you have been acting, believing and thinking in a certain manner, which has fed your addiction/alcoholism for years. Most of this has been ingrained in you, it cannot be expected to reverse itself in a few short months. These ways of acting, beliefs and thinking is just in the background, at this point. It will take years to completely iradicate these aspects. They are just below the surface awaiting the difficult times, those are the beliefs, actions and thinking were relapse begins. Step 10 is our defense against these relapse traps, they are also the tools of growth in a real recovery. By nightly reviewing our behaviors and thinking we see were we are going off the path, they keep us on the path of recovery and safe from relapse. We get to see through a regular review of actions and thinking, where amends are needed and correction required.

How It Works

This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.
-A.A. Big Book p.84

More about Step 10 in the Big Book

The emphasis on inventory is heavy only because a great many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate self-appraisal. Once this healthy practice has been groomed, it will be so interesting and profitable that the time it takes won't be missed. For these minutes and sometimes hours spent in self-examination are bound to make all the other hours of our day better and happier. And at length our inventories become a regular part of everyday living, rather than unusual or set apart.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 89-90


The Tenth Step can be a pressure relief valve. We work this step while the day's ups and downs are still fresh in our minds. We list what we have done and try not to rationalize our actions. This may be done in writing at the end of the day. The first thing we do is stop! Then we take the time to allow ourselves the privilege of thinking. We examine our actions, our reactions, and our motives. We often find that we've been "doing" better than we've been "feeling". This allows us to find out where we have gone wrong and admit fault before things get any worse. We need to avoid rationalizing. We promptly admit our faults, not explain them.

We work this step continuously. This is a prevention, and the more we do it, the less we will need the corrective part of this step. This is really a great tool. It gives us a way of avoiding grief before we bring it on ourselves. We monitor our feelings, our emotions, our fantasies, and our actions. By constantly looking at these things we may be able to avoid repeating the actions that make us feel bad.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 10

Steps 10, 11, and 12 are sometimes called the maintenance steps. They repeat many of the points outlined in previous steps, but they emphasize the value of continuing to "work the steps" on a day-to-day basis.

Step 10 encourages the taking of a personal inventory, which, for recovering persons, should be a daily process...


Our daily inventory certainly needs to assess the status of our relationship with God. Are we still yielding our will to Him? Bill Wilson emphasized how crucial this evaluation is, especially for addictive personalities, which tend to be willful. Our need to surrender ourselves to God on a daily basis will go on throughout our lives, and we shall explore the means of that continuing spiritual surrender in Step 11.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 67, 69


Step Ten is a spiritual pocket computer to help us keep tabs on our behavior today and a cleanser to help keep our spiritual lenses clean. In this method of keeping an inventory every day, we ask ourselves questions like, Which of my character defects popped up as uninvited guests today? Am I using the tools of the program? Am I praying? Am I thanking God for all the good things he has done for me this day, and for any positive things he's freed me to do? ...

The reason this is so important is that the Sin-disease, which its denial and delusion, is always hovering "just a decision away" to throw us back into fear and confusion. Its tactics are to convince us in various ways, "You're 'well' now and don't need a stupid program to lead a normal life. You can and should operate on your own as a mature adult." The disease's "strategy" often works like this: When we begin to feel a little secure and happy and our relationships are more comfortable, many of us "forget" to have our quiet time. We forget to go to meetings and don't call our sponsor. We're busy again, because the pain that drove us into the program has been alleviated. This is a dangerous place to be, because it is one of the major delusions of the spiritual life that we can "do it oursleves" without daily contact with God and a daily look at the reality of what is going on in our own lives.
- A Hunger for Healing, by Keith Miller, p. 164

Remember God does not create garbage

What Truly Matters Who or What Christ Was, Or His Teachings

Yes Happy Easter all and a Happy Good Friday. I do not say this to offend anyone, however no matter what faith you proclaim, credit must be given where credit is due. No matter what your faith, or whom you choose to call God. You must admit that there has never been anyone or anything to affect the world as a whole as Jesus Christ. No matter how you would view him, no one has spoken their truth and their belief with the effect that he did, Mind you there are countless interpretations to his teachings and what he was implying. His teaching alone were radical at the time and taken for their word strictly without religious connotations and implications, his words were strictly about how to live. And to live with faith, love, compassion and selflessly. No other has affected the world as he had in his time, after his physical existence and yet to this day over 2000 years hence. If we lived by his teachings alone, and left the religious interpretations out them. The world would be a more peaceful place. Unfortunately as with all great teachings, others would tell you how to honour them and the underlying message within. Instead of just taking the teachings on face value, as spoken and as he walked, for when this is done the underlying message becomes self-evident.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Meeting

How To Make Life Simpler In A Complicated World

We live in a complicated world, in a complicated society, in a complicated time. Life can be complicated, relationships can be complicated, demands on your money resources can make finances complicated, and multiple interests and wants makes time management complicated. If you look around the world politics are complicated, national budgets are complicated, strained relationships across the globe make world peace complicated, misunderstandings and intolerance between cultural, religious, race and political relations highly combustible and complicated. Now throw into the mix quantum mathematics, Physics and electronic boards. Is it any wonder we are stressed, frustrated and surrounded by chaos?

That is why I am so thankful, that the God of my understanding has led me to the simplistic lifesaving 12 step program. Of all the great things that the 12 step program has taught me, there are a few basic premises that have made my life simple, less stressful and happy, joyous and free. One of these is “Easy Does It”; the other is “The K.I.S.S. Method” (Keep It Simple Stupid). When I follow these precepts life becomes fairly simple and enjoyable. The 12 step program teaches us to face life squarely, honestly, and with principles. We start living life honestly, doing what is right and what is right in front of us. Isn’t it amazing how many complications dissolve away when we handle this honestly, and when we do the right thing? What could be simpler than doing what is right and what is right in front of you, honestly. Can you imagine a world where politics and global relations were handled in the same manner, without attempting to please everyone and hide secrets?

Remember God does not create garbage

God and the Twelve Steps of A.A.

The Perfection Paradox

The paradox of perfection is actually quite simplistic, yet it seems it is very difficult for us to accept. Simply put, you are perfect in the eyes of the God of your understanding. You are a perfect Child of the God of your understanding, and are exactly where you are supposed to be at this time.

As you’ve heard in meetings we strive for progress not perfection. Or as Michael J. fox is quoted as saying “We strive for excellence, Leaving Perfection for God.” I use these two quotes to emphasize that you are incapable of living up to your idea of perfection, only God can achieve this idea of perfection.

Also you can live up to anyone else’s idea of perfection, in both the above stated and the previous, the actual fact is that you are human. And as human we are fallible, we make mistakes, however it is in our mistakes that we grow. Also you must always remember that you were not born to live up to anyone’s expectations. You were born to achieve the best you, as directed by the God of your understanding. So stop being so damn hard on yourself, confine yourself to , Doing what is right and what is right in front of you.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Difference Between Living In Recovery Mode Or Living In Relapse Mode

In the last post we talked of the basic of relapse, in this post we are going to expand on the basic difference between recovery and relapse. In recovery we learn to face the reality of our lives and the world in which we live. We learn to do this through the 12 steps, our sponsor, and our support system. Through the 12 step program we learn to be honest with ourselves and face the truth about ourselves. With the help of our sponsor and our support system we learn to be honest with others. As we proceed to learn and grow through the 12 step program, in doing so we learn the principles of the 12 step program. We learn to be honest with ourselves and others, and in practising honesty we gradually become to gain integrity and humility. As we learn these and other principles it allows us to face life head on and with integrity. As we face reality head on with the faith of a God of our understanding and the support of our sponsor and support system, we begin to recover, and experience a new freedom which allows us to know a new level of happiness. This in a nutshell is what recovery is all about, facing reality, with honesty, humility and integrity. On the other side is relapse, relapse is where we lie to ourselves and others. Relapse is where we attempt to run and hide from world, reality, truth, and ourselves in many different ways. In other words relapse is the absence of principles, such as honesty, Integrity and faith.

Remember God does not create garbage

Relapse Basics

Now there are many aspects to the conditions and causes of relapse, however in this post we are only going to deal with the basics. Relapse does not just happen out of the blue, it happens in stages, the final stage is that physical act of picking up. Relapse starts where our disease is centered, in the mind. An experience and/or a situation will trigger a feeling, and it is this feeling that has been triggered is where the relapse is born. The key here is to recognize what is going on and to take appropriate action. Now if you are in the early years of this recovery, this trigger and feeling could be related to a reservation you’ve been holding unto , or the possibility that you have never have embraced the aspect of total abstinence. If this is not the case, then like most who experience relapse, a situation or experience has triggered on some level a feeling of low self-esteem, self-concept, around some unresolved issue, or again some unresolved issue concerning shame and/or guilt. Now as these feelings become more prevalent, there are some basic tell-tale signs that you are in relapse mode. They are very basic and usually follow this usual progression. First off you start becoming less forthcoming with your sponsor and/or your support system about how you are feeling and what you’re thinking combined with not disclosing what is going on with you. (Dishonesty through omission). This may or may not be combined with the beginning of lessening meetings and or being late for meeting and/or leaving early. This then turns to little lies or untruths to your sponsor and support system. which gradually grows to outright lies and less true communication. This will grow into spending less time with sponsor and support system. You start going by or to dangerous places and/or people to your recovery. A growing irritability towards your sponsor, support system and meetings. This Combined with growing isolation and recovery practices, along with becoming argumentative. The key here is becoming aware of these signs, and then taking the actions to turning this behaviour around. The action that needs to be taken is the exact opposite of these actions; you need to become more forthright with your sponsor and support system. Explaining what exactly you are feeling and going through, spending more time with sponsor and support system. Making sure that you are attending your usual meetings in full and possibly more. Getting back to the recovery practices which got you to this point, reading recovery material, journaling, prayer and meditation, whatever you had been doing. Another key aspect that you need to be aware of, that this in no way means that you haven’t been working a program, or that your program is not right, or anything negative at all about you or your recovery. This is a normal aspect of recovery, we all experience negativity and/or uncomfortable feelings which trigger us, you must remember two things, the first is that your disease centers in your mind and has a contract on your butt, Two that this is more than likely a good thing, it means you are growing and “more is being revealed”, it just means there is more work needed. This is why many repeat the process of doing the steps repeatedly during their recovery. Remember the work never really stops. We just continue to grow and become healthier with even greater freedom and possibilities for happiness.

Remember God does not create garbage

The Need To Continually Check Our Thinking

As a person with an addictive personality, and as such I do possess the certain traits common in alcoholics and/or addicts. Traits such as the undying need to be right as well as the trait not liking being wrong. There is also the aspect of perception; perception can be skewed due many possible influences. However by doing the 12 step program, these traits have been lessened, through the growth of a healthy self-concept and self-image. However I still do not enjoy being wrong however I have learned to admit it, when I am. Yet I am still capable of being opinionated and staunch in my beliefs. When these come in question I have been taught by my sponsor, my support system and the principles of the 12 step program to be open minded. However occasionally I can be blindsided by being too close to see objectively and/or to emotionally involved and/or connected to the concept to see objectively. So I have also learned from my sponsor and support system to always check my thinking. I do this in the manner of research and education on the subject, as well as checking my thinking with my sponsor and support system, and listening to their advice and opinions. In doing so, they can usually tell me when my thinking and/or perception is out of whack. However when the aspect or concept is one that is shared with my usual source, I have learned to seek the advice and counsel of others whom appear to have knowledge on the topic.

Remember God does not make garbage

PLEASE POST ANY COMMENTS AND/OR OPINIONS

Well hello my friends, today is going to be a little different as my blog entries go. A couple of things have happened that has made me take a look at things. Some of my ideas about recovery have been challenged. I have been attempting to look objectively at this. I of course might be a little too close so here I am asking for some input on a few points. So please post any and all comments you have, they are all welcome and appreciated.
It has been implied that I am perhaps too intense about recovery. And that I need a more relaxed approach. I somewhat agree that I can be intense, sometimes preachy, and opinionated about my beliefs on recovery and the recovery process. However it is something I strongly believe in, I know what has worked for me, I know that most of this has worked for a lot of others that I have worked with, I have watched so many not follow or choose their own paths only to see them at a later date coming back and ravaged by our disease. I attempt to the best of my ability to follow the literature and to back-up my suggestions and ideas and speaking, writing with the literature and experiences. I’d like to look at my intensity being caused by my passion for recovery. I am excited about recovery, the changes, no make that miracles it has produced in my life and countless others, there are few other experiences if any that allows you to eye witness the miraculous changes in people’s lives. How can you not be passionate about a program, which literally saves millions of lives on a daily basis?
I was also challenged on my insistence of doing the steps. As well as any sort off time frame on doing the steps. If you come to me and ask for my assistance and guidance in recovery or are in a treatment centre or recovery house that purports to be based on the 12 step program. How can one not insist on mandatory work on the steps? It was suggested that you just lay out the information and if they choose to take it good, if not no problem, allow them to get to it in their own time if at all. Is it just me, that if I was allowed to set up my own agenda and timetable for the 12 steps in early recovery that I can’t say where my recovery would be today, am I the only one who sees examples of those ignoring doing the 12 steps coming back on a daily basis? Am I the only one who would question the helpfulness of a facility that endorses the 12 steps, yet after 3,6, 8 months you have made no attempt or started any work on step work, that it would be deemed acceptable? Am I also the only one who in early recovery needed direction, accountability, guidance and perhaps mostly structure, goals as well as support, and is not a lot of this through doing the 12 steps?
One of the reasons for the challenge was my endorsement of the saying “Do the Steps or Die”, well to begin with I prefer the statement “Do the Steps and Live”, however that is semantics. Overall I believe in the idea behind the statement whichever way it is said. Now I do not say that the 12 step program is the only means of recovery, however I know that has worked for me and millions of others, and no matter what the opponents to 12 step recovery say, no other form of recovery in the world has gotten as many people clean and sober, this is attested to by the over 300 12 step fellowships that have followed A.A. and the millions in 12 step meetings around the world daily. How can you join and/or be around our fellowship and not partake in the 12 step program of recovery and expect to get recovery?
Another of the challenges was in the statement “we suggest the doing the steps in the same way we suggest, if you’re going to take a crap, we suggest you take your pants down”, that this was negative. And for newcomers I should just say “you can pull up your pants now the shits over.” Again is it just me that believes that just because you’ve decided to attend meetings, and/or are in a treatment facility means the shit is over? To me the shit isn’t over until you’ve started working on your stuff and the way to do this in our fellowship is doing the steps. And then still it can take a while, again now that is my belief. So please comment on this post, for as I am writing this the more validated I fell on my positions. However if you feel that I am off the wall or whatever please post. Perhaps I am too close to see.
Oh and one other question I would pose. I believe that the average stay in a treatment facility and/or recovery house should range between 9 months to 18 months, with even 18 months bordering questionable, however this is of course dependant on the individual and factors of physical and physiological damage. A stay in excess without extreme extenuating circumstances to me would be opposed to the concept of the 12 step program, of becoming contributing members of society and enabling the client in becoming institutionalized.

Remember God does not make garbage

Do You Take The God Of Your Understanding With You Everywhere, Or Hide Your God In Meetings

The whole basic precept of the 12 step program is based on the premise of faith in a in the God of your understanding, or at the very least the adhering to spiritual principles. As our strength in the belief and faith of these principles, grows so too does the quality of our lives and relationships. However as we begin to reconnect with society and family. Or more aptly put as we strive to put our lives back together, and start on becoming contributing members in society and “get a life”. We put ourselves under pressure to get decent employment and get better things for ourselves and/or our families. It is in these times that we can get caught up in life. We can forget to bring our God, to job interviews, to the supermarket, to the commute to and from work, to our place of work and even sometimes home with us. This is a condition that can and does affect all, not only the newcomer but also those with years of being clean and sober. We can all get caught up in life, striving to find decent or better employment, losing a job, dealing with stress of deadlines, on and on. Life can be stressful; life can present us with many challenges. And on occasion we can create even more stress on ourselves to perform better, or to earn more, to keep up appearance. We can get so caught up in this material world, forgetting the spiritual principles and the joy our lives were having. That is till we started worrying about the material things of the world, about image. Forgetting that we are in the world, yet not of the world, forgetting where we came from, forgetting to be happy with what we have and what we have achieved rather than what we do not have. Basically this comes when we are not carrying the God of understanding with us at all times. For God has not forgotten us, we have forgotten our God.
Remember God does not create garbage

There Is Nothing Wrong With Being A Dreamer

There is nothing wrong with being a dreamer, dreamers are the reason we have the luxuries we have in this world. Without the dreamers and dreams we would still be living in caves around the fire, crowded in small overcrowded areas. All the things we enjoy in life today are due to the dreamers who faced the fear and ridicule of others and pursued their dreams.
However true dreamers did not sit on the couch and fantasize about possibilities and live in their fantasy worlds. No they were actually realists that did not allow their realities be limited be preconceived ideas, beliefs and convention. Real dreamers were people of action and hard work. For it is only through, action, hard work, belief and perseverance, that you turn dreams into reality. They all followed the same basic recipe for making their dreams come true.

The first part of changing a dream to reality, is a true belief in your dream and a deep desire and drive to pursue your dream, because out this you are likely to quit when the going gets tough, and make no mistake times will come when you just want to give up, and without a strong belief and desire you will. Secondly you need to have an understanding of whatever the aspects of your dream are. This means to educate yourself and research the aspects of your dreams. Thirdly you need to formulate an action plan into manifesting your dream into reality; this plan needs to be made of small achievable and realistic goals. Also on a regular basis you need to review your progress, and possibly adjust your goals and action plan accordingly. All while keeping the focus and intent of your action plan, intact.
This is your blueprint for making your dreams a reality. Hmmm anybody else notices the similarity of this and the blueprint of the 12 Step Program.

Remember God does not create garbage

Reaching Out

“Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of (RECOVERY) to be there. And for that, I am responsible,”

Now I know this phrase was originally coined for A.A., however it is my belief, that all the fellowships operate on this principle. Yet the 12 step call is a dying practice. I see a lot of people these days react differently when approached by a newcomer after a meeting. It is usually followed by a couple of sentences followed by, I have to go right now, or I have an appointment, but here’s my number, call me, But don’t call if you’ve been using/drinking and don’t call after 10:00. I believe these people really need to remember where they came from, and what it was really like. I also think that some of these people need to read the literature about what the old days were really like. Today how many in a meeting can actually put up their hands to say they have been on an actual 12 step call, especially with members with less than 5 to 10 years. I can recall getting calls from my sponsor saying “I’ll be there in ten minutes to pick you up, we’re going on a twelve step call,” on more than one occasion. And there were no excuses, like I’m just getting ready for bed, or I’m asleep, or anything else, it was someone needs help, and it’ll keep you clean and sober, it was that simple. A lot of these times the person we went to see was a little high and/or drunk, Unless they were completely out of it, this didn’t stop my sponsor from talking and listening to whoever it was, I had to talk too, It was these experiences that helped keep me clean and sober. Yet I also learned from some of these people, some of who were newcomers who just hadn’t learned to reach out, the only way they could be a little vulnerable and actually ask for what they needed was with a little chemical or liquid courage.

I’m not going to tell you that we were super sober crusaders, and we saved them all. The truth is most we never saw again, however some we helped get into detox and/or treatment, some we picked up daily for meetings and had coffee after with them There were some we saw at a meeting a couple days, a week or couple of weeks later, and usually they had no recollection of who we were. Yet that was okay, because we were just doing what the literature tells us and what we profess in meetings, that we are there to help, that if you need us we will help, and as a whole we care, no strings attached.

I’ve noticed that there is a section of recovering individuals that don’t really want to have anything to do with the raw newcomer, it has sort of come common place for these people to be dealt with by counsellors, recovery coaches, detoxes, treatment centres and recovery houses. I’ve even heard the occasional recovering individuals say to the raw newcomer get yourself straightened up a little and cleaned up then give me a call. As a whole it seems that in a lot of cases we leave it to counsellors, recovery coaches, treatment centres and recovery houses to do our 12th step work for us. Mind you in some instances, and I stress the word some, these institutions are better equipped to deal with some cases. However it is no reason to turn them away if this is the case then we help them find the resources that are needed.

Another aspect of this that really stands out for me is this. The first word in that statement on the top of this post is “anyone” not “the newcomer”. It is really sad to watch some people’s reactions, when a fellow member is hurting, and I hear comments like, “oh you’ll be alright, you know what to do”, or “You’re right where you’re supposed to be” or “this too shall pass” and they walk away. Another comment usually muttered aside to another is “they can’t be running any kind of program”. Life can be hard, and sometimes life just happens, there are a lot of situations when even if you have 5, 10, 20 years it can be tough, you can feel confused, lost , disillusioned, or just plain beaten down by life. Sometimes this individual just need some comfort, from those they thought they could count on. A few encouraging words, a touch, some attention or just plain old genuine concern and possibly a helping hand or just a little of your time. After all it is not so much our words that make the biggest impacts, it is our actions. Occasionally these members need our attention as much as the newcomer, and occasionally even more.

Remember God does not create garbage

Meeting Are Not The Only Place To Learn Recovery

Don’t get me wrong meetings are a great source of recovery and learning. And if it were not for meetings the other avenues of my learning would not have existed. Neither would have I met the teachers I was lucky enough to meet. What I am saying is that for me, a major source of my learning came from the unofficial meetings before and especially after the meetings. When I started recovery it was not unheard of to be 45 minutes to a ½ hour early for a meeting, to help out in setting up, it was also good for me as I attempted to keep busy. Well there was always a couple of others that came early, and sometimes people visiting from out of town were usually early,. This allowed me to mete others in recovery in an informal basis, which led usually to more personal communication on a whole range of topics, mostly surrounding recovery and life in a far more intimate way. Then there was the meeting after the meeting were some of the core members would start the rounds as the meeting was breaking up to say we are all going to such and such restaurant for coffee, it wasn’t uncommon for a few of the older members to offer to buy you a coffee if you were a newcomer or if they knew you were struggling a bit, it was also not uncommon for some of the members to buy a pizza for the table. Usually it was coffee with 5 to 10 members just sharing and being together. However from Thursday to Saturday these get togethers could grow to 20 to 30 members. However prices were cheaper then and restaurants were open to a bunch taking over a corner or a section and just having coffee, and sometimes a piece of pie or something. Also some of the Alano clubs at that time seemed a little more lax in people staying around after a meeting, member or not. It seems today restaurants are not as flexible on such happenings. As well recovery clubs seem more interested in you paying dues and closing as soon as they can rather than being there for the original purposes. However it was these times that got me through and taught me so much between 0 to around 5-6 years. It was in these formidable years in my recovery I was lucky to meet two wonderful examples of recovery, one was John An elderly gentleman in his late fifties or so, who always had the coffee on and you were welcome to stop by and chat. As well as a whole host of others in this community ready to meet for coffee. When I moved from this community to another I was lucky enough to meet another gentleman who referred to himself as “the happiest drunk in the valley”, This wonderful older gentleman was always having people over for recovery chats, every year he held a Bar B Q for all, as well as holding numerous step groups in his home. These two men inspired me, as they reminded me of what it must have been like when Bill and Bob held most activities in their homes as well as housing the newly recovering. So much so that for the next almost ten years, my apartment became a sort of recovery club, there were a group of us that all hung together and we helped each other stay clean and sober, mind you we exchanged the venue to the others home on occasion> I guess we had our own little clique, However it was not uncommon to bring someone else over to my place that they had met at a meeting or an acquaintance, or a newcomer or sponsee. We would go to meetings, sometimes we would watch movies, play card, penny poker on occasion, Pictionary, charades, or numerous other games, sometimes we would just sit round discussing recovery or just have a B.S. session. I believe we all grew and stayed clean and sober during this period, sometimes the newcomers in our group would struggle, yet we would corral them and nurse them back , to which mostly those who stayed around.
I have since moved, yet there are still some of us they remain in touch today and on occasion meet up for a games night and/or a meeting.
I fail to see this much these days, I understand that society as a whole has changed somewhat, and the availability to take over a sections in restaurants for coffee drinkers is not the same today even with the coffee shops. This saddens me, when I remember how crucial these times were to my recovery. However, it seems to me that even if it were possible, people today seem to depart from the meetings much quicker these days, many come late; more seem to leave at half time or early. There just seems to be less solidarity or comradeship. Maybe it’s just me, an missing my old days

Remember God de not create garbage

Thoughts On Sharing At Meetings

Now it is suggested that we share in a general way, and we share what it was like what happened and what it’s like now. There are a few reasons that we share in a general way, firstly a meeting is not the proper venue for doing a fifth step. Secondly it is for your own protection, yes it is said “what is said here let it stay here” and for most this is the practice, however let’s be honest, meetings are full of “sick people” and more so human beings. Some human beings and “sick individuals” have been known to gossip and/or share things they have heard. So to get specific and detailed about certain issues you would rather not have public knowledge do not share it in a somewhat public venue, that is what sponsors, your support system, recovery coaches and counsellors are for. Unless you have dealt with it and do not care if it comes back to you and would not cause you or OTHERS pain and/or harm. Thirdly some issues and topics can be offensive and/or uncomfortable for others and bring up issues they are not prepared to deal with along with this is some issues and/or topics from our lives are not appropriate to be shared in a meeting.
I guess in all reality, these are a couple of my pet peeves at meetings. Are two particular kinds of sharing that I have run into at meetings. These are drunkalogues and/or drugalogues and the whiners. And yes I suppose I am judging however I refer you to my post of judging. I have never understood the ones who share their complete drinking and/or drugging careers and then end with then I find the fellowship and everything is great now. I have asked a couple and they have told me that they were “qualifying themselves,” I guess I was mistaken, I was sure the literature said” I was a member when I said I was a member”, I knew nothing about qualifiers for the fellowship, I thought they for competitions. Geez maybe I’m not a member because I never went to any qualifiers. Ah but I digress, I was taught we vaguely talk about our using history add maybe an example or two of my using, move on to finding recovery and part of the processes again with possible examples and finish with the changes that recovery has created in my life. I mean I understand we share about some of our drinking/drugging career that the newcomer can relate and feel they are ion the right place. However sharing mostly on my drinking and/or drugging can possibly trigger the newcomer. I also don’t see the change and/or recovery allure. If anything I don’t think the newcomer, I know I didn’t need to learn how to drink and/or use, we already know that. What they and I needed to learn was how not to. And then there are the constant whiners or as I like to call them; the drama Queens and Kings. You know the type I’m sure you’ve run into them as well. The ones that always seem to have a problem, and/or issue, with people places and things, always something. They are always sharing on one problem or another and never anything about the solution or even what they are doing to deal with it, just the issue. It not that I don’t understand we all encounter life problems, and issues that affect our sobriety, sanity and/or quality of life. Yet from those who work a program of recovery. I hear the issue/difficulty and the principles, step and/or processes they are using to deal with the issue, and possibly the difficulties they are having applying these to the issue or the difficulty in finding a resolution.

Remember God does not create garbage